So lost..

[Camilla]

I just have to vent, hoping someone on here will understand...as my friends are far from spiritual...

So, I reunited with someone I believed to be quite important to me about two weeks ago...

The back story is I haven't seen him in 15 years. The last time I saw him, I was about 8 years old. What led me to get back in contact with him was the fact I had about three very intense dreams of him. These dreams were way more intense than anything Ive ever dreamt, on an energetic level. In my dreams he appears to be the age he is now. After inquiring about these dreams and doing some soul searching, I thought he represented my higher self.

So the day came for me to see him. The entire time felt like heaven to say the least. His eyes were the only thing I saw when looking at him, and it seemed as if I was looking into eternity. The sun seemed to enlighted my entire atmosphere with a vivid color of yellow..

There was about two seconds in his presence where I truly realized my existence, and how magical and amazing it is. Everything around me seemed to disappear around me including gravity, time, and my surroundings. The only thing that seemed to be profoundly apparent was my heartbeat, crazy vibration, white light,and him. I am not exaggerating a bit, if anything these words are demeaning.

After those seemingly two seconds in eternity, My words with him were short and abrupt, as I was trying racking my logical mind to what was going on at the same time.... He tried to hold my hand, and I unintentionally "dissed" him. He was pretty upset about it for a few minutes. He didnt know my mind was going 1,000 miles an hour.

On our ride back to the place we met up, there was a time I was laughing at something he said, and from my peripheral vision I saw him turn his head from the road (he was driving) and stare at me...time seemed to slow down and I felt an incredible energy of joy, beauty, peace, and love....and I felt all of that before I saw him stare at me. It was one of those times where I truly felt IN the moment, not having a single worry.


So Our time together came to an end, and He dropped me off at my car and I literally sat in the car for 30 min texting friends and trying to figure out what just happened...I felt quite literally lost in my consciousness....wondering how the heck I'm going to get home.

and I came back home feeling more alive than I've felt in years. My sister even said, "welcome back to life" She saw the light in my eyes.

I had an extremely lucid dream of him the following day. In the dream, he was in a library reading a textbook on logic.

We kept in contact for about two days after we met up...
In our last convo, he asked "are you alright from yesterday?"
and I was honest and said "For the most part...no"


That was the last time I heard from him...
and now hes gone...

I tried to get in contact with him for three days, but he has not responded at all.

On an attraction level, I know he is. He commented many times on how nice I looked. He often asked me questions like "what kind of guys do you like?" "what do you look for in a man?" "are you happy?"

our vibe was amazing, so I dont think it had anything to do with not vibing with me.

I know he has a girlfriend, but I made it clear I wasnt interested, I just want to get to know him again.

I just don't understand...I try to follow my heart, and I feel it has failed me. The more I try to move on and go out and socialize, the more I am in pain. I went out with many friends since then, and it's not the same.
The more I tell myself, he represents my higher self and nothing more, some forces of the universe throws things in my face to make me look at things deeper. I am NOT a desperate chick, so I tell myself to just move on. And the more I try, the more my heart hurts.

vent over.

[Dezzymandius]

Wow, this is heatbreaking, such a magical and lovely experience can't be ignored. Unfortunately i'm no expert spiritually, but perhaps some meditation would help, if you sought to seek help from your spirit guides or perhaps just looking inside yourself with do you some good.

I hope your not to distressed by the situation and find the answers you seek soon.

Hi there Camilla,
try talking to him while he is asleep. Sit somewhere comfy and just talk to him as if he was in the room with you. Let him know how you feel, do this a few times over the next few days and see what happens. If it is time he will return to you, you said your self that he has a g/f. Maybe she found out that you caught up and she isn't happy about it? In any case try that and let me know how you get on. I am a healer so if you need to chat then just PM me and I will give you my contact details.

Cheers for now Morganna

[mystical]

i think maybe he has cut off because he thinks u didnt enjoy being with him ,have u tried explaining to him how u feel , that it wasnt anythign he did that was the problem ? he may think he isnt enough for u and may be hurt if u told him that u wanst happy that day esp if he was happy ,

[TheReason]

I channeled a message from your guides, and this is what I got:

"He's happy and he wants you to know that you are amazing and beautiful. He's scared right now. Sometimes a connection as profound as this can be a lot for someone to take in. He's isn't in a place where he can jump to conclusions. Practice each night covering yourself with rose-colored loving energy, and also picture sending him the same energy. Use this as a self-strengthening opportunity and take the gap of being with him to strengthen your own energy. At the same time, keep in your mind that you will meet up again with him if and when the time is right. In these situations you have to put your trust in destiny and leave the rest to us."

[John32241]

Hi,

This particular response got my attention.

We kept in contact for about two days after we met up...
In our last convo, he asked "are you alright from yesterday?"
and I was honest and said "For the most part...no"

My impression was that "For the most part ...yes". I know that perception is everything and you saw it differently. His only option from that point forward would be to ignore you. It could be that at some future time, when you are able to comfortably accept all these energies and be OK with them, he will be inclined to re-connect with you.

