Energy pull vs 3D "reality"

[Delay_Reaction]

The strangest thing about this connection with my twin is that the energy is so strong between us that we are inseparable in this sense, yet when we meet in 3D there is resistance to coalesce this energy into something "tangible" like building a life together, but the energy is still all around us, pulling us together like a moth to a flame.

I always believed in the adage "if they want to see you, they will make time for you ".

This is just not happening with my twin. If anything, she spends more time with other guys EVEN if I am in the same room with her as she has other soul contracts to fulfill and she feels a need to seek them out.

This drives me to insane levels of jealousy as I am RIGHT THERE in the flesh.

When we speak alone and she isn't near one of her platonic loves, she always tell me how she feels me everywhere. I wonder if she is doing this just to keep me interested and at her beck and call. Some times I wonder if she knows just how difficult it is for me when I see her with her b/f or platonic love interest. When I feel good about myself and my vibration is high, she gets even more attracted to me energetically and she comes back to me in 3D. When this happens, I usually recoil and lash out at her for being so completely and utterly frustrating. But I think now I can manage without getting triggered.

The fact that I have to contend with at least two other guys makes this situation so much weirder.

It is very difficult to manage this connection when someone admits to all but being your spiritual half yet will not pursue anything further with you at this moment.

I don't want to get angry at her anymore. That just doesn't lead anywhere as she deflects my anger so well it's useless to get angry.

She also isn't going anywhere. She told me as much not through her words but with her energy. My words don't seem to have any effect on her (like if I tell her to go away... she never does). But I seem to still be very involved in her life when I am not doing anything or sending her any love at all.

It is a very different way of looking at relationships. If I can somehow wrap my head around the fact that we are not linked romantically, then I believe I could achieve some kind of superhuman state of being.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

The strangest thing about this connection with my twin is that the energy is so strong between us that we are inseparable in this sense, yet when we meet in 3D there is resistance to coalesce this energy into something "tangible" like building a life together, but the energy is still all around us, pulling us together like a moth to a flame.

I always believed in the adage "if they want to see you, they will make time for you ".

This is just not happening with my twin. If anything, she spends more time with other guys EVEN if I am in the same room with her as she has other soul contracts to fulfill and she feels a need to seek them out.

This drives me to insane levels of jealousy as I am RIGHT THERE in the flesh.

When we speak alone and she isn't near one of her platonic loves, she always tell me how she feels me everywhere. I wonder if she is doing this just to keep me interested and at her beck and call. Some times I wonder if she knows just how difficult it is for me when I see her with her b/f or platonic love interest. When I feel good about myself and my vibration is high, she gets even more attracted to me energetically and she comes back to me in 3D. When this happens, I usually recoil and lash out at her for being so completely and utterly frustrating. But I think now I can manage without getting triggered.

The fact that I have to contend with at least two other guys makes this situation so much weirder.

It is very difficult to manage this connection when someone admits to all but being your spiritual half yet will not pursue anything further with you at this moment.

I don't want to get angry at her anymore. That just doesn't lead anywhere as she deflects my anger so well it's useless to get angry.

She also isn't going anywhere. She told me as much not through her words but with her energy. My words don't seem to have any effect on her (like if I tell her to go away... she never does). But I seem to still be very involved in her life when I am not doing anything or sending her any love at all.

It is a very different way of looking at relationships. If I can somehow wrap my head around the fact that we are not linked romantically, then I believe I could achieve some kind of superhuman state of being.

Delayed I am so glad you posted this, it's something I've struggled with all day after hearing from him. I understand EXACTLY what you mean. I think this is just something with twin flames, something I don't fully understand.

Mine has always had a lot of women around him and still does today as a mature man. Yet he keeps me close, can't let go. Someone who recently spent time with us commented that I seem like a security blanket to him.

I learned decades ago that he's not going anywhere and that no matter who he is with, he'll be back to me. I just go about my life and he comes and goes. But having him in my life some is better than not at all.

The part I put in bold above, is something my friends tell me all the time. I understand that for my relationship this does not hold true. He's with me energetically all the time, so he really does not have to make the time to see me and I'm learning to be ok with that. I do see him and in those times the world seems to slip away and it's just us.

