unoffendable

Should finish my reply by the end of the week arive, 'bout 80% done.
Hopefully have time to repy to your last post too sound.

Hey bfwf, me likes the beautiful energy thing.
An apt description of what I feel when I look at all the good stuff that has been manifesting in me.

there's some things i wanna say , re your questions ... but i had a big 'personal expression' type of convo with daz the other night , and i'm feeling a bit like theres too much of 'my' sh!te around boring people to death

but i will , for the question actually made me stop in my tracks and contemplate.

blessings to you and yours mate.

arive nan. A most wonderful post of a most successful road test. I admire you for testing these principles and appreciate you sharing your indepth findings and thoughts.
I have been getting into your experience and subsequent thoughts of it for over a week now.

Because I live in an unoffendable state, my position is different to some of the thoughts you have derived from your road test.
It may seem my sole purpose is to defend my position, oppose yours, prove you wrong, me right and all manner of disputive advarsarial things.

Ahh, no. I am simply speaking with confidence and enthusiasm developed from many road tests I have conducted over the years.
My motivation is to joyfully speak of this most wonderous state, to show you it's possible and how,
and encourage you to take the required time to go see for yourself as one road test is just the beginning of the self discovery journey.
Hopefully my writing reflects these reasons

Remember, it has been a 10 year journey over many glorious mountain tops and many dark painful valleys for me to go
from a life severely crippled by offendability to an ever expanding life of joy, empowerment, understanding, wonder and love.

It's coming up to 3 years now since my last major paradigm shift, and I still to this day, from time to time, stop doing what I'm doing,
look around at the world and inside myself and joyfully shake my head and utter, "No freakin' way, how awesome is this!"

Like the Mitsubitshi ad from many years ago said, please consider.
Please consider my point of view simply as a different point of view and not that of an opposing advarsarial one.
Not one position is right and the other is wrong, simply two different views.
Not as a challenge to yours, but simply an enthusiastic, "Hey come look at it from over here if you wanna, the view is breathtaking!"


Well arive. It took a while but 'tis finished. Here is my labor of love for you.

Little did I know what you have shared would evoke so much exploration.
Some may, in light of how forums are, complain and moan of the size of my post, and demand I write smaller ones.
I've never been one to follow social norms so I shall offer no apology for writing a huge post.

However, I do offer an apology for how tiny this post is, the incompleteness of it, it's vaguity(haar, a new word) and omissions...many stones were left unturned.
Comparitively speaking, yes, this is a huge post, but comparitively, to what I have left out, these posts are but the tip of an infinite iceburg.


Reply to arive nan: Part 1 of 6.

I have taken these principles out for a bit of a spin. For the most part it has been brilliant. I’ll start by saying that. A friend of mine made a statement in our online group that hit a nerve with me. It was said to everyone, but it was an insult that applied to a large number of people including me whether he was thinking of me at the time or not. I felt hurt, because he knows it applies to me for one thing and it was unreasonable for another. He was arguing with someone who had a controversial viewpoint and insulting her profusely and included statements that negatively judged everyone who was not speaking up to throw insults at this girl and everyone who doesn’t speak up to throw insults at people like her in general.

: It hit a nerve in you. A wound you already carry that he has bumped into.
Consider the difference in pain if he intentionally and unintentionally bumped into you.

Consider the different thoughts and feelings you would have if someone tripped you and you fell and hurt yourself:
if that person tripped you on purpose, or they simply misjudged their step and tripped you accidently,
or they were in a joyful silly moment and were careless, or they were playing a practical joke, or they tripped and stumbled thus tripping you, or they were deeply worried about some issue they were having and were oblivious to their surroundings...

If your thoughts and feelings of each variation of the same incident is different, then this shows that your response to life is subject to external circumstances.

But it's not the circumstances that dictate what thoughts, feelings and actions you will have.
It's your evaluation of the circumstances that create all those. How you interpret and label each thing.
And if you are the walking wounded, the wounds will influence your evaluations.

: The insult...the friendly dog bites.
From what you have shared of the actual incident, I'd say this guy has a lot of inner conflict, turmoil and pain.
What impact upon his life has another's viewpoint? None.
Why then, the torrent of abuse toward someone, and others? Hurting people hurt others.
The girl with the controversial viewpoint, in offering it, had bumped into your friend's wound(s), his pain erupted and was translated into abuse of others.

: Re: you felt hurt because he knows it applies to you. Not defending him, just hilighting this principle.

When a person is upset, lost control because they are in a tumultuous sea of emotions,
they forget all manner of things and it's not until the storm has subsided that they remember.
For you, being in a calm rational state, you can see what's going on, you know he knows it applies to you,
but he, in an unrational state, can actually lose sight of these things.

Inner pain, like physical pain, can make one close ones eyes to things. Temporary blindness, forgetfullness, etc.
Maybe within the incident he knew/remembered it applied to you and maybe he didn't. The only way to be sure is to ask him.
To bring it to his attention. To discuss it. Otherwise it will remain speculation.

Going into a rage:
The very reason one goes into a rage is because all rationality, respect, politeness, etc is switched off and the volcano that has been bubbling away for most of their life, erupts.
To go into a rage, one has to leave a state of calmness.

Volcanoes vent to release pressure. People with a lot of issues need to vent when the pain accumilates to an unbearable level.
What do you do when you cut your finger? You say, "ouch". You express the pain you feel. You vent.
What purpose does it serve you to say "ouch" when you have cut yourself?
Understand that and you will have more understanding why others yell and scream.

Your friend, the volcano, has a lot of pain to express.
In no way am I saying his method of expressing his pain was beneficial to himself or others, afterall,
his method has now triggered pain in others. I'm just sharing maybe why he was abusive.

And when the volcano erupts, it's just like 'round a bout rage'...no reason to take it personally.
The volcano is erupting because it needs to vent, not because it wants to hurt anyone.
When in a rage, a person becomes somewhat unconscious of their surroundings, who they may hurt.
All they see is they are in pain and they need to vent.

How conscious a person is of their actions and the consequences of their actions is unique to each person.
This is why it's important to ask and find out exactly why a person has done or thought so and so.
In this way, you're not basing your conclusions from past experiences.

Two people can produce the same actions and words, yet have completely different reasons and motivations for doing so.
"Don't judge a book by it's cover", translates into don't judge a person by their actions or words.
Deeper inside this person, beyond the surface abusive insultive behavior lies the real reason they are being rude.

Yes, no reason to take it personally. However, it's the wounds one already has that bypass that reasoning.
The triggering of the hurt, being bumped into, can manifest such strong emotion in the blink of an eye,
that it swamps all rational thought that is saying there is no reason to take it personally.

This 'being disproportionally swamped by a torrent of thought and emotion mechanism', in relation to tiny incidents
is what I have discovered within myself as I explored the workings of the depression I used to be afflicted with.

I have the boxed set of The Lord of the Rings.
I actually watch the making of the movies more than the movies.

In the first movie, there is the scene of the original battle of the humans and elves against the armies of Mordor.
In the wide shots, all of the soldiers of both sides are all computer generated.
The program that makes up these soldiers is called Massive - because the armies are so massive and most importantly,
each soldier has it's own unique fighting characteristics.

In the doco, there's a guy in front of a computer and he's showing one pre rendered soldier in a virtual flat landscape.
This soldier can walk and do most movements a human can do, so by the time it's rendered in the movie, it looks like a real person.
Each soldier is preprogramed to fight an enemy soldier so that when the fight scenes are being developed,
the soldiers fight automatically and the programers can focus on the million other aspects of creating the fight scenes they have to do.

Left alone, the soldier, preprogramed to fight, just stands there, but when an enemy soldier is introduced and the enemy soldier hits him, he hits back.
This then causes the enemy to hit back and this then causes the soldier to again hit back.
This 'you hit me so I will hit you' loop will continue till one of the soldiers is dead.

Human minds are similar to these virtual soldiers.
In the context of verbal fights, if one is hurt by another, the common response is either one hurts back or one hurts themself via self abasement.
The loop is created and perpetuated by being hurt. If one did not feel hurt, one would not respond.
No pain, the loop is broken.
Accept the insult, the intent to hurt, and you will hurt, the wound will be created.
Do not accept the insult, the intent to hurt, and you will not feel hurt, the wound will not be created.

This is why I was so amazed when the street preacher was hurling all that abuse at me.
It had no affect on me whatsoever. And with the loop broken, instead of feeling pain, anger, hatred, you name it...
instead of all those, I simply had compassion on this man for all the pain he was carrying.

Just like the virtual soldier, a person has programs upside their head that control their behavior, responses, feelings, etc.
Wounds are simply programs made up of and or created and perpetuated by, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions of one's experiences.
Change or remove the program and the wound heals.

Once the wound is healed, no amount of insults directed at you will produce any pain in that area again.
And because you no longer are focused on your own pain, you can then focus on the other's pain and offer assistance to help them heal their pain,
and before you can say, "Bob's your uncle", the world is awash with peace, love, unity.
( Haar...I so don't understand how people have come up with these weird time related sayings: "Bob's your uncle" ; "When the cows come home" ; When the fat lady sings" ; etc.)

The mind is full of programs but a person is not the sum of all these programs. The person is the programer of themself.
This is one of the biggies that I realised in 2009 after I found myself cured of depression.
My 40+ years of hellish depression was created and perpetuated by the programs(beliefs, thoughts, etc) I wasn't aware I was choosing to have in my head, with a strong emphasis on "I wasn't aware".

To have and to hold till death do us part.
How easily people divorce themselves from their husbands and wives, but how difficult it seems to divorce oneself from oneself.
To remove and let go of beliefs and thoughts that adversely affect one's quality of life.

By removing and/or changing these programs, I no longer have depression. I am healed of that illness.
Same with being hurt by others. I have removed or changed the programs that created and perpetuated my wounds.
No more wounds = all healed = unoffendability.
And in that state, compassion and understanding for the "abusive" people has clear passage through me where once wounds resided.

Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark

Volcanoes vent to release pressure. People with a lot of issues need to vent when the pain accumilates to an unbearable level. What do you do when you cut your finger? You say, "ouch". You express the pain you feel. You vent. What purpose does it serve you to say "ouch" when you have cut yourself? Understand that and you will have more understanding why others yell and scream.

This is why Wilhelm Reich prescribed frequent masturbation.

Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark

Yes, no reason to take it personally. However, it's the wounds one already has that bypass that reasoning. The triggering of the hurt, being bumped into, can manifest such strong emotion in the blink of an eye, that it swamps all rational thought that is saying there is no reason to take it personally.

Your reasoning sounds a bit like The Four Agreements.

Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark

( Haar...I so don't understand how people have come up with these weird time related sayings: "Bob's your uncle" ; "When the cows come home" ; When the fat lady sings" ; etc.)

Usually, they have derived from more literal translations over time.

Reply to arive nan: Part 2 of 6

If I were someone who had never been hurt by a person who wanted me to hate and insult the people he hates before I would have had a different perspective.
This friend is not someone who would want to be hurtful towards me and he wasn’t very serious about this. But I was quite disturbed.
Some very old wounds were irritated and I started to fear that he is like those others who had hurt me in the past, which is what I always wonder when someone does something that reminds me of them.
I was angry that he would try to shame people, including me, into throwing profane insults at someone because he felt offended by her.
I did speak up to say, without profanity, that they are both being illogical idiots. Then I later told him in private that I don’t share her controversial viewpoint. It took some bravery for me to start that conversation.
I was still afraid that this guy would be doing a complete 180 in his behaviour towards me like others in the past have done. I fretted about it, then consulted my cards.
Then when we chatted he was acting like his normal self towards me.

Then when we chatted he was acting like his normal self towards me.

Your friend, his volcano had done venting and he returned to his normal calm state.
This is the whole theme behind The Hulk.
Mild mannered person becomes angry and turns into a monster who goes on a rampage, goes into a rage.
When the venting is done, person returns to being mild mannered.
The Hulk's problem is he was deeply infected with Gamma rays. In the real world, people are deeply infected with wounds.

I was still afraid that this guy would be doing a complete 180 in his behaviour towards me like others in the past have done. I fretted about it, then consulted my cards.

You have created, from your past experiences, a conditioned response, an automatic response of fear whenever you experience similar events.
You had no knowledge of how he would behave, but you responded as if you did. See the repetative cycle, the loop of fear and pain?

This friend is not someone who would want to be hurtful towards me and he wasn’t very serious about this. But I was quite disturbed.
Some very old wounds were irritated and I started to fear that he is like those others who had hurt me in the past, which is what I always wonder when someone does something that reminds me of them.

Your level of disturbance, your pain, was more than that incident warranted, according to your own evaluation. It was disproportionate.
And as you are already aware, as you have shared, it's because of the wounds you already carry.

I had found within myself that when I used to experience a mildly uncomfortable incident...
at such blistering speeds as to give the impression that it happens instantly,
I was searching my memory banks of my whole 40+ years, finding similar experiences,
accessing the painful feelings and thoughts, fears etc, associated with these past similar experiences,
adding them all up and attaching it to the current mild incident.
Hence the feelings and thoughts I was having for this current mild incident was way out of proportion.

The "making a mountain out of a mole hill" concept.
Such is the power of the mind. Imagine when one has regained control of this power.

As my self awareness grew, I could begin to see these processes taking place instead of not being aware of them.
Ah, that's why my feelings are out of proportion. That makes sense. I see the connections now. I see the logic. I have gained understanding of myself.
I began choosing to not attach the past with the present. I still freely access the past for evaluation purposes, but I have stopped the attachment process.
Coupled with that, I have removed the pain from all past experiences, one by one...healed the wounds.

If I were someone who had never been hurt by a person who wanted me to hate and insult the people he hates before I would have had a different perspective.

You acknowledge past hurts influences your current perception. Hurts of the past = wounds of today.(if one has created and kept the injury)
If only...yes, if only we could go back and not have been hurt.
I so hear ya arive. I spend many many years wishing many things didn't happen.
Of course, a futile exercise, but it's a most wonderful desire, to be pain free. It's just a bit misdirected in it's execution.

It's impossible to go back into the past and change circumstances thus removing the pain from one's present life.
However, one doesn't have to go back into the past to remove one's present pain.
The past was the incident, the past was when you felt the pain, the incident is long gone but you still feel the pain today...why?
Because there is now a wound, and everytime you remember the past incident, whether through reminising
or a present incident triggers the memory, the pain manifests.

The wound has been bumped into, touched, triggered.
This pain is present because the wound is still there.
At this moment, now, the present, this is when and where the wound can be healed.
Going back into the past helps one understand how the wound was created, but the healing is done to the present wound.

If these wounds are not bumped into, they are next to unnoticed. To be precise, there are various levels of awareness of the pain.
Sometimes a person lives with constant but tolerable pain, so much so is the consistency that they don't even classify this pain as pain, they may classify it as a personality trait.

Another may have a coping mechanism that buries the pain so deep that it's not felt at all.
The pain may not be felt, but the wound is there, as potent as the day it was first made and all it needs is a little bump and, ouchies !
There may be an awareness of them, but hey, they aren't producing life affecting pain at the moment so why be concerned about them.

Regardless of the differing levels of awareness of pain, there is still a wound.
The pain is not the problem, the wound is. The pain is simply one's own warning system that alerts oneself that there is a problem that needs fixing.

Pain is one's friend. Granted, it's not an enjoyable friend...and that's a big "granted",
but if it were enjoyable you would not change what needs changing.
If it were enjoyable you would welcome and want more of whatever it is pain was alerting you to.
And there is already a system in place that does that, it's called pleasure.

Without the benefits of pain, one would die earlier than usual, or suffer longer.
If you cut yourself, but felt no pain, you could bleed to death.
If you ate a burrito and you did not feel stomach pains and vomit, you could die of food poisoning.
Inner pain works exactly the same way.
And I speak of my own experiences, for many years I avoided my inner pain like the plague.

Pain: Hey, houston, we have a probl...
You: ARGH, GO AWAY !!!
Pain: No seriously, you need to fix this thing.
You: Not listening, not listening, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine.
Pain: Look, see over here, a wound, you just need to...
You: Go away you're upsetting me!
Pain: Hey, I'm just the messenger, trying to alert you to a problem that needs fixing so you can have a better life,
a problem that you have the innate ability to fix...I'll be back..and I'll keep coming back till you fix it.

Pain is one's own life preserving warning system. And the reason why it's painful is to get your undivided attention.
It's in your face for a reason. It's because what it's alerting you to is important, and if not sorted it will produce dire consequences later on in your life.
or perpetuate the dire situation you are already suffering in.

Physical pain is dealt with fairly proactively, inner pain however, is shunned from.
Instead of classifying pain as an enemy, treat it a close and loving friend.
Oh, hello pain, what's that, I have a problem with people who cut me off at round a bouts...quick, to the bat cave!
X amount of time later...Woo, sorted, and I feel more alive, thanks for the headsup, pain.
Just doin' my job AC, just doin' my job.

"Mindfulness refers to keeping one's consciousness alive to the present reality. It is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Restoration work is to make repairs to that which is damaged, to return it to it's original undamaged state.
If you break a bone, you are now in a damaged state.
The body, an aspect of the self, and a wonderous reflection of the inner self, repairs the damage and restores the bone back to it's undamaged state.
No need to wish the break never happened, go back in time to avoid the incident.

The bone, several weeks of restoration work and it's is as if it was never broken.
Your life is no longer influenced, affected by the broken bone because the bone is completely healed, restored to it's original condition.

Soul restoration is somewhat similar but one needs to be conscious and aware, acknowledging what's damaged(the wounds),
and through understanding, one changes or removes things till the original state is restored.

What is a person's original undamaged state? The person discovers this within the restoration journey.

To master oneself, is to go from being influenced and thus controled/manipulated by externals,
to a state of being in total self control where one consciously chooses one's thoughts, feelings and actions independently of externals.

Externals being situations and other people, and to a deeper degree, one's own thoughts and feelings distorted by wounds.
Healing one's wounds is part of this self mastery.

I was angry that he would try to shame people, including me, into throwing profane insults at someone because he felt offended by her.
I did speak up to say, without profanity, that they are both being illogical idiots. Then I later told him in private that I don’t share her controversial viewpoint. It took some bravery for me to start that conversation.

I understand your reaction arive, but look at what you have said about him, "he felt offended by her."
If you are angry because he has offended you, equally, shouldn't you be angry with her for offending him?
What if you were the type of person who could be insultive toward others...in your anger,
could you not also insult back because you were offended?
You can see the "you hit me so I will hit you" loop.

Why were you offended? You state one reason is because of your wounds being bumped into by his words.
Isn't it the same for him, his wounds were bumped into from what she said.
If he had no wounds, he would not have lashed out at her because you did say that if you had no wounds
your perception of the whole incident would have been different.

In this light, leave these type of thoughts for a moment, "who started all this?", "who's to blame?", "who's the baddie?", "who's at fault"
and look at it from this point of view...
Who has wounds that need healing? Everyone.
Oh, that's why people are nasty, they're in pain, just like me, but they express it outwardly far more than I would, it's expressed differently.
If you did not have your wounds, and anger did not manifest, can you imagine what different thoughts and actions you would have/take?

We are all struggling in the same quagmire trying to get free, and sometimes people step on each other to try to free themselves, some more than others.
One planet, one people, all screaming out in various ways, "Help, how do I get out of this hell I am in?!"

