Striving To Be Perfect Vs. Acceptance

[seekerAK]

Originally Posted by thebeautifulsacred

I've come across these two (seemingly) contradictory ideas about spiritual growth. How much of our spiritual journey is about self improvement and how much is about self acceptance?

I think it's best to start with a definition of self-acceptance. Wikipedia:

"According to Shepard (1979), self-acceptance is an individual's satisfaction or happiness with oneself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about oneself, that they are of "unique worth".

Wikipedia then goes on to explain that in psychology self-acceptance is a prerequisite for change to occur and it can be achieved by stopping criticism of self and solving defects in oneself but also tolerating oneself to be imperfect in some areas. It is therefore a psychological term and not spiritual.

Meanwhile self-improvement is defined (dictionary) as : "the improvement of one's knowledge, status, or character by one's own efforts". This also is not spiritual per se.

Therefore neither of these will bring about spiritual growth in themselves. They just allow the individual to improve himself which can include non-spiritual attainments such as status/wealth and accepting oneself and ones strengths and weaknesses.

[lemex]

Originally Posted by seekerAK

I think it's best to start with a definition of self-acceptance. Wikipedia:

"According to Shepard (1979), self-acceptance is an individual's satisfaction or happiness with oneself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about oneself, that they are of "unique worth".

Wikipedia then goes on to explain that in psychology self-acceptance is a prerequisite for change to occur and it can be achieved by stopping criticism of self and solving defects in oneself but also tolerating oneself to be imperfect in some areas. It is therefore a psychological term and not spiritual.

Meanwhile self-improvement is defined (dictionary) as : "the improvement of one's knowledge, status, or character by one's own efforts". This also is not spiritual per se.

Therefore neither of these will bring about spiritual growth in themselves. They just allow the individual to improve himself which can include non-spiritual attainments such as status/wealth and accepting oneself and ones strengths and weaknesses.

Insightful. I wish I could have said this this way, gosh I was thinking it. I know for a time I did not accept myself and that hardly worked well for me. I tried to force my change, yelled, fought, argued, desired etc.

[thebeautifulsacred]

Originally Posted by Cmt12

Self-improvement is the overall, larger goal. Self-acceptance is like a pit stop along the way if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Why is that? Why isn't self acceptance the overall, larger goal?

[seekerAK]

Originally Posted by lemex

Insightful. I wish I could have said this this way, gosh I was thinking it. I know for a time I did not accept myself and that hardly worked well for me. I tried to force my change, yelled, fought, argued, desired etc.

I was also thrown by the OP not knowing what it meant and couldn't come up with anything that could answer the question.

I think the question could be re-worded as "How much of our spiritual journey is about spiritual work and how much is about acceptance of what happens to us?" But then I'm not sure if this is what the OP meant.

[Cmt12]

Originally Posted by thebeautifulsacred

Why is that? Why isn't self acceptance the overall, larger goal?

Because spiritual development is not supposed to be easy, otherwise what value is there of faith? There is little faith in 'we already are'. Faith exists more in 'we can become'.

Self-acceptance allows us to stay in the game when it feels really hard; it's a reframing tool. It's like dipping our toe in the water. If we don't use self-acceptance, then we quit too often or don't bother playing because the game is hard. Self-acceptance is a much more popular teaching because it is more palateable and easier to implement. Transformation is what it's all about though.

[thebeautifulsacred]

Originally Posted by lemex

I know for a time I did not accept myself and that hardly worked well for me. I tried to force my change, yelled, fought, argued, desired etc.

Same here! I agree that self acceptance brings about real change.

[Imzadi]

I think unconditional self acceptance does not equate to a stagnate lethargy and dwelling in unhealthy situations. For instance, I've been eating too much chocolate and lost my six pack abs... self acceptance means that I don't lose my sense of self worth and that I love myself just the same while I realistically accept that I am developing a bit of a tummy and should be mindful of my chocolate indulgence while I begin to work out more often. When I regain my 6 pack abs I would certainly be glad to be feeling healthy, but I won't love myself any more simply because I have unconditional self acceptance and self love.

Basically, self acceptance for me means that my intrinsic self worth and value does not depend on impermanent, temporal, and external factors. And because I can tap into the radiance of my Being, I can embark on various challenges in the external world with zest and flair and it doesn't feel like striving at all, but playful and jazzy. ^_~

I also feel that when I tap into the Divine perfection of my own Soul I can similarly recognize the Divine perfection of other people's Soul as well. When I am operating on the level of being, I feel a profound love. Is that what they call unconditional love, if so then I think I won the lottery! :)

[Cmt12]

There seems to be some mixing up of reassurance with self acceptance going on. Reassurance does not conflict with self growth, but self acceptance does. It's a matter of amount. Reassurance is beneficial, but taken too far, it becomes complete self acceptance and prevents growth.

[Armadodecadron]

I agree with Cmt12 - it is a wasteful thing to accept yourself as the only thing you could be. It is good to contest, to struggle: this is how we earn strengthen our little legs and gain what scant force of will we may possess.

As the saying goes, shoot for the moon - even if you miss, you'll end up in the stars. A failed endeavor is not a waste of life or energy if it leaves one smarter or stronger.

[Cmt12]

The reason why I am being so firm with my position in this thread is because humanity has a problem in that too many of us are stuck in perpetual self acceptance. The result is most people do not change, which is harmful both to themselves and others.

Self acceptance should be used when we are in crisis mode, when we are overwhelmed with pain. It is a coping method. But once we are a little more stable, we should consciously cease over protecting ourselves and shift more toward the growth mindset, while still being reassuring. If we get overwhelmed, then we can shift back to self acceptance again. But to give in and constantly stay in self acceptance is not the best approach. It's short term thinking.

The whole reason why many of us here have become aware of a higher spiritual power is because at some time we took a risk and defied our self protective impulses.