The Other Side of the TF issues

[Elysium]

Hello I was wanting to hear from someone that has been through all the twin flame turmoil and came out on the other side ok? It's hard to explain what I'm trying to say... umm... after it all settles down, you realize and internalize that you'll never be with them, what did you do? How did you go on?

I have yet to make it past 6 months without contacting my twin flame. Its very hard to not do that. I make a pact with myself to not do it again, then i start getting in this weird mood, and I contact her. Its like something else takes over me. Some other person that doesnt care about her life, and if she's still hanging on to this unhealthy bond. It sucks. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe hearing some good news is what I need right now. I'm really just feeling down in the dumps. I wish I could talk to someone the way me and her talked, sharing any thing we wanted to but I've shut myself off from people. :/

[Eternal Flame]

I've only just entered separation myself.

I decided yesterday, after contacting her higher self, and given the advice to 'let go and move on', to do precisely that.

Of course, she's the one who messaged me this morning. ha ha.

I'm now trying to drop all the Twin Flame community stuff. I'm trying to just think logically and do what I would do, if it's just a normal relationship.

It's hard. I am still processing. Being able to simply type this here is good.

At the end of the day life is not like the happy outcome of 'The Notebook'. Sometimes they choose the lesser relationship, because of money/looks/social status and that's the end of it.

We need to claim our power back, and our self respect.

my two cents.

[Elysium]

I agree EF. (hope u dont mind me calling you that )

ive been seperated from her since 2008 not by choice.

ive only made the decision to accept it and move on recently. i thought it would get easier the more time i kept accepting and moving on. then i have days like this where i dont even know who i am because i relate more to my lighter and more positive side. this dark side of me really throws me off. im still processing too.

it's true life isnt a fairytale.

i saw a picture of her and her current relationship. the two have different values, and its true it's only there because of money, looks, and social status.
my TF gets a thrill out of it.

anyway.. i lost my train of thought. im just really messed up today and not 100% here. ive been sleeping horribly, waking up 3 up to 4 times a night. i have this sleep issue called exploding head syndrome. it's where when you're falling asleep you hear an extremely loud sounds, it sounds like a real bomb going off it's so loud, but the mind creates it. then i have nightmares too.

i still have my good will though, so if ya wanna talk about anything let me know. thanks for replying

[lunapixie]

I’ve been through it all. Literally. So I know exactly what you mean and what you are describing. After we stop contacting them it’s like a piece of us is missing and every little sign seems to point us toward reconnection. I used to believe that the signs were guiding me back to him due to the sheer volume and impossibility of all the synchs that happened every day, multiple times a day. But they weren’t. Honestly, looking back I wish I would’ve been able to just sit and meditate around all the signs and synchs instead of just jumping to the conclusion that I needed to act upon them by contacting him.

Every.Single.Time I followed the signs they brought me nothing but more grief. Yes, it was and it continues to be an incredible ride watching reality shapesgift itself around this connection right in front of my eyes every day. For a while the signs seemed to disappear but I know better by now than to believe that they would stay gone forever. But the difference now is I’ve learned to sit with the reality of my 3D life which has never included him in any sort of truly meaningful way. It brings me great peace to observe all the synchs and not feel anything at all about them, no sudden impulse to message or text him or even look him up on the inter webs. Because I know what the outcome always is: he re-enters my life only to continue with his game of lies and deceit. I’m beyond that and so are all of us who have finally understood that the journey is all about us, not them.

The desperate need to contact them comes from a belief that they are the only ones who could soothe our soul and piece our hearts back together. But what I find interesting is that for years I kept wanting the very person that kept breaking my heart over and over again to come back because I kept hoping that he would see who we are, what we are. He, of course, never did. So I basically did it to myself, just as you are doing it to yourself. I know that no one wants to hear that and we tend to blame the force of this powerful connection for how we feel but that’s not true. What produces the reiectless craving for contact is our unhealed wounds from the past. Our vain attempts to bandage over our pain by bringing back this true love that chose out of their own free will to leave us.

