Panhandlers

[twinkle]

I never know when I should give money to panhandlers. I prefer to actually buy them food if they need money for food instead of hand them cash to possibly buy alcohol or who knows what. Once, a man knocked on my window at a fast food drive-thru. I gave him $10 to buy a meal. At least I saw him go inside and stand in line to buy it.

Today, a woman was walking around the parking lot at the grocery store. It was raining. She banged on my window as I was looking through a bag. Her complexion did not look so great so I did not know if she was alcoholic or on drugs, but it could have been malnutrition. I got an uneasy feeling when I looked her, and my instinct was that I wanted her to get away from me. She said she was homeless and could use $5 or $10 to blankets. However, I know homeless shelters provide blankets. She might have avoided asking for money to buy food since I might have offered to buy her food right inside the grocery store.

Because I think of no one helping me in a situation like this, I feel guilty for not giving money. On the other hand, I got bad feeling when she was around me so not sure if that means scammer.

How do you know whether or not one really needs money for basic living needs or is just planning on using it on alcohol or drugs? How do you know when or not to give?

I don't give to pan handlers/beggars, though I have on occasion. You don't know what they are going to spend it on. As long as you give from your heart, that's all that matters.

[Celera]

A very dear friend of mine who was a recovering alcoholic said that he gave money to panhandlers (and I saw him do this many times) even if they might use it for drugs or alcohol. He said, maybe it will just help them find their bottom sooner.

I'm not advocating this, just throwing it out there as part of the discussion. My personal belief is that it doesn't matter what they will use it for. Giving is giving. Everyone is on their own journey and they will do what they must. My task is to be generous, to be kind, and to not be intimidated by people who look, sound or smell different from me. When I get to the point of feeling no discomfort in giving money to a panhandler -- when I have mastered pity and generosity and humility -- then I'll worry about what they are going to do with the money.

But that's just me.

I don't like aggressive behavior, there's a guy who stands at the intersection that I pass every day, he holds a sign saying homeless anything will help, if the light is red and I have to stop I'll toss him a loonie, if I don't have to stop I just keep going. I don't come across too many panhandlers, I also don't care what they spend the money on. I can't imagine being that desperate.

[twinkle]

I felt naive the last time I gave $10 to a homeless man at a train station. I was sitting at the eating court when he approached me. After he left, I overheard people at the eating court saying there goes money for boos or things like that. He walked around the corner so I do not know if he used it for food or what. I guess I do not want to feel naive again.

[Wandering_Star]

I trust my intuition. If it says to give someone money, I'll do it. If I get an uneasy feeling, I don't.

I will give money to just about any busted-up old alcoholic who asks, because late-stage alkies actually need the booze to function at all. If they are forced to dry out, the withdrawal/DTs could kill them. And yeah, maybe they will die from their addiction to booze, but there's always the possibility they'll sober up--and I've seen that miracle happen more than once.

I will also give money to broken-down old folks. They're usually on a tiny fixed income that isn't enough to keep body and soul together.

As for what the recipient will do with the money, I don't care. I don't care if they buy food. I don't care if they buy booze or cigs or drugs. The money is a gift, given freely, to spend as they see fit.

I have had to learn to stand my ground with aggressive panhandlers. But I've also had to learn how to say no to people when my gut tells me not to give them money, and do it in a way that is kind, polite, and acknowledges their humanity. Usually I'll say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not carrying any cash today." I'll pause and look them in the eye as I say it, as I would for someone who asked for the time, or which bus to take. I treat it as a reasonable request that I just happen to be unable to fill. And most of the time I get a smile and a "Thank you," and maybe a "God bless," because I actually treated them like a fellow human being, instead of ignoring them or being mean.

I have no idea how any given panhandler got to where they are. I have no idea if their soul agreed to poverty and homelessness in this life, or if they got there because life on earth has overwhelmed them. I don't know. So I don't know what is best for them, or what they need (unless they're a wet-brain drunk), or what they ought to do with the money. I don't even know why I'm led to give money to some, and not others.

But I know how hard it can be to ask for what you need, and face cruelty and rejection for doing so, so I at least try to be kind, even if I feel led not to give cash. We are fellow souls, born from the same Source, and eventually we will both merge back into it. As obscured as it may be here, we are brothers and sisters in spirit, and as hard as it can be for me to remember that at times, I do my best.

[CrystalSong]

I listen to intuition also. If I see bare feet I take them to buy shoes, money if I sense it's whats needed, I also keep canned goods in my vehicle to pass out, bottled water is another good one. I've given educational flash cards to homeless families with children, I've also walked by and driven by many passing them only a smile and a nod - everyone needs love no matter their condition.

Those whom I can tell are developmentally disabled I even give hugs. In the 1970's based on a case in NY we as a culture had a huge over-reaction and shut down all our care institutions for folks who do not and won't be able to have the skills sets to survive without assistance of the more abled. Many ended up homeless. To this day we still have developmentally disabled who fall through the cracks regularly as we've yet to address this situation in a way that covers ALL.
Those without surviving families to see that what State/Fed services are available can be received by them are the most hurt, for there is no one to advocate for them and fill out the paperwork - they are our Forgotten.

So a mixture of Instinct and Education on the issues faced by the various sectors of society that fall through the safety nets guides my response.

[CrystalSong]

Recently (6 months ago) I helped a 17 year old young homeless man. At 17 he was too young to be accepted in the Men's homeless shelter over night but could go there for food during the day and use pay laundry services there.
At the Homeless Shelter for teens the kids were doing drugs in the courtyard and so he didn't want to lower his vibration and endanger himself by staying there, and further said he'd rather sleep in the woods.
So a bunch of us pitched in and came up with sleeping bags, a tent, winter coat, backpack and a bike for him and someone offered him their little part of the woods to sleep in, with permission he wasn't considered a vagrant by the law and someone lent him their address as a permanent one and to take phone messages for him so he could apply for work.
He got a job at McDonalds in a couple weeks.
There's many ways to be helpful.

[twinkle]

What if you just went to the bank for parking money you needed. I usually pay for everything with my credit card, but I needed $10 cash for parking. That is all I had with me. I did not feel like going back to bank to withdraw another $10. Plus, I was not sure the woman was really going to use the $10 to buy blankets.

[Celera]

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you have to give him your last dollar, twinkle, unless you feel that you want to do so. I like Wandering Star's approach. If you give something, it's not yours anymore. Who cares what she does with the money? That's the journey she is on.

I've usually not given money to panhandlers, partly because I was taught not to do so when I was young, and because as a woman it is not always prudent to engage strangers. But I'm older now, and I've been poor -- if not quite homeless -- and I know how complicated life is. So I try to help out where I can. I expect that my dollar here and there does little to help the recipients, but learning to be braver and more compassionate does me a great deal of good.