It's time to separate from him for awhile

Jaclynt · #1 05-05-2015, 12:52 PM

I feel more grounded than I've ever felt during this connection. It's ONLY taken me 5 years to get here. Haha. I'm just really weary of the push/pull connection. I know he loves me and he tells me that all the time. He tells me that it's a romantic love, but that he's still confused as to what exactly this connection is. He's confused about our age difference. (he's 21 years older than me) He had previous heart issues and these issues are still psychologically messing with him. Physically, he's so much better though. I just feel like we need to separate in order to really figure out what this connection is. I feel like he also just needs to work through his issues on his own. Don't get me wrong, as right as I feel this separation is right now, it's still heartbreaking to me. I'm just so tired of always being the one to initiate conversation about all of this confusion in our relationship. I'm tired of always being the one to initiate plans with us. He is always happy to spend time with me, but sometimes I feel that I probably wouldn't see him for months if I didn't initiate it all. I just don't get it. He tells me all the time how much he loves me, tells me that he fantasizes all the time about us living a beautiful life together and also tells me that he just never gets tired of me at all, yet, he can't initiate anything that will bring us to a level of commitment. I'm just so tired of it. People on here have said to just let the connection be and to not force it to go anywhere that it's not ready to go to yet. But, how do you keep yourself fully grounded and accepting of the situation when the other person is showing you in some ways that they want to achieve that level of commitment, yet their actions say otherwise. I know I'm kind of rambling here so I'll stop for now. I just feel a lot of frustration and confusion this morning and needed to let it all out. Thanks for reading!

taurusnsane · #2 05-05-2015, 02:03 PM

Lets say that he will say that OK i am now ready for a full on relationship with you. Would you stay? Would you be relieved?

I were in the same boat as you, he didnt initiate contact, he actually did but once a month maybe lol. But I knew that if he initaites more, it will open a door for me so to speak to be more present in his life, like I take this initation as a green light to go to him but I know he wasnt ready and still think he isnt. And to the main point. Like I asked you, I asked myself the same question days ago. I would run. Not like away but keep distance, wouldnt answer to him because I am not ready for this. Even though I want him so bad to be beside me every day and I love him so much, I am not open to a relationship just yet, the energy hasnt balanced. I am not balanced myself. There is something I need to do but I dont know what that is.. something is wrong, something inside me isnt the way it should be. The last days I have imagined us having family together and being so so happy but its not the time yet. I wait for the day he says to me that he is ready and I hope that I am also at the same time ready.

YS. · #3 05-05-2015, 03:39 PM

I feel for both of you...it's just very frustrating and unfulfilling. So, I think you're very right in separating yourself to think for yourself, to chose for yourself how hard that may be.. I'm struggling with it too and it's scary. Separating , letting go, trying to move on in order to not to be dependent on 'him' anymore but at the same time being afraid that you will lose something, that you will never feel like this anymore...when I look around I see al those happy people , happy with themselves, with the people around them...I used to be that way a year ago..where did it go? It's as if my twin has taken that away from me....

taurusnsane · #4 05-05-2015, 04:24 PM

"when I look around I see al those happy people , happy with themselves, with the people around them...I used to be that way a year ago..where did it go? It's as if my twin has taken that away from me...."

honey honey honey,wrong path! I thought that too BUT you have the most amazing person beside you through soul connection, you are connected. Yes, the times when we are apart are not so happy or the times we have something that we dont agree on, these are the times that I can go walking, tears in my eyes and people looking me like I am dying. You know, yes we see them happy faces and I longed that too, but before my twin, my life was empty. He has made my life very confusing but I have found myself, I found the person I longed for. The pain I didnt want, never in my life, but the love and the feeling of home... it melts everything. Deep down you will find the happiness. It was hard for me to realise it as I was 3 years in this black hole and I am digging my way up and realised the thing that I just wrote. I am happy that I met him, the other side of me, everything about it makes me happy and if we are not together at this moment to hold our hands etc, then I can feel him beside me still..

:)

YS. · #5 05-05-2015, 04:56 PM

I know what you mean and I know I should reflect in a different way but right now it doesn't feel that I have found myself but at the contrary..that I lost myself...

