True twin?false? Soulmate? None of the above?HELP!

[Ariesfire]

Here is my story. The man in question I will call TJ.
TJ and I met 20yrsago. I was 17 or 18 he is 4 yrs older. At the time I was in a relationship. I met TJ through a mutual friend. Occasionally that mutual friend would invite boyfriend and I to get togethers at TJs house. Though we never really got to know him.
After that boyfriend broke up with me I continued to get invited to TJs house again not by him by mutual friend.
These visits he and I would talk a bit more each time. Then it was clear we were crazy for eachother but more so there was an energy between us. He calls it chemistry.
We would talk mostly of how we felt. We did not date. Nor was there anything beyond talk.Then he tells me that he is kinda seeing someone. So that was that. I was a bit hurt.

A few yrs later we run into each other again.this time I was with someone and he was single.yet that energy still there. It was at a city Halloween event in a city two hrs away. I met that same mutual friend and others there not knowing TJ would be there. I went by myself,the guy I was with did not come. Though I could feel that magnetic pull between us is kept my distance.
A few yrs later I moved out of state with that person I was in a relationship with. TJ and I lost contact 15 yrs.

2 yrs ago I moved back when that relationship ended. As soon as he found out I was back (which was within a week)he got a hold of me. We met up for dinner and the energy and feelings between us still there after all these years.
For the last 2 yrs we have been going back and forth. I would ask him to meet up or he would ask me yet one of us always had plans and couldn't meet.

Until March of this year. I text a happy birthday text.he then asked me out to dinner. And then we were texting every day from morning until night when one of us fell asleep. Dinner at least 3 times a week. He invited me on a weekend getaway and then on the way back he asked me to go on vacation with him his mother step father sister and brother in law in April. So I did. First time meeting them.
The night we return from vacation i kinda said 3 little words with big meaning. After that his texts became less to none at all(runner?)
After a month of not hearing from him I asked what if he still wants me around he texted snapped that he doesn't have time for a relationship right now lots going on with work and other things. I told him I am here for him and care about. I thought i would just leave him alone to take care of things and in time he'd contact me. That was two months ago. I haven't heard from him. I was hurt again
Until recently. Only to tell me that my sister saw him at a bar and confronted him. She says he was with someone else. My other sister admitted to sending a not so nice message to him through social media.
He explained that he almost lost job.was fixing that first.then when that was taken care of he wanted to fix things with us but didn't know how. Now he just wants to be friends.

When I am with him I feel like I cannot leave his side. I feel safe and comfortable with him.i feel everything is ok and going to be ok. I feel a happiness is have never felt. Everyone noticed it. I had a radiant smile that wouldn't stop.I feel everything comes naturally with us.
At times he would say what I was thinking.just a phrase I had said in my mind. The energy between is so intense I can't look into his eyes. I am very attracted to his eyes. Always have been my favorite blue eyes. None better. One time we saw eachother at a traffic light he in his car me in mine and i could feel that magnetic pull.

He told me back in march as I showed him picture from that Halloween night 15 yrs before which was the last we saw eachother. He told me on that night 15 yrs ago though we were not dating he didn't let me out of his sight. He felt protective of me didn't want anything to happen to me. I never knew this .i recall on that Halloween night as we walked around the crowded city streets until midnight I could feel that magnetic pull, that energy between us.

I feel as if we have been going together longer than we actually have. From when we first met I could see us married.yet even though at that time as a 17 yrs old that's not what was on my mind.even now I can see it.
He isn't my type.he is the complete opposite of what I am attracted to. The COMPLETE opposite. He is a bald stocky on the short side beer drinking sports fan. I am always attracted to tall thin artsy long haired musician types. Yet I find him irresistible. I find myself very attracted to him. Wanting to know how his day was .he works with computers. That subject bores me. Yet when he talks computers I just listen to him because it's his job and interest. I feel when with him more motivated to be positive and improve myself.

