I knew that he would give me heartache...

[Kiran]

I don't know if it was love at first sight. What I do know is that it was attraction at first sight. I saw his eyes, painted with kohl, and I knew I had to get to know him. He attracted me, everything about him attracted me. He was my own personal magnet. I watched him move around in the bar, he was a barkeeper of the bar right beneath our hostel. I asked a different barkeeper for the name of his colleague and found out he was called Jesús - like the son of God. It was a fitting name for him. My angel, my magnet. Everything inside me longed for him. Though still I felt he would give me heartache. Something inside me told me to pay attention, to be cautious. This guy was hard peril!

And it seemed he was attracted to me just the same way. We exchanged looks and smiles, then little touches. He asked me to walk up to the Alhambra with him after his workshift was over. I was a little sceptic - going for a walk with a total stranger at 3 a.m. - but I trusted him, so we went. We talked our hearts out that night. He invited me to take tea in his home, and we ended up in his bed, making love while outside a new day was breaking. It was pure magic. It was like a scene taken out of some novel, or film. But it was real, he was there, I was there, and HE and SHE were also there, inside us. It was magical. Still sadly we had to part in the morning, I had to get back to my group. Our teacher had been so scared about me missing!

I called my love when I got back to my country, and we developed our relationship. He opened my heart. He tore it open, so that my inner being could shine through. He led me on the spiritual path. Maybe that was his mission for me in this lifetime.

We split over a stupidity. My fault. My big fault, the biggest fault of my life. He won't forgive me that. And so I have lost whom I still consider my soulmate.

I miss him, though I have learnt through many meditations that he wants us both to be free and move on with our lives. I am free to have a new partner. Yet still in my twin flame meditations I see him.

I don't know if we ever will come together in this life. Maybe his only purpose in this lifetime was to tear my heart open, for my soul to shine through. Hopefully in our next incarnation we will meet again, and make it work.

I love him. I still do. And I ever will.

What a lovely, moving, poetic expression. You have a gift with words, Kiran.

I’m sorry for your immense heartache. It sounds like you are handling it all with much acceptance and gratitude, however. Though, underneath it all I sense a melancholy. I understand that melancholy, if so. These connections are like a double-edged sword, yes?

I wish you much peace.

[Kiran]

Thank you very much for your reply, münchen. All I can do about it is accept it as it is and I try to just be thankful for the experience. I know that his love was a divine blessing, and for such I take it even if now it's over.

Yes, there is melancholy in the memory (isn't there in all memories?) but I try to move on with my life and get ready to love again. Though I don't know if I could ever love as much as I loved him, it's like a forum member here said "you never know how deep love can get with another", so I'm ready for surprises.

Peace and Love to you, münchen.