Self-sabotaging and self-punishment

[Xan]

If you don't mind my side comment, I preferred Sarian's topic to this argument about arguing. Yet there must be something to be learned from it... perhaps such as, the value of just letting it all go.


Xan

[Sarian]

I still want to just let go. Let go of everything and I don't know how.

At this moment right now, as well as too many other times in my life, I hate life. I just hate it...yet other times I see so much beauty in it, but not now...not now I don't.

[Xan]

For me letting go happens easiest with my breathing. Breathing in deeply into my belly, then letting go of the feeling energy with my exhale.

I don't push it out or away because that's just more rejection, but let my breath and feeling fall softly like a feather.

It takes a little practice to get used to it but what a benefit when we do.


Xan

[Dragonfly1]

I hear you Sarian, I really do,

Ive always been a self saboteur...I didnt know that I was until recently last 2-3 years, I punish with food and self neglect.....
Ive observed the pattern, cruel words and actions (and control) toward me by others and life partner, and by my own self (since childhood, neglect from grieving parents to begin with, I know now) = feelings of self loathing and of not being worthy or good enough... = feeding the body junk and sugar which result in more emotional pain.... and reinforcing the feeling of being unworthy of love and happiness....= not taking care of appearance and no motivation for life.....

I think I have always chosen a lifestyle and partners that create pain for me, is because it is in a 'comfort zone' for me, even if its not one that I like....its familiar so Ive stayed with it (mostly it was on a subconscious level until recently).....

Its what I believed it is what I deserved....I know better now....but it has taken all of my life to come to this place, opening up spiritually and allowing the Divine to help me....slowly slowly....im growing....

It was amazing to observe this phenomenon in myself......so sad to think one isnt worthy of love or caring and looking for ways to reinforce these feelings.....im glad now that I have witnessed it .......all I have to do now is overcome it......which is easier said than done........please be kind to me after my self expose'.......I think I am starting to realise that I am worthy of love and I deserve the best that life has to offer.....thank you God.....xx

I want to just shut down. I want to go back to that kid again who had walls up so damn high no one could get to me.

I know I sound foolish, I just have to vent. I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of holding my breath, I'm sick of feeling fear, I'm sick of that alone feeling. I'm sick of taking blame.

Oh, Sarian, this made me get tears in my eyes!! I know exactly how that feels...I used to have really high walls, too...but once they came down, that was it (at least for the person who brought them down...) and now I can't put them back up :( Sometimes it would be so much easier, wouldn't it?
And yes, it does sometimes feel like it's all too much , I totally agree. But then again, we don't HAVE to take the blame. At least not all of it. If someone has hurt us, or is not giving us what we need, we do have the right to say to them "I deserve more." That is not being selfish - it's being honest and knowing that you are WORTH more. But it is hard to get to the point of actually believing it! I think a lot of it stems from fear: fear that we're not good enough - and fear that we'll lose this wonderful thing we found...yeah, that's a big one - the fear of losing it all.....
But we can't let that fear rule us - all we can do is try a little each day to re-program ourselves to change our thoughts, thus changing our behaviours.
****Now off I go to try to follow that advise.... ****
You can do it, Sarian - I know you can - I have faith in you

[sound]

Originally Posted by amy green

Maybe you're protecting the dim-witted,

This post has played on my mind all day. I don't label people as 'dim-witted' ... that to me, is a derogatory term that i do not use ... it has no place here or anywhere else ... especially when describing people who I might consider are at a disadvantage and in need of protection.
Your vehemence toward me is disturbing. I hope you don't treat others like that if they decide not to take your advice.

What does interest me is whether or not you agree with my original statement, and if you do, then why did you find it so offensive?

[Dragonfly1]

I have been reading this thread and how it got derailed....I read your post sound, the original one, it seems someone appears to have taken strong offence to......to be honest.....I found NO fault with it......it was a comment that applies to anyone who may with all good intentions want to help with well meaning advice...that actually can be counter productive and at times may make the OP or anyone in her situation feel 'less than' because they can't emotionally be that strong.......its very easy to say what one should or shouldnt do when you haven't lived that life......I have myself been guilty of the 'you should do this'.....and i should know better......

[sound]

Originally Posted by Xan

If you don't mind my side comment, I preferred Sarian's topic to this argument about arguing. Yet there must be something to be learned from it... perhaps such as, the value of just letting it all go.
Xan

Most definitely some learning in it for me Xan ... I don't feel the sidetrack was simply arguing about arguing, even though it may appear to be like that for others ... expressing is also a form of letting it go dont you feel?

Originally Posted by amy green

[color="Green"]You go ahead sound. I found it to be an inaccurate, unnecessary intervention that insults the intelligence of who you are trying to protect. If they were indeed being told what to do, would this not occur to them without you having to point it out to them? Maybe you're protecting the dim-witted, who knows.
[COLOR]

I just thought I'd put my remark into its proper context - so it is better understood. That Sound has to point out whether posts may be telling someone what to do (to safeguard the recipient from not realising this) is insulting to their intelligence ....people are self-governing, have a brain, can work this out for themself. That's what I meant - so I can only assume she chooses to point this out to people in case they may need her nudging?

Also her original comment didn't seem to apply to posts there - she couldn't say who was telling Sarian what to do...! I acknowledge Sound had a general point in her comment i.e. I said that I will ensure I offer suggestions (where appropriate). I have stopped doing so here.

For the record, I bear no ill will towards Sound and I dislike being misunderstood. Hence the need for this post - to clarify the issue. I don't wish to keep pursuing this so I hope Sound doesn't keep quoting my posts out of context. I really want this thread to be about its original topic.

[Dragonfly1]

................................................