I admire the courage you have to confront your fears and go beyond your safe zone arive.
It's one of the vital attributes one needs to self heal because in order to heal one's wounds,
one needs to constantly leave one's safe zone and go into the dark painful areas of one's psyche.
I perceive from what you have shared in your post, that you harbour a decent amount of fear of these types of situations and you have suffered much pain from them.
So I say again, I admire your willingness to confront these areas, as facing a fear is one of the biggies in life.

I have two fav experiences of facing fear.

Fear incident 1:

1997ish. I was in the middle of my 7year grieving process of my wife leaving.
Just began reading psych books. I was still in a lot of pain and turmoil but was making headway.
One day I come home from work, my estranged wife had parked her car in my driveway, I was incensed by her familiarity with me considering she now has a boyfriend.
Add to this, the boyfriend was under the bonnet of her car, trying to start it.
Not a pleasant sight to come home to after a long day at work.

I get out of the car, my then wife acts as if this scenario is quite normal and there is no reason for me to be emotional about it,
after all she's happy she left me and has a boyfriend, so I should be happy too.

As I walk toward the front door, taking some of my work stuff inside, I notice her boyfriend has a friend with him...the human aircraft carrier.
This guy is ginormous, and the look on his face shows he knows how big he is and enjoys the power he has and is looking for any opportunity to express this power.

I make a few trips back and forth to the car, containing my emotions, not because of the presence of the aircraft carrier, but as an introvert, it's the natural way I process.
My wife is all smiles and wants to chat like we are still happily married, I mildly lash out in an inexperienced attempt to convey to her how insensitive and idiotic her happy behavior is toward me considering the situation of our broken relationship.

Then, the sun disappeared. The aircraft carrier, who was one second in my driveway, was now standing on the road next to my car, inches from my face.
I enjoy shade on a hot day just as much as anyone, but I was not enjoying the reason why I found myself in shade at this particular time.

This guy, I thought was big when I saw him over at the other car, but standing right in front of me, the sun totally blocked out...oh my!
What did he do next? He introduced himself and put out his hand for me to shake.
Uh oh...brain failing to comprehend the situation...does not compute...why does he want to introduce himself after I lashed out at my wife?

Apparently he likes to meet the person he's going to kill, some sort of politeness or moral code human aircraft carriers have...who can say.
Anyways...he's pleasant enough, but after the intro, then he begins his warm up procedure before unleashing his guns.
Guns being those massive tree size things hanging loosely on either side of his body, the ones with sledgehammers attached to the ends.

He started defending my wife because of my outburst...he didn't see her as my wife, he saw her as his best friend's girlfriend, that's why he defended her.
So, he begins his verbal provocation, as apparently, another code of conduct of human aircraft carriers is, he will only kill a guy who threatens him.
At the moment he's only in defense mode, he can't go into attack mode unless he himself is being attacked.

I did not know this at the time. I only figured out all this stuff much later...while washing my underpants.
Was I in fear? ~gulp~ Oh yeah, immense fear as soon as the sun disappeared. I was packin' it non stop.
I had lived with many fears for most of my life, physical violence was one of the big ones.

So, I'm ignoring his provocations for various functional and dysfunctional reasons.
Each time I come back outside to collect more stuff from my car, he ups his intensity which, in turn, increases my fear.
He now is beginning to physically stand in my path from car to house, he so wants me to give him the go ahead to kill me.

I'm inside, my heart is pounding, I think...if I stay inside, I'm safe, I don't need to collect my stuff, I can do that later after they have fixed the wife's car and they have left.
But then I also notice the thoughts of...if I stay inside I am running away like I always have, I will be adding to the cowardice that I do not like of myself.
(I have never had any desire to be violent toward another, but in doing so I developed a mindset that I wasn't allowed to defend myself, hence the tumor of cowardice)

Yes, I won't get hurt, but how much inner damage is cowardice doing to me?
This was the first time I was totally conscious of deciding to face a fear.
The feelings of fear was so intense that it was physically hurting me, but deeper in I could see the empowerment, joy and freedom that awaited me if I chose to be brave and face this fear.

I went back outside, and I continued to remain outside till all my work had been done and I was satisfied I had faced my fear enough to break it.
That was a most remarkable day. Absolutely, one of the scariest of my life, but also one of the most enriching.

Fear incident 2:

2008. I'm at the psych ward. A couple of days after my suicide attempt.
I'm still in a somewhat dazed and shocked state, wondering how I came to be in the psych ward.
I was conscious of the decision to admit myself in as a patient, but I was unclear as to the steps that occured for me to actually be here.

I couldn't see the logical steps of events, decisions and thoughts that led me to being here. I could only see some of them, thus things didn't add up.
So, for those few days, I calmly explored inside, looking for these connections, the missing links.
Just like the brilliant Talking Heads song, "This is not by beautiful wife? This is not my beautiful house? How did I get here?"

And then I saw it and began laughing at how powerful yet simple this thing was that lead me to the wonderful experience I was beginning to have at the psych ward.
A light bulb moment, a revelation, a realisation. I verbalised it in my mind.

"The only way to overcome the fear of asking for help, is to ask for help."

I looked at it and verbalised it again, and looked at it again...yep, the logic is sound.
Not only was the logic sound, but the understanding of how to remove all fear from my life was shining brightly before me,
and the key to removing that vast complicated and painful mess was one...one uncomplicated process.

I tip my hat at you arive, for being brave.

In regards to people behaving illogically:
For many years, especially during my late pre teen and teen years, most of reality did not make sense to me.
I spent a good deal of my life trying to figure out if everyone else was insane or I was.
Made all the more difficult as you can see by me thinking I might be the one that was insane. How can an insane person work anything out.

Why did he do this to me, why did she say that to me, what were the guys on the Enola Gay thinking during their mission, why do I feel so ill around pretty girls, why does mum answer my enquiries with, "Because a bee isn't a wasp!"?
What is this mental asylum I find myself in? If I am in a mental asylum, this means I am insane, or I'm visiting, or I work here, I just don't know...I can't figure it out.

Many many moons later I have come up with these set of rules regarding mysteries, unknowns, weird stuff, things that don't make sense, illogical things.

1: Everything has a logic process to it. No exceptions.
No matter how illogical something appears, look into it and you will see the logical process, the mechanisms that drives it.

2: If I can't see the logic, it's not because there is no underlying logic to it, it's because I cannot see the logic.

3: I cannot see the logic for these reasons.
It is either hidden from my sight or, my current level of sight is not capable of seeing what is directly infront of me.

On my journey so far, it has always been my level of sight that is the reason why I could not see the logic of a thing.
My current state of unoffendability is attributed to the increase of my sight.

This type of sight is generally referred to as Insight - in-sight, the ability to see in, in to a thing, see beyond the surface.
A light bulb moment, a revelation, a realisation, to me, is simply when one can see the logic of a thing.
Oh, now I see, now I understand. This happens because of this connecting to that and it produces XYZ.
This understanding, this comprehension, is this inner sight, this Insight.
Now I see why I get upset at round a bouts, now I see why pretty girls make my heart go boom boom.

Enlightenment, this thing that has been put, by many, way too high on a pedestal, so high that only a few can reach it,
this Enlightenment is merely a continuous accumilation of light bulb moments.
The more light bulbs, the more illumination, the more one is en-lightened.
Enlightenment is simply illuminating more of self, becoming more self aware.
And you become more self aware by going inside and having a look.
Anyone can be enlightened, Enlightenment however...I have no idea what this lofty thing is that others speak of.

Am I unoffendable because I have obtained Enlightenment through some mystical spiritual practice? No.
I am unoffendable because I have spent years exploring the depths of my being, those dark painful no go zones,
gaining understanding of the mechanisms that produced specific feelings, thoughts and behaviors,
realising I had created them and thus realising I can change them.

Healing is manifested through change. Change - to go from one state to another. In order to heal, one has to change something.

The very act of me going into myself brings light to those dark areas.
This act of illumination produces the condition to see more, which produces understanding, which then enables me to heal that which is wounded,
enables me to change the process/mechanisms that are the foundation/source of my wound, my pain, my imbalance, my dysfunction, my disease, my insanity, my illogical behavior.

"Mindfulness refers to keeping one's consciousness alive to the present reality. It is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Reply to arive nan: Part 3 of 6.

I still felt bothered by the whole thing. We became friends because I thought he accepted me the way I am.
Now the way I am is not okay because I don’t like to swear at people he doesn’t like and verbally attack them?
I was trying to figure out how seriously to take that and feeling confused and hurt.
So I tried to apply some of these principles to the situation. Hurting people hurt others.
This girl’s own insults weren’t the problem. It was the controversy involving a sensitive topic and her willful ignorance of how her viewpoint is disrespectful towards a large number of grieving people. I won’t go into detail.
My friend doesn’t know how personally I take it when someone in any way sounds like they are trying to get me to become a weapon for them.
He just knows he wanted more people to join him. He’s not fully aware of what he’s doing or why it is a problem. I could feel a bit less angry and hurt when focusing on that.

I still felt bothered by the whole thing. We became friends because I thought he accepted me the way I am.
Now the way I am is not okay because I don’t like to swear at people he doesn’t like and verbally attack them?

And what is your answer to your question arive?

I was trying to figure out how seriously to take that and feeling confused and hurt.
So I tried to apply some of these principles to the situation. Hurting people hurt others.

I am a but unclear as to what you are expressing here.

Are you saying you were trying to figure out how seriously to take it and also how much you were going to feel confused and hurt or,
are you saying, within your confusion and hurt, you were trying to figure out how serious to take it?
I'm leaning toward the latter but I'm not quite sure, hence the enquiry.

All principles do is give one a path to explore. You may find the answer on that path and you may not.
Principles aren't the answer, they are the means to which an answer is found. Principles are tools for exploring.
Applying one or several principles, produces information. This information may be the answer you seek, or it may be another path to explore ie:
you discover another aspect of the problem, which, if you are still in explore mode, will produce another question, another path.

