The wounds are fresh and raw

[Lavendercrandberry]

It's been 3 weeks since a person that I thought really cared and loved me "ghosted" me.

It still hurts everyday...It doesn't help any that we live in close proximity to one another.

It doesn't help that unless one of us passes or moves...we'll have to see and randomly bump into one another for the remainder of our lives.

No matter how many times I try to move on and think I'm making slight progress...All the emotions and hurt come flooding back...

I can't even enjoy looking out of my window as I often did to relax...because most of the time I do, I see him either coming or going.

My anxieties flare up and I have mini panic attacks when it gets closer to the time he is due home from work.

I feel used, ugly, disgusting, and disposable. Maybe it's my fault he lied and ghosted me.

I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture, country, and disabled..who's convient and lonely.

All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape, feminine, nicely styled, head full of hair, nice clothes, nice teeth etc... poloar opposites of me.

Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn't have dropped me.

It bothers me that he is unaffected. He's cheery and happy. Walks around smiling. Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. .

It doesn't help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he's home.

I feel bamboozled. I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me.

I had to endure a life of misery and pain, where's my happy ending to make up or convince me the suffering was worth it in the end??

Everyone that I've ever dated has done this to me. Pretended, ghosted me, some discarded me, and quickly got in relationships that lead to marriage.

I'm tired of being taken for a fool and a toy.

I guess I'm everyone's crash test dummy

I feel deep shame and embarrassment.

I love him very much and finding it very difficult to move on.

[Starman]

Forget about whose fault it is, finding fault will not help you recover from your pain. You cannot change him, you can only change yourself. Healing is a process, there is no instant pill which will fix this. Months or years from now you may learn from this situation but right now you are too close to it to see beyond it.

Find some people to hang out with, girlfriends, people at church or school, or family members, etc. Occupy yourself otherwise you will be sulking and preoccupied with what has happened. Love is a learning experience for most people, including your ex. Journaling, writing things down in a diary may help get the feelings out of you.

Right now, it sounds to me that, he is still inside of you. That is what happens in a close relationship; you let someone into your heart, into your core, and you have expectations that they will do the same for you, letting you into their heart. But that frequently does not happen. One sided relationships happen a lot.

I have a policy not to date any of my neighbors, people I work with, or will see on a daily basis; it just complicates things. If he never talked to you about breaking up that’s a sign of his immaturity and maybe it is best that you did not go deeper into the relationship with him. The other side of the coin is maybe you gave your heart too soon.

These are lessons which we all must learn. Right now you have to take care of your wounds; cry, get angry, but by all means try to slowly move on. This guy is not the only one out there for you, there are many others, and I have learned that the right relationship usually comes along when I am not looking for a relationship. I have to be comfortable with me before I can be comfortable with someone else; that includes not giving my heart to someone who may abuse it.

You are grieving and sooner or later you will accept what has happened and be comfortable with it. It is not the end of the world for you, its just a painful stepping stone towards, hopefully, something better. Now if he comes back and apologize be careful, don‘t give your heart right away; know the difference between love and lust, they both can be addictive, and you may go through withdrawal like from a drug, when either are taken from you.

Nurture inner peace within yourself.

[Maisy]

My early dating history is like I had others beg me to be with them but then I had crushes on other people. So I turned them down. But then I never got with anybody I had crushes on. One I talked into a date with me to a concert and then they ditched me at the venue to go be with their friends.

I learned to not chase others who are not interested and be grateful for the ones who were. I met someone into me and we have been happily together a long time. I think fate and karma will put us with someone we are supposed to be with. It's more about what's inside than outside.

What's that line from that song, "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with." And another song, "We don't always get what we want, but we get what we need."

I remember I had a very huge crush on someone in high school, sooooooo good looking, I was so in love, and I saw them at a high school reunion and wow, not good! They looked terrible. They never did have a good personality either way.

[Native spirit]

I would have to agree with Starman


Namaste

[astralsuzy]

Starman has very good suggestions with helping you. It is brilliant. I would do what Starman says. It will not be easy at first. Over time it will get easier.