There must be something wrong with me...

[ForeverRestless]

Obsession warning: Also, every time I think about how Twin is happier without me, this phrase that he said to me over Facebook Messenger this past December rings in my ears.

He sent me an emoji like this: :|
Then he said, “that’s me, flat and hopeless.”

It could be a joke but that’s how he described himself . He always did tend to deflect with humor. When he jokingly assigned a different emoji to me, I retorted, “you clearly have not seen my face.” And his response? “I saw your face every day for 10 days,” as if those days actually meant something to him. He even said that same night, “tell me the very first thing that pops into your mind.” And I said, “I can’t.” And he said, “you have to, it’s the rule.” And I said, “I won’t.” And he said, “I am drunk tonight, so you can ask me anything.” And I was too scared to ask. I wonder what he would have told me? I wonder why he suddenly felt so full of life in these moments of conversation with me.

If he’s really happy in his partnership, why does he approach life like it’s “flat and hopeless?” No matter how much I think about this, I know I won’t find the answer, but I will tell you this: In 2015 after we separated, I went through all of Twin’s old Instagram and Facebook posts. He used to smile and laugh in photos, he had life in him. Even with his ex-girlfriend, who he confessed to me he didn’t have sex with at all for the third and final year of their relationship. It wasn’t working for him and he still found cause to be silly and fun and smile and be playful in photos. The contrast is wholly evident: I have been looking at photos of Twin and his new girlfriend for more than three years, and the ONLY time I have I seen joy or even a smile on his face is when they are in a big group of people, several feet away from each other. He always looks tired and detached, or to use his words, “flat and hopeless.” His girlfriend, in contrast, looks positively blissful.

I realize he could be doing this whole, “look tough and frown in photos thing” as a way to look cool or “punk” or to be funny, like “I wanna be that guy who never smiles,” but hasn’t the joke gotten old by now? And why start this whole punk attitude with his current girlfriend but never act thag way in photos with his former One? Even in photos by himself, he looked carefree and light prior to me; his presence in photos is heavy and dark and intense after me... so him telling me that his life is “flat and hopeless” adds up.

I realize I am pathetically just still seeking answers that will likely never come. I want to hear that underneath everything, he had suffered as much as me, but I won’t get that validation. Whether we share certain sentiments behind closed doors or not, it will always remain my responsibility to dust myself off and figure out my life without him, without any input from him. But knowing what he said to me, as well as when he said he feels comforted by empty parking lots and that “the world is too busy to give a Duck about me,” I sense that he’s someone who’s hurting, reaching out for salvation, and I can’t help him. Who is this person who looks at the world so negatively? That was not the guy I spent two weeks with 3.5 years ago. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone so pessimistic and negative... I would have remembered that. He was sweet and full of hope. He enjoyed living. He had goals and dreams and plans and was excited to accomplish them. What has happened to them since then? I know he won’t talk to me. I know I can’t help heal him as we remain separated. I know it’s his girlfriend’s job to provide the emotional support he supposedly needs.

I’m just searching for answers and validation that will never come to me, I know, but it’s impoosible to stop caring. I want to solve the mystery and I want the pain of separation to go away. And I want him to be happy and I want to learn to be happy, even though it will be without him.

[happyhaunts03]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Especially to ssdm1 and happyhaunts03, I pose another question: have you ever cracked the mystery on your twin’s partners? Sometimes when I’m doing something mundane, like brushing my teeth in the morning, a thought of twin and his girlfriend will pop into my head. I’ll think, “they MUST have a great life together.” “He MUST have everything he wants with her.” “He certainly must feel far more for her than he felt for me, otherwise, he would never choose to be with her INSTEAD of me, would me?” I think about it: he’s the happy one, I’m the discontent one. Why does it have to be me? Why does he have what he wants and I have to compare everything to him the rest of my life? Why did the things we experienced together affect me so much, and him, seemingly not at all, just moving along to the next thing? Why is this my lot in life?

