When People Withdraw Due to Serious Illness

[ssdm1]

Today I lost a friend to cancer. She had emailed me a while ago telling me she was very sick, then she refused contact. I have other friends who are the same, diagnosed with an incurable illness but rather than reach out to those who love them, who want to help and support them, they withdraw.

I find this difficult as I'm a very compassionate and caring person. If it were me I would want friends around me supporting me.

Why do people with serious illness do this? Why do the seem to push those close to them away?

Thanks for your thoughts.

[dream jo]

dnt i oofthng thng thy dnt wont 2 sea pepepel sea thm in pane or suffrin
sorry if im sayin wong thngss

[OEN34]

I'm sorry to read of your loss.

Perhaps they don't want to come across as a burden? It doesn't necessarily take a serious illness for people to shut others down, they do it as a way of protection in a lot of ways.

I'd say they didn't want to be a burden, trouble you with their problem(s), or some might actually just want to remain in a state of solitude as many actually find peace knowing they are leaving their body so find acceptance in it, thus go into solitude.

[Blue Tiger]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

As OEN34 said, they may not want to be a burden to anyone. Perhaps they just don't want to talk about their illness, or verbalize their impending death.

Then again, some illnesses and/or treatments take such a heavy toll on the patient that they may simply not have been able to muster the energy to participate in life any longer.

Sad, but when you feel horrible and weak and hopeless, even lifting your arm may seem like too much effort. Carrying on a conversation or typing might be totally draining emotionally and physically.

Try not to take it personally. Keep your friend in your heart and cherish the memories.

[Lynn]

Hello

There are so many reasons for this. Most times dealing with an illness takes so much out of you that you simply do the 'needed' self care stuff and that is all you can take on.

We to at times have a lot of family around or caregivers around that isolate the person that is not well from outside contacts. Feeling they are doing the best for the person.

We lost a very special member here, that too was a member of the SF Team of Staff, Adrienne she let some know that she was battling cancer but most of us lost touch with her near the end. There was no notice to members made by her as she was very private and we respected that.

It was actually a member that is not active now on site that let me know of her passing and the date of her passing. She is greatly missed here.

Lynn

[Tobi]

Blessings to Adrienne. Such a sweetheart with a cheeky sense of fun. She is much missed by many here.

My friend and neighbour passed in December. I visited and helped her sister care for her occasionally while she was at home in the last few weeks. One day I went to help, as her sister had called me (bit of an emergency situation) -and she looked completely upset about having to call me in to help. As if she were ashamed or something, of the condition she was in.
Even showing them it's okay and being loving doesn't help. There is a sense of a loss of basic dignity, which they can do nothing about.
For the last couple of weeks she was taken into hospital. There, she did not want anyone to visit, except her sister. She didn't want to have to try and hold a conversation, or have anyone see her like that.
I completely understood. I sent her prayers instead, asking Jesus to stand by her and help her through, even though she was no longer a religious woman, having lapsed years ago from Catholicism.
One day her sister spoke to me and told me she was now very bad indeed and hallucinating, as she had told her she saw Jesus standing silently beside her in the hospital room.
Don't underestimate the power of genuine heart-felt prayer even when it is not possible to physically comfort the person dying.

[dream jo]

Originally Posted by Tobi

Blessings to Adrienne. Such a sweetheart with a cheeky sense of fun. She is much missed by many here.

My friend and neighbour passed in December. I visited and helped her sister care for her occasionally while she was at home in the last few weeks. One day I went to help, as her sister had called me (bit of an emergency situation) -and she looked completely upset about having to call me in to help. As if she were ashamed or something, of the condition she was in.
Even showing them it's okay and being loving doesn't help. There is a sense of a loss of basic dignity, which they can do nothing about.
For the last couple of weeks she was taken into hospital. There, she did not want anyone to visit, except her sister. She didn't want to have to try and hold a conversation, or have anyone see her like that.
I completely understood. I sent her prayers instead, asking Jesus to stand by her and help her through, even though she was no longer a religious woman, having lapsed years ago from Catholicism.
One day her sister spoke to me and told me she was now very bad indeed and hallucinating, as she had told her she saw Jesus standing silently beside her in the hospital room.
Don't underestimate the power of genuine heart-felt prayer even when it is not possible to physically comfort the person dying.

shes a big miss hear

[linen53]

Pulling away is part of the dying process. You can't help them die. They need to withdraw from friends and family and prepare to leave this world.

https://www.crossroadshospice.com/ca...ional-changes/

[dream jo]

i no wen my anti wz on her her deth bed i cud not kiss her gud by coz my body wud not let me mov i seams 2 go stiff lk a statsiu it did
a
lady i luvd lk a 2nd mum i did
my body just gon on me
its why pepepel dnt let no 1 in
i no if i wz termly ill i wud not let pepepl no
i jus wud lk 2 go qurit wif no fus fuss
i wud lk peepepl 2 remr me is ok not ill

[linen53]

I'd go quietly to dream jo.