We do have lots in common too.other than similar tastes in music and movies. It seems our childhood have some similarities. We both have been engaged and they left us. We both have been hurt badly frompast relationships. He did ask me about children. We are on same page with that.
We also have alot of opposite too that I feel Balance out.he is introverted. I am border intro extrovert. He doesn't like dealing with people. I also don't but I do because of my jobs I have had. He is really smart with finances I am not.lol. he has a hard time with emotions. I do too not as much. I am much more spiritual than he. His intuition about timing with us has always been good.

This is alot of info I know but I wanted to give as much detail to determine if he is a twin a false or am I just delusional and should seek professional help. Since we are not dating and I am having a hard time getting over him. Don't even know when I will see him since our "friendship " usually goes months without anything then out of blue I will get a message from him asking to hang out or vice versa.
Thank you for reading.

[wolfgaze]

Welcome to the site/forum Ariesfire...

Thanks for writing about your experiences. Generally speaking, not everyone here subscribes to the notion of a 'false' soul connection (twin flame) and the practice of labeling an interaction/relationship in one's life on the basis of it not qualifying as something else...

Really the labeling is just the mind's attempt to throw a conceptual framework around complex experiences in an effort to try and make sense of them. However the interactions, relationships, and experiences are still going to unfold and have an effect in individuals' lives whether they apply certain labels/concepts to them or not.

From my perspective, this individual (TJ) has been in and a part of your life for a reason and purpose - and it's up to you to further explore and ascertain what that is and why... Yeah I know saying this doesn't yield any increased clarity but the reality is that you know the actual nature of your personal circumstances better than anyone else ever could - and outsiders would primarily be speculating from a distance...

I'm sure some of the other members will have more helpful input & insights to contribute to your thread than I can offer.

Take care...

[Ariesfire]

Thank you . I never tried to think of it another way.I have just been trying to fit it with a name guess so I know what to expect..I am trying to figure out what it all means.I do hope he stays in my life.it would be nice if it weren't come and go you know.it would be nice if it were more stable.
Thank you for your reply.

[Ariesfire]

I guess also I am looking to see if there is a connection between us or if I am just reading into things too much.I just learned about twin flames and looking into more soul mate. If there is a connection than I want to do things that will help him out as well as me (meditate etc) we both could use ,him more so.
Now that you mention it ..yes I am curious what purpose we keep crossing paths..
Oh I forgot to mention...he lives on my parents st and has been for 4 or 5 yrs now.long before I moved back in with my parents.

[Akira]

Hi Ariesfire

Welcome to sf
I'd say let it play out. You have come into each others lives for some reason and usually these reasons do not become clear until after the fact!!! So go with it. This means enjoying the times when you are together and the times when you are apart.

Labels can be problematic and they can box us in. So I'd say release the need to explain the connection. Let it go and just be with the experience. I am saying all this to you from a deep level of experience knowing that the pain we feel is the pain that we mete out to ourselves. Acceptance can be a hard lesson. Yet, learning to accept what life gave me helped me to move closer to divinity and connections that made me feel more in flow with life.

Once you have let go of the label you can look at this connection clearly and allow it to be whatever it needs to be. So if he does not want to spend time with you, you accept that, just be there for him when he wants to . Get on with you life and see where it goes. It's about being strong and letting our guides help us to do what we need to do in order to develop our souls in this life...

Regards
Akira

[Ariesfire]

Hello Akira
And thank you. I haven't thought much about that. I guess I need to know. I try hard to let go and let what be ..be. however i am having a hard time letting go of him.I have a hard time accepting that all these years all the feelings and the magnetic attraction was only for a 2 months dating which was surreal. Too good to be true. However i was accepting it as real. Then I said 3 very meaningful words not expecting them back at all. Not expecting much really..they caused a tidal wave. A tidal wave that wiped out everything. And now he is dating someone else possibly an ex who previously hurt him and I don't even know if I will ever be able to talk or hang out again.
I guess that's why I look to see if we have a name so I can have some expectation of where it will go.
You are right though. I need to do all you said. Just the thought of him never wanting to talk to me again..I have a hard time accepting that though it may be .
Thank you for your advice. I do appreciate it.