Well, my situation might be a little different because technically I moved on first. Our separation wasn't triggered by one of us falling for someone else, anger, or anything like that. I had to move away. He couldn't come and I couldn't ask him to because I knew he would have resented me if I did. Sure, he flirted with her before I moved on, but he didn't really devote himself to her until after I showed up with my boyfriend and threw it in his face.

That being said, I haven't spoken to my TF since we married our respective partners. I mean, we have the telepathy link and stuff, but it's not like we sit there discussing our lives. The weird thing is that she literally took my place. Literally. Like, I quit my job and she was the one that took it. My TF was my boss, then he became her boss. I actually met her once before I left. And I remember feeling a little jealous since he showed some interest in her, but seeing that she was so much like me and that she would be good for him.

I don't believe either of us technically have that all-encompassing feeling that comes with a TF with our respective partners. But both of us moved on, me because I was hoping to build my confidence so I could one day be good enough for my TF. I just knew I wouldn't be able to make him happy as I was. Too much baggage. So, I guess maybe I can guess where your TF is coming from because he sounds a lot like me...the runner in the relationship. I can't know why my TF moved on, but I suspect he figured if I did it, he could, too. We followed the paths we needed to. The thing with any relationship, TF or otherwise, is that you'll never be happy 100% of the time. So...I guess I don't think much about how it must be with her because I know. There will be good times, bad times, and everything in between. It doesn't matter why he ended up with her and I ended up with another person we both worked with. It just doesn't. But, I've had 12 years of separation to come to terms with it, so maybe it's just something that comes with time.

[ForeverRestless]

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

Well, my situation might be a little different because technically I moved on first. Our separation wasn't triggered by one of us falling for someone else, anger, or anything like that. I had to move away. He couldn't come and I couldn't ask him to because I knew he would have resented me if I did. Sure, he flirted with her before I moved on, but he didn't really devote himself to her until after I showed up with my boyfriend and threw it in his face.

That being said, I haven't spoken to my TF since we married our respective partners. I mean, we have the telepathy link and stuff, but it's not like we sit there discussing our lives. The weird thing is that she literally took my place. Literally. Like, I quit my job and she was the one that took it. My TF was my boss, then he became her boss. I actually met her once before I left. And I remember feeling a little jealous since he showed some interest in her, but seeing that she was so much like me and that she would be good for him.

I don't believe either of us technically have that all-encompassing feeling that comes with a TF with our respective partners. But both of us moved on, me because I was hoping to build my confidence so I could one day be good enough for my TF. I just knew I wouldn't be able to make him happy as I was. Too much baggage. So, I guess maybe I can guess where your TF is coming from because he sounds a lot like me...the runner in the relationship. I can't know why my TF moved on, but I suspect he figured if I did it, he could, too. We followed the paths we needed to. The thing with any relationship, TF or otherwise, is that you'll never be happy 100% of the time. So...I guess I don't think much about how it must be with her because I know. There will be good times, bad times, and everything in between. It doesn't matter why he ended up with her and I ended up with another person we both worked with. It just doesn't. But, I've had 12 years of separation to come to terms with it, so maybe it's just something that comes with time.

Thank you. I can feel the sense of peace in your response and something about it is very comforting. It gives me hope for how I'll be feeling in another 8-9 years. I guess these things are fated but also depend a lot on how we allow different factors to move our lives forward. If you are a Runner, you understand more than I do. But I will say that I moved on because my Twin already had, more or less immediately, and I was tired of being the fool waiting for him to decide he had made a mistake. To even just acknowledge that we had something spectacular together. The ironic thing is that I first heard the album he wrote about me within two weeks of meeting my boyfriend. At the time, I was so livid with Twin (for acting so hurt about the relationship ending but cowardly blaming me, basically), that I didn't want anything to do with him. My future boyfriend came along at the right time, as I'd swung an emotional door shut. I did keep thinking, "if he could have felt all these things he wrote about in the songs and still chose to be with his new girlfriend, that's saying something about how significant she is to him." I couldn't compete. I was too prideful to. And I convinced myself that if he could move on, by God, I would, too. I know that love is a decision you make every day, and things won't always be blissful, and they certainly wouldn't have been with Twin, either. I guess he figured that out before I did?