If only they would come back, then I’d be whole.
If only they would come back, then I’d have some true value.
If only they would come back, I would finally know that I wasn’t rejected once again.

I believe that's why some “run.” Because of all the pressure of being this knight in shining armor/savior/redeemer. Who wants to be that anyway? They are also just trying to figure out their own way through life and here comes this incredible love that worships the very ground they walk on. And believe me, I did worship the ground he walked on, the air he breathed, and everything he touched and everyone he loved. But all of it came from a place of need at that time. Because I wasn’t fully well within myself and couldn’t disassociate my unhealed parts from that immense avalanche of divine love.

It all comes at you once and it’s up to you how you choose to navigate through. Ideally, the twin flame person would enter our lives after we’ve dealt with all our issues and are fully ready to embrace the magic and the profound experience. But it’s not like that.

The minute I began to choose myself above all others, including my twin, it was like someone pointed a huge flashlight at all his unhealed issues and I could finally see that there was never anything wrong with me as I used to believe for many years. I saw all his sadness, all his anguish, his inability to share this great, rare love with me and go instead where it was easier and less complicated. I saw his weaknesses and I was able to feel more compassion for him all while not giving him a free pass on his bad behavior.

I have a lot to say but the main thing is: if you are suffering, you are not living yourself enough. Take care of yourself as if you were a child under your care. What advice would you give 4 year old you in this situation? What would you do to care for your child self? Whatever that is, do it now! No twin flame can take as good care of you as you, yourself can. Not even with all the blatant telepathy that we experience could they ever come close to knowing exactly what we need and give it to us exactly how we need it. That’s our job!

I hope this helps a little. It’ll pass, the pain and the tears. Time is a great healer.

[ssdm1]

Elysium, I was in my early 20's at the time but I did move on from him. In those days we had no internet and knew nothing of twin flames, so I wasn't stuck in this.

I realized even if we were friends, he would always choose some other woman to be with romantically over me. I made up my mind to move on and I did. At first I still called him, he still stopped by on rare occasions. I actually wore a rubber band around my wrist and snapped it every time a thought of him came in my mind. That's how I did it. I was at a point in life of moving out of school into working and put all my energy into that. Met new friends, went out and eventually he was just in the very back of my mind, but no longing for him.

I would have dreams of him and those feelings would temporarily return, but I never wanted to find him. Until 2016 when through social media he reconnected with me and we've been in contact 2 years now. He's still always with some other woman romantically and it is still hard for me. But after 20 some years of no contact I am glad (most days anyway) that he's at least in my life some. I still long to be with him more and that's my biggest struggle.

So I'd say it is possible to move on, but if she is your twin she's always going to be in the background and there will be times of contact with her.

Also to add, even though I dated and had other relationships, I could never feel for those men what I felt/feel for him. It's just different. If you can accept that you can go on to have other romantic relationships.

Hope that helps some.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by lunapixie

I’ve been through it all. Literally. So I know exactly what you mean and what you are describing. After we stop contacting them it’s like a piece of us is missing an d every little sign seems to point us toward reconnection. I used to believe that the signs were guiding me back to him due to the sheer volume and impossibility of all the synchs that happened every day, multiple times a day. But they weren’t. Honestly, looking back I wish I would’ve been able to just sit and meditate around all the signs and synchs instead of just jumping to the conclusion that I needed to act upon them by contacting him.

Every.Single.Time I followed the signs they brought me nothing but more grief. Yes, it was and it continues to be an incredible ride watching reality shapesgift itself around this connection right in front of my eyes every day. For a while the signs seemed to disappear but I know better by now than to believe that they would stay gone forever. But the difference now is I’ve learned to sit with the reality of my 3D life which has never included him in any sort of truly meaningful way. It brings me great peace to observe all the synchs and not feel anything at all about them, no sudden impulse to message or text him or even look him up on the inter webs. Because I know what the outcome always is: he re-enters my life only to continue with his game of lies and deceit. I’m beyond that and so are all of us who have finally understood that the journey is all about us, not them.

