Self-awareness and the erosion of egomania

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

However, I also learned yesterday that I am not the personality type which has the ability to deal with 'needy people' whatsoever...doctors, counselors and psychiatrists exist for that kinda thing, not Necro.

Maybe this is your problem, Necro. Because don't you see, you are a needy person.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Maybe this is your problem, Necro. Because don't you see, you are a needy person.

Yes, it is totally my problem. One which I have made an appointment with my psychoanalyst to go over next week.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Necro, I appreciated your input and complemented you on your plan, but I didn't feel it was for me and I politely declined. I'm entitled to do so, aren't I? Reading your angry post, I'm wondering why you do try to help others - are you sincerely interested in their well-being, or are you just looking for validation? I'm thinking that if it was the former, you wouldn't be bothered whether or not people took on board your advice.

Edit: Oh, and talking through my problems on here helped tremendously, I was warmed by the love and support that people extended to me (it literally brought tears to my eyes).

It just keeps happening over and over and over...I am starting to believe, honestly that other people are just not deserving of my help anyway.

However, upon reading stuff all over the internet about this, the #1 rule of 'helpful etiquette' is never, never offer any unsolicited advice and I have learned my lesson there.

If people want MY help, let them come to ME personally...even IF I can help them otherwise, let them seek me out because my time is precious.

What is the difference between being totally invalidated and just wasting ones time? I still have to work that one out.

[Shivani Devi]

However, as my higher self has pointed out, all I really need to say is "until I learn how to help myself, I cannot help anybody else...until I learn to care for myself, I cannot care for anybody else...until I learn to love myself, I cannot love anybody else...so I am sorry, please find somebody else". What an awesome, AWESOME excuse others will buy, whether it is true or not, at least it puts an end to it and stops it.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Yes, it is totally my problem. One which I have made an appointment with my psychoanalyst to go over next week.

That's good, I hope he can help you to resolve your issues

As for offering advice... if you feel moved to do so, then do so. And if you get upset if people don't seem to be taking it on board, try to stay present with the feelings, breathe into them and allow yourself relax.

(Yeah yeah I know, that was unsolicited advice I like you though, Necro, and I'd love for you to feel happier in yourself )

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by A human Being

That's good, I hope he can help you to resolve your issues

As for offering advice... if you feel moved to do so, then do so. And if you get upset if people don't seem to be taking it on board, try to stay present with the feelings, breathe into them and allow yourself relax.

(Yeah yeah I know, that was unsolicited advice I like you though, Necro, and I'd love for you to feel happier in yourself )

I know what I shall do then.

That post I made to help that 'poor impotent soul' which he didn't find helpful or useful whatsoever...

I am going to re-write it, make a thread out of it and post it in the Yoga/Ayurveda forum.

In fact and in future, if I feel the need to respond and 'help', I shall make a thread elsewhere about it first, then link the member to that thread I made about the problem.

That way, if they don't find it helpful, somebody ELSE will, instead of having my helpful reply just rot on a thread created by another person who couldn't give a damn.

It is a win/win situation.

I cannot help it that I am totally egotistical to the max, but at least I am fully aware of it, so that becomes my saving grace.

[Shivani Devi]

I also wonder what would happen, the next time somebody asks me for help and I simply say "how do you want me to help you and what words do you need me to say to you?" Then I shall just say back to them what they have said to me. Voila, I have helped somebody.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Gem

I'm pretty sure everyone is aware, perceives, pays attention, a capacity for honesty right now. I mean there's things like that which are not to particular to individuals but common to everyone. These are here already, not steps or stages involved, and might as well put it to good use.

Sure. Trouble is people's placement of those things often turns from themselves to others and if they haven't been honest with themselves first and foremost before the external attention, often it shows itself anyway. Resistance in people to their own truth is common. So it plays out as believing itself to be aware, perceiving and paying attention, but can't see itself in all that. So truth and honesty is skewed. Perception is skewed. So for some in this way it does becomes a process to learn to be more about this from within first and foremost. I guess again their is no order in how people get things in life. If your open to yourself more truthfully as you can be where you are, that is all one can do.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I also wonder what would happen, the next time somebody asks me for help and I simply say "how do you want me to help you and what words do you need me to say to you?" Then I shall just say back to them what they have said to me. Voila, I have helped somebody.

Perhaps you can learn a lesson from one of my old threads in which I stated that I was the human incarnation of God.

People addressed me as if I were that, and I answered as if I were that.

If you position yourself as Necromancer, person of great occult knowledge and willing to help others, then yes people are going to continously come to you for adviceon occult topics or when they desire help.

If you want to be someone people come to for just listening and understanding, then you need to practice listening and understanding without offering advice on how to fix. Eventually people will stop coming to you for fixing and come to you for understanding, shared experiences, empathy, etc. then you can experience a different type of commuication.

If you constantly just listen and seek to understand, not to fix, then you will attract people who simply want to talk and have conversations. not attract people who want fixing.

--

if you position yourself as a carpenter, who is to blame when people come to you wanting wood-work?

If you want to just listen, or be totally a hermit, then you need to act from that position and over time people will get the idea and stop coming to you with wood-work.

---

So you would help a person jump off a bridge if they asked you?

blind encouragement is not the path.

[Shivani Devi]

If you position yourself as Necromancer, person of great occult knowledge and willing to help others, then yes people are going to continously come to you for adviceon occult topics or when they desire help.