What a person does with information is up to them. What a person chooses to label each bit of info as, determines the future paths they will take.
Principles, being a part of life, are all interconnected. I doubt there is one path or one bit of info that answers all questions.
Step back and you would see that all these paths connect with each other to make one whole.

Life...it's the ultimate Cluedo. And the answer for each inner problem I've had has been, it was me, with my mind, in my life.

Sometimes many questions need answering, via long explorative journeys on many paths till the source is found.
And until the source is found and dealt with, the problem will continue.
It took me 7 years to find the source of my depression, and upon finding the source, thus finally seeing the whole mechanism of depression,
I was able to turn that machine off, dismantle it and throw the whole thing out 'cus it was taking up valuable space in my head.

This girl’s own insults weren’t the problem. It was the controversy involving a sensitive topic and her willful ignorance of how her viewpoint is disrespectful towards a large number of grieving people. I won’t go into detail.

:If you are saying the girl's insults weren't the cause of other's being hurt, what is the cause of you being hurt by your friend's insult?

: Ah, why is a topic classified as sensitive? People can be sensitive - the ability to sense; but not a topic.
So, is a topic classified/labeled as sensitive because people are sensitive about it?
I think so, because if no one was sensitive about it, it would not be classified/labeled as a sensitive topic.
The spotlight comes back on the person, not the circumstance/incident/topic.
If people were not offended by another's viewpoint, there would be no controversy.

Again, I am not condoning her behavior, especially since I was not there to see the whole thing.
This topic is about being unoffendable and questioning/enquiring/exploring why another's viewpoint creates pain in oneself is part of that self discovery journey.
If she were here, I would ask her questions too.

I will look at the incident two ways: 1: she was aware she was being disrespectful, and 2: she was not aware she was being disrespectful.

:she was not aware:

My x wife's son, with whom I am good friends with, he's as crazy as a fruit bat, but underneath is this remarkable young man.
Imbued with insight and intelligence way beyond his years. Look out planet earth when he finds the way out of his quagmire. His craziness is Asperger's, or so the experts label it.

Just like Sheldon from the very funny Big Bang Theory, this boy will speak whatever is on his mind and has no understanding of how it will affect others.
If you're wearing a shirt that he thinks is ugly, he will tell you. He's not trying to be rude, he's simply stating what he sees.
To him, "Your shirt is ugly" is the same as stating, "Your shirt is blue."
If you become upset, he will stand there scratching his head wondering why.
It is beyond his comprehension to link the two things together.

That's an extreme example of not being aware, though at a lower level, it's possible that the girl, via upbringing, culture, perception, beliefs, etc, does not see her statements as disrespectful. She's simply stating an opinion.
After seeing how upset people are, she may think or say, "Why are you getting so worked up about it?"
Of course, if someone explains to her how it can be received as being disrespectful, and she continues to speak the same way, well that's a whole bunch of other paths to explore.

You said she was willfully ignorant that her remarks were disrespectful.
Ignorant - lacking information or knowledge.
If she is ignorant that her remarks are disrespectful, then that's the same as being blind and bumping into others. She doesn't know.

But you said, "willfully". I can't see that it's possible to willfully not know something.
If you know something, then you know it. If you don't know something, then you don't know it.
But to choose to not know something you do know...

Ah...if you said she was willfully ignoring she was being disrespectful, then that's different.
Ignore - refuse to acknowledge.
She is choosing to not acknowledge she is being disrespectful, which usually means the intent is to upset others.

Anyways...in this scenario, her intent is not to be disrespectful. She is simply offering her opinion.
She has no ill intent toward others.
So...in this scenario, if a person becomes upset, they alone are the creators of their feelings.
They have chosen to become upset through evaluation of either or both, the reason she is offering her opinion and the information presented.

So, has she made anyone upset, or has each person chosen to be upset by how they perceive the experience?
My current perception is each person chooses how they are going to feel.

Yes, externals have a part to play because we live in an interactive environment.
Externals influence our behavior, but the externals can only offer information.
A person chooses to be influenced by externals.
A person may intend to inflict hurt in another, but there is no pain unless the person, the receiver, chooses to be hurt by being in-fluenced by it.

Two people are looking at a picture. One likes it , the other does not.
The picture, the external, is not influencing each person to like or dislike. There is no intent coming from the picture.
Each person is evaluating the external and choosing to like or dislike.
If you like something, those thoughts will produce pleasant feelings. If you dislike something, those thoughts will produce unpleasant feelings.
All thoughts and feelings are self created via the interaction with an event, looking at a picture.

Two people go to a comedy club, one laughs at the comedian's routine, the other does not.
Each person is evaluating the external and choosing to like or dislike.
This time, the external(the comedian)has intent to make others laugh. The comedian is trying to influence you to laugh.
He cannot influence, he can only try to, intend to. He can only offer, give...not force it into you, not inflict.

But one person is still not laughing. The comedian's intent, his power to influence, has no affect on the non laughing person.
Each person, once again, is evaluating the external and choosing to like or dislike, laugh or not laugh.
The comedian has not made you laugh, you have chosen to laugh according to your evaluation of the experience.
You have allowed yourself to be influenced. You have allowed something in, you have been in-fluenced.
You have accepted, taken in, agreed with, received.

So, has she made anyone upset, or has each person chosen to be upset by how they perceive the experience?
Sort out one's own self created issue of being offended, heal that, then go back and experience her and one will see her differently.
Remove the wounds that cloud one's perception and one will see the world differently.

Experience a rude person without the perception they are rude and what will one percieve? Logic states one will not see a rude person.
What will one see? A person in pain, who expresses that pain by trying to inflict pain onto others.
They are trying to remove the pain from inside themself by outward projection. But pain is not the source, the wound is.
Why is the person classified as rude? Because one feels hurt.
Can you see the loop?
　
: she was aware:

In this scenario, she was fully aware that her motive was to hurt others. Her intent was to inflict hurt, to be controversial, stir people up.
Intent - An anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.
She spoke in a particular way, anticipating others would become upset.
Her desire was to upset others, so she spoke in a particular way.

In the context of physical assaults, if a person intends to punch you in the face, if you do not defend or get out of the way, you will be hit in the face.
If you do nothing about thier intent, you will be hit.
A person enforces their intention(plan/desire) with action, engaging some force/energy to the intent.
In relation to the 'giving and receiving principle', the choice to receive or not is made void.
If a person is giving you a punch and you do nothing about it, you will automatically receive a punch.

However, in the context of verbal assaults(eg:insults), the realm of language, of words...it's a realm of information transference/emission, not kinetic energy.
Yes there is some other form of energy emitted with thoughts and words, as shown by Dr. Emotos work with water, but I want to leave that out just for a sec.

All intent can do is empower the insulter to carry out their intention, their plan, their desire, which is to emit words with a desired, not guaranteed, desired outcome of inflicting pain.
That's all intent can do in the context of verbal asaults, throw words at you.

In this information realm, the receiving part of the 'giving and receiving principle' can now come into play.
The intent(desired outcome) of the insulter cannot inflict any pain in you...unless you choose to receive it.
They can hurl a truckload of insults(words) at you, but if you do not receive them, they have no affect on you.
Then why do you receive them and become hurt by them?
Well, that's the million dollar question that can only be answered by doing some deep soul searching.

In regards to thought/emotional energy attached to words.
If an insulter hates you, that hate will be attached to the words and you will feel that hate.
I think this has a part to play in why one is hurt by another's words.
They are still two separate things though because I can affectionately say, "You're an idiot", because I like the silly thing you just said,
and I can angrily say, "You're an idiot", because you bent my Spongebob Squarepants paper bin.

The intent can be seen as the thought/emotional energy attached to words, it's the motive, the driving force/energy that propels words toward another.
Still, the same principle can also be applied to the emotional/thought energy attached to and/or enforcing the words...don't receive it and it won't affect you.

Consider this. The insulter is full of hate, and they emit this hate.
That's their hate, they are the one that is burdened with it. They are the one that is suffering under the heavy yoke of hate, not you.
Which is more beneficial to all, receiving it and being offended by their hate, or not accepting it, and upon seeing the source of all their hate, helping them to remove their burden?

But, before you go off to heal the world, heal thyself first.

Many moons ago, during the christian season of my journey, I read a book, can't recall name, author or topic.
In it was a story of a missionary who went to africa or somewheres, and there was an infectious disease epidemic in a village.
This disease always resulted in painful death within a few days and there was no cure. The best he could do was tend to them and make their last days as comfortable and painless as possible.
A mother teresa type person and scenario, and this particular missionary, his beliefs did not include supernatural healing.

The doctors came one day and were shocked that he was living amongst these infected villagers, but were more astounded upon learning that he had been in close contact with the villagers for weeks.
He should have died a long time ago. They conducted some tests and found, using a microscope, that the disease instantly dies upon contact with his blood.
He was impervious to the disease, which enabled him to help others, to the best of his abilities that his beliefs allowed.

You can't help others if you end up being adversely affected by the ones you are trying to help.
Heal yourself and then you will have the understanding and unrestricted ability to help others.

"What is going on inside him, that he chooses to insult me?", is a damn fine question and important to find an answer to.
"What is going on inside me, that I feel insulted?", is a far more important question to find an answer to.
The second question does not diminish the importance of the first, it's just the second question is more important.

In order to be able to get close enough to the other to find an answer to the first question, the second question must be answered first.
How can you fight the good fight against rudeness if you can be wounded by rudeness?
How can you help remove rudeness from a person's character if you can't get near rudeness?
How can you get close to another if you are repelled by them?
How can you love another when you are angry with them?
How can you love immensely when your heart is wounded?
Heal your soul and you will be able to love the unlovable, because that's what the unlovable need.
This is what the world needs. To heal the world, start with self.

