"mean drunk" something spiritually behind it??

Originally Posted by inavalan

I believe that in what happens to us, in our lives, there are symbolical messages for our inner-selves, similarly to the way in our dreams there are symbolical messages for our awake-selves.

If we pay attention to your dreams, we find out that our dreams are redundant, meaning that we get series of dreams that have the same symbolic message, although the dreams are different, with different characters and different situations. It is like whoever sends us the message wants to make sure that it reaches us, even if we miss it over and over.

It is likely that a similar thing happens to us in our awake lives. Excepting that this time the message is for our inner-selves, and we are the characters. This is why we often encounter similar "lessons" in different settings, with different people.

I know that when I look back I can see such patterns: situations that repeated over and over, with different characters, in different settings. Even noticing this, it is difficult to recognize the "lesson". Hopefully my inner-self gets it.

Using regression, I found out which is my "life-lesson", but I haven't tried to connect it with the patterns I noticed. I think that I will try it.

So, long story short: maybe those repeated encounters with men you appreciate that have the same drinking problem is a symbolic message for your inner self. Maybe it is even about drinking, but about having a major flaw ... (?) Maybe it is about you being attracted to such men ... (?) You could try to rationalize it, but I believe that rationalizations are unlikely to lead you to the correct answer. You need to look for it intuitively, tapping into your inner source of knowledge and guidance.

Most of us have in us an impulse to help, almost a need, and often we take on projects above our capabilities, which ultimately isn't good, neither for us, the well meaning helpers, nor for the unlucky subjects.

Hi Inavalan, interesting perspective with the dream and waked state pointing at things for us to see.

In my most recent past life I could tell the ex husband my past life self had did by his own words (I found him in this life) to have had a drinking problem that had developed at the end of his marriage as it was going down the toilet (as well as his career being at full speed for I don't know how many years. He was in spirit a real family man and I think it "tortured" him to be away so much from his family and he tried to make up for that when he was free. From what I remember my past life self never made him feel guilt about it. That was something I think he just blamed himself for.). He would later say he found God thanks to his ex wife (my past life self, who was spiritual) and he would switch religion and never drink, never smoke which was like two things every adult did back then, or so it felt like. But he was really open about that. So that kind of ring a bell with me when you describe the patterns. In my memories he would also get a mean look to him and what she was feeling wise arrogant too, her hating arrogance. the mean look was mixed up with an "exciting" look and I think it was the "exciting" look that drew their different energies together. he would explain by his own words his pull for her was "strictly chemical" and definitely not convenient, he had in secret been in love with her for years even when not dating her(!). When she had let her guard down and began seeing him he got very serious, very fast, and a wedding was planned in haste. She had been really young,and shy before (he was some years older, but not that much to make a huge difference age wise). He would later remarry, but say this divorce from her took him the hardest (some scenes I remember him being drunk, mean is during the split and I guess after the divorce. I could tell she became afraid, he would not like his own temper but still it did not help, it only help if he did not drink).

Anyways, getting off track here... sometimes it is so hard (and not logic at all) to describe it when one sees a pattern. I see the "exciting eyes" as something the few loves in my life has had in common. But maybe in the exciting eyes are not all good. they in return has always said my eyes are "very kind" (wimp?) or my appearance is kind-looking what ever that now is suppose to mean, but still a temperament.

They few loves has also had a humor that fit mine and have to me looked handsome. They have had eyes that could also turn to look very tender too. This to me feels strange to describe my different loves this way as they were, are different human beings and have different and special chapters in my life, but still thinking about it I can see they have few qualities in common.

so for now I can't really say if the "exciting" eyes-type-of-guy and the relationship with the booze is one of the same or not, nor what it is that I am suppose to do about it either...sigh...

all i know is that there is never a reason to be jealous if one has me for a girlfriend, fiance or wife as when I am in love with someone every other guy turns to shadows, and I see through it til the bitter end, and I'm real strict, don't flirt with others, yet despite me trying to erase every possible reason to not make my partner feel insecure, there has been jealousy involved, as them being watchful of me etc. (when I found record of my past life self seeking divorce extreme jealousy was a cause why she ask to have the marriage end)

i will follow your advice and see what I can hopefully get out of being intuitive, over time, and hopefully break this tiresome circle :)

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Inavalan, interesting perspective with the dream and waked state pointing at things for us to see.