The desperate need to contact them comes from a belief that they are the only ones who could soothe our soul and piece our hearts back together. But what I find interesting is that for years I kept wanting the very person that kept breaking my heart over and over again to come back because I kept hoping that he would see who we are, what we are. He, of course, never did. So I basically did it to myself, just as you are doing it to yourself. I know that no one wants to hear that and we tend to blame the force of this powerful connection for how we feel but that’s not true. What produces the reiectless craving for contact is our unhealed wounds from the past. Our vain attempts to bandage over our pain by bringing back this true love that chose out of their own free will to leave us.

If only they would come back, then I’d be whole.
If only they would come back, then I’d have some true value.
If only they would come back, I would finally know that I wasn’t rejected once again.

I believe that's why some “run.” Because of all the pressure of being this knight in shining armor/savior/redeemer. Who wants to be that anyway? They are also just trying to figure out their own way through life and here comes this incredible love that worships the very ground they walk on. And believe me, I did worship the ground he walked on, the air he breathed, and everything he touched and everyone he loved. But all of it came from a place of need at that time. Because I wasn’t fully well within myself and couldn’t disassociate my unhealed parts from that immense avalanche of divine love.

It all comes at you once and it’s up to you how you choose to navigate through. Ideally, the twin flame person would enter our lives after we’ve dealt with all our issues and are fully ready to embrace the magic and the profound experience. But it’s not like that.

The minute I began to choose myself above all others, including my twin, it was like someone pointed a huge flashlight at all his unhealed issues and I could finally see that there was never anything wrong with me as I used to believe for many years. I saw all his sadness, all his anguish, his inability to share this great, rare love with me and go instead where it was easier and less complicated. I saw his weaknesses and I was able to feel more compassion for him all while not giving him a free pass on his bad behavior.

I have a lot to say but the main thing is: if you are suffering, you are not living yourself enough. Take care of yourself as if you were a child under your care. What advice would you give 4 year old you in this situation? What would you do to care for your child self? Whatever that is, do it now! No twin flame can take as good care of you as you, yourself can. Not even with all the blatant telepathy that we experience could they ever come close to knowing exactly what we need and give it to us exactly how we need it. That’s our job!

I hope this helps a little. It’ll pass, the pain and the tears. Time is a great healer.

Thank you for the reply hun.

I seem to understand what you're trying to relay to me. I have understood this process for a long time. My issue is some energy around my crown chakra blocks me from moving on and into this moment. It's like my crown chakra holds on energetically to some past time that doesn't exist years ago.

While that energy is stuck up there, it doesn't let me process this moment right now as it is. I just have too much on my mind to put it simply it's just so complicated.

I'll be okay someday.

[Ghost_Rider_1970]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, where I too would like to share mine.

I regard myself to be so very fortunate as before I became spiritually aware I lived a wonderful life although albeit with a rather blinkered view. I then had my life turned upside down twice. The first is when I met someone so incredibly special in March 2013 who helped me on 'my search for the truth'. Although she lived in America and me the UK together we went on a magical journey of self-discovery. Where she helped me open my eyes to who I was, and to know the true meaning of unconditional love. From being so sceptical I opened my heart and my mind so I could explore everything spiritual without any inhibitions or reservations. I achieved so much. It even came to a point where we both felt in our heart of hearts that we were Twin Flames and I came to experience love and myself like never before. I was in heaven, in ecstasy. Where I could literally touch the stars.

The second time my life turned upside down was the moment she needed to follow her own life path in October 2015. To say I was heartbroken doesn't even come close. I had never felt pain like this, and I felt so completely lost. Not just at losing her, but losing myself and everything I had come to believe in. That said, I have never blamed her for making the decision she had to make for herself - and I never will.