TheGlow · #6 05-05-2015, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YS1YS2

.when I look around I see al those happy people , happy with themselves, with the people around them...I used to be that way a year ago..where did it go? It's as if my twin has taken that away from me....

Been there. Who am I kidding I'm still there. It's like when I'm with him that little place of emptiness is filled. I am in the moment fully.

Knowing we won't ever really be together other than as friends the emptiness is now more obvious.
It's like I now know what is missing. It's harder to ignore.

Jaclynt · #7 05-05-2015, 06:33 PM

Thanks everyone for your comments and for just reading my venting in general! I've had some time to calm down a bit from my frustration this morning. Although I do feel like there needs to be some level of separation, cutting him off and running away entirely will not help things. I know this from experience. I did end up sending him an email this morning about things that I am feeling and I feel a little bit better for sending it. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I just know that right now I am feeling very anxious and impatient over our connection. It's certainly not as bad as it was before, but it's still there. Do any of you experience truly crazy times in your relationships with your TF's where all of the tension is building and all the feelings just need to come out and they need to come out now and I mean now!!! You just can't wait! Ugggh, I can't stand when this happens. I truly feel like a crazy person.

Jaclynt · #8 05-05-2015, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

Lets say that he will say that OK i am now ready for a full on relationship with you. Would you stay? Would you be relieved?

I were in the same boat as you, he didnt initiate contact, he actually did but once a month maybe lol. But I knew that if he initaites more, it will open a door for me so to speak to be more present in his life, like I take this initation as a green light to go to him but I know he wasnt ready and still think he isnt. And to the main point. Like I asked you, I asked myself the same question days ago. I would run. Not like away but keep distance, wouldnt answer to him because I am not ready for this. Even though I want him so bad to be beside me every day and I love him so much, I am not open to a relationship just yet, the energy hasnt balanced. I am not balanced myself. There is something I need to do but I dont know what that is.. something is wrong, something inside me isnt the way it should be. The last days I have imagined us having family together and being so so happy but its not the time yet. I wait for the day he says to me that he is ready and I hope that I am also at the same time ready.

Taurus,

****, I hate that question! Would I stay or would I run if he were ready? I can honestly say right now that I don't know. These relationship are so freakin complex and they seem to never follow the traditional route. It's not like any of us can say that we are actually dating our TF and we're in situations with them where we know for certain what our days in and out would be like. I think most of us are coming from a place where if we would be with our Tf's, our lives would completely change and drastically change. Do any of you agree with me? It's like, in a way you are going from 0 degrees to 360! How the heck do we go from having the kind of relationship with our TFs that we have now to being in a full blown romantic relationship with them. Me and my TF fantasize about it all the time, but the thought of it becoming a reality tomorrow would be scary as all hell! I wonder if this fear is just a fabrication in our minds or if it would really be that scary. If that ever happens, I may need to go on Xanex for a couple of months until the intensity wore off. I'm most kidding about this, but I might just have to do that.

taurusnsane · #9 05-05-2015, 06:51 PM

Me and my TF fantasize about it all the time, but the thought of it becoming a reality tomorrow would be scary as all hell!

YES. same feeling here. I dont know why actually because when we would be fully together, then we would be like two happy kids around the block. just pure happiness but we both keep distance from this amazing heaven on earth. maybe we fear the ending. what if it ends. what do i have then. nothing.

Jaclynt · #10 05-05-2015, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taurusnsane

Me and my TF fantasize about it all the time, but the thought of it becoming a reality tomorrow would be scary as all hell!

YES. same feeling here. I dont know why actually because when we would be fully together, then we would be like two happy kids around the block. just pure happiness but we both keep distance from this amazing heaven on earth. maybe we fear the ending. what if it ends. what do i have then. nothing.

Yes, you are so right Taurus and I think that this is the reason why a lot of TF's have a difficult time coming together. Regardless if it's a TF relationship or not, there is never any guarantee that a relationship will last, although I would hope that TF's have a very good chance in making it considering how much time and obstacles we've had to go through. I would hope that my TF is as much of a fighter as myself. If I were in a relationship with him, I know that I would fight for it till the very end. I've fought this long and I don't even have him the way that I dream to have him.