[BlueCat]

I know how this feels despite in my case TF isn't around many women but still stick to me yet distancing himself and of course not hearing my words. It's weird, because he listen to others if he wants but to me no! I always knew and sometimes he admitted there is some special connection, that i have to learn unconditional love bla bla yet he isn't doing so much to get closer for creating an exclusive connection with me and no third person involved in the middle.
It seems many TF connections struggle with this type of issue and in my case he is also the one that initiate some sort of more than just friends contact or also just friends but he gets somewhat jelaous if i mention someone else (one day he also said it was good with some guy it didn't work...wow).

[FairyCrystal]

I've had that sort of thing with my ex, who was either Karmic or Twinsoul. He was also narcissistic...
It took me 10 years to be able to let go, to realize that it wasn't going anywhere, would never go anywhere, and that he didn't make me happy. The constant push-pull drove me up the wall, but it's typically what narcissists do. Whenever he pulled, I got hope, but then he immediately pushed, trashing that hope. But I stayed, hoping the pull would come back and last. It never did.
There wasn't much left of me anymore after some 5-6 years with him, he'd trampled on my sense of self-worth and femininity so much and so often that it was almost ruined beyond 'repair'. Yet I stayed another 4-5 years. It just took me that long to get enough strength back to be able to leave him.
In retrospect he did help prep me for meeting my TF, who I'm with now.
There is nothing of the kind with my TF. We don't manipulate each other and do not ever want to hurt the other. If he inadvertently does hurt me, it hurts him too. Those aren't just words, it shows on his face and in his eyes.
When we go out, there is no flirting with others. There is no need, what we have is so encompassing and fulfilling, there isn't space for that kind of stuff. Apart from the fact that we don't want to hurt one another. When we're out and about it is crystal clear we're together, we hold hands, cuddle, brief touching, and he initiates that physical contact as much as I do. Or when with others there's regular eye-contact. We both seem to need that.
So different from with my ex who never paid heed when we were out, he always neglected and ignored me, flirted with every female available, right in front of me if possible. Both because he as a narcissist needed that attention and because he knew it hurt me.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I've had that sort of thing with my ex, who was either Karmic or Twinsoul. He was also narcissistic...
It took me 10 years to be able to let go, to realize that it wasn't going anywhere, would never go anywhere, and that he didn't make me happy. The constant push-pull drove me up the wall, but it's typically what narcissists do. Whenever he pulled, I got hope, but then he immediately pushed, trashing that hope. But I stayed, hoping the pull would come back and last. It never did.
There wasn't much left of me anymore after some 5-6 years with him, he'd trampled on my sense of self-worth and femininity so much and so often that it was almost ruined beyond 'repair'. Yet I stayed another 4-5 years. It just took me that long to get enough strength back to be able to leave him.
In retrospect he did help prep me for meeting my TF, who I'm with now.
There is nothing of the kind with my TF. We don't manipulate each other and do not ever want to hurt the other. If he inadvertently does hurt me, it hurts him too. Those aren't just words, it shows on his face and in his eyes.
When we go out, there is no flirting with others. There is no need, what we have is so encompassing and fulfilling, there isn't space for that kind of stuff. Apart from the fact that we don't want to hurt one another. When we're out and about it is crystal clear we're together, we hold hands, cuddle, brief touching, and he initiates that physical contact as much as I do. Or when with others there's regular eye-contact. We both seem to need that.
So different from with my ex who never paid heed when we were out, he always neglected and ignored me, flirted with every female available, right in front of me if possible. Both because he as a narcissist needed that attention and because he knew it hurt me.

Definitely nothing like this going on with mine. If anything he is very thoughtful and respectful of my feelings, even if he is with someone else (hard to understand, but I get it and that's all that matters). He and I can easily talk about these things and be very honest with each other. I think he is with others because those relationships don't go very deep, so less chance he'll be hurt if it doesn't work. With me he won't chance anything that may cause our relationship to break apart again.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

Definitely nothing like this going on with mine. If anything he is very thoughtful and respectful of my feelings, even if he is with someone else (hard to understand, but I get it and that's all that matters). He and I can easily talk about these things and be very honest with each other. I think he is with others because those relationships don't go very deep, so less chance he'll be hurt if it doesn't work. With me he won't chance anything that may cause our relationship to break apart again.

