Jokes - one-liners/question and answers!

I forgot the comedians name that said this but I thought it was hilarious.

"I think we have too many choices. Like mini m&m's, why do we need that choice? Was someone eating a regular m&m thinking "man, I can't finish a whole one! Sure wish they made these smaller."

Originally Posted by Newfreedom9

I forgot the comedians name that said this but I thought it was hilarious.

"I think we have too many choices. Like mini m&m's, why do we need that choice? Was someone eating a regular m&m thinking "man, I can't finish a whole one! Sure wish they made these smaller."

Ah that sounds a bit like Rich Hall - funny guy. He also did a joke about fun-size chocolates...
i.e. who decided what the size of fun was?

[Arcturus]

with my son today and he came out with two thumpin corkers...

driving out of a village he read out the sign "thankyou for driving carefully through our village" ...and then said "but how do they know we drove carefully? we might have been speeding and all over the place" lol...maybe you had to be there i dunno??

the other was in reply to a convo about pumping iron to which he replied "i pump magnesium" haha!

Originally Posted by necta3

with my son today and he came out with two thumpin corkers...

driving out of a village he read out the sign "thankyou for driving carefully through our village" ...and then said "but how do they know we drove carefully? we might have been speeding and all over the place" lol...maybe you had to be there i dunno??

the other was in reply to a convo about pumping iron to which he replied "i pump magnesium" haha!

Yep, he's witty and smart....does he get this from his father?

[Smiler]

Saw One On Friends fridge lol

Said ..

Once I skinny dipped
Now I chunky Dunk


LOL

[Dragonfly1]

lol i know what that feels like.......lol

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

[Squatchit]

Originally Posted by Smiler

Once I skinny dipped
Now I chunky Dunk

Brill!

I buy Wonky Chomps dog treats for Archie. What a great name - Wonky Chomps. Always makes me smile.

Someone bought me a little kitchen sign. It says, "I love to cook with wine...sometimes I even put it in the food!"

*slurp*

Originally Posted by Smiler

Saw One On Friends fridge lol
Said ..

Once I skinny dipped
Now I chunky Dunk

LOL

Yeah I relate to this...also it can apply to the (perhaps) disgusting, but scrummy habit of dipping biccies in tea/coffee!?
(I told!!!)

These are all one liners from the off-beat, somewhat weird stand up Steve Wright.
For those who don't know him...his delivery is ultra cool .... so laid back that he's almost horizontal. Enjoy!

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time....I think I've forgotten this before.

I put tape on a mirror in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately - extremely abstract; no brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.

I went into a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". I ordered french toast in the Renaissance.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.