searching for him.

Hello.

I'm 21 years old and have always been obsessed with the idea of romance and adamant about the idea that I have a perfect soul mate out there that I'd be reunited with someday. Throughout high school I was a very lonely and socially isolated girl, I had a few crushes and there was this one boy I convinced myself was "him": he was very attractive to me and any time we almost bumped into each other in the hallways, I would theorize that it happened so often because we were meant to be together. Unfortunately, I had never had enough confidence to even smile at him so the entire year went by and we never even spoken to each other once. I was a Senior and he was a Sophomore boy. I would fantasize about being with him and in his arms any time that I saw him sitting alone. He has now graduated high school and I've been out a few years (I've just been living at home and not doing college or working). I found him on Facebook this month and he's changed a lot and I got to see what he is really like and there's nothing attractive about him anymore. After high school I went to college (which I quit after 3 days) with the same mindset that I would find my soul mate there and on the first day I took an elevator with a guy and because of that small event I believed "this must be my soul mate!" ... I could not even concentrate on registering for classes because I just wanted to see him again. I got over him after a day however because I knew I wasn't truly attracted to him and that I was just being desperate.

I'm alone most the time now even when I'm at home and I don't have interest in making friends, I am just waiting to meet my other half. I am almost positive how I know he's going to make me feel when I first meet him, I have lived with an emptiness and desire for him since I was little.

I feel like he too should be looking for me as hard as I am looking for him.

I have joined several dating sites to continue my search. When I started with OKCupid I answered 100s of questions to have a higher chance of finding him because I thought if he was my soul mate, he would have answered all those questions similarly to how I have and our match score would be very high. I didn't find anyone I liked very much on that site and nobody that I felt could be "him". I've signed up for many free dating sites and I can't seem to find any guy that I find suitable, I think I'm looking for someone who reminds me exactly of myself, even when it comes down to movies and music tastes. I search (maybe obsessively) special keywords of some rare movies that I have watched thinking that I could find him more easily since I'm expecting our interests and tastes to be the same.

So far I've not found him on the internet. I have found only one guy so far whose looks make me think he could be him but he doesn't log into the site anymore so he can't reply to my messages and I'm kind of uncertain about him because our interests don't match perfectly well. I have always believed that he would be extremely beautiful and his looks would paralyze me, which this guy's does. There are few men who can take my breath away as he.

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Now I having some doubts that my soul mate even exists. I am tired that he doesn't just show up or that I don't just find him. He could possibly not even be a male, maybe it is a girl I've been looking for all along. I don't know what to do or how to find him/her. I don't know when or if s/he will ever come to me.

[Nymphea]

Dear Kvika, welcome to this forum.
Well, to be honest I believe you are willing to meet your other half too much. Let it go, live your life the way it comes and you'll see there comes a moment you will meet HIM. And once you have, you will know and feel it with all your heart.
May I ask how old you are?

letting go is the best advice I woud offer

I am sick of this experience

I look at all the desperation in my posts and can't quite believe it

for ages we just danced together and then suddenly wham, complete chaos out of nowhere

i kinda feel disgusted with myself for allowing it to get to me like it did, like this woman is the 2nd coming, which of course no one is

she is a waste of my time, energy and devotion

I was touched by her, affected by her and never felt, that way, about anyone before but it also shined a light on my own emptiness and seem to just turn my life upside down

the woman who gave me reading today, despite knowing how intense it all is, related to me things, about, what she expects in someone and i thought, you know what, despite being numbed, it is just too hard and exhausting and why, would i want to jump through hoops for her when I have humiliated and embarrased myself enough

the woman, said "she does not to be involved with another child"

I thought, well I did not really see myself that way, either until all this went bezerk energtically and felt so exposed

i don't think she wants an equal, i think she wants a performing seal to blow hot and cold with

I am sure she will find someone right up her alley but I very much doubt that will be me as we are clearly too similiar, though I am not as half as cynical as she is, though this experience has certainly helped me become more cynical

soul connections, beuatiful, profound, draining, exhausting

not worth it

Stop obsessing over it. IMO, you're searching wayyy to desperately. Maybe you wont even meet him online, and what are the chances he would answer all that the same as you? Come on. Try and live your life a little, i mean when you are meant to meet him you will, if you try so hard you could just fall victim of unhealthy relationships, lots of drama and expectations. Why did you quit college? Don't need to answer if you don't want to.
You have to know most guys like women who go out there and do their thing - and this is a guy's perspective, lol. Everything happens in it's own time, dear.

Seek within and you will find all you need.
Seek without and you will most likely not find what you want because what you want is not what you need usually.
It does not come when you look for it, because looking for it so desperately, suggests you believe it is a magical key to all that might be wrong in your life.
Never place such hopes and expectations on another, it just does not work.

Hi Kvika and welcome to SF.

Ok, first things first. As the others have said your obssessing wayy too much on this. Whilst your sat in your home looking for 'the one' on line, you're NOT going to meet him.

I understand you're shy and reserved but you need to be finding something to occupy your mind and get you out of the house. All you're doing atm is attracting the wrong type of person to you. Dating sites aren't all they are cracked up to be. Trust me I know. I've just come off one because of all the negative energies that are on there. Apart from which, the nicest way to meet somebody is in the 'flesh' so to speak. It's fine meeting ppl on line and yes sparks can fly. but until you meet them in real life you wont know if the chemistry is there.

Until you know the deep down real you, you won't know the type of man you want. Happiness comes from within and when you find that and realise you don't need anyone else to make you happy, only then can the Universe start to work with you and wherever this man is in the world, if you are meant to meet you will do.

But for now, concentrate on life and having fun. You're 21yrs old go out and enjoy. Now that doesn't mean clubbing, or partying but it's finding something that interests YOU and you never know what's round the corner. Sitting in the house is causing a lot of missed opportunities. Take the bull by the horns and go do something that you've thought about doing but never quite got round to. Meeting new people opens many doors. Hold your head up high, stop worrying over an unknown face and embrace what you have now.

Jue x

The teacher appears when the pupil is ready... if the pupil isn't ready, the teacher is not going to appear...

In other words you have to find yourself and find your path FIRST before your you can be with your soulmate. Read a few threads around here and you will see that there are many unhappy people on here because they have met their twin before they were sufficiently developed and ready to be together and now they are apart again...

I also feel the longing (trust me I feel your pain)... but I may not even get to be with him or even meet him in this lifetime :( In the mean-time I know I have the responsibility to develop myself in every way so I may accomplish my life's purpose. I owe it to my soul and I owe it to the creator.

So I repeat everyone else's advice: go forth, make a life for yourself, make friends, have other relationships, be happy even, so that the day you do re-unite you will know how to be in a relationship, be responsible for another person, while at the same time taking care of yourself.

Just because we find our twin doesn't mean everything is suddenly going to be perfect in our world. No, we live in a material world, we have physical bodies, we have to eat, pay the rent, hold down a job, etc, etc...

Sorry if this sounds harsh... I wish you the best of luck.