My mum has a serious condition

[Emmalevine]

My mother's been diagnosed with a serious lung disease. She isn't forthcoming with information so I don't know how long she's known. I noticed she was breathless on her last visit but put that down to allergies and asthma. She's having a lung function test done next month to determine how well her lungs are working. From research I know this will give some indication of her life expectancy. The disease is progressive but in some cases will stabilise for a while with steroid treatment.

I feel numb. We don't 'talk' about emotions so I don't know how either of us will manage this. I had to force the information out of her. She likes to tuck things away just like she did when I was a child. She is like me in some ways - outwardly very strong and independent. I need her to know I can manage this and need to know because denying it is going to help no one, least of all herself.

I did pick up from the call that she is scared. She didn't say so, I just knew. Her dad died of a related condition. Sadly her condition stems from her decision to have radiation treatment for her cancer. She had no choice due to limited options though. She said as much and I told her she couldn't have done anything differently - life sometimes gives us no good choices.

Anyway, that's where I am with it. Not sure why I'm posting. Just got to wait and see what her results are I guess. I just hope she doesn't have a long drawn out horrible ending like some people with this condition.

[Native spirit]

Hey Starbuck.


I can empathise with you sending Healing and positive thoughts to your mother and yourself,


Namaste

[Belle]

Not knowing, I find, is worse than the knowing and your mother plays her cards close to her chest it sounds, which makes the "not knowing" very much part of your reality. She may have very good reasons for doing so but the fact is, it doesn't help you.

My father had emphysema, the progression was so slow that something else got him - so to speak.

Try to see this as an opportunity, you are being confronted direct with your mother's mortality and so have the chance to make a peace out of how you feel towards her whilst she is alive. You must make your own path, your own peace with her and also your self in relation to her.

The most important thing for you in this equation is, actually, you. What lessons is she teaching you, how do you manage the ambiguity and frailty of humanity, esp with such a key relationship as your mother. And, how do you find your centre - as the energetics around you and the dynamics in your life go topsy turvy - how do you get to the still small voice which holds you safe in a way that your mother never could - the journey you are facing is a strange and complex rite of passage with no known path or correct route.

Sorry if Im being very tangential, but I don't want to see you give yourself away to your mother as you need to be you in this.

Thinking of you, regardless.

[Emmalevine]

Thank you both.

Yes, my mum's dad (my grandad) died of emphysema. My mum doesn't have that but it's similar although she has never smoked.

Yes it's an opportunity, both for myself and her. I'm glad I can face up to it while she's still here.

[Tobi]

I am sorry to hear about your mum's illness Starbuck.
My father also had lung disease. He smoked a pipe, but was doing fine breathing-wise until he had to have radiation treatment for Lymphoma.
I understand how you are worried.
I will pray for healing for your mum.
If you can't talk to her, just hold her hand, give her a hug. That speaks louder than words anyway.
Blessings to you both.

[Silver]

I've been noticing a lot of news articles online about COPD, which my 70-year-old neighbor has. Belle, really well said. I agree totally. I'll be thinking and praying for you, Starbuck and your mum, of course.

[Kaere]

This sounds very familiar to me. Huge giant hugs and comfort coming your way Starbuck and to your mum as well ((((hugs))))

[Teal]

Awe, I am sorry for what you are going through. I will send you warm wishes. You should just come out with your emotions and encourage her to do the same. She sounds like she is keeping it. Just let her know mom you can come to me.

[Emmalevine]

Thank you everyone - I really appreciate your thoughts. I'm going on holiday with my mum from tomorrow so will see what that brings. I hope it gives us a chance to talk although she might not want to. I feel very disconnected from my spiritual side again lately, very lost.

[Emmalevine]

I rang the British Lung Foundation helpline and was told yes the disease is progressive, will know more about where she's at after the lung function test next week. I just hope mum is honest about what her results are. It's hard not knowing and having to rely on her for info.