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Especially to ssdm1 and happyhaunts03, I pose another question: have you ever cracked the mystery on your twin’s partners? Sometimes when I’m doing something mundane, like brushing my teeth in the morning, a thought of twin and his girlfriend will pop into my head. I’ll think, “they MUST have a great life together.” “He MUST have everything he wants with her.” “He certainly must feel far more for her than he felt for me, otherwise, he would never choose to be with her INSTEAD of me, would me?” I think about it: he’s the happy one, I’m the discontent one. Why does it have to be me? Why does he have what he wants and I have to compare everything to him the rest of my life? Why did the things we experienced together affect me so much, and him, seemingly not at all, just moving along to the next thing? Why is this my lot in life?

Surely, over time, you must have been able to assess some reason why they prefer these women and these relationships over not even spending TIME with us.

This is something I've wondered and in my case I think it's fear and his self esteem. He never felt loved or appreciated by his father and he carries that with him even today.

I see his relationships with these other women as being somewhat codependent on his part. He finds someone to meet his needs, give him what he can't give himself, in order to feel whole. It's all about him. He chooses women who will do things the way he wants, that are no drama. His current girlfriend he seems to keep "hidden." He won't allow photos of them on his social media pages and not many of his friends or colleagues know about her or have met her. He did not tell me he had a girlfriend. He mentioned a friend or there was one photo of them at a party and he called her "the person who went with me."

He even recently told me that he has a void in his life and has for awhile (all the while living with his current girlfriend). I don't think he knows how to accept unconditional love. He never learned it growing up so he stays with the type relationships that make him comfortable.

To be with me I think scares him. He recognizes the relationship we have is special. He does love me and says so. He's told me he fears if we dated and it did not work out he would lose me all together and that scares him. He knows how I feel. He has trouble accepting someone being kind to him and particularly if someone gives him a gift when it's not his birthday or a holiday, he can't understand why someone would do that. I would just like to be able to spend more time with my twin. We text almost every day and talk on the phone about once a month.

As for me, I did have a relationship in my 30s with a man I worked with. I did love him and could imagine a future with this 2nd man. But, even at that time I realized the love I felt for man #2 was a different kind of love than I felt for my TF. (At that time TF was not part of my life at all and I knew nothing of twin flames). When the relationship with man #2 ended (he was separated but not divorcing) I got over it quickly and easily. A few years later man #2 called me, now divorced, wanting to get together. I felt nothing for him any longer and did not want to reconnect with him. With my TF when we reconnected it turned my world upside down and I wanted to see him as soon as I could.

[BlueCat]

I read all these posts feeling really upset and crying with a huge stomach pain because well...it seems i cannot break free as you all do after a TF. I'm still single and the connection with Tf goes as usual, stable even if y know, they don't want super duper closure or some serious relationship while at the same time they crave for true love.
In my case, i tried countless time to break away, to meet new people: everytime there is some issue that doesn't allow any connection with a potential romantic soulmate (being in a relationship even if they are interested, i don't have interest, communication is blocked, they don't notice me, etc). Is possible TFs influence you energetically to make you moving on from them really difficult if not impossible? Like an energetic block or something similar.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by BlueCat

I read all these posts feeling really upset and crying with a huge stomach pain because well...it seems i cannot break free as you all do after a TF. I'm still single and the connection with Tf goes as usual, stable even if y know, they don't want super duper closure or some serious relationship while at the same time they crave for true love.
In my case, i tried countless time to break away, to meet new people: everytime there is some issue that doesn't allow any connection with a potential romantic soulmate (being in a relationship even if they are interested, i don't have interest, communication is blocked, they don't notice me, etc). Is possible TFs influence you energetically to make you moving on from them really difficult if not impossible? Like an energetic block or something similar.

yeah there is a thing some people have talked about here, where any time you try to turn away you immediately get a reason to turn back. It is annoying!

