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Originally Posted by immortal coil
Long story short, I've met someone who fits all the qualities of a TF. We're eerily alike in almost all our viewpoints and life experiences and there's a certain element of synchronicity between us. So much that I've already fallen in love with her over a short span of time.
However, as greatly as our relationship is progressing I'm still having a difficult time fully putting my faith in her. She's broken down many of my initial trust barriers in ways that no one else was ever capable, but there's still some deep issues hanging on. I've spoken to her about these issues and she told me that she wanted me to know that she would never do anything to hurt me, but I still get suspicious over dumb things.
It's not that she's done anything to warrant this kind of behavior either. For instance, the couple of times I've sent her texts on the weekend she has taken a really long time to respond (in fact I recently sent her one that has now gone 3 hours without a response). Now mind you she is with her family about an hour away, so the reason could be that she puts down her phone to spend time with them, but instead my mind wanders that she could also be with someone else (as she's a very attractive woman).
Another time she was giving me a ride to my vehicle after spending a few hours with her and she got a phone call on her car's interface from 'xxx' (name withheld). She said "my cousin" and declined the call while resuming our conversation. She didn't seem suspicious or anything like that, but the next day I got thinking about it and let my mind wander that it was someone else in her life (aka not her cousin).
Nevertheless, I'm not sure where to go to from here. In fact, I don't understand why I have these trust issues in the first place as there usually tends to be an origin for such things, and I've had very few breeches of trust throughout my life. In fact I had a great childhood, I've never been cheated on by a partner before and only once have been betrayed by a friend, but they were never that close to begin with.
I'm hoping someone can chime in with their own experiences or some advice because I see a future with this woman.
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I can relate. I never thought I had trust issues in my entire life either, but as soon as somebody I care about enters the picture, suddenly all of my alarm bells start going off. I get paranoid that my sig. other is off with another man or that she is just blowing me off, to which my initial reaction is to either confront her about it or to abandon ship.
So with my current twin, this actually DID happen. I sent her text after text trying to arrange dates, and she very rarely got back to me. We had a dialogue, but we were on two completely different planets. I was under the impression that we were in a relationship for over a year when it fact, she was in another relationship with another man. How stupid was I?
Now I'm much better at handling my trust issues and communication with my twin has improved dramatically.
One thing you might want to look into is your expectation. You might not think you have any, but behind all trust issues is some kind of burden or expectation that you place upon someone else. You want them to report back to you in a timely manner...You get angry, upset or confused when they don't get back to you, etc...
After I had let go of those expectations of reciprocation, communication began to flow much better between me and my twin and she became more open and sincere to me about everything.
I didn't do this overnight. I had to hit rock bottom to get there, but it was the only way that I could get there.
Peace and love.
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