When evil is good and good is evil?

First – I've new here so, HELLO! I hope I have this in the right section. I guess I could be called a medium, that's the closest I can find. Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

Secondly – A little about me. I don't have many “good” dreams and the good dreams I do have are usually overlapped with something frightening. My dreams always take place at night, I have NEVER had a dream take place where it was light outside – the brightest it has ever been was like twilight. I'm spiritually sensitive but it's not as good as most people make it out to be. I found out I was sensitive because I was having energy drained, my moods would change and I could feel people around me that weren't there – I thought I was going insane and a pastor thought I was possessed. To be safe, I got checked out to make sure I really wasn't going insane which I was not. After that I caved to my pastors request and saw a spiritual therapist. She was licensed and everything but she also had extensive knowledge with demonology. I saw her for about six months, looking for “open doors” in my life or history but it was finally decided that I was simply sensitive and that would never change. Seeing her helped deal with everything but it didn't make anything go away.

When I was little, and had no idea that “feeling” people was strange, so it was easier to connect and listen. I always came across a familiar feeling in my dreams with a certain individual and it even stemmed to my day to day life. Then I became a teen and all of that went out the window – I labeled all of these people as imaginary friends and ignored the feelings.

Then, about six years ago the energy draining started. I thought I was just tired or sick but I always came back with a clean bill of health – with nothing else to do about it, I started downing energy drinks and shots which helped for a while. Then, just like when I was little, full personalities started to pop up. I don't know how to explain it but it's like walking past someone, looking at them and knowing things about them based on how they are dressed or how they talk. It's not like the personality would change me at all but I could feel certain moods and they would influence mine – like I would get tense, or scared, or worried etc. for no reason at all. One night I said that I wanted all of it to stop and everything to go away – as a result I ended up crying my eyes out because I felt this overwhelming sadness.

The feelings would be really intense sometimes and they scared the heck out of me. I thought I was mentally ill or under some kind of spiritual attack, that's why I talked to my pastor. At one point, it was so frightening that I was literally arguing with a psychologist, trying to convince him that I had one of the many disorders that I found on the internet – the only thing I got were sleep aids, which I didn't take.

I'm doing better now though but my dreams are getting more and more bizarre. I got the “personalities” down pretty well and they often coincide with my dreams but the moment I think I have a handle on what they may want, a curve-ball of a dream is thrown my way and it's almost like everything buzzes around me for a few days after I have it.

There are three people that are usually guaranteed to be around or in my dreams. There's my gentle monster, I remember him the most from when I was younger and considered myself closest to him. His feeling is truly odd, like he's evil but he's not exactly bad. I've had many dreams were he's portrayed as being horrible or viscous but I look forward to seeing him because he's comforting to me and he makes me feel protected. The best way I can describe his feeling is this, I know he's frightening to look at and he's almost threatening but I just want to hug him. I always feel a sense of calm when I'm around him or “talking” to him. It's weird but when I'm alone I do talk out loud to him, about my day or whatever else is going on my mind because I know he's listening and I know he cares.

Then there is the woman – she's flat out evil but she's portrayed as good. It's like she's dressed in really nice clothes and she looks really innocent and acts innocent but does and says horrible things. She doesn't frighten me but she does anger me and those dreams I usually wake up wanting to punch something. Think about the most vindictive, two-faced, conniving person you have ever met and then magnify that person by a hundred … that's how bad she is.

Lastly, there is the man and he's sometimes more maddening than the woman is. He knows the woman is wicked but he still listens to her. In my dreams he's always there defending the things she does or says – or he's comforting her when she gets her feelings “hurt”. He's also rather mocking of the “monster” and always makes a point to say something hurtful about him. He seems like a really nice guy but he directs his love in the wrong directions – like the woman is using him.


As odd as it sounds I often get the feeling that there is some kind of weird love triangle going on here. The man loves the woman and the woman likes to play the man but she shows affection to the monster to make the man jealous and to sway the monsters friendship with me.

I had one dream where the woman freaked out and was yelling at me – saying that I could feel her feelings and my feelings towards the monster weren't actually mine, they belonged to her so therefor the monster was looking for attention from her and not me and should just ignore me. She then proceeded to try killing me.

So, this is currently what is going on and it's been going on for a while. I don't mind my “Monster” - who I call Jason but I could do without the other two.

Every dream circles around these three but I never know what to make of it.

