Is this all in my head? Have I imagined connection?

[sec88]

Hey guys,
I'm hoping someone might be able to shed some light for me.

I am trying to understand the meaning of a connection with someone in my life.

I was first made aware of a twin flame connection in 2014, I had the overwhelming feeling of being a part of someone.
A year later, a person came into my life and changed it forever, he completely flicked the switch in me and I had a major awakening. The thing is, although I experience many synchronicities when it comes to him, our connection seems different from the TF stories I've read about. To begin with, we can only be together a few days at a time. No more! We are harmonious and intense when we are over the phone but in the physical, It can be uncomfortable and weary of each other. We didn't have intense passion, in fact I was consumed by insecurities and we are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to the bedroom. Although we share a lot of sexual energy.

When we first met in the physical we had a strange experience, as if we were in a dome and being observed. It was a strange energy I had never experienced before. Random people were approaching us and asking strange questions as if they were finding any excuse to interact, it freaked us out a lot. Living far away from each other, we connected in the physical quite a few times but every time, one of us would push the other away instantly. The longest we stayed in contact was maybe three to four months and it was over the phone in the beginning, every waking minute were would chat and we thought about each other obsessively. I always push him away because I share so much love with him and yearn for connection and he always keeps me at arms length, eager for control in the connection and for it to be on his terms.

No matter how desperately I have tried riding him, his energy always remains and although he is never been intentionally mean, he has put me through heartache like I have never experienced before. Each time we seperate, I feel physical pain and a deep sadness even though when we are together we are so guarded.. I can also energetically feel when he withdraws and it terrifies me.

As time has gone on, we have both drastically changed and it has gotten a little easier to be around one another but we still disconnect all the time. Until the one of us has the courage to get in contact with the other. We do seem to inspire spiritual growth in each other and I no longer feel such intense pain. We are both working towards our dreams and goals and at times share strange parallels, whether it be changing our number or purchasing a new car.

I guess my confusion is that although I have a strong bond with him, I have issues accepting that he might possibly be a twin flame because it almost seems impossible that we could ever share anything deep other than on a spiritual level. He has never shown or told me how he feels or if he shares this understanding. We are also very different, his out there and an attention seeker, preferring many friends where as I am quieter and more introverted. I'm just wondering whether he is present for my spiritual growth and healing! Which is something I'm grateful for but for some reason my heart aches to think of being with someone, even though I can't imagine being with him. I do long to be in a supportive, loyal and passionate relationship yet I'm holding onto this connection and can't understand why.

Family and friends do not understand the connection either, they think he is somewhat of an energy vampire or false twin ('catalyst twin') and at times I fear they might have a point.

I worry this experience might be completely exaggerated in my head and I have imagined the whole thing up.

We're altogether for each others' spiritual growth when we interact. Whether
someone can accelerate that depends on what the relationship is about (no
matter how slight the relationship).

But you're learning a spiritual and personal development lesson here so it's all good.
It may not seem so. Firstly you say that you've both dramatically
changed. Partly that's because you've come to know one another more than
you did in the exploratory days of early dates; the time when you find out.
People aren't static. Every day we all face lots of situations and take in
experiences, some small and seemingly insignificant, others large. They change us in
various ways. So the "you" and "he" that first met aren't the same people.
You might like to think you are but you aren't. Has to be faced.

If you've described him well then (attention seeker) then he would have
sought your attention and you surrendered. Do you feel uncomfortable in his
circle of friends? Are they real friends or just people he knows?
(Asking because it's sometimes difficult to break into someone's inner
sanctum, as it were. You can expect to feel awkward for a while but there
are techniques you'll find here to make it easier.)

At the same time you may be accelerating his spiritual development - or at
least helping him to evolve. It may not be in your direction...only you and he
can discover that.

But I suppose the best thing is not to count on anything. He may be your twin
flame, he may not. Only time can tell. If you believe people on this part of
the forum it may not happen in this lifetime - could be a future one. What
you have to decide is how much of your life you're ready to dedicate to this
guy. Could you be frittering your lifetime here just waiting? Would it be any
different in a future lifetime?

There are ways you can desensitise yourself to him, to wean yourself off, get
rid of the energy - if you're of a mind. In all honesty, is the strong bond you
feel with him returned. Does he feel it for you?

So back to your main question. He is there as an experience to learn from.
Healing may be the lesson but that has to come from within you. You've
shared a sad story - no one wants to see someone hurt or in anguish - so you
have to reach a decision about whether you can honestly rely on him to help
you heal. To be sincere, I doubt you can.

Wishing you all the best.

[sec88]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

We're altogether for each others' spiritual growth when we interact. Whether
someone can accelerate that depends on what the relationship is about (no
matter how slight the relationship).

But you're learning a spiritual and personal development lesson here so it's all good.
It may not seem so. Firstly you say that you've both dramatically
changed. Partly that's because you've come to know one another more than
you did in the exploratory days of early dates; the time when you find out.
People aren't static. Every day we all face lots of situations and take in
experiences, some small and seemingly insignificant, others large. They change us in
various ways. So the "you" and "he" that first met aren't the same people.
You might like to think you are but you aren't. Has to be faced.

If you've described him well then (attention seeker) then he would have
sought your attention and you surrendered. Do you feel uncomfortable in his
circle of friends? Are they real friends or just people he knows?
(Asking because it's sometimes difficult to break into someone's inner
sanctum, as it were. You can expect to feel awkward for a while but there
are techniques you'll find here to make it easier.)

At the same time you may be accelerating his spiritual development - or at
least helping him to evolve. It may not be in your direction...only you and he
can discover that.