Although not a day has gone by that I've not thought of her and how she is, I would never want her to feel any regret by doing what she felt was right for her. As while I was in total despair all I have ever wanted if for her to be happy in all she does. Where she is always welcome back in my life. However, knowing her the way I do, I really don't think I'll ever hear from her again.

So, after going through 2 years of healing I then had two choices.

The first was to denounce her and everything we built together. To regress to how I was before. The second was to build on the foundation of all our time together. To embrace her and everything I not only came to learn and understand, but to use my new-found faith so I could truly believe and experience.

Without any hesitation I chose the latter.

I then had a lot of difficult internal decisions to make so I could continue to evolve on my own life path - for myself. More so as some of these went against the core principals I had come to believe in. This included angels, spirit guides, near death experiences, astral projection, reincarnation, seeing God as a separate entity (after not believing in God at all). To realise that I am 'Source', 'Divine Energy' - 'God'. As is everyone and everything.

I came to see beyond labels and definitions, to see through the illusion of ego and false reality. So I could find complete balance and harmony in who I am. The 'real me'. This isn't to say that what we had with each other wasn't valid. If anything everything was perfect. As without her I would never have started my spiritual journey of self discovery so I could follow my own path to find out who I am. With my hand on my heart I really am eternally grateful for all her time and energy that she invested in me. Where she gave me the most magical platform that allowed me to finally awaken to my true self.

So much so, if I could have all my time with her again I would do so in a heartbeat.

While I will always look to learn, develop and grow - by becoming so in touch with my true self has allowed me to appreciate the incredible beauty of life. Like through the eyes of a child. To know that the purpose of life is to experience in wonderment. To feel myself as being the pattern of life rather than separate to it. That everyone and everything is this Universe - as am I. So, by living my life from the inside out as well as the outside in I feel the Universe flow into me as I flow into it. Where by using all my senses and being so mindful allows me to look on my past with happiness rather than regret. Acknowledge the future as destiny that we each create rather than being predetermined. To live life in the present moment in full adoration and appreciation.

I also came to understand how meditation is not about holding on but letting go. That it allows us to be at 'One' by getting in touch with actual reality beyond ego. That life and existence is a 'Happening', a cycle not of the 'Self' but of the Universe experiencing itself through each of us.

Following on from this appreciation I feel so very privileged as I've been able to introduce my way of 'Being' into all aspects of my life. Where within my personal life and working environment others have asked me why I act and think the way I do. They have been so receptive to my explanations that I was asked to hold health and wellbeing sessions that have been completely embraced by those attending with me always respecting their views, beliefs and opinions. By accepting them for who they are with me knowing who I am.

So while I am still moving forward - without the need to believe in spiritual concepts or constructs that can bring so much misunderstanding - I do so not in hope but in faith. Where not only do I feel I am where I need to be, but where I want to be.

Ghost

[happyhaunts03]

I've been separated from my TF for 12 years and have not spoken to him face to face, by phone, or by internet, in 10 years. Part of my growth I've had to do with myself came in the form of moving on. That sounds weird and it's hard to explain, but I was not in a place with my self worth where I could have successfully been with my TF. So, moving on involved learning to open my heart to others and trust. I hated myself for being the runner, so about 6 months into our separation, I vowed not to run from the next good opportunity that came up. I was all set to try to go back, but before that could happen, only one day later, my husband and I started dating because I promised myself not to let an opportunity get away. And I felt that night that he asked me out as if this was something necessary.

The hardest part of "moving on" with a TF is that they'll always be there in some way. So, you have to truly accept where you are and the lessons you've yet to master. You have to start thinking of your connection to your TF, your love for them, as being not about romantic feelings, but about wanting the other to be happy.

I spent 9 years learning this. Now, I feel like I could handle being near my TF again, but not in a romantic relationship. I'm starting to realize, or at least I think this is right, that a TF relationship is not necessarily romantic. I hate the word "unconditional" when referring to love, but the only way I can describe the transformation of love is that it's no longer about longing to be the one because you're already one. It's about loving in a pure form, only wishing for happiness and peace for one another.