Best Wishes!!
John

That was really beautifully written the way you described the meeting. It was similar to how I would describe the very day I saw my soul connection for the first time. I felt more alive that day than any other time.

Um......I can think of a multitude of reasons why he might have backed off. The paramount one is fear and thats what these soul connections are good at doing-scaring the **** out of people. Secondly, if he tried holding your hand and you made him feel rejected, that could be enough to make him want to back off too. Rejection sucks but even more so when it comes from someone you have powerful feelings for because emotions good or bad get magnified. If he withdrew, it could have been just because he doesn't want to feel that rejection again. And thirdly, if he has a girlfriend then maybe he figured staying in touch with you might not go over too well with her and he's just trying to honor his relationship. It could be anything.

What I don't understand is why you say you made it clear you weren't interested. If you weren't interested, then why are you in pain now? I can't imagine anyone can meet someone they connect with on this level and not be interested unless they are saying that more so for the person's benefit if they happen to be in a relationship. It is NOT easy to detach yourself from this kind of connection. Scratch that. Its damn near impossible.

I don't necessarily believe he represents your higher self, but I DO think connected with these soul connections puts us in better touch with our OWN higher selves--our soul in a way that we never were BEFORE the connection.........no clue if that made any sense or not.

[Camilla]

thanks for all the responses everyone, I deeply appreciate every single one of them. They have put much into perspective.

Deezy- It seems like during the day, I meditate...I feel GREAT, my mind is clear, then I go to sleep...and for whatever reason I wake up feeling pained...and hopeless. I will try to seek spirit guides...once I truly learn HOW. I've tried a few times and failed. I am a bit distressed, but time heals all....or does it? LOL. Thank you for your kind words. and your light. Namaste.

Morganna- I will try that. I appreciate you and I will stay in contact. Namaste.

Mystical- I have not tried to explain how I feel because I don't know how he feels. I fear putting all my feelings out there only for him to say he feels nothing for me. A few days after not receiving a response from my previous text, I tried to indirectly let him know how I feel by telling him to read a poem I wrote on Facebook...but I just said I needed him to give me some constructive critisim on it since he is a musician( I know, that was a terrible lie). I did not recieve a response to that either. =(

TheReason- That is beautiful. I have been drawn to making myself whole during this time, so I think you are right on point with what you said. I appreciate you and your channeling.

John- "My impression was that "For the most part ...yes"
care to elaborate on that? I think I know what you're saying, but Im not entirely sure. Thank you for your reply. =)

LadyImpreza- Thank you! =) You're right it could be anything...which is why I am so lost right now...and feeling a bit rejected. =(

I worded that wrong, I made it clear I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him....I just wanted to get to know him again. I told him I respect his relationship, and I am a firm believer in karma....so that was that. This was said about three months before we actually met.
and you make complete sense it's been 11 days since I saw him and despite my pain and frustration, I feel I am growing and evolving.

[John32241]

Originally Posted by Camilla

John- "My impression was that "For the most part ...yes"
care to elaborate on that? I think I know what you're saying, but Im not entirely sure. Thank you for your reply. =)

As I see it, you recognized and experienced a deep soul connection with this person. I suspect that your mutual souls appreciated this. You can as well when you elevate your perception.

Human expectations and divine expectations are frequently quite different. What I have learned to appreciate, because of my similar personal experiences, is that the more I elevated my views to align with that my divine wisdom, the greater my entire life shifted to a better place.

I went from grief and sorrow to joy and great satisfaction by doing this.

In my view, every person's life is a choice of perception. Is God good or evil/indifferent? Is God interested in me and my life and involved, or absent?

You may be surprised to know that the difference between a ****** life and a good life is your perception of it.

John

Originally Posted by TheReason

I channeled a message from your guides, and this is what I got:

"He's happy and he wants you to know that you are amazing and beautiful. He's scared right now. Sometimes a connection as profound as this can be a lot for someone to take in. He's isn't in a place where he can jump to conclusions. Practice each night covering yourself with rose-colored loving energy, and also picture sending him the same energy. Use this as a self-strengthening opportunity and take the gap of being with him to strengthen your own energy. At the same time, keep in your mind that you will meet up again with him if and when the time is right. In these situations you have to put your trust in destiny and leave the rest to us."

this is amazing and so true.
i am in a similar situation in that the person i love i know the time is not right, and i am working on rebuilding our friendship. the mere thought of anything more is terrifying to him because of how strong the connection is when we are together - so we talk via text regularly but despite living in the same town, do not see each other for months at a time. i am okay with that right now because i know he needs the time and space to work on himself, and trusting that he deserves love, and that his life can grow for the better. if and when the time is right i have faith that life will bring us together, and if not i am happy that i have given him what he needs, that i am happy, that i am allowing him to be happy, and that we are able to still be friends even if it is just via text messages for now.

love & light to you - have faith in yourself. you have received some wonderful advice in here. :)