Has anyone read the book "Codependent No More?"

[gypsymystique]

I just read something that made me think of this, so bear with me.

I came across the whole twin flame thing at about the same time I started dealing with myself and the whole codependent thing. I had certain behaviors and thoughts towards others (many of whom were just friends and family) that were totally codependent thinking rather than independent thinking.

I've been studying and talking to people who thought they were experiencing twin flame relationships for a few years now, and I just remembered something. A woman I know thought she had met her twin flame, and she had many of the experiences with him that we all talk about on this forum every day. She struggled to understand it and figure out how to deal with things when they became complicated, just like we are now.

At some point during her process, I had an epiphany that I just recalled again. Whether we are having enlightened relationships or not, if we are dealing with them with the same old behavior patterns that we would any other relationships we have experienced, we are actually reducing those spiritual relationships to the same old same old patterns we are used to.

I am just thinking that if we are more self aware of our own patterns, then perhaps we have better ways of coping. That is what brings me to the question in the title of this thread. Is anyone aware of this, and do you have any thoughts?

Please keep in mind I'm not calling into question anyone's relationships. I'm just asking about what people know/think about self awareness here.

ABSOLUTELY - this is about shedding every old belief system we have about relationships - this is one thing I know for certain...as long as we keep basing our need for reunion on the old relationship belief system then final union will remain elusive. That is why you will find more than likely that yr experience with TF triggers to the tenth degree every old emotional pattern the circle of yr past has created - so we learn how to release those ways as they no longer serve a purpose and become something we can no longer ignore. Yours may be codependency - probably a lot of ours here are the same to a degree. Mine is about letting go of the need to rescue someone - to let to of the belief that I can always fix someone's problems if I throw myself under the bus for them - I've always attracted fixer uppers into my life - TF seems to be the extreme of this - not because he needs fixing but because he has been awakened also so there are patterns arising for him also - I want to throw on my Super Woman outfit and give him all the answers but he is as stubborn as a mule and will do things in his time - I need to release the control and no longer use this as a safety rope as I would do this in the past so I didn't have to look at ME or my needs.

[gypsymystique]

Actually, the book I mentioned talks a great deal about the rescuing tendencies. I also have them.

I have noticed a pattern that is just starting to dawn on me with Jay....where it starts/finishes I'm not sure but it is circulating - we don't talk over the weekend so usually on a Monday we will kick off with a good morning txt - often on a Monday his reply will be a Good Morning Angel back and then he's 'busy' for the day - firmly putting an end to further communication. So Tuesday I go into 'need to hear mode' and often he doesn't reply - my txts don't say need they are usually light and loving - so by Wed my emotional resection has kicked in - by Thursday he opens like a flower - Friday all communication boundaries are off - back to the weekend again and the pattern begins. Every Monday I say I'm NOT doing this this week - every Monday it happens as I can't resist the urge to say hey lol - I KNOW I need to release this pattern - I know that whilst I allow him to pull my emotional chain we will remain in the same pattern - he is not doing this consciously but it allows him to keep me in a tidy box there when he needs me.

[gypsymystique]

That makes me wonder what he'd do if you didn't text on Monday, but I get wildly curious about that type of thing.

[Jatd]

I have not read that book, but I am quite positive that I have been codependent most of my life. Which is why I have so much fear now, but even now ... breaking free feels better than anything else. I broke free of my codependence right around the time I met tf, actually I was probably in the midst of it. Like I have mentioned before, I am for the first time in my life, alone. It feels great (minus missing my love) but other than that.. everything about it feels great. Thanks for sharing!

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by gypsymystique

Actually, the book I mentioned talks a great deal about the rescuing tendencies. I also have them.

What do you mean rescuing tendencies.. this has struck a chord with me. Have you ever heard the song broken?

You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that? You're broken, I'm a sucker for that. Thats my theme song! Everyman I have been with comes from my desire to rescue them. Oh lord, How do I break free from that??!! Thats like the only thing I know. Thats how I ended up with tf, I wanted to help him.

Originally Posted by Loving_Soul

Mine is about letting go of the need to rescue someone - to let to of the belief that I can always fix someone's problems if I throw myself under the bus for them - I've always attracted fixer uppers into my life - TF seems to be the extreme of this - not because he needs fixing but because he has been awakened also so there are patterns arising for him also - I want to throw on my Super Woman outfit and give him all the answers but he is as stubborn as a mule and will do things in his time - I need to release the control and no longer use this as a safety rope as I would do this in the past so I didn't have to look at ME or my needs.

Sigh, this sounds an awful lot like me. Especially so with my TF, probably because she had an absolutely horrifying past, and was deeply depressed when we met. I actually think that's why we were put together when we were, despite probably not being ready for each other. Her self worth was zero, and she really needed unconditional love and support. And she seems to be bouncing back now... unfortunately, it's including totally cutting me off.

[gypsymystique]

Originally Posted by Jatd

What do you mean rescuing tendencies.. this has struck a chord with me. Have you ever heard the song broken?

You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that? You're broken, I'm a sucker for that. Thats my theme song! Everyman I have been with comes from my desire to rescue them. Oh lord, How do I break free from that??!! Thats like the only thing I know. Thats how I ended up with tf, I wanted to help him.

Well, to me, it's like I need to help or rescue people all the time when I'm really needing to help or rescue myself.

When I was in that "rescue" way of thinking I wound up focusing on the wrong thing instead of myself. Life changed dramatically when I started working on that.

The book is really good about identifying differen behaviors like that and suggesting ways to change them. I always tell people it should go hand in hand with manifesting.

Originally Posted by gypsymystique

That makes me wonder what he'd do if you didn't text on Monday, but I get wildly curious about that type of thing.

Well see its Wednesday so I go to silent mode today - but usually renege on this by Thursday - last week he turned up on Mu doorstep lol...Monday isn't for another 5 days - ill let you know then hahaha maybe I could start early and not renege today/tomorrow! Let it fly for a whole week - of course that would probably take some alien confiscating my phone for a week as sheer willpower alone will be difficult but how about I give it a try huh lol X

It's laughable because it is so predictive - he doesn't want me hurting, he wants me there - but he doesn't want me right now - as that wld mean dealing with **** he has admitted he isnt ready to deal with - but in doing so I buy into the emotional merry to round staying on the ride hoping for a different experience - maybe I just need to sit the ride out for a few go rounds :)