financial support for my TF?

[thewaitingflame]

Originally Posted by Ascophore

Okay guy you need to DROP THE GIRL asap.

I can't stress this enough. Whatever feelings you think you may have are completely irrational at this point in time. This will NOT help you and she will NOT be there for you.

If she made a mistake on dumping you, a stable guy, for that weird dude who doesn't have a job then she needs to realize that ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. Even hers.

You have to do this for yourself, don't stoop down to their level. You've already given her so much, don't bleed anymore. And if she wants more just tell her to call up her alimony lawyer.

Ive been feeling the same way, i know how i feel about her, at the same time, im sitting here like ***. Her big reasoning is the brother is there to protect her and so she let go of me for that, and its not like i could help her in those regards because i dont live there and ive always given her options to move out, leave and yet she never did. For some reason she always stayed. All she can tell me now is that that her life is with him and she needs him right now. So why ask me for anything if her life is with him? All relationships require some kind of give and take and sacrifice to make things work. they want to be around each other 24/7 but the way i see it no relationship is like that. People need to work to help provide for each other and right now theyre living in some dream where they are together all the time, but now they have no money and shes turning to me to help provide. And im not dumb, i know that if i give her money for groceries, hes going to be the one benefiting from it too. Theyre for the most part living on what she set aside. I have no responsibility to him or her for that matter, and like shes told me in the past after I questioned her motives for being with him, she said she didnt owe me a damn thing and its her life.

[Ascophore]

Originally Posted by thewaitingflame

Ive been feeling the same way, i know how i feel about her, at the same time, im sitting here like ***. Her big reasoning is the brother is there to protect her and so she let go of me for that, and its not like i could help her in those regards because i dont live there and ive always given her options to move out, leave and yet she never did. For some reason she always stayed. All she can tell me now is that that her life is with him and she needs him right now. So why ask me for anything if her life is with him? All relationships require some kind of give and take and sacrifice to make things work. they want to be around each other 24/7 but the way i see it no relationship is like that. People need to work to help provide for each other and right now theyre living in some dream where they are together all the time, but now they have no money and shes turning to me to help provide. And im not dumb, i know that if i give her money for groceries, hes going to be the one benefiting from it too. Theyre for the most part living on what she set aside. I have no responsibility to him or her for that matter, and like shes told me in the past after I questioned her motives for being with him, she said she didnt owe me a damn thing and its her life.

Okay, guy, I want you to take a real hard look at your post and try to find every single time your concerns were brought up. As in, where you fit into the picture. If you are not part of their picture then they don't get to play ball in your court.

Don't gain a bunch of dependents. It's insulting enough that that chick left you for some tramp with no prospects of future. YOU no longer need to suffer. And if they are indeed a twin flame they will forgive you on the other side.

Plus she said you don't owe her. Are you sure it's not just you making offers? Don't make offers to them there's no reason for you to bargain with them anymore.

[thewaitingflame]

Originally Posted by Ascophore

Okay, guy, I want you to take a real hard look at your post and try to find every single time your concerns were brought up. As in, where you fit into the picture. If you are not part of their picture then they don't get to play ball in your court.

Don't gain a bunch of dependents. It's insulting enough that that chick left you for some tramp with no prospects of future. YOU no longer need to suffer. And if they are indeed a twin flame they will forgive you on the other side.

Plus she said you don't owe her. Are you sure it's not just you making offers? Don't make offers to them there's no reason for you to bargain with them anymore.

I wasnt the one making offers. She came to me asking for help because shes always known Id be there to help her. And during the period of time where the brother wasnt in the picture and she was struggling, I had offered to help her get away if needed and that if she needed to move out and just get away, Id help, but at the time she was trying to leave a failed marriage with an abusive husband and she was not in a relationship with someone else, not until the brother came along.

But now theyre in a relationship and shes coming to help from me financially because the guy has no money, was living off of the husband, and from what i know never even tried getting a job though she says he works part time, yet theyre together 24/7. So i just dont believe her anymore in regards to any of this. Her reasoning now is that Im her friend, more than a friend, and i should be willing to help people out of kindness. Yet i dont see where the kindness was when she chose the brother knowing i was here wanting to help her the whole time. While in the past I had offer to get her away for her safety and happiness, ever since shes been with the brother that Ive found out about it, Ive not gone to her offering to help. Its been her coming to me now that shes cut off.

[thewaitingflame]

Originally Posted by Ascophore

Plus she said you don't owe her.

it was more that she said she didnt owe me a damn thing when I asked what was going on with the brother after having discussed a future with me after having left her husband and was ready. A lot of us reconnecting this last time was because she finally felt ready to leave. So we had a lot of discussion about what she wanted to do, what i wanted to do, how we wanted to proceed with everything. Her finally being ready to leave was what finally put us in a position to plan on a possible future for us, until the brother showed up.

