Self-sabotaging and self-punishment

[Sarian]

Do you believe one can do these things without even realizing it, due to conditioning? How do you stop?

[Xan]

Yes... these kinds of negative patterns are usually unconscious. As one becomes more aware of them the process of healing and change has begun.

You can change patterns like these by looking more closely into the feelings underneath... like self-judgment and worthiness, imitating emotional patterns of parents, and so on.... then finding ways to let them heal and release into self-acceptance, self-valuing and self-love.


Xan

[Sarian]

I know as a child I had punished myself. I never thought too much about the sabotaging aspect until my adult life, and even so, first with weight...I would do very well, after childbirth for example, but then I would blow it, but one day I realized I was crying as I was doing so, as though to punish and sabotage. They seem like the same thing.

When things have been starting to go very well in my life, I find something in me changes. I feel a fear, I get anxious. Then I've ruined it. But I have to say not all the time, sometimes I just get upset and tired of taking the blame, but yet, i can't deal with the consequences, as though even if I don't punish myself, others will make me pay and I have to take the blame, even if it's not my fault, just to make peace.

God, I'm a sick @!%W#$

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Sarian

I know as a child I had punished myself. I never thought too much about the sabotaging aspect until my adult life, and even so, first with weight...I would do very well, after childbirth for example, but then I would blow it, but one day I realized I was crying as I was doing so, as though to punish and sabotage. They seem like the same thing.

When things have been starting to go very well in my life, I find something in me changes. I feel a fear, I get anxious. Then I've ruined it. But I have to say not all the time, sometimes I just get upset and tired of taking the blame, but yet, i can't deal with the consequences, as though even if I don't punish myself, others will make me pay and I have to take the blame, even if it's not my fault, just to make peace.

God, I'm a sick @!%W#$

No, I know exactly how you feel (If I may say that)! Somehow, some of our life experiences bring on / heighten our insecurities, imo. And then sometimes it just gets over-inflated for some reason. I think the EFT would help me in situations like this. And just being really good and kind to one's self. It's not always easy to get ourselves on an even keel.

[Sarian]

I've tried the EFT stuff, but it never worked for me. I find myself thinking about that process too much and how much it annoys me lol.

Right now I have someone who is behaving extremely cold and withdrawn from me because I blew up yesterday. Everything just got too much. But I guess I shouldn't have done it, but I'm wondering if I did it on purpose because things were going well until it all went wrong lol. My fault as usual it all went wrong...

[Silver]

Ohhh, I've wrung my hands over a situation just like that recently - yeah...

And now, everything's pretty much back to normal. Which is to say, not perfect!

Self-sabotage and punishment are more common than you might believe and entirely unconscious... until you realise what's going on! Even then, it takes some hard work and determination to change the conditioning which creates such patterns. You might find some help in Caroline Myss's book 'Sacred Contracts' which lists and helps you determine some of the mental/emotional archtypes which drive us all. The Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute are four types which everyone has. I also found some interesting insights when I did a simple websearch under 'Self-Sabotage'.

[Sarian]

Sorry you've been through it too, SG.

Enya, yeah, I see that I do it, and thanks for the book reference, and the websearch.

I feel like I'm paying for it this time. Yet if I did the cold treatment, I'd get raked over the coals for it.

I fully support Xan's post here (#2); am sure she has dealt with this issue in others.

I used to self-sabotage (a little) in my teens. It was to do with lack of self-worth then, i.e. low self-esteem. If something happened that reflected a significant improvement to my life, I would get scared since it didn't fit with the mental image I had of myself - put bluntly, I didn't think I deserved it and so I'd inevitably jinx it. I knew how to deal with the old, dysfunctional me but I wasn't ready to be different/healthy at that time. Don't quite know how I got out of that .... think finding my feet, being assertive, gaining confidence and feeling supported by others (being popular) really all helped.

Xan mentions how you can heal this situation (in her post above).

[Silver]

Originally Posted by amy green

I fully support Xan's post here (#2); am sure she has dealt with this issue in others.

I used to self-sabotage (a little) in my teens. It was to do with lack of self-worth then, i.e. low self-esteem. If something happened that reflected a significant improvement to my life, I would get scared since it didn't fit with the mental image I had of myself - put bluntly, I didn't think I deserved it and so I'd inevitably jinx it.

................

Yes, exactly ~ jinxing one's self is definitely what happens. It's like a superstition created because of the low estimation of one's self/worthiness.