But I suppose the best thing is not to count on anything. He may be your twin
flame, he may not. Only time can tell. If you believe people on this part of
the forum it may not happen in this lifetime - could be a future one. What
you have to decide is how much of your life you're ready to dedicate to this
guy. Could you be frittering your lifetime here just waiting? Would it be any
different in a future lifetime?

There are ways you can desensitise yourself to him, to wean yourself off, get
rid of the energy - if you're of a mind. In all honesty, is the strong bond you
feel with him returned. Does he feel it for you?

So back to your main question. He is there as an experience to learn from.
Healing may be the lesson but that has to come from within you. You've
shared a sad story - no one wants to see someone hurt or in anguish - so you
have to reach a decision about whether you can honestly rely on him to help
you heal. To be sincere, I doubt you can.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank-you Lorelyen!

Your reply was exactly what I needed to provide me with another perspective.
To answer a few of your questions...

I wouldn't know if the feelings are returned, I'm not sure he is even capable of opening up or letting someone in. So I trusted that I was not the right one for him, as ultimately I thought if someone wants to be with you, they show it and put in effort. Before any kind of bond is established, he detaches and runs away.

I have only met a few of his friends but on a mutual basis, not because he is introducing me to them.. I am very much kept seperate from his life. A few people he looks up to who he has told we have a connection, have told him his crazy for letting me go as they see me as good for him. This made me realise that I might not be seeing my worth. I disconnected for a long time and actually stopped thinking of him and even wondered how I was ever drawn to him but something guided me back.

Answering your question about if I can rely on him to help and to heal... No! I can't. Realistically, he created situations that bring up the pain and then I need to work through them, I am then in gratitude to him when I have done the work.

I guess I feel for him though, he is very insecure (not that anyone would know) and I think that's why I held on. I could feel his inner pain but I have since recognised it's not my role to protect him. I stood up to him for the first time yesterday and set clear boundaries, not even responding to his confusion and truthfully not wanting any contact anymore as it just takes up a lot of space.. I guess I'm ready to welcome a more nuturing and loving relationship in my life, one that is no longer one-sided. I instantly felt a shift in me.

My lesson has been to not get caught up in the labels or even spiritual connection but to keep honouring myself and moving in the direction of my own joy and certainly not lowering my reasonable standards for anyone who is not retuning the love.

Thanks again Lorelyen! I felt very supported by your words.
Xx

[sec88]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

We're altogether for each others' spiritual growth when we interact. Whether
someone can accelerate that depends on what the relationship is about (no
matter how slight the relationship).

But you're learning a spiritual and personal development lesson here so it's all good.
It may not seem so. Firstly you say that you've both dramatically
changed. Partly that's because you've come to know one another more than
you did in the exploratory days of early dates; the time when you find out.
People aren't static. Every day we all face lots of situations and take in
experiences, some small and seemingly insignificant, others large. They change us in
various ways. So the "you" and "he" that first met aren't the same people.
You might like to think you are but you aren't. Has to be faced.

If you've described him well then (attention seeker) then he would have
sought your attention and you surrendered. Do you feel uncomfortable in his
circle of friends? Are they real friends or just people he knows?
(Asking because it's sometimes difficult to break into someone's inner
sanctum, as it were. You can expect to feel awkward for a while but there
are techniques you'll find here to make it easier.)

At the same time you may be accelerating his spiritual development - or at
least helping him to evolve. It may not be in your direction...only you and he
can discover that.

But I suppose the best thing is not to count on anything. He may be your twin
flame, he may not. Only time can tell. If you believe people on this part of
the forum it may not happen in this lifetime - could be a future one. What
you have to decide is how much of your life you're ready to dedicate to this
guy. Could you be frittering your lifetime here just waiting? Would it be any
different in a future lifetime?

There are ways you can desensitise yourself to him, to wean yourself off, get
rid of the energy - if you're of a mind. In all honesty, is the strong bond you
feel with him returned. Does he feel it for you?

So back to your main question. He is there as an experience to learn from.
Healing may be the lesson but that has to come from within you. You've
shared a sad story - no one wants to see someone hurt or in anguish - so you
have to reach a decision about whether you can honestly rely on him to help
you heal. To be sincere, I doubt you can.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank-you Lorelyen!

Your reply was exactly what I needed to provide me with another perspective.
To answer a few of your questions...

I wouldn't know if the feelings are returned, I'm not sure he is even capable of opening up or letting someone in. So I trusted that I was not the right one for him, as ultimately I thought if someone wants to be with you, they show it and put in effort. Before any kind of bond is established, he detaches and runs away.

I have only met a few of his friends but on a mutual basis, not because he is introducing me to them.. I am very much kept seperate from his life. A few people he looks up to who he has told we have a connection, have told him his crazy for letting me go as they see me as good for him. This made me realise that I might not be seeing my worth. I disconnected for a long time and actually stopped thinking of him and even wondered how I was ever drawn to him but something guided me back.

Answering your question about if I can rely on him to help and to heal... No! I can't. Realistically, he created situations that bring up the pain and then I need to work through them, I am then in gratitude to him when I have done the work.

I guess I feel for him though, he is very insecure (not that anyone would know) and I think that's why I held on. I could feel his inner pain but I have since recognised it's not my role to protect him. I stood up to him for the first time yesterday and set clear boundaries, not even responding to his confusion and truthfully not wanting any contact anymore as it just takes up a lot of space.. I guess I'm ready to welcome a more nuturing and loving relationship in my life, one that is no longer one-sided. I instantly felt a shift in me.

My lesson has been to not get caught up in the labels or even spiritual connection but to keep honouring myself and moving in the direction of my own joy and certainly not lowering my reasonable standards for anyone who is not retuning the love.

Thanks again Lorelyen! I felt very supported by your words.
Xx