[Ascophore]

Originally Posted by thewaitingflame

So i just dont believe her anymore in regards to any of this. Her reasoning now is that Im her friend, more than a friend, and i should be willing to help people out of kindness. Yet i dont see where the kindness was when she chose the brother knowing i was here wanting to help her the whole time. While in the past I had offer to get her away for her safety and happiness, ever since shes been with the brother that Ive found out about it, Ive not gone to her offering to help. Its been her coming to me now that shes cut off.

Well good.
It sounds to me like this individual that crossed you is slowly realizing their awful decision making skills and is trying at a second chance in life. It's up to you really then. I mean, personally, I understand that people don't truly 'change'. If you let this person back into your life and if you support this person they're going to only understand that they can do this sort of thing...again... and hurt you again. Don't give them that glory nor privilege.

But as I stated. That's just my two cents. Being a friend is good, but don't let it just become some form of dependency. Friends should understand when helping too much hurts them more than helping too little.

[thewaitingflame]

Originally Posted by Ascophore

Well good.
It sounds to me like this individual that crossed you is slowly realizing their awful decision making skills and is trying at a second chance in life. It's up to you really then. I mean, personally, I understand that people don't truly 'change'. If you let this person back into your life and if you support this person they're going to only understand that they can do this sort of thing...again... and hurt you again. Don't give them that glory nor privilege.

But as I stated. That's just my two cents. Being a friend is good, but don't let it just become some form of dependency. Friends should understand when helping too much hurts them more than helping too little.

i completely understand. At this point its not even about just being a friend anymore. She let someone else into her life and cut me out, yet only gave enough to keep me around. This is who she chose, this is who shes repeatedly told me she needs to be with right now. All shes done is talk about why she needs him right now, how good he is to her and all he does for her. So that being said, she should be going to him for all of this. If hes all she says he is, including all the lies shes made up to make him look impressive, then I dont need to be giving anything or sacrificing anything for her relationship with him. She can go to him, its not my place to take care of another dudes girl friend just because he isnt stable, and wont go find a job to provide for her just because he wants to be around her 24/7.

[Ascophore]

Originally Posted by thewaitingflame

i completely understand. At this point its not even about just being a friend anymore. She let someone else into her life and cut me out, yet only gave enough to keep me around. This is who she chose, this is who shes repeatedly told me she needs to be with right now. All shes done is talk about why she needs him right now, how good he is to her and all he does for her. So that being said, she should be going to him for all of this. If hes all she says he is, including all the lies shes made up to make him look impressive, then I dont need to be giving anything or sacrificing anything for her relationship with him. She can go to him, its not my place to take care of another dudes girl friend just because he isnt stable, and wont go find a job to provide for her just because he wants to be around her 24/7.

If that's not a silver lining mentality then I don't know what is.

You'll have to post again later when this all turns into the funniest @#$% show of your life.

Winner winner
Chicken dinner =w=

[thewaitingflame]

Theres still a long way to go before any of this is over, I believe a storm is going to be coming where its going to be painfully hard for her and yeah i feel bad and worry, im not cruel or a mean person. But none of this was my decision. I tried, believe me I tried and in the end, she'd get mad at me for trying or questioning any of her actions.

[Ascophore]

Originally Posted by thewaitingflame

Theres still a long way to go before any of this is over, I believe a storm is going to be coming where its going to be painfully hard for her and yeah i feel bad and worry, im not cruel or a mean person. But none of this was my decision. I tried, believe me I tried and in the end, she'd get mad at me for trying or questioning any of her actions.

Were you ever the badguy here? All you did was lock eyes off the prize for just half a second. Just so long as she doesn't go to hellish into the alimony side of things you'll be able to look back on this as if watching a bad soap opera unfold. Plus just think of all the money you're going to save without what sounds like a real leech of a person attached! Go learn a new hobby or something. ¦)

[thewaitingflame]

Originally Posted by Ascophore

Were you ever the badguy here? All you did was lock eyes off the prize for just half a second. Just so long as she doesn't go to hellish into the alimony side of things you'll be able to look back on this as if watching a bad soap opera unfold. Plus just think of all the money you're going to save without what sounds like a real leech of a person attached! Go learn a new hobby or something. ¦)

thats true, I was never the bad guy. None of this was my choice to make. I cant even say i took my eyes off the prize, she hid the relationship with him from the start and would only tell me there was an attraction there and he had been confessing feelings, but that she was trying not to get involved with him only to later find out what had been happening between them. So yeah, I dont need to its not my place to provide so that this guy can be the one to be around 24/7 and make himself look good for always being around. He can go get a job if he has to or she can do the same. Theyre both adults and this was their decision.