Trying to understand Runners

[ForeverRestless]

So you meet this person and have this beautiful and perfect divine love, the "bubble love" phase.

And because you feel like an extension of each other, you begin to confide everything in each other. There are no judgments, only understanding. Sometimes they tell you the worst things possible, and somehow you accept their past and everything that made them who they are because you simply... can't not accept it. They are your soul.

And since you are their mirror, looking in your eyes makes them feel exposed. Talking to you brings up all the skeletons in their closet, things they've buried their whole lives. They feel exposed, open to rejection, and so they begin to reject themselves.

The loving, giving nature they once had dissolves in the face of their own insecurities. They become stern, walled off, cold. They begin to "act out," showing the worst sides of themselves in ways that trigger YOUR deepest insecurities, the worst things your parents and your exes did to you, and reminding you of all the ways you abandoned yourself in the past.

As the Runner pulls away, you hurt deeply. It dredges up all the past hurts and you start spinning out. You no longer know how to function in the pure, "free love," vulnerability and utter openness and connection you once experienced with your TF. Suddenly, there is a wall between you that never was there before. Because they are pushing you away.

They feel so exposed, so raw, so reminded of their flaws and faults because you mirror them. Suddenly they feel overwhelmed, drained, exhausted. They resent you and how you remind them of their shortcomings. The resent the way you shine a microscope on their issues. They aren't sure what's happening, but they know they never felt this BAD until you came along, so they begin to associate the rotten feelings with your presence in their life.

But at the same time, they know how "great," you are. How you are an "ideal" of a person, and they tell you that. They go back and forth. Feeling repelled by you, and feeling like maybe you're too good to be true.

They think, "I'm suddenly aware of how messed up I am. This person could possibly be perfect for me, but if this person is that great, then why would they want me? I'm a mess."

So they start testing you. They want to see if you'd leave them at their worst. They push buttons, they say cruel and callous things.

But you don't budge. You express how you love them unconditionally, accept them fully, believe in the connection. That you can weather the storms.

It's not enough. They have to test you harder. Surely you'll reject them one day, if you're not doing it right now. They have to intercept it, they have to push you to the breaking point so that you walk away. Because you're going to leave them one day anyway. They're too broken and dark for a figure of light like you to embrace.

They somehow know the words to say that cut you the deepest. They are your soul, after all. So they say them. They hurt you so much that you can't chase them anymore. They're cruel and dismissive and cold and unemotional as they reject you, so you just try to learn to accept it. But at the same time, you can't.

Who is this person being so hurtful to you? Where is the person that showed such profound love to you not long ago?

Your mind spins in circles as your TF distances himself further, further, further.

He distracts himself, he tries to move on with life, get things "back to normal." Forget you, get rid of the thing causing him pain. Get rid of you. Tell himself he doesn't need you.

So you stay away. Out of respect for him. Because he didn't want you. And you have to respect his wishes.

He thinks, "She stays away because she was going to reject me eventually anyway, so I was right."

She thinks, "I was rejected so coldly and I don't know how this relationship could ever be repaired."

She waits for him to come back to her, admit he made a mistake, admit that their connection was the strongest of his life, and that he really does love her. That he wasn't rejecting her, he was rejecting himself.

But he never comes back.

She won't speak, because she's been taught that men pursue women, and if they don't, they don't truly desire you. She's also too scared to put herself on the line yet AGAIN, because of how cruelly she was rejected last time. What is she? A glutton for punishment? A fool? A spineless, pathetic, hopeless romantic with no backbone or sense of self-respect?

He won't speak, because each day that passes confirms his belief that you were just going to leave eventually anyway, he only had to push you hard enough. And he did. He pushed you and you left, never to speak to him again. He was right to never trust you. How could someone so perfect ever love such a flawed person like him? You left without much of a fight, so he was right.

Right?

Silence. The silence speaks so loudly. For the rest of their lives.

[taurusnsane]

When chasers learn to swallow the pride and be strong, they can reach out to their runner.

[taurusnsane]

Its true what you wrote, I agree with you. Many times I chose this "ending" but it felt wrong. Runners fear rejection etc, push through and see that what he tells you is ** and you dont budge about it. Ok he says it, say blabla to him and he will be quiet. I many times backed off but what changed our connection this time as I wasnt bothered by his tellings. He knew I dont belive his words anymore about it and the shift was made.

[LadyMay]

I am not sure but I understand about rejection.

[ForgedInFire]

gosh.. are we the same person with the same thoughts here? this is so similar to me in many ways and i really feel for you.

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

She won't speak, because she's been taught that men pursue women, and if they don't, they don't truly desire you.

upon reading your post this stuck out to me.. is there a possibility that this is something that needs to be shed away as an outdated 3d related belief? What is it..if anything else in addition to that other then fear of a repeated rejection that holds you back ? what is there to gain by remaining silent here. you have two choices.. you can put this fear and belief behind you and just do it or you could live you life always wondering what would happen..

[Impulsv]

U just wrote the story
My pride is not holding me back
He's married so respecting that
But I'm no longer waiting for that apology that may never return
N yes now I see how he feel I didn't fight hard enough as his current wife who physchic told me faked a pregnancy the why he married in three months only to become pregnant later.
Yeah I don't play dirty
N I belive physchic because the numbers add up n she knew nothing about our story

[Impulsv]

Yeah he's definately with the woman that loves him more lol. Wicked way of seeing love

[Angel44]

You summed it up nicely. And hopefully the runner's pain of rejection and the chasers pain of separation will lead them both through the ascension process. After which they can reconnect.

The only thing you need to understand about these "runners" is they don't want to know.

Social convention has it that if you're a woman and hit on a man he's likely to run. It's something you can use if you want to get rid of a guy you don't like. Most of them can't cope with assertive, emotionally demanding women.

...

[Mused]

You made the right decision by not chasing anymore. Rejection is tough....esp after you thought you knew what someone feels

You dont really want a person who treats you that way, anyway. You want someone who can pull their weight. He showed you who he is as a person...