In my most recent past life I could tell the ex husband my past life self had did by his own words (I found him in this life) to have had a drinking problem that had developed at the end of his marriage as it was going down the toilet (as well as his career being at full speed for I don't know how many years. He was in spirit a real family man and I think it "tortured" him to be away so much from his family and he tried to make up for that when he was free. From what I remember my past life self never made him feel guilt about it. That was something I think he just blamed himself for.). He would later say he found God thanks to his ex wife (who was spiritual) and he would switch religion and never drink, never smoke which was like two things every adult did back then, or so it felt like. But he was really open about that. So that kind of ring a bell with me when you describe the patterns. In my memories he would also get a mean look to him and what she was feeling wise arrogant too, her hating arrogance. the mean look was mixed up with an "exciting" look and I think it was the "exciting" look that drew their different energies together. he would explain by his own words his pull for her was "chemical", he had in secret been in love with her for years even when not dating her(!). When she had let her guard down and began seeing him he got very serious, very fast, and a wedding was planned in haste. she had been really young,and shy before (he was some years older but not that much to make a huge difference age wise)

Anyways, getting off track here... sometimes it is so hard (and not logic at all) to describe it when one sees a pattern. I see the "exciting eyes" as something the few loves in my life has had in common. But maybe in the exciting eyes are not all good. they in return has always said my eyes are "very kind" (wimp?) or my appearance is kind-looking what ever that now is suppose to mean, but still a temperament.

They few loves has also had a humor that fit mine and have to me looked handsome. They have had eyes that could also turn to look very tender too. This to me feels strange to describe my different loves this way as they were, are different human beings and have different and special chapters in my life, but still thinking about it I can see they have few qualities in common.

so for now I can't really say if the "exciting" eyes-type-of-guy and the relationship with the booze is one of the same or not, nor what it is that I am suppose to do about it either...sigh...

all i know is that there is never a reason to be jealous if one has me for a girlfriend, fiance or wife as when I am in love with someone every other guy turns to shadows, and I see through it til the bitter end, and I'm real strict, don't flirt with others, yet despite me trying to erase every possible reason to not make my partner feel insecure, there has been jealousy involved, as them being watchful of me etc. (when I found record of my past life self seeking divorce extreme jealousy was a cause why she ask to have the marriage end)

i will follow your advice and see what I can hopefully get out of being intuitive, over time, and hopefully break this tiresome circle :)

If you practice any kind of altered states of conscious guidance, you should try to use that (self-hypnosis, meditation, prayer, lucid dreaming) to identify patterns, because rationally looking back you'll imagine patterns were they aren't.

An example of pattern I found in my life was to believe that I can change others' behavior when I felt uncomfortable with. I tried that over and over, in all kind of settings: romantic, professional, familial, ... It never worked. People are as they are. When they change, they change because they either behaved out of character before, or they're behaving so now. Out-of-character behavior always reverts back. It is difficult to figure out peoples' true character, but there are always multiple signs. It isn't that people are good or bad (with some exceptions), it is just a matter of finding those people who are good for you, and you are good for them too.

Originally Posted by inavalan

If you practice any kind of altered states of conscious guidance, you should try to use that (self-hypnosis, meditation, prayer, lucid dreaming) to identify patterns, because rationally looking back you'll imagine patterns were they aren't.

An example of pattern I found in my life was to believe that I can change others' behavior when I felt uncomfortable with. I tried that over and over, in all kind of settings: romantic, professional, familial, ... It never worked. People are as they are. When they change, they change because they either behaved out of character before, or they're behaving so now. Out-of-character behavior always reverts back. It is difficult to figure out peoples' true character, but there are always multiple signs. It isn't that people are good or bad (with some exceptions), it is just a matter of finding those people who are good for you, and you are good for them too.

Will do. I agree with you. Thank you :)

Originally Posted by BigJohn

Alcohol has a tendency to let people's guard down. Your friend might be having a medium/channeling experience.

Hi BigJohn! I have actually thought of that too considering living in a home that has had some major paranormal activity in it (lived in a lot of places and it has never been the way it is in this home, not even close). There has been some kind of "male energy" in here that people have reacted on (not just me) and when I read through the symptoms it rang a bell with poltergeist activity. It made no difference if one believed in these kind of things or not, it happen regardless, and was so obvious. So I have thought if he channeled this energy by any chance when he got like this, but as he has continued to be like this even after I feel this energy is gone, and too wherever we happen to be (nowhere near the home) I feel there is less chance for it to happen. Still one can't be 100% sure, though. Thank you for pointing it out :)

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

There are two sorts of drunk (-en person) - the happy drunk and the nasty drunk.
It's often those people who are superficially easy-going, calm etc., but who hide their stresses well that turn out to be the nasty drunks. Alcohol is a stupefactive drug and tends to turn off a person's inhibitions. In small quantities it's often said to ease the social process.

In excess it releases someone from their inhibitions and all sorts of pent-up stuff can be let loose. There's a truth in the old Roman/Latin adage: veritas in vino.

The person you speak of probably has a lot of hidden stuff he keeps well under wraps.
.

Hi Lorelyen! Thank you for writing about this as a few things does ring a bell with me but I have not thought of it before. He does have a strong calm but strict aura to him and often when people get in trouble they turn to him. He has been the calm one of his siblings when his parent's would fight. As I have gotten to know his family better I see a pattern where nobody talks about true feelings and according to him he has never felt as close as he feels with me, as if this is a new experience, but then again I am a hopeless case, can't have a mask on, and so there is little choice of him escaping a close relation if it is with me. He does seem to appreciate it a lot, so it is a two way street.