Yeah, I think a lot of TF have that kind of 'avoidance' behaviour because the feelings are so intense and run so deep.
I think a lot of this has to do with where you were on your path of cleansing out old stuff when you met? Like many TFs get their spiritual awakening when they meet, some have already had that before meeting.
If I'd met mine and then had my spiritual awakening, I think I would have run for the hills too, hihi. But I had it 11 years prior, when I was with my narcissistic ex. He really did help me to get prepped for my TF, although he didn't know he was helping me (otherwise he would have changed his behaviour, haha) and I didn't know it at the time either.
But because of his narcissistic knocking of me I came to think something was wrong with me so I started looking for ways to improve and change myself so I could/would hopefully get his approval.
That's when I started intuitive development and had my spiritual awakening very shortly thereafter. It took me quite some years to get that sorted, all the things that surfaced where very overwhelming. Had that happened upon meeting my TF we would likely not have been able to establish the relationship we have now.
He's gone through similar processes with his exes, so when we met last year, we were both ready. And even then it was absolutely overwhelming to totally unexpectedly have such deep feelings for one another. Neither were looking for a relationship, but because of the intensity neither could let go and walk away anymore either. Nor did we want to. We truly were ready for this big love.
I am grateful that it went this way for us. I can understand it must be very hard and painful to have met your TF and not being able to be together.
On the other hand side, neither of us has had it easy this life, so this is like finally getting a reward, haha. We both went to hell and back too, just not together. By which I mean to say, I don't think you can get there without pain, as that comes with the cleansing....

[Inika]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I've had that sort of thing with my ex, who was either Karmic or Twinsoul. He was also narcissistic...
It took me 10 years to be able to let go, to realize that it wasn't going anywhere, would never go anywhere, and that he didn't make me happy. The constant push-pull drove me up the wall, but it's typically what narcissists do. Whenever he pulled, I got hope, but then he immediately pushed, trashing that hope. But I stayed, hoping the pull would come back and last. It never did.
There wasn't much left of me anymore after some 5-6 years with him, he'd trampled on my sense of self-worth and femininity so much and so often that it was almost ruined beyond 'repair'. Yet I stayed another 4-5 years. It just took me that long to get enough strength back to be able to leave him.
In retrospect he did help prep me for meeting my TF, who I'm with now.
There is nothing of the kind with my TF. We don't manipulate each other and do not ever want to hurt the other. If he inadvertently does hurt me, it hurts him too. Those aren't just words, it shows on his face and in his eyes.
When we go out, there is no flirting with others. There is no need, what we have is so encompassing and fulfilling, there isn't space for that kind of stuff. Apart from the fact that we don't want to hurt one another. When we're out and about it is crystal clear we're together, we hold hands, cuddle, brief touching, and he initiates that physical contact as much as I do. Or when with others there's regular eye-contact. We both seem to need that.
So different from with my ex who never paid heed when we were out, he always neglected and ignored me, flirted with every female available, right in front of me if possible. Both because he as a narcissist needed that attention and because he knew it hurt me.

the bolded part resonates. it all does yet the bolded part more. It's why i'm so done. Enjoying hurting me is pathetic. Knowingly doing it. Knowing what they are doing and not giving a damn about it is pathetic and im done. Play with someone else.

