Detached and needing to be alone to build our love foundation?

Hello guys,

Has it ever happened to you that you no longer miss your twin flame and that you do not want to be in contact and instead you just want to be alone?

After I decided to stop fighting to bring him back into my life I began detaching somehow and dealing with lots of expectations and pains from the conflicts we had. I realized I needed so much time for myself. We have not talked in like one year but we still would argue a lot a few months ago and I was complaining too much instead of seeing things from a more mature angle. We only argued but we stopped communicating a very long time ago.

During the past days I decided to send to him messages telling him in many ways that I was sorry on my own side for my attitudes and I would cry a lot while writing to him and I also released lots of hard feelings. He never replies though but one day he let me know through just an image that he is still very hurt. But I do not regret sending messages to him letting him know that I love him and/or that I am hurt about certain things and working to heal myself. I know that the more I understand things, the more he will understand them on his own. In this sense I do not believe that one twin is more evolved than the other because for example in the case of us ladies, we can be so whimpy. Guys need their own freedom and we need to understand that we need our own freedom and it might be the same for guys who are more like the chasers. I do happen to have my own runner side in spite of having played more the role of chaser. By freedom I mean to feel that we can feel love and feel loved without feeling suffocated or broken and that we can feel well with all the things we do and we find love in other things, not just through another person.

One of the things I notice in the conflicts we have in all kinds of relationships is the expectations we have about the other person, be it a soulmate, a twin flame or family/siblings.

We feel hurt when our loved one changes in some way, especially when we feel that the other is no longer supporting us and is no longer there for us when we feel we need him/her. We start accumulating pain and then conflict arises. We start feeling like the other no longer understands us and the other person starts feeling the same way, we overwhelm each other with our unfulfilled expectations.

Then the pushing and pulling begins. We feel we need them so badly and the other person cannot deal with our anger and pain because they themselves feel misunderstood and afraid. There can be money issues as well.

In the end we are left questioning if the other loves us or not and how much they value us. Underneath is in reality the issue of how much we value ourselves. How strong is our foundation, our basis. Do we need someone else to confirm to us that we are worthy or love and that we have a great value? Or do we know how to give to ourselves what we need in all circumstances including the times when others cannot give love to us the way we want?

I feel that somehow we need to be strong enough to be honest to the other without being negative. If we could all be honest with each other and share our true feelings of love and pain in compassionate ways we would not have to go through such long periods of separation or separations without a proper closure. Not everyone is open to listening though. Not eveyone is open to speaking their truth without anger or a tone of pain that offends the other. It is not easy.

Somehow periods of solitude help to release the pain, as long as we manage to express it in healthy ways, either crying or feeling anger without hurting others, never keeping it inside...then comes a new perspective.

Most important, it is fine to let the other know what we truly feel even if we do not get a reply. We can measure our own strength and our foundation depending on how we feel about not getting the response from our twin flames and other soulmates that we expect.

When we expect less and we feel equally strong and filled with love with or without the other then it is more likely things will work out and there is potential for reunion in the future. When we reach the point in which we truly admit our mistakes without needing for the other to admit their own mistakes we release them with love and we heal. At least we are the ones who heal and it would be up to the other person to understand their own imbalances. We become more free and we release a lot of pain with love.

Whenever I feel bad about things that happened between us, I remember all these things and understand that I need time alone to keep building my love foundation in order to feel the love flowing within myself again and for me to be unconditional to my twin without expecting him to be there for me. I know the kind of love that he needs...but I am not ready yet to be that person because there are many things I want to change within myself.

[Theophila]

This has happened to me, it is happening right now. It's those moments you need to touch base with yourself. To need yourself more .to free your emotional space to work on yourself. Ive tried many times to take an emotional vacation.
But once I do its like when you go in holiday. Get off the plane ...go straight to the beach...lay on that sun chair and go " ahhhhhhhh" and then the mobile phone goes off!( I mean this metaphorically )
Sometimes you need to throw that phone in the ocean!
to you chironheart !

Amazing some of us are going through this!! So glad to know you understand this need of personal freedom...omg now I want to go to a beach hahaha!!! literally!!

Lots of hugs to you dear Ishtar!

[Theophila]

Originally Posted by Chironheart

Amazing some of us are going through this!! So glad to know you understand this need of personal freedom...omg now I want to go to a beach hahaha!!! literally!!

Lots of hugs to you dear Ishtar!

Most of us are , yes, and ive been alone apart from my little child. I'm away from him(sc) from everyone really where I am and I've actually had the privilege to have myself exclusively! With sc it's been hard, many reasons, even being far away there is still contact.
I'm glad ive had an uncomplicated time here and I can avoid a lot. I could never imagine what it would have been like being in close proximity, nor others for that matter and have to work through all this.
Sometimes solitude is a blessing. And it doesn't last forever. I had a long period of solitude before he ( tf) came into my life and my ex.
So after the events ive ended up again alone. Who knows what is to come, but at least this time is to reflect, adjust, repair, heal whatever is needed before whatever is to come comes.
People seem to think" awe , poor thing,you need to do this, meet someone" blah blah... Being with myself has been some of the most peaceful times of my life.
And it would be a hellava lot better on a beautiful beach now for sure!🍹🌴

Originally Posted by Chironheart

Hello guys,

Has it ever happened to you that you no longer miss your twin flame and that you do not want to be in contact and instead you just want to be alone?