One of my most recent dreams was pretty bizarre, even by my standards. I was sitting in my room with Jason but I couldn't see him and we were talking. I was reclining on my bed and I assume he was too but then two faces popped up over the side of the bed, they were greyish blue and grotesque looking. They started to shout at us and Jason got frustrated and said “they follow us everywhere”. He made it clear that he was very distraught about the whole thing.

Then my bedroom door opened and there was a woman standing there in a white gown – she was very tall and very beautiful but I could tell Jason was annoyed by her intrusion. I didn't realize it then but the gown she was wearing was one that I said I would want to buy if I could ever be bothered to marry someone.

After she showed up then the man showed up and grabbed me by the throat – he forced me to open my mouth and my perspective changed to his perspective. Inside my throat there was an arm and hand sticking out. He reached in and pulled on the hand and the woman, the size of a barbie now, came out. She was really emaciated looking and almost brittle. He said I was killing her and draining her of HER energy. This made me really angry because I knew she was the one that was always draining me of my energy. Then the man said I needed to stop stealing her emotions because I was going to kill her.

The dream then switched and I was in a weird basement. There were two guys there and I think they were “Ghost Hunters”. I was looking for a way to talk to Jason better and they promised that they were going to help me. They connected me to some machine and asked me to start talking to Jason, so I did. I knew he was there and I really hoped that I would be able to see him – his appearance always changes in dreams so, even in a dream, I knew that I had never actually seen him.

I looked down at one of the guys feet and noticed that a red patch had formed there. The red patch grew and became a deeper red - almost black, and it looked like blood red stones were imbedded in his skin. I have trypophobia so the texture bothered me a little bit but I knew it was Jason so the anxious feeling didn't start up like it usually does. Then a loud voice, like it was coming in from outside the dream said, “We'll show her if you don't stop talking to her”.

I knew it was a threat and it made me angry because I knew it made Jason uneasy. I've always known that there is something about his appearance that he thinks will bother me. I don't know if it's symbolic or literal because their spirits and I have no idea if they even have appearances.

The dream switched again and it almost seemed like a reply to the threat. Jason and I were walking down a crowded street, his appearance was like an average guy but I knew it was him. We were happy and we were holding hands. Then, in an almost documentary sort of style the dream started to be narrated in a woman’s voice.

I have to stop here to say that the voice didn't belong to THE woman, the evil one, but a nicer one. She's one that I sometimes get a feeling from but she's not very prominent. She's stern and sometimes a little callous towards me but she still comes off as very motherly – just concerned.

Back to the dream. She said that “the girl” (me) has a disease that would kill her eventually if she let go of his hand and he would have a heart attack if he were to let go of hers”.

Then, in a rather animated way, I let go of Jason’s hand and skipped away – not even caring when he fell to the ground and began to have a heart attack.

I think this was a jab at me because I don't take things “seriously” enough, though it's hard to take something seriously when you don't know what is going on most of the time.

“The useless little tart will die without him.” - I remember her saying that VERY clearly.

Jason was able to get up and he walk away. I came back and started to look for him but couldn't find him anywhere. I came across a carnival and this is where I lost any hope of trying to understand what was trying to be conveyed. The man was standing at the base of a ride and I asked him where Jason went and he told me to look up. The ride was like a swing ride but it went really really high. Each person on the ride had a bag over their head with a smiley face on it, Jason was one of them. The man said “He went up, the gas in the bag will let him deepen his voice so he can at least pretend he's talking to his father and have conversations with himself, then he'll die when he inhales too much.”

After that I woke up. I still have no idea what the last part was about.

I hate to make this so long but I'll share the dream I had last night also because I think it was a threat. I was in an apartment complex and I was walking to my apartment. When I got to the door a man and woman showed up behind me. The woman faded away but the man started to talk to me as I fumbled with my keys. He kept inching closer to me and I knew that he meant me harm – I knew that the moment I opened my door he was going to rush inside and rob and kill me. I didn't say anything because I was afraid that he would kill me right then and there.

Then a dog showed up and I recognized it as being mine, even though I don't own a dog. It pushed itself between me and the man and I knew that it would protect me. I opened the door quickly and stepped inside. The man pulled a gun and shouted at me which made the dog attack him. He threw the dog off, outside my range of sight and pointed the gun at it and shot it. Even though I couldn't see, I knew the dog had been hit and I began to cry. I was afraid, so I shut the door and locked it but I knew the man would get through eventually. I ran and hid inside my closet, sobbing because I was scared and because I was worried about the dog.