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I've had that sort of thing with my ex, who was either Karmic or Twinsoul. He was also narcissistic...
It took me 10 years to be able to let go, to realize that it wasn't going anywhere, would never go anywhere, and that he didn't make me happy. The constant push-pull drove me up the wall, but it's typically what narcissists do. Whenever he pulled, I got hope, but then he immediately pushed, trashing that hope. But I stayed, hoping the pull would come back and last. It never did.
There wasn't much left of me anymore after some 5-6 years with him, he'd trampled on my sense of self-worth and femininity so much and so often that it was almost ruined beyond 'repair'. Yet I stayed another 4-5 years. It just took me that long to get enough strength back to be able to leave him.
In retrospect he did help prep me for meeting my TF, who I'm with now.
There is nothing of the kind with my TF. We don't manipulate each other and do not ever want to hurt the other. If he inadvertently does hurt me, it hurts him too. Those aren't just words, it shows on his face and in his eyes.
When we go out, there is no flirting with others. There is no need, what we have is so encompassing and fulfilling, there isn't space for that kind of stuff. Apart from the fact that we don't want to hurt one another. When we're out and about it is crystal clear we're together, we hold hands, cuddle, brief touching, and he initiates that physical contact as much as I do. Or when with others there's regular eye-contact. We both seem to need that.
So different from with my ex who never paid heed when we were out, he always neglected and ignored me, flirted with every female available, right in front of me if possible. Both because he as a narcissist needed that attention and because he knew it hurt me.

I've thought about this and I don't believe my TF is a narcissist.

She really has no clue what she is doing. When she pulls other men in, it is not her intention to create chaos in her love life.

From my understanding, a narcissist needs attention on them all the time to gratify their vanity or egoistic needs. I do not think this is her. When she feels she needs to get to know someone, she will use her feminine charms but it doesn't come from a place of ego. She simply wants to get to know the person better.... and often the other person falls in love with her or she falls in love with him.

It is funny because her b/f is a true narcissist. She couldn't believe someone would tell her that she needed to change or else he wouldn't be with her. All of her other b/fs accepted her as she is, but not this one. As a result of being with such a man, she is still pursuing relationships with other men (she pursued a sexual one with me and as far as I know, she is pursing a platonic one with someone else right now). She even told me once that this is the "hardest relationship" she's ever had.

So it seems as though she is in a karmic relationship with someone who "won't accept her **" and challenges her to become better (think "Anthony Robbins type A personality") even though he is all types of wrong for her. I do not think such a relationship will generate positive growth. She may learn new skills like how to cook and how to become a better housewife, but she should want to do it on her own and not be pigeon-holed into it. I guess a part of her wants someone to take control of this aspect and to tell her she needs to settle down, despite it going against her entire being and soul wants (her elemental sign is water). I just believe there are more loving ways to instigate change.

I guess it is up to her to decide whether she will continue to put up with it for long or will just continue her pattern of seeing other men on the side.

And what exactly is my role in her life??? I am still unsure what/if my presence is doing anything.

[BlueCat]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

I've thought about this and I don't believe my TF is a narcissist.

She really has no clue what she is doing. When she pulls other men in, it is not her intention to create chaos in her love life.

From my understanding, a narcissist needs attention on them all the time to gratify their vanity or egoistic needs. I do not think this is her. When she feels she needs to get to know someone, she will use her feminine charms but it doesn't come from a place of ego. She simply wants to get to know the person better.... and often the other person falls in love with her or she falls in love with him.

It is funny because her b/f is a true narcissist. She couldn't believe someone would tell her that she needed to change or else he wouldn't be with her. All of her other b/fs accepted her as she is, but not this one. As a result of being with such a man, she is still pursuing relationships with other men (she pursued a sexual one with me and as far as I know, she is pursing a platonic one with someone else right now). She even told me once that this is the "hardest relationship" she's ever had.

So it seems as though she is in a karmic relationship with someone who "won't accept her **" and challenges her to become better (think "Anthony Robbins type A personality") even though he is all types of wrong for her. I do not think such a relationship will generate positive growth. She may learn new skills like how to cook and how to become a better housewife, but she should want to do it on her own and not be pigeon-holed into it. I guess a part of her wants someone to take control of this aspect and to tell her she needs to settle down, despite it going against her entire being and soul wants (her elemental sign is water). I just believe there are more loving ways to instigate change.

I guess it is up to her to decide whether she will continue to put up with it for long or will just continue her pattern of seeing other men on the side.

And what exactly is my role in her life??? I am still unsure what/if my presence is doing anything.