After I decided to stop fighting to bring him back into my life I began detaching somehow and dealing with lots of expectations and pains from the conflicts we had. I realized I needed so much time for myself. We have not talked in like one year but we still would argue a lot a few months ago and I was complaining too much instead of seeing things from a more mature angle. We only argued but we stopped communicating a very long time ago.

During the past days I decided to send to him messages telling him in many ways that I was sorry on my own side for my attitudes and I would cry a lot while writing to him and I also released lots of hard feelings. He never replies though but one day he let me know through just an image that he is still very hurt. But I do not regret sending messages to him letting him know that I love him and/or that I am hurt about certain things and working to heal myself. I know that the more I understand things, the more he will understand them on his own. In this sense I do not believe that one twin is more evolved than the other because for example in the case of us ladies, we can be so whimpy. Guys need their own freedom and we need to understand that we need our own freedom and it might be the same for guys who are more like the chasers. I do happen to have my own runner side in spite of having played more the role of chaser. By freedom I mean to feel that we can feel love and feel loved without feeling suffocated or broken and that we can feel well with all the things we do and we find love in other things, not just through another person.

One of the things I notice in the conflicts we have in all kinds of relationships is the expectations we have about the other person, be it a soulmate, a twin flame or family/siblings.

We feel hurt when our loved one changes in some way, especially when we feel that the other is no longer supporting us and is no longer there for us when we feel we need him/her. We start accumulating pain and then conflict arises. We start feeling like the other no longer understands us and the other person starts feeling the same way, we overwhelm each other with our unfulfilled expectations.

Then the pushing and pulling begins. We feel we need them so badly and the other person cannot deal with our anger and pain because they themselves feel misunderstood and afraid. There can be money issues as well.

In the end we are left questioning if the other loves us or not and how much they value us. Underneath is in reality the issue of how much we value ourselves. How strong is our foundation, our basis. Do we need someone else to confirm to us that we are worthy or love and that we have a great value? Or do we know how to give to ourselves what we need in all circumstances including the times when others cannot give love to us the way we want?

I feel that somehow we need to be strong enough to be honest to the other without being negative. If we could all be honest with each other and share our true feelings of love and pain in compassionate ways we would not have to go through such long periods of separation or separations without a proper closure. Not everyone is open to listening though. Not eveyone is open to speaking their truth without anger or a tone of pain that offends the other. It is not easy.

Somehow periods of solitude help to release the pain, as long as we manage to express it in healthy ways, either crying or feeling anger without hurting others, never keeping it inside...then comes a new perspective.

Most important, it is fine to let the other know what we truly feel even if we do not get a reply. We can measure our own strength and our foundation depending on how we feel about not getting the response from our twin flames and other soulmates that we expect.

When we expect less and we feel equally strong and filled with love with or without the other then it is more likely things will work out and there is potential for reunion in the future. When we reach the point in which we truly admit our mistakes without needing for the other to admit their own mistakes we release them with love and we heal. At least we are the ones who heal and it would be up to the other person to understand their own imbalances. We become more free and we release a lot of pain with love.

Whenever I feel bad about things that happened between us, I remember all these things and understand that I need time alone to keep building my love foundation in order to feel the love flowing within myself again and for me to be unconditional to my twin without expecting him to be there for me. I know the kind of love that he needs...but I am not ready yet to be that person because there are many things I want to change within myself.

"it is not easy", oh yeah! It's even damn hard! Needing space sometimes is not something to be ashamed of or made guilty of, I discover this right now. Thanks Chironheart.

Ishtar:

Wow I can relate to your experience being far away from your sc. My twin and I live in two different countries and it was a long distance relationship but still the energy was overwhelming and so consuming. When things were apparently better between us we spent hours everyday talking but it was interfering with our lives.

Indeed solitude is a blessing, we can do things that otherwise are more difficult to do when we have others around who demand so much attention. We can cultivate certain hobbies and reflect like you say, enjoy activities alone.

I have not been married yet and most of the people I interact with are already married with children and some people think I am weird for that...I do want to get married and have children but...it is time to enjoy this peace I guess and you have a good point there: solitude not always lasts too long and then we might end up craving for it.

Liveinthe now:

Thank you! Yes let us make the best of these times when we might need a little bit of space. :)

[Miss Hepburn]

Gee, look at how many times Jesus went off to be in solitude.
We need to replenish, renew, refresh and rejuvenate.

[Theophila]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Gee, look at how many times Jesus went off to be in solitude.
We need to replenish, renew, refresh and rejuvenate.

That was the best example you pointed out Mrs. H!!!

Beautiful example MH!!

Which also reminds me of Siddharta Gautama...who also went through long periods of solitude to reach enlightenment. :)

I have been thinking, currently I am busy with some responsibilities, but after I am done, I want to read some Herman Hesse books (talking about the one he wrote about Siddharta). Another good thing to do when one is not absorbed by relationships or too many daily routines!

Originally Posted by Chironheart

Beautiful example MH!!

Which also reminds me of Siddharta Gautama...who also went through long periods of solitude to reach enlightenment. :)

I have been thinking, currently I am busy with some responsibilities, but after I am done, I want to read some Herman Hesse books (talking about the one he wrote about Siddharta). Another good thing to do when one is not absorbed by relationships or too many daily routines!

My favorite Hesse is The Glass Bead Game (Magister Ludi). You can't go wrong with any of them, but GBG is unlike anything I have ever read.