Why am i taking this personally?

[OnceInALifeTime]

Hi all,

A few months back I wrote about this older guy at work who was acting inconsistent. He asked me to join for drinks when I started, I declined. He was rude of a year, then he asked again and I said no again. He kept being rude until December or so.

In December, there was an internal switch on my end and I started acting "nice" towards him. Then, for some reason, he disappeared into thin air at work - no emails, no communication, nothing in the past two months. We usually email each other at least 2/3 times a day & we've been working together for two years. So, this is rather unusual.

I sent him to work emails to which he replied rather rudely (no "hi"/dear/name/thanks), no salutation whatsoever when he clearly puts polite salutations to other people. In the past, he would always say something lke: "Hi, X" or "Thank you very much X". This time it was something like: "As per section 3.1 of blah blah" - No opening. He's never done this before. How complicated is it to use my name or a simply "Hi"? Ok, no big deal.

Then, I found out he started seeing someone (my age, so about 20 years younger than him) around the same time he "disappeared" from a work perspective. Although I don't find him overly attractive and I have never been attracted to older men, but I'm taking this personally. I'm jealous for one reason or another. I'm not entirely sure why because I dated guys my age who later found other girls and I was never jealous, except once when I was still in love with the ex in question.

I don't understand why I'm jealous of this girl my age he's seeing. It doesn't make any sense. I also don't get why he's been sort of "avoiding" communication with me/not addressing me at all. Honestly, I'm confused with myself.

I could have any other guy and I'm taking this non-situation with a man who's 24 years older personally. Really?

I'd appreciate some help.

Thank you!

Difficult to say. It would involve asking what could be interpreted as impertinent questions to get a little more information.

At least one possibility is that your original denial was for some superficial reason such as age difference or difference in the hierarchical level in the workplace (workplace romances are never a good idea particularly with people on different levels as when observed they raise issues among others in the workplace), but that below the threshold something had actually linked between you...one that surfaced as awareness you saw him as an option. So now he's turned elsewhere your attachment has been severed. However, you admit you turned him down twice, so....

I really don't know. Perhaps the attraction to an older man is about stability and reliability?

♥

[OnceInALifeTime]

Thanks!

Well, I was not attracted to him for his money or position within the company ... at all. The financial aspect didn't cross my mind once. Otherwise, I would always have an inclination towards older men, which has never been the case and probably will never be again. To this day, I'm only always attracted to men my age, never to older men.

The first time I turned him down, I was seeing someone. The second time, I'm not entirely sure why. Yes, the initial internal denial was due to 1. age difference 2. our work relationship.

Now, I see he's seeing someone who is 30 years younger than him, I'm honestly turned off completely. I'm seeing him through a different lense.
Yet, part of me is a bit jealous of this girl. Strange.