"I searched endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me." - Anna Quindlen

" 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' That is the motto that fills our hearts.
We know it is the only way real transformation takes place. We know that quietly and humbly we have the power of all the oceans combined.
Our work is slow and meticulous. Like the formation of mountains. It is not even visible at first glance
And yet with it entire tectonic plates shall be moved in the centuries to come.
Love is the new religion of the 21st century. You don't have to be a highly educated person, or have any exceptional knowledge to understand it.
It comes from the intelligence of the heart, embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse of all human beings.
Be the change you want to see in the world. Nobody else can do it for you." - Brian Piergrossi

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - but in being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi

My friend doesn’t know how personally I take it when someone in any way sounds like they are trying to get me to become a weapon for them.

From what you have shared arive, I understand it is difficult for you to share these types of things with him.
And I know all too well how it feels to be in that position. I lived most of my life unable to express myself. Haar, you wouldn't think it considering how easily I share now.

I went through a particular difficult phase where the inability to speak manifested into my physical being and I couldn't move.
In a situation where the inner issues would arise, I would go into statue mode. Literally frozen with fear.
I wasn't aware it was fear at the time. It was just a weird sensation/experience.
It didn't feel like the fear I was so accustomed to, but, upon much exploring, it was fear.

But if he doesn't know of your wounds, he can bump into them unintentionally, and if he develops a pattern, the bumping can increase.
Unless you share you' are hurting, a person may not be aware you are hurting.
Unless you define a boundary or preference, others will unintentionally violate those boundaries or preferences because they do not know of their existence.

The level of openess you have with another is proportional to your trust of that person.
Openess is the ability to receive, and part of openess is, Vulnerability - susceptible to attack.
Is it? Or is vulnerability a state where a person has lost the ability to not receive that which is harmful.
The filter of choosing what to receive and reject has been damaged so all things are received.
Receiving is not the problem, it's what one chooses to receive, to take in, that's the problem.

Back to trust. Wounds affect that level. If one has been hurt before, trust in others diminishes. Fear increases.
The pain of the past(current wounds), affects one's present thoughts, feelings, decision, actions by affecting one's perception of what one experiences in the present.

If you share, that him doing X will create hurt in you, he may avoid doing X or will do X more.
According to your past experiences, most people, after you have shared, had chosen to do X more to you, or you have never shared with any others in the past experiences.
There is no way to truley know if this current person will do X more or less to you until you share the info with him.
But evaluating past experiences shows all/most others did do X more.
But that is not proof that this person will do the same. Fear says he will, so you keep quiet about it.

But if he doesn't know, he may unintentionally do X more, unaware it is causing hurt in you.
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
If you say something, he may do X more, if you say nothing, he may do X more(unintentionally)

The questions are then, What is causing you to be stuck? How to get out of this position?
Heal the wounds that are associated with your past experiences.
This way, any new action from the current person, intentional or not, will not hurt you.
You are no longer stuck. The loop is broken, you are free.
This freedom doesn't stop a person doing X to you. It stops you feeling hurt when they do X.
You are then free to share and ask they stop doing X because there is no more fear of being hurt, and you are free to not feel hurt if they choose to continue doing X.

He just knows he wanted more people to join him. He’s not fully aware of what he’s doing or why it is a problem. I could feel a bit less angry and hurt when focusing on that.

But does he know why he wanted more people to join him?
I reason that if he knew that, he would not want others to join him because he would not be insultive in the first place. He would not be hurt by her words.
Understanding why a person does something has produced less hurt and anger in you.
Understanding the other is part of the process. You have solved part of the problem.
The other part is why you are choosing to feel hurt. The other part is understanding yourself.

Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark

Physical pain is dealt with fairly proactively, inner pain however, is shunned from.

I work in reverse!

Reply to arive nan: Part 4 of 6.

Then I tried to deal with my own ancient wounds. I couldn’t get very far with that except to spend some time thinking about the function they serve.
I want to never again get close enough to the type of person who would inflict wounds like this on anyone. They have a supernatural quality in mind, like Harry Potter’s scar that throbs with pain when He Who Shall Not be Named is near. My friends actually did avoid saying the name of one of these guys. We’d say You Know Who instead or something. The name was censored on one of their forums. His personality is very much like Voldemort’s, as that character was modeled after the same personality disorder.
I want these wounds healed, and my conscious efforts have gone towards this, but part of me is afraid that if they are gone it will be easier for the dark lords of the world to get near me and just inflict me with a new wound.
That’s when I wonder if I have to heal this first or if I can become unhurtable first. Thinking about these things could bring me closer to the answer, but I still don’t know.

Then I tried to deal with my own ancient wounds. I couldn’t get very far with that except to spend some time thinking about the function they serve.

I am very interested to know what you have discovered on your journey into understanding your wounds.
Please share if you feel comfortable to do so.

Interesting you describe them as ancient. Consider the amount of time and effort archeologists undertake when exploring ancient things.
The precision, the delicacy, discovering tiny pieces and spending a long time to put together the puzzle, patience, endurance, digging for days with no pieces uncovered, etc.
Some problems, when explored, researched, theorised and experiemented with, can be solved in minutes, some, take years.

The bottom line is always, do you want this problem solved? If yes, then the amount of time and effort is irrelivant.

From the day I was aware of the problem or the symptoms of the problem, to the day of being totally healed:
(Some of these times are long because although I had awareness of a problem, I did nothing about it.
Most times, not doing anything about it was a symptom of the problem I was trying to solve, or it was another problem that was hindering my progress.
Sometimes, it just takes time for the medicine to do it's work.)

Depression - 7 years.
The grieving process of my wife leaving me - 7 years.
Offendability - 10 years.
Low self esteem/no self worth/self hatred/suicidal tendencies - 40 years.
Rejection issues - 6 months.
Allowing others to treat me like a doormat - the time it took me to read the book on the subject.
Profoundly knowing what am I here for - 10 years.
A multitude of fears and insecurities - anywhere from the time it took to read the book on the subject to 1-2 years.
Anxiety - 2 years.
Imbalance - 3 years.
Who am I? - 25 years and counting...

Those are the hilights.

The solving of each problem has always been via an exploration into myself.
Doy ! Of course it is. To solve an inner problem one has to go inside to see what's actually wrong, to see what needs removing or changing.
But what I didn't know till after many of my deep see dives, was that the ability to solve the problem was also inside me.
Yes, information from external sources is helpful, a support, an aid, a guide. Books, people, therapies, practices, principles, ideas, etc.
But the actual healing work is done by oneself. One applies what one has learnt, understood, accepted as true and beneficial to solving the problem.

"It is you who must make the effort. The masters only point the way." - Buddha.

The effort to self heal can be long, arduous, painful and disheartening. But I speak from experience, keep going and you will heal. The impossible is possible.

At the start of the journey, it looks impossible. Then why proceed? Because the part of you that is not wounded, the part that has clear vision, can see it's possible.
Faith, trust in oneself, in one's intuitive self, the part of you that sees clearly of all that there is.
Physical eyes and intellectual eyes can see many things, but they cannot see all.
One's inner eyes however, can see everything, but one has been using one's physical and mental eyes for so long that one is convinced that is all there is.

An illness is a well state that has changed into an unwell state. The well state has been disturbed, is dis-eased, out of balance, there is disunity.
Your whole state, your oneness state has been fragmented. The more fragments, the more it looks impossible.
How easy is a 100 piece puzzle when beginning to solve it compared to a 10 000 piece puzzle.

Every problem has a solution. Look into a problem and you will see the solution.
A problem exists because the thing has some element that is broken, or out of balance, disunity, etc.
Originally, the thing was not broken, it was whole, functioning properly...then something broke. Fix the broken part and the thing is restored to it's original state.

I spent many years believing/perceiving my broken state was my original state.
But the day I went beyond those beliefs and perceptions and ventured off into the unknown, gained understanding, and fixed something...yeah baby !

On my journey, the more I healed, the easier it became to heal the next problem.
Like all new things one learns to do, it's difficult at first but it becomes easier the more one does it.
I gained confidence in my abilities, my understanding, my theories, I gained trust in my inner knowing.

The hard part is exploring and testing when there are no immediate results, no feedback from your efforts, or the result is different from your expectations.
But I have learnt that every bit of information gleaned from every step taken is of value.
Even taking 2 steps back via fear, mistake, defeat, uncertainty, etc, offers vital information.

The healing journey is not a sprint race, it's an endurance race and the slower you go, the more is revealed because the healing work is achieved within the journey, within the explorations.
Like the broken bone that heals within each hour of each day till the healing is complete, inner healing is achieved within each step one takes.
Thinking about the problem is one step of healing, going to the bookstore to find a book is another step of healing, etc.
All the steps add up to the completion of the healing. So unless you take that first step into unchartered waters, and all the other steps required, you will never arrive at your destination.
And it has to be into unchartered waters. It's a logical conclusion that what you already know has not fixed the problem. You have to go into new territory.

Time:
When my wife left me, I looked into the future, all I could see was blackness and pain that went on forever.
How long is this journey going to be, I can see no light at the end of this tunnel.
7 years later, looking back from a position of light and joy, it's as if she left me yesterday.
Ever notice when you go on a physical journey, expecially if it's the first time you have taken this journey, that it seems to take a long time to arrive at the destination, but when you take the return trip, it seems to go much quicker?

So it is with inner journeys. It takes forever to get there, but once there and you look back, there is no time distance between where you were and where you are.
It's in those realisations that time is irrelivant, that empowers you to take more journeys.

It's taken me near half my physical life(if I live to 100) to heal, and while I was healing I was disappointed, upset, complaining, etc that I had to waste my life sorting out all that instead of enjoying life.
Now however, I couldn't think of a better way to have spent my life. I'm healed !
A very successful and productive life. If I were to die today, I would die content that I lived a marvelous, wonderous, beautiful and adventurous life.