Ahh your story reminds me of mine, i thought too "what if TF is a narc?" and instead the true narcissist (or sociopath?) is the woman he is into. Do you know people that are in a close relationship with narc/sociopaths, not necessary romantic but also parent/kid or siblings etc...can pick up some behaviours of the true narc/sociopath?It's called fleas and i think your TF is having some bad influence by him and also for this she is acting from her ego instead of her true self. My TF is doing the same with me, but i think even if he seeks (not really probable imo but who knows) other women on the side, he always return to me , while the person i'm talking about has convinced him to settle in a fast "manufactured soulmate" commitment as many toxic/abusive partners do to take control of the other and creating a co-dependence.
I just hope this isn't the case of your TF, because many of these true narcs are masters of deception and lightining fast commitments. I noticed they follow all the same pattern by personal experience.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

I've thought about this and I don't believe my TF is a narcissist.

She really has no clue what she is doing. When she pulls other men in, it is not her intention to create chaos in her love life.

From my understanding, a narcissist needs attention on them all the time to gratify their vanity or egoistic needs. I do not think this is her. When she feels she needs to get to know someone, she will use her feminine charms but it doesn't come from a place of ego. She simply wants to get to know the person better.... and often the other person falls in love with her or she falls in love with him.

It is funny because her b/f is a true narcissist. She couldn't believe someone would tell her that she needed to change or else he wouldn't be with her. All of her other b/fs accepted her as she is, but not this one. As a result of being with such a man, she is still pursuing relationships with other men (she pursued a sexual one with me and as far as I know, she is pursing a platonic one with someone else right now). She even told me once that this is the "hardest relationship" she's ever had.

So it seems as though she is in a karmic relationship with someone who "won't accept her **" and challenges her to become better (think "Anthony Robbins type A personality") even though he is all types of wrong for her. I do not think such a relationship will generate positive growth. She may learn new skills like how to cook and how to become a better housewife, but she should want to do it on her own and not be pigeon-holed into it. I guess a part of her wants someone to take control of this aspect and to tell her she needs to settle down, despite it going against her entire being and soul wants (her elemental sign is water). I just believe there are more loving ways to instigate change.

I guess it is up to her to decide whether she will continue to put up with it for long or will just continue her pattern of seeing other men on the side.

And what exactly is my role in her life??? I am still unsure what/if my presence is doing anything.

No TFs cannot be narcissistic, it doesn't compute as TFs are about true unconditional love, something a narcissist is not capable of and never will be.
Narcissists however are great teachers, even though they do not realize it themselves. I came to that conclusion when I started thinking about it. There had to be a reason for them being the way they are -and there are an awful lot of them unfortunately- as everything is in divine order. So there had to be a divine reason for them being that way too.
When I looked at what I got out of that relationship, and the friends i have who were with narcissists, I noticed that all their victims needed to learn a lesson. And mostly you have been offered that lessons many times before but didn't learn it. Then the Cosmos sends you a harsher way to learn it in the form of a narcissist.
I think this is always about lessons that you as a soul had decided you really wanted to learn, but didn't/avoided. With a narcissist you cannot avoid it anymore. They're too much in your face, they hurt you so much that you either learn the lesson and get stronger so you survive or you go under...

They are not necessarily about getting your attention 24/7, not in that way. Often they even totally reject you. What it boils down to is that they want you all to themselves, but they go about it in different ways, depending what works on their victim. It's a very intricate mind-game, not easy to explain, but it's not like what ppl think that they just need your attention focused on them all the time. It's much much more complex than that, way deeper. If that was it, it wouldn't hurt you so much, but they break you down in very subtle manipulative ways to suit their needs, mold you in an almost spineless and will-less puppet.

The good thing is, if you do learn the lesson, bounce back and get out, you are much stronger and more 'you' than you were before.
It helped me to get ready for my TF. But TFs cannot ever be narcissist as those don't know what love is let alone unconditional love. A TF would also never ever hurt you. It really is true that when they inadvertently do, it hurts them as well. I know this not just from reading that, but from seeing this happen with my TF. When he does inadvertently hurt me, his pain is almost worse than mine.
Also, I know there are some men who say their female partner is narcissistic, but in general it's men, not women. Women tend to be borderliners, a condition that as far as I know doesn't occur in men.