Originally Posted by Greenslade

When people get drunk often a more 'true' version of themselves come through, while your boyfriend seems to react physically others let their hair down on the dancefloor. Alcohol tends to loosen the restrictions that are put on us by ourselves or others, someone who is self-conscious that they dance like a demented octopus might get up and bookie when they've had a good skinful. I'd guess that this is what's happening to your boyfriend, or at least it's part of what's going on. The alcohol is 'freeing' another side of him to come through and manifest itself.

The Spiritual part is what you do with what information you have, if you're going to Love him despite his actions then perhaps some introspection wouldn't be amiss for you. It's also about how you tackle it, if you can communicate with him and tell him how you feel. Maybe you should tell him how the clip made you feel and see if that makes a difference or not. I'd also suspect he has personality issues, it seems that he's very protective of you and if he is then there's a reason behind that which most likely will go back to his childhood. "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place" suggests security issues. Is he ex-forces by any chance?

Hi Greenslade! thank you for your words :) wow you were close on, not an ex-force, but do work with guarding and protection, and always when out he has eyes in his back and has interfered what was a really bad, threatening situations, he won't look the other way around.

I have finally open my mouth and talked with him about this just yesterday as we were going away and i knew there were gonna be some drinks on the table. He has not seen it as that big of a problem, but agree it was not good the time(s) his attitude changes while drinking in the past. He first said oh, come on, I'm not always like that, to then change and said "I don't need to drink" and like he plan to go sober throughout the evening, night. but he also ask if i was more easily in discomfort because he knows about my past, family history regarding the booze part. I felt a little silly because I am not one to forbid anyone else what to do. late in the evening he did take something but not without having a cute and little worried look cross the table to me and i went go ahead (and still felt silly). think he drank like half of that and then no more. he did not get a mean look or made any mean jokes or anything, but i think he was really aware of it now and how it can be perceived. He said "You're the most important person at the table and the last thing I want is for you to have your guards up and feel uncomfortable around me when we are just suppose to enjoy our evening". Guess we just have to wait and see how things will be in the future, but hoping for the best.

[Native spirit]

I would have to Echo what Greenslade has said.that is so close to what I would have said



Namaste

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Greenslade! thank you for your words :) wow you were close on, not an ex-force, but do work with guarding and protection, and always when out he has eyes in his back and has interfered what was a really bad, threatening situations, he won't look the other way around.

I have finally open my mouth and talked with him about this just yesterday as we were going away and i knew there were gonna be some drinks on the table. He has not seen it as that big of a problem, but agree it was not good the time(s) his attitude changes while drinking in the past. He first said oh, come on, I'm not always like that, to then change and said "I don't need to drink" and like he plan to go sober throughout the evening, night. but he also ask if i was more easily in discomfort because he knows about my past, family history regarding the booze part. I felt a little silly because I am not one to forbid anyone else what to do. late in the evening he did take something but not without having a cute and little worried look cross the table to me and i went go ahead (and still felt silly). think he drank like half of that and then no more. he did not get a mean look or made any mean jokes or anything, but i think he was really aware of it now and how it can be perceived. He said "You're the most important person at the table and the last thing I want is for you to have your guards up and feel uncomfortable around me when we are just suppose to enjoy our evening". Guess we just have to wait and see how things will be in the future, but hoping for the best.

Hey there Searcher, you're very welcome. I used to be in the military so that's probably why it came out first, but I've seen a few movies so protection would have been a close second. :-) In terms of human nature sometimes there isn't much between them though and that's what I was trying to get at - it can come more naturally to him than others and so 'slip through' after a few drinks. I don't think it's attitude so much as something underlying it all and it goes far deeper. I'd say the guarding comes more naturally to him - I've seen ex-squaddies act in the same way years later and they never grow out of it. In his perceptions he sees those other guys as a threat and that's very instinctual, and/or indicating that there's some underlying cause.

Perhaps before he met you he was OK with having a few more beers, and if he didn't have you to 'protect' then that aspect wouldn't have manifested. Now that you're there, he perceives other guys as a threat -either to your relationship or otherwise - and his training/instincts coming through..... Quite the heady mix. If he's willing enough to accept how he reacts when the alcohol loosens him up a bit and do something about it because he cares enough about you to do that then that speaks volumes in his favour.

I guess the next question is how do you feel about it all, other than hoping?

[JosephineB]

Well done for speaking up OP. His reaction to it's not good though imo. Instead of you coming away feeling reassured, you've came out of it feeling foolish. He said he doesn't need to drink, and you're the most important person at the table, but he couldn't even last one evening without taking some. It's people's actions that count in the end, not just the words.

[shivatar]

honestly, when someone is under the influence of drugs you shouldn't analyze them.

alcohol doesn't just "lower inhibitions and show you the true person". Its a drug, an intoxicant, a chemical change in the body. And it changes who you are and how you act.

Who you are when drunk is not who you are when sober. And yeah maybe they sound and say similar things, but the more drunk you get, the farther you get from yourself.

that is why people drink alcohol to escape. If alcohol made you into your true self, do you think so many people would drink it the way they do?