I want to never again get close enough to the type of person who would inflict wounds like this on anyone. They have a supernatural quality in mind, like Harry Potter’s scar that throbs with pain when He Who Shall Not be Named is near. My friends actually did avoid saying the name of one of these guys. We’d say You Know Who instead or something. The name was censored on one of their forums. His personality is very much like Voldemort’s, as that character was modeled after the same personality disorder.
I want these wounds healed, and my conscious efforts have gone towards this, but part of me is afraid that if they are gone it will be easier for the dark lords of the world to get near me and just inflict me with a new wound.

I have not watched any HP movies, except for a couple of minutes of the first one, but I figure the concept you speak of is similar to when Froddo's dagger wound pained him greatly whenever black riders were close.
If they would shriek, his pain would increase exponentially.

The only knowledge I have of the supernatural realm, apart from movies, comes from christianity.

Jesus was walking with his disciples somewheres. A naked man runs up and falls before his feet in a "please help me" posture.
This man is known to the villagers. He lives like a wild animal, hangs around the cemetary. Groups of men have tried to restrain him, but he beats them all up.

He's called Legion because he has a legion of demons inside him, hence his strength and inhuman lifestyle.
Legion is a roman army term of that time, it means 3000-6000 soldiers.

What always fascinated me about this story was the fact that 3000+ demons were inside him, yet they had no power to stop him going up to Jesus for help.
The demons spoke and begged Jesus not to cast them out of the man.
He cast them out, the man was free and boy did he jump around with joy.
Why did the demons have no control, no power over this man. There were 3000+ of them in him!
The demons saw Jesus coming from miles away, and they knew he could evict them with a wiggle of his pinkie.
Why did they not simply make the man avoid Jesus.

Answer: Another entity only has as much power over you as you allow it.

My current understanding of vampires is they cannot enter your home unless you invite them in.
Demons cannot invade and take over...you have to recieve them, allow them in, usually you are tricked into doing this, then they come in and take over.
Jesus himself said that he stands at your door(of your heart) and knocks, if you invite him in, he enters, if you do not invite, he leaves.

Fear however, opens a door. It is said, "What you fear will come upon you."

Bullies operate under this principle, whether it's one person or a country against another country.
They have power over you because you fear the consequences if you do not do as they say.
The intent of the bully is to have power over you, not to hurt you.
If the intent of a bully is to hurt, they would simply hurt you.
What they want is to avoid their lack of self control by controling others.
They feel insecure and weak so they compensate by gaining power over others.
They maintain this power by threating pain.
But the bully does not actually increase in power, the bully is still the same weak person
The victim relinquishes their own power, giving the impression that the bully has increased in power.

Behind fear is this.
If a person says they have power over you, and you believe them, they will.
Not because they do have power over you, but because you accept they do, you allow them.
Their power over you is because you gave up your power.

The placebo effect.
Give a person a tablet made out of sugar, tell them it's medicine that will cure their illness.
If they are totally convinced this tablet will do as they say, they will heal.
Such is the power of one's thoughts.

What was this power that the naked man had that was more powerful than 3000+ demons combined?
I'd say the power to choose. Will power.
And with will power, the impossible becomes possible.

When the human aircraft carrier wanted to kill me, what power did I have to go outside and face my fear? I simply chose to.

The power contained with a person is infinite. This power is engaged via choice.
What blocks this power is one's beliefs/wounds/concepts/theories...how one percieves life.

"I have no power against this person because I have created a believe I don't."
This belief is created by my interpretation of my experiences, influenced by my pains, my fears, my self doubts, my insecurities, my low self esteem, etc.

High school was one of the most hellish seasons of my life.
I was psychologically bullied nearly every day. The build up of anxiety as I waited for the bus to arrive was excruciatingly painful.
My silent screams were a continuous, "How do I get out of this hell? What is this madness?"

But boy, did I grow some awesome inner qualities, did I see the real world beyond the pain.
Haar, too bad I did not know I was developing all these powerful things, that I was not aware of these things at the time.
I would not realise these things till many years later. But looking back, that's where it happens.

The very things you are looking for, is in the very things you think it is not in.

Healing, is found in the wound.
Healing is not the wound, it is found in it.
The journey into the wound reveals the process one needs to do in order to heal.

The solution to a problem is found within the problem.
Look into the problem and you will see the solution.

The power to heal a wound, the ability to solve a problem is contained within self.
This is done via understanding.
Understand how the problem is created and you will understand how to create the solution.
Understand how a wound was created and you will understand how to heal it.

That’s when I wonder if I have to heal this first or if I can become unhurtable first. Thinking about these things could bring me closer to the answer, but I still don’t know.

Within the journey toward healing a wound, one gains understanding in how to be unwoundable.
It's not which one comes first. They are inseparable. They are two sides to one coin.
To learn, see, understand how to be unwoundable, shows you how to heal all current wounds.
To learn, see, understand how to heal one wound, shows you how to stop any more wounds forming.
To understand why I was offended(wound, pain), enables me to be unoffendable(woundless, painless)
This enabling is done through conscious choosing to change my perception of myself based on the new understanding of myself, which is gained by self awareness.

"If you want to follow me to freedom, be prepared to swim upstream, against the river of conditioning.
Be prepared to grapple continuously with the fierce flow of negative mental currents.
In time our strokes will become effortless and our sense of purpose irresistible." - Buddha

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world." - Buddha

Man, I love hangin' with Buddha !

Reply to arive nan: Part 5 of 6.

That’s also when I encounter a problem with the message that people choose to be hurt. It is not freeing for me.
I know others find it to be for some reason. But for me it is a roadblock.
I wonder "Why would I choose to be hurt? That’s not what I want. What is wrong with me that I would choose that? And why can’t I just stop then? What’s wrong with me that I can’t just stop?" It is the opposite of progress.
I didn’t get past this thing that is a road block for me until I examined it enough to decide that it is not true in my opinion and I’m better off not believing it.
It’s like saying people choose to fall down when they slip on some ice. Nobody chooses that. They’re not trying to fall down. It happens because they don’t see the ice, or they don’t have enough skill at sliding along without falling, or their shoes don’t have enough traction. It’s not what they are choosing to do. They are trying to stay upright. If they could use a different route with no ice on the path or they were practiced enough to slide along without falling that’s what they would do. But not everyone is able to do that.

That’s also when I encounter a problem with the message that people choose to be hurt. It is not freeing for me.

It's not freeing for anyone arive...choosing to be hurt. That is not self love...that is self hate...that is regarding oneself to be of little or no value.
But, seeing and understanding the beliefs, thought patterns, wounds that cause one to choose to be hurt...that's the first step toward healing.
A problem cannot be solved if one doesn't acknowledge it's existence.

I know others find it to be for some reason. But for me it is a roadblock.

Have you pondered why another finds it freeing and why you do not?
Have you pondered that the concept is neither a roadblock or a stepping stone toward healing,
but that the concept is merely information and it is each person who labels it according to their own reasonings?
Have you pondered why one person sees/accepts it as a step toward freedom and another, a roadblock?
Why have you chosen to label it a roadblock?
If you have chosen to label it a roadblock, is the concept itself the roadblock, or have you created a roadblock out of the concept?
If you have created the roadblock, what is down that path that you do not wish to encounter?

I wonder "Why would I choose to be hurt? That’s not what I want. What is wrong with me that I would choose that? And why can’t I just stop then? What’s wrong with me that I can’t just stop?" It is the opposite of progress.

The questions you have asked are self confronting questions. Being confronted is never enjoyable because the only time one is being confronted is when things are not ok.
A problem/wound is being addressed and that will mainfest pain.
Tending to the problem/wound means you have to be in close proximity to it, touch it, go into it, do things to it, interact with it...it's going to hurt.
A problem needs addressing, something is not right and it needs fixing. But how joyful once the problem is fixed.

You say it's the opposite of progress. I say unanswering a question is the opposite of progress.
If the question is answered, you have gained knowledge/understanding, you have made progress.
If the answer to that question has not solved the problem, progress has still been made because you can now eliminate that as the cause of the problem.
But if the question is never answered, that unknown could very well be the cause of the problem, or be the missing link that leads to the solution.

You have ancient wounds. You know, or at least you consider they do, these wounds affect your current perception. You desire to be healed.
Is it possible that these wounds might have something to do with your labeling the concept as a roadblock?
And if it is possible, isn't it in your best interests to seek answers to the uncomfortable questions?

To self heal is to go beyond the inbuilt self preservation program of 'run toward pleasure, run from pain.'
It's the same as facing a fear. In order to remove fear, one must face it.
To heal a wound, one must face the pain that is emanating from the wound, go beyond it and go into the wound to see how it works, see what needs fixing.
Repair the wound, thus removing the pain and there will be pleasure. Run from the pain and the pain will persist.

Don't have to run to or from anything ever again. Simply make continuous progress and face whatever comes upon your path.
There's a reason why these things are on your path...you are walking toward them. They don't come to you, you are going toward them.
And you will continue to go toward them till you have fixed it. You want your ancient wounds healed...so you choose to face them till they are.

If you are driving down a road and you come up to a roadblock sign that another has placed there,
you acknowledge they have put this here to tell you there is hazard somewhere further in and it's not safe to go there.
You do not know what the hazard is but you know it has the potential to end your life or do some serious damage to you.
But what life threatening things exist within yourself that would cause you to not venture down paths of self exploration?
I can think of none, but there are two other types of things that cause one to avoid these paths...fear and pain.

I didn’t get past this thing that is a road block for me until I examined it enough to decide that it is not true in my opinion and I’m better off not believing it.

When you say you are better off, do you mean your ancient wounds are more healed, or do you mean you are experiencing less pain by not venturing down that path?
Relief from pain does not necessarily mean the wound/problem is getting better.
If a person has a fear of heights, avoiding heights reduces the fear but it does not solve the problem.

It’s like saying people choose to fall down when they slip on some ice. Nobody chooses that. They’re not trying to fall down. It happens because they don’t see the ice, or they don’t have enough skill at sliding along without falling, or their shoes don’t have enough traction. It’s not what they are choosing to do. They are trying to stay upright. If they could use a different route with no ice on the path or they were practiced enough to slide along without falling that’s what they would do. But not everyone is able to do that.

