Dont need or want sex

I could honestly say I could go the rest of my life and never have sex again and be perfectly happy. I've always felt that sex was a weird and strange act, necessary only for reproduction. I have never come close to feeling an emotional connection with another while doing the deed. Even with my wife (whom I love more then anything) i feel nothing during sex and do it only to make her happy. I do have urges but find them to be more annoying then anything. When the urges come I learned to satisfy them quickly so they don't build to where that is where my thoughts constantly dwell.

Anyone else feel this way? Or am I just crazy?

Hi Widdles,

Well, if you are certain that your low sex drive is not due to oppression, repression, suppression, depression, bad experience/s or illness, then you may be one of the 1% of any society who are Asexual (as a lawyer, I believe the real figure to be far higher than 1% - if you could only see how many marriages fail due to lack of consummation or continued sexual relations, you'd be astounded).

There is a website for people exploring the possibility of being Asexual (there are various kinds of asexuality, it's not a One Description Fits All) but be aware that some/many of the members are actually more damaged or repressed than truly asexual.


Anyway - google AVEN and see if its information is of any help to you. At least it will let you know you are not alone.

Leonine

Fascinting..... look forward to reading the responses, i cannot relate whatsoever. A life without sex..... i just couldn't imagine it. I don't think it makes you crazy though, in long term relationships it's quite common to get bored or not at all into the other person to the point where you don't bother.

Widdless..have you had your testosterone levels checked ?
Not saying that is the isue but popped into my mind. Might explain the lack of desire.

I also beleive that sexual entercourse is a lot state of mind.

If you think it all the time you want it . But if you tune it out or make it less important out then it becomes less important .

I enjoyed it when it was there but can also live without. I find sharing and caring more pleasurable to some extent.

Thanks for the website Leonine. I think I might be asexual but at the same time I might not. I am attracted to woman, I do become... stimulated just like everyone else but when it comes to the actual act... its disgusting in a way. Its just a more difficult way to feel good.. haha

I am sure I have none of the above with oppression and such. Me and my wife get down about 1-2 times a month and she is normal when it comes to sex, I suppose. But we are as happy as ever, maybe I have helped her to see there is more to a relationship then sex... possibly why we are so close and seem to be perfect for each other. This is something that has always bugged me ya know? Like why does everyone else seem to like it so much except me? I haven't told my wife though how I feel about it... maybe that's the problem.

I haven't had my testosterone levels checked but Im pretty sure that isn't the case. Thats something I'll inquire about in the future though.

[Westleigh]

I used to identify as asexual, though I later discovered that that wasn't quite the case (in my case, I just had to fall deeply in love before the idea finally became appealing). AVEN is a very good website and forum. I actually think it's quite normal. Everyone is different. Some people are highly sexual and some people barely at all. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there are always going to be a few people on either extreme.

If you are content with the situation then I don't think you have anything at all to worry about. I don't know if you are interested in this area of spirituality, but if you are wondering about it, you could try doing some energy work with your first couple of chakras, and see if any issues come up which might be interrupting your relationship with your sexuality. Doing that kind of work did change my perspective on sexuality quite profoundly.

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by Widdles55

I could honestly say I could go the rest of my life and never have sex again and be perfectly happy. I've always felt that sex was a weird and strange act, necessary only for reproduction. I have never come close to feeling an emotional connection with another while doing the deed. Even with my wife (whom I love more then anything) i feel nothing during sex and do it only to make her happy. I do have urges but find them to be more annoying then anything. When the urges come I learned to satisfy them quickly so they don't build to where that is where my thoughts constantly dwell.

Anyone else feel this way? Or am I just crazy?

Took a look at your profile and I see you are a 23 year old male. Interesting! I remember at that age and before then getting frequent hardons. Are these the "urges" of which you speak that you find "annoying"? Do you "satisfy them quickly" via self stimulation? Was there ever a time you found this "pleasurable"? Do these "urges" manifest at the thought or sight of a female or merely of their own accord?

I am very curious about this.

Hey Widdles55, I can't relate to you in this way at all. I'm the exact opposite. I love sex so much. I'm 43 and have been having sex since i was 18. I have most of my adult life been in relationships and was married once. I have now been single for 2 yrs and haven't had sex in about 3 yrs. As the last relationship i was in was very abusive so i stopped having sex with him about a yr before i moved out. I miss sex so much. I will only have sex though in a relationship. Except for about 3 one night stands i had when i was very young, its always been in a relationship only for me. I can't have sex just to have sex. Really turns me off. I have to love them or at least have a strong connection. Though all the men i have been with were emotionally unavailable types. I know only one of them loved me as much as he was capable of loving anyway. That was my ex husband. Some of the others said they loved me, but now know they didn't. I was always capable of love, but since my maturing and awakening i'am now capable of much greater love. So Profound and deep and unconditional. So i can't wait until i'am united with the man for me. My true love. Because even though i have had a lot of sex and some very good sex at that. I know now i have never been made love to. So even just sex i miss, but what i really long for is making love. I can only say that you might be a sexual or depression or certain medications can turn people off of sex. Also if you were sexually abused as a child that could do it too. How does your wife handle this ? Does she like to have sex a lot ? See i can't imagine not having sex let alone loving someone so much and not having sex with them. Sex is the closest 2 human beings can be and if you love each other deeply, that's as beautiful as it gets! I have been in agony for the last 3 yrs with no sex. I masturbate a lot, but its not the same. So you not caring about it at all or feeling anything during it totally puzzles me ?



Love and Peace,
Bellasong

Asexuals are a very frustrated group... not in a sexual way, lolol, but in being recognised as a group who exist at all!

Let's get it straight (pardon the pun) there are Hetrosexuals, Homosexuals, Lesbians and Bi-sexuals, all of whom are fully recognised by anyone and everyone else and protected from ridicule and prejudice by Law.

And then there ARE Asexuals, who have a fight to just not be marked down as ailing or sick (like Homosexuals used to be - A Bit Of Therapy And You'll Be Cured, you know the attitude that used to prevail)

As with all groups and their variations in activity and taste, Asexuality varies in its degrees and preferences. So, some Asexuals will masturbate now and then; some like the rare forays into sexual activity they undertake but don't want to do it more often, some will "facilitate with understanding", some want to vomit at the very idea...

...but, in all instances, Asexuality does NOT mean that the person does not experience Love, Affection, Bonding and all the other emotions and layers that go into a relationship. As with all Human Sexuality, it is a complex matter not easily identified in a single sentence. And I think AVEN helps people find their way through the maze.

That said (and as I hinted before) some/many of the AVEN members do come across as people (especially young people) who have had bad/poor/tacky sexual experiences and who will hopefully come across someone one day who will show them how sex can or should be.

But others are undeniably without sexual interest to any or some degree or other (and in Law, they are PROLIFIC!!!!) and AVEN helps with the exploration of that.

So, in summary, an Asexual LOVES and feels like anyone else... they just don't necessarily translate that into sexual activity.

Leonine.

Damn Widdles55 only once or twice a month ? I'd be so bummed,lol. I think more like 4 or 5 times a week,lol. More even at first usually! But i think 4 to 5 times a week is a healthy amount in a relationship. But if your both happy with it so little that's all that matters. Guess your wife is not highly sexual either. So good match! That you find it disgusting with someone you love really trips me out. Most men don't even have to feel anything towards a woman they have sex with except physical attraction. For me though it would be somewhat disgusting if i was just hooking up.


Love and Peace,
Bellasong