[Ariaecheflame]

Getting into the flow of your life... aligned with the universal flow - it is truely a magical place to be.

The last few months and of course years have been a process of taking away all tue layers of illusion to get to the core of my being and then when I was done with all the big stuff - I started on the smaller stuff - basically I went through a process of removing every single veil between me and myself at the core.

That included every belief and concept I've ever held... I had to get back to being at peace with my own nothingness which was a scary prospect for a while until I was ready to fully submerge into the magic of this nowhere place.
This is when I realised I had stepped into the flow of my own life - that place where I am now rolling with the perpetual wave. My own personal wave... which starts to happen once I started setting my own rules for my life by following that inner voice.

I had to drastically reduce or cut distractions and obsessive thinking from my life in order to really feel my own voice... i had to get very silent... and curb my constant mind analysis... to simply just be... almost in an animal like state- the inner voice of authenticity... my inner voice... not swayed by other voices, other beliefs, others values for life... the voice is tailored for the blueprint of my life...It is quite subtle at first but with practice I am hoping it grows stronger the more listen to it.

This is where I became so free... free from all beliefs, ideas, constructs and was able to just be what I so desired... myself in the rarest and most natural flow of my life.
Where I create my reality according to my own rules... where my world is designed by the rules I make for my life...
I am not captive anymore... I love who I love but I am now able to honour myself and honour those who I love as well...
For what I know now to be true is that nothing which is mine is denied to me... anyone who is in my life is meant to be... but I am able to love without attachment... or controlling another what is right for them is right for me... I am able to love and honour the needs of another's spiritual journey...

This comes from a deeper place - there is a spiritual web which we are all connected through which our souls can speak to each other through - it can guage what is aligned to the authenticity in the moment...and then there is the physical part of communication - where things have to filter through and are often shaded over with fear or miscommunication or temptations of control.

Then there is flow... where you just trust the unknown mystery that is life and that belongs to magic.

And being in flow... everything becomes perfect because we become completely trusting

[Seenthelight]

I think I can say I am out of the other side, and have been for some time, albeit I still miss him.

I met him 10 years ago when I started to work with him. It was 5 months into that job before I realised the connection when I first saw him after he had been away for 2 weeks and I felt my energy refill. It was like his soul merged with my soul and I lit up from within. From that moment I was hooked. But I was married – happily – and couldn’t do anything with this connection. We grew closer, as friends. I could feel the pull from him too, whether he was aware of it or not. But he knew so much about me, sometimes it was like being the same person. I fought it, but it won. Two years later, I made the decision to quit because I just couldn’t stand it anymore. My priority was my husband and our life together. I can’t stress that enough. I know the man I have been with for almost 19 years is the man I am to spend my life with. It was never a question that I spent my life with this other man. Yet I couldn’t sever the connection.

I left my job, only to plunge a day later into an abyss. I fell into a deep depression, an empty shell. This was my awakening into who I am today. The struggle was damn real. I tried so many times to ‘let go’ but something – a bit something – within me, is still holding on. I got to a point though were I could step back and say it was as it was and I was happy with that. I had effectively ‘let go’ and ‘let be’. He is happy, so am I. That is what counts. I am doing the work I need to do, on myself. And he may well be doing the same. I know his life has changed quite a bit, we are friends on Facebook. I can only trust he has grown the way he needed to, at his own pace.

I am happy with my husband, I love him to the ends of the universe. But I do know that this connection to my ex co-worker will never go away. The fact that it is him, and no-one else, that this sustains over time despite me never actually wanting an actual romantic relationship. That I dream of him, feel him in my waking hours (quite strongly at times). I know our time will come – whether in this life or the next, or even the next.

Anyway – it gets easier over time. But the connection, I doubt it ever feels like it goes away completely. Some days I really wish to reach out to him – we live 5 minutes’ drive away and he works in the town I live in. Yet the universe keeps us apart for whatever reason. But I accept that is the way it is meant to be.