I agree. The person is not choosing to fall down. That is not their intent.
You are describing and accident. Something unexpected has happened, something other than what they expected to happen.
But, if they are willing to explore the experience and figure out why they fell, what was the cause of their falling,
they can freely change what needs changing, thus reduce the likelyhood of future falls.
The problem and subsequent pain is because they fell. If nothing changes, the problem and pain will continue.

Change and the problem and pain will cease. What needs to change?
: Change the externals, the circumstances. Remove all ice from their path. What if they need to travel over many miles of icey surfaces.
: Restrict one's movements. Do not go outside. Not much of a life, staying inside all winter, every year.

How about changing what they are responsible for.
: Look where they are going. Increase their sight, their awareness.
: Learn the skill of walking on ice.
: Wear grippier shoes.
They may have not chosen to fall, but through a series of choices taken before the ice slipping experience, they have fallen.

In the interactive reality we live in, there are two parts to all experiences.
The person, and the environment the person is in.
The person has to evaluate themself and the environment to decide the best course of action.

It's raining. You can't change the weather, but you can change self and choose to wear a raincoat.
A raincoat is magical. A raincoat turns the impossible into the possible.
Ever been in heavy rain wearing a raincoat.
It's such an amazing feeling to be bombarded by heavy rain but not get wet.
The power of the storm is ineffective against a very thin sheet of plastic.

How did you perform this feat of powerful magic?
By understanding that rain wets you and plastic is waterproof.
There's the giving and receiving principle again.
Rain: Hey, take that human!
You: No thanks.

If it's raining and you go outside without a raincoat, who chose to get wet?
It's the same answer for who chooses to feels hurt when another tries to insult.
Yes, the person does not intentionally choose to be hurt.
It's not a conscious choice. But through a series of thoughts and evaluations of the environment(the insulter) and self, and comparisons with past experiences,
self decides to accept the insult and then the pain is produced.
Poison has no affect on you until to ingest it.
All of this happens without the person being aware these processes have taken place.

It all happens at such a blistering speed that it appears to happen instantly.
You hear the insult, and instantly, the pain is felt.
But as self awareness, mindfullness, insight into the mechanisms of one's psyche increases...all these processes are revealed.
Then comes the, "Oh, now I see, oh wow, it's so simple, I just have to change one thought and the problem is solved."

Why do you take the insult in? I don't know. Only you can know by going inside yourself and having a look.
I have looked within myself and discovered and fixed all of the problems I am currently aware of.
Why am I confident the issue is the person chooses to be hurt?

Two people are being insulted by the same person.
The person is telling each of them they are the ugliest people he has ever seen.
One person is not affected and the other is in tears.
One person is accepting this information, the other is not.
That is the only difference.

The insulter is offering the same information.
Each person is hearing the same information.
Why is one person accepting it and the other not?
Accepting something requires a person to choose to do so.

The principle of giving and receiving is never even pondered when good things are offered.
If someone offers a nice gift, there is acceptance. Giving and receiving is taking place.
In the moment, there is no awareness that one has chosen to receive. The focus is on the giver and the gift, with a slight awareness that giving is being done.

Observe yourself when someone gives you something nice.
Are you aware of any thoughts like, "Look at me, I am receiving", "They are offering, I now choose to receive."
The focus is always on the act of giving, never the act of receiving.
Try eating a hamburger without the ability or act of receiving. In order to receive food, you gotta open your mouth.
The process of receiving is there and operating continuously, one is simply not conscious of it, not aware of it.

Why do you choose to receive the insult? Look inside and you will see because it can be one of many reasons.
I have found out why I received insults, but that doesn't mean it will be the same reason for others.

Reply to arive nan: Part 6 of 6. YAY !!!

Being hurt isn’t what people choose. Nobody would choose that if they were aware that not being hurt is an option and able to make use of that option. When someone tries to hurt another, they aren’t just handing that poison arrow over so that the recipient can plunge it into their own chest. They throw those arrows at a speed faster than would allow most people to get out of the way or catch it in mid-air. The ultimate solution is a matrixesque revelation that there is no arrow and no chest for it to plunge into, which is an enlightenment that few are ever able to achieve. Most people don’t even know that reaching this level of enlightenment is an option for them, and even those that do will not get there overnight. In the meantime, we are not deciding to let those arrows penetrate us. They hit us because we haven’t yet become able to fully prevent this. But if we believe that it is a choice anyway, that can complicate things. It can lead to confusing questions that have no answer because their premise is not entirely sound. I know some people benefit from believing it, but self-blame is an issue for me so it doesn’t work well with that. I might not be the only one like this.

Being hurt isn’t what people choose.

Or... they are not aware they are choosing to, as you have stated here...

Nobody would choose that if they were aware that not being hurt is an option and able to make use of that option.

This is the foundation of it all...not being self aware.
Like I said in the my OP, I had receiving set to automatic on. I wasn't aware I had it set to auto on.

I was aware that the other's intention was to inflict pain. I was aware I felt pain when another insulted me.
I concluded the other had the ability/power to inflict pain into me, and reasoned there was something wrong with me that I was affected so easily.
I judged myself as being a wimp, or weak, a sook. I self condemned.
I was not aware I was making these calculations. All I was aware of was the result, the judgement.
I was not aware I was accepting the insult and using it in my calculations. I was not aware I had the ability to reject the insult.

Specifically, it's not that receiving is set to auto on. It's that the filter that allows good in and keeping bad out, was malfunctioning.
This filter is the ability to choose what to allow and what to disallow.
It's the self condemning that causes the filter to malfunction. The negative beliefs one creates of self.
Eg: I do not value myself so of course I will take this insult in, it confirms my low value belief.

It is said by many that a person has most of their core beliefs established by the time they are 7 years old.
You can imagine how inaccurate a belief is that is created by a mind that is only 1-7 years old.
And each person will create unique beliefs related to their level of reasoning, social upbringing, family environment, experiences, what they learn, what others teach them.

ie: "I don't like you" can be translated into the belief of, I am unlikeable, without being aware the belief has been created.
If this belief is never challenged, all future "I don't like you"s reinforces the "I am unlikeable" belief.

The doormat mentality: The belief can be, my value as a person is achieved by helping others.
If I refuse to help others, my value decreases, I am selfish, uncaring.

Before I turned 7, I was already profoundly hating myself and constantly wished I was dead. I was fairly messed up at such an early age.
I do not know if this is normal for that age. My family environment was dysfunctional but not that much to develop such a mess so early.

Not being hurt is an option.

Go repeatedly touch a cactus. You won't. You'll touch it once, then you won't again because you will choose to not be hurt again.
What causes you to not touch the cactus again? You have thought, worked out, concluded...you understand the cause and affect,
the process that results in pain.
You have worked out what to change so you will no longer feel pain.

A friend steals from you all the time. Ask them to stop. If they refuse, stop being friends with them. No more pain.

All external problems are fixed by first internally understanding how the problem is formed then how to fix it.
You choose to change the way you do something. You are changing your thinking, you are choosing to do things differently, which translates into changing your external actions.

Change your inner world and your outer world changes.

You fix an internal problem the same way.
An internal problem is exactly the same as an external problem except, there is nothing to change externally.
There is no need to change anything externally because the mechanism that allows the pain to manifest is not external.
The inner mechanism that allows the pain to manifest is dysfunctionally choosing to accept the insult. One is simply not aware one is doing this.

You choose to touch the cactus, pain results.
You choose to not touch the cactus, pain ceases.
You have all the power you need to accomplish this.

You choose to let the insult touch you, pain results.
You choose to not let the insult touch you, pain ceases.
You have all the power you need to accomplish this.

Again, the question, why am I allowing the insult to touch me?
You have beliefs of self that say you have to accept.
You are not aware of them, but they are there influencing your thinking processes that determine your decisions and affects your perception of reality.

But if you do not accept that this theory is possible, you will not explore to find the answer to, "Why am I allowing insults to touch me?"
But, imagine if this theory is true. Imagine that all you have to do is remove a few beliefs and thinking patterns and like magic,
you are no longer offendable.
Too good to be true! Impossible! Can't be that simple!

The solution of removing some beliefs, changing some thinking patterns...is pure simplicity.
The complicated, difficult, painful part of the healing journey is the exploration to find these beliefs and thinking patterns,
to become aware of them, to see them, to understand how they function, how they affect you.

You have to leave your current beliefs and perceptions, the familiar, the safe, the known, your current truths,
and you have to venture out into unchartered seas, the unknown, the uncertainty, the unfamilar.
You have to leave your current life behind to find this new life you have envisioned and longed for.

It's obvious it's not on the shore where you currently are, you have to travel to new lands.
And leaving a life behind to create a new one in an unknown land is most unsettling.
It takes courage, commitment, perseverance, self trust, etc.
All these things are already inside, they manifest within the journey.
Fear and doubt will make many claims about the journey, but you have already seen one speck of light.
"Hurting people hurt others" reduced your pain. Is that not sign enough to keep exploring.

That is how is was for me. I would heal one tiny wound, resolve one confusion, fix one tiny problem,
and that inspired and empowered me to continue further into the unknown.

When someone tries to hurt another, they aren’t just handing that poison arrow over so that the recipient can plunge it into their own chest. They throw those arrows at a speed faster than would allow most people to get out of the way or catch it in mid-air.

I agree with you that it happens at speeds beyond one's current ability. The solution is to increase one's abilities or slow time down.
These are two sides of the same coin though.

Time is a funny thing. It's not absolute.
A simple observation: When you are happy, time goes quickly, when sad, time goes slow.
Time varies according to one's perception.
The external realm we live in is subject to time. Our inner world however, is timeless.
Internally, one can observe the past, the present and the future all at the same time. There is no distance between them.
This is the realm of the infinite, eternity, timelessness.