I used to be so upset I couldn't move on, because I knew if I did my TF would come by and wreck anything I tried with others! And then leave again and I would have nothing.

Now I'm like resigned to it though, I can't have my TF even though I think about her all the time, and I can't have anyone else either, it is just the way it is. And at least if I'm not going to get anything anyway this is an easier way to do it.

But in some ways, it is kind of a relief not relating to any one. Any more I wouldn't know how anyway though...

Incidentally you CAN move on if you put a lot of effort into blocking the TF. A lot of people around here swear by it. Personally I won't do it having observed that what comes next is like the waves against the rock... the waves always win over the long haul. So eventually the TF will get back through to me and I'll be back in this mess. My own thought is if this is a medicine I'm going to be forced to take anyway, I might as well take it now

[BlueCat]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

yeah there is a thing some people have talked about here, where any time you try to turn away you immediately get a reason to turn back. It is annoying!

I used to be so upset I couldn't move on, because I knew if I did my TF would come by and wreck anything I tried with others! And then leave again and I would have nothing.

Now I'm like resigned to it though, I can't have my TF even though I think about her all the time, and I can't have anyone else either, it is just the way it is. And at least if I'm not going to get anything anyway this is an easier way to do it.

But in some ways, it is kind of a relief not relating to any one. Any more I wouldn't know how anyway though...

Incidentally you CAN move on if you put a lot of effort into blocking the TF. A lot of people around here swear by it. Personally I won't do it having observed that what comes next is like the waves against the rock... the waves always win over the long haul. So eventually the TF will get back through to me and I'll be back in this mess. My own thought is if this is a medicine I'm going to be forced to take anyway, I might as well take it now

Yeah and i'm not sure how to block TF or at least put some energetic barrier, i'm still in contact with him and yes i know i won't stop this love and connection but at LEAST i can have some power over my life. There are some that found a soulmate after TF, i know isn't the best but at least it could be useful, maybe they would instead take you closer to TF instead . I also experienced a big sacral chakra response thinking of someone else i like but well...i didn't have created a 3d connection to communicate (maybe this person i admire from "far" doesnt add people not known, having lots of requests or freaking TF blocking connection ). I would have been happy even only a friendship with this person but TF felt there was something else on my side and zap!! I'm doomed . I wonder if TFs can feel our sacral and heart chakra activating for other people and i bet yes.
I also felt a bit nervous lately because i said i would like a lot if TF would come in my country but as a bf not only as a friend, well he didn't said no nor yes BUT i felt resistence about this or something. And for this i decided to do something to "move on", i also felt somewhat not really good when he expressed some sexual feelings because i'm trying to move on.
I'm also wondering if sometimes TFs are energy vampires!

[M.Tesla]

dear Forever restless
Stop the endless searching. Stop and enjoy this moment. Make this moment stretch out. Enjoy the whole thing.

[Anne]

Wise words above.. especially when tf obsession rears its ugly head.

At the risk of going all 3D on you Forever Restless, I’m concerned reading when you say
Essentially I am unsatisfied with my boyfriend. I dread sex with him because he does not know how to touch or satisfy me.

Also, in other recent posts you disparage his education and intellectual capacity to keep up with you. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Please don’t get locked in to a situation you can barely tolerate!

Can you not just let the boyfriend go? I don’t see how the situation is fair to either you or him, and just maybe you may benefit from being alone for awhile.
There may not seem to be too many perks in living alone that I’ve discovered, but at least I know now it’s nothing to be afraid of..
And I remain hopeful eventually the answers I seek will come, including a wonderful relationship:-))

Before you think I am Tf unfriendly I would like to state that is far from the case.
I know for sure about frowning, intensity, taking separate paths, beating oneself up, choosing others, etc.

It is a tough row to hoe, when one is over the moon for someone, but apparently they do not feel the same or will not admit it due to circumstances beyond your control. Wishing you the best of all possible!