The dream changed and I woke up in a cage. The floor was a metal grate and everything was covered in rust. I wasn't really scared but I did start to look around – in another cell I saw the dog and it was wounded but I got a feeling that it would be okay which made me happy.

And then I woke up.

I think the dog was Jason but when I first woke up there was a heavy influence that said that the man was Jason and the dog was the woman (the evil one) and she was just trying to protect me from Jason by luring him away.

Jason is my buddy so I find it hard to believe that he would ever do me any harm. Despite all these feelings that say the man and the woman are “good” and Jason is “evil” - I find myself rooting for Jason. He and his influence has majorly shaped my life. Because of him, when I was little I associated monsters with the misunderstood. I was the type of kid that would have been leaving cookies under the bed, insisting that whatever was under there was just hungry and needed some affection. This carried into my adult life – I've always rooted for the underdogs and people that need second chances. As a result I've been able to help and impact many people. All of this, just because I befriended the monster in my closet. Every person I see that needs help but is a little rough on the outside, I see Jason and I automatically love them.

The issue is the other two. I know the woman drains my energy, I can feel her but I don't know what to do about it.

I won't let Jason go but it seems like they'll stick around, particularly her, if I don't.

I know I may sound crazy but try to keep an open mind, eh?

What do you think?

Any advice? Am I crazy for trusting Jason and not the other two?

I wrote this the other day but I couldn't post it here yet because I hadn't been approved.

After writing this I've felt a stronger connection to Jason. I get the feeling that he likes that I talk about it but he also doesn't like that I talk about him - it's a very torn feeling.

I had a dream about it last night and I know it was his way of conveying that.

I was in a room with a foot of water on the floor. On one wall there was a giant screen and I was talking to people through it. Jason was there in the form of a shark. I sat down on the floor with him and started to "pet" him. He opened his mouth and tried biting my leg but I grabbed his upper jaw with one hand and his lower jaw with the other and pushed him away.

It didn't really scare me and I actually sort of laughed and asked "Why on earth are you trying to bite me?"

He flopped onto his side and gave me a look - it's hard to describe a shark giving a look but it was definitely a look. He said "Sharks bite, right?".

He said it in a satirical sort of way and I knew it had something to do with the people talking on the screen - even with his "meh" tone I knew he was still worried.

He's gotten this way several times before - there were a few times when I was talking to my counselor that I would actually start trembling because I could feel his concern and fear.

Last night, before the dream and before I went to bed I took a shower. I'm usually pretty scared of the dark but I felt compelled to turn off the light while I showered. I knew the feeling was Jason's so I complied and turned the light off. I could feel his presence very heavily in the room and it was okay at first but then there was a frightening feeling, like I suddenly needed to run. I wasn't sure what to do so I just stood there and tried to keep calm - he has never really scared me before. I kept still and the feeling dissipated into a calm feeling. It was like he was scaring me purposely to see if he could frighten me into turning on the light. It's really weird but I think he was affirming to himself that I saw him as a "good" guy and not someone to be fearful of.

I have no idea what I'm doing, I'll be completely honest. This is something that is simply part of my life and not something that I've ever researched or looked into. Which is why I'm, finally, here.

Have any of you had a spirit that's ever gotten this way?


Wow, I just re-read everything and I sound completely bonkers XD

Hahaha don't feel bad, I'm bonkers too:P

I get the feeling that Jason is the bad one, but that he does love you. It's possible he won't be able to stop himself from hurting you though. That could be where the shark thing was coming from. Sharks bite, monsters hurt/kill.. he can't change what he is.

[venturer]

If you want to work out exactly who you can trust you can do this: Next time you are dreaming and you see one of them, ask him/her if he/she is good or evil. They will all surely answer good and then you can ask him/her to prove they are polarized to the light by expressing it towards you. If he/she is actually telling the truth you will feel an overwhelming sense of loving energy eminating from him/her. I did this once when in meditation during a meeting with my higherself and the love I felt was so overwhelming I was very close to tears.

Just curious, do you ever meditate?

[Lynn]

Hello

How does it feel when one takes the brains thinking out of this and taps into the Gut feelings ? Take three deep breaths and ask the gut to reply to how you feel.

Grounding might help some as well as at times we feel a bit too open.

Lynn