Our physical self lives in time, out inner self lives in eternity, timelessness.
Awareness, mindfullness, brings this timelessness into our time reality.

After Morpheus described the superhuman abilities of the Agents and the laws of the Matrix and how humans can have the same ability as the Agents,
Neo asks, "You mean I can dodge bullets?" to which Morpheus uttered, " No, I am saying that when you are ready, you won't have to."

When you can merge your two existences together, you will have all the time in the world to see and understand whatever you are focused on.

When you drive past a thing at 100 mph, you cannot know the thing, all you can see is a blur rushing past your range of vision.
You have an awareness that there is a thing there, but you have no indepth understanding of it.
You can make assumptions, inaccurate conclusions, ideas, beliefs about it, but you will not truely know it.

Stop however, and you will gain understanding of the thing because you have time to observe, explore, experiment, test.
You will know the thing because you have stopped to take x amount of time to know.
Knowing self is the foundation that must be established in order to understand anything else.

I dodge insults because I understand myself and what the insult is.
I do not accept/receive the insult because what he is saying is untrue, vitally importantly, in contrast to what I know of myself,
and I see the insult as an expression of their own pain.
There is nothing to dodge, not because the insult is not real, but because I am not affected by them.
Their intent may be to hurt, it may be an arrow to them, but to me it is not an arrow.
I haven't changed reality. I have changed my perception of it. I have changed myself.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world." - Buddha

I have changed my wounded world to a healed world.

The ultimate solution is a matrixesque revelation that there is no arrow and no chest for it to plunge into, which is an enlightenment that few are ever able to achieve.

Kid: Do not try and bend the spoon...that's impossible. Instead, only try to realise the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Kid: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Kid: Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Notice how the kid says, there is no spoon, but then says it's not the spoon that bends?
Why does he contradict himself: there is no spoon but there is a spoon that doesn't bend?
There is an arrow, and their is a chest. You bend(change)yourself so the arrow has no affect on your chest.
You don't change reality, but you change your reality/your world, by changing your perception of it.
I don't feel insulted when another insults me because to me, they are not insulting me.

My perception and his perception are different. But I see both perceptions.
I see his perception that he is producing an insult, but that is his perception, not mine.
My perception is he is expressing his pain and what has his pain got to do with my state of being.? None.

This is not some level of mystical Enlightenment that only a few can achieve.
This is plain and simple, getting your hands dirty, knuckling down and doing the hard yards of learning, experimenting/testing, exploring ideas, evaluating all the information that reality presents.
Taking the time, allocating time to observe and figure a thing out.

I do not have a super intellect. My IQ scores are always around the high 90's, which is average or just below or above average if memory serves me correct.
This tells me that if I can achieve the things I have achieved within my long self discovery journey, anyone can.

Most people don’t even know that reaching this level of enlightenment is an option for them, and even those that do will not get there overnight.

Completely healed of depression - 7 years.
Unoffendable - 10 years.
No, it's not achieved overnight. But it's achievable in a lifetime.
I however, do not call this ability, Enlightenment, because of the misconceptions of the term.
I'm just a guy who decided to have a long and hard look inside to try and figure things out.
I had no expectations of what I was going to achieve. I wasn't even aware of many of my problems when I began the journey.
Eg: I was basically born with depression, but I was not aware of this illness till 7 years ago.

In the meantime, we are not deciding to let those arrows penetrate us. They hit us because we haven’t yet become able to fully prevent this.

Then go inside and gain understanding of why you can't prevent this.
Go look and you may discover there is a dysfunctional thought pattern or belief that allows the arrows to penetrate.
I say "may" because I do not know if others have this inside them. I have discovered I did have dysfunctioning thoughts and beliefs.
I saw them, I gained understanding of the whys, hows and whens of their creation, I removed them, I am healed.

It was not fun looking for them. It was painful to see them. But what joy realising that if I created them, then I have the creative power to remove them, to change.

But if we believe that it is a choice anyway, that can complicate things. It can lead to confusing questions that have no answer because their premise is not entirely sound.

All questions have answers. Some answers take a long time to find.
Becoming more complicated can mean you are discovering more of the problem.
If complexity arises, slow down, tackle one thing at a time. Break the complex down into managable modules of simplicity.
One step at a time and the goal will be reached.

I know some people benefit from believing it, but self-blame is an issue for me so it doesn’t work well with that. I might not be the only one like this.

Ah...blame. Yes arive. The first thing one usually encounters within these explorations is, blame.
A companion of mine for many years.

Blame is not interested in a solution. Blame is an accusation. An expression of the hurt, the shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc.
Blame says, "It's your fault !" But blame stops there. There is no attempt to recify a problem.
Can you see the perpetual loop of suffering and wounds created by self blame?

Dispense with blame. Go beyond it, toward the solution.
Seek understanding of the problem thus understanding of the solution.
Do not seek who or what to blame. Blame is a dead end, unproductive.

Like I said. It was not fun to realise, to be confronted with the knowledge that I was the cause of my suffering.
But beyond the pain was the information that showed me how I was doing this via dysfunctioning thoughts and beliefs. These were my wounds.
Seeing how I was hurting myself still had pain connected to it because it showed how messed up I was.
Again, go beyond that and oh glory..." Oh...I created this mess, so I can uncreate it."
That's when the joy dispersed all the pain.
"What am I waiting for, get to work and fix all those things that I unconsciously created." And I did.
One step at a time, day by day the joy increased, the pain decreased.

My healing of depression was a most painful journey into myself.
It was a complex problem that had vines intertwining all areas of my life and these vines were strangling the very life out of me.
Before I became aware I had this illness, I had, for several years, already embarked on my self discovery journey.

I would discover and fix an issue and obtain more freedom, but every year I would come crashing down.
I would make progress and feel utterly free, then snap, back to where I was, in pain, confusion, disheartened as I struggled to get out of the quagmire.

10 years, and each year, no matter how much progress I made, I found myself still deeply stuck in the quagmire.
Within that timeframe I found out I had depression. So I learnt about it, incorporated this new knowledge into my experiments on myself.
Still I came crashing down each year. ARGH!!!

My dawta had a virus in her puta many years ago.
I'm fairly skilled in building, maintaining and repairing putas.
I spend 2 hours painstakingly cleaning her puta.
I used all the latest programs to eliminate this virus.
I also manually and methodically went through the registry and other system areas to remove anything associated with this virus.
I found numerous things the anti virus programs did not find.
I checked and double checked.

Satisfied, I rebooted the system and lo and behold, the virus was back in all it's insideous glory.
No way ! I just spent hours removing every speck of virus out of the system.
I did the same thing again, but increased my efforts, triple checking all the things I knew and looking in places I had not looked before.

I rebooted again, and once again, the virus was back as if I had not done one thing to it.
This was a mystery to me. How could this thing still be alive when I killed every part of it.
There is nothing left of this virus to rebuild itself. How is it doing it?

Why, after all my efforts am I right back where I started?

The answer was simple. I had not found the source of the virus.
I had found the symptoms, but not the source.
The symptoms looks like the source, but they were not.
The virus was designed in such a clever way that it makes you think you have removed the source.
The real source, the part that reinstalled the virus, was hidden. It hid itself from detection.
But if offered a fake source for me to discover, making me think I had removed the source.

2009, after 7 years of exploring my depression, I saw the source of this illness.
This illness that had destroyed much of my life, that continued to rob me of it.
That kept me in darkness with storm clouds above that went on forever giving the appearance that this will never cease.

The source was one simple belief.

I looked at it and compared the simplicity of this belief with the complexity of the mess I had inside me.
"No way, how can this simple thing create such a complex mess", I reasoned.
I spent 4 hours checking the equations of my life with this new information and lo and behold, the math added up.
This was the source, the real source.

To see the real source of the hell I was in, to see the powersource of the illness, you can imagine what was going through my mind.
I enquired of myself, "You mean, all I have to do is turn this belief off, and depression will no longer exist?"
I checked the math again and again. It was correct.
All those years of exploring, of observing and gaining understanding, insight, has brought me to this defining moment.

"No way, it can't be that simple", I would joyfully exclaim.
"Yes way", I would joyfully reply.

My experiences thus far have revealed that no matter how complex, powerful, overwhelming a problem appears, is, or feels..the source is always simple, the solution is always simple.

I considered this thing for three days.
I had experiences like this before, thinking I had found the source, only to be utterly disappointed to discover it was not the solution.
On the third day, I gingerly turned the belief off, not knowing what was going to happen.
I was cured from that moment. No amazing feelings, flashes of light, seeing god or angels.
Just an acknowledgement of the purpose of the long journey that brought me to this moment,
a knowing I was cured and a profound gratitude and love of the effort it took for me to get to this point.

An illness that they say is incurable. I don't think so !

Here's a clue regarding perception:
If you believe it's incurable, you won't look for a cure.
If you believe something is impossible, you won't try to achieve it.
If you believe you will never be free from whatever binds you, you won't look for the chains that bind you.
If you believe you have no power in your life, you won't use it.

The key that got me started on my cure of depression was this tiny piece of information.
I had chemical imbalance depression and this is what the experts say:
A lack of a certain chemical in my brain creates the over abundance of negative thoughts, which is depression.
There is no cure for this chemical deficiency. They have no idea how any of this works.

If I believed this claim, I would be resigned to always having the illness.
A couple of days after being told this information, I was pondering it and I saw something.
Hang on a mo..their conclusion is wrong.
Chemicals cannot produce a negative thought.
Thoughts are neutral. It is I who label thoughts, positive or negative.
They have it the wrong way around.
Chemicals do not produce my thoughts. My choosing to have the negative thoughts produces the chemical deficiency.

And so the journey began, and 7 years later, my theory was confirmed. Totally healed.
The impossible, curing an incurable illness was made possible simply by changing my perception.