Adultery and Forgiveness

[Lucyan28]

Well I think it is possible to forgive an affair, sure, if it is true love of course you will forgive them almost anything.

In order to not be deceived or cheated, a solution could be "an open relationship", the problem with such relationships is that it is easier to be "replaced" if you know what I mean lol.

We should consider that some persons have a dominant monogamy gene and others the polygamy gene (unfortunately this group is so much greater than monogamy folks). So it's in our very nature, the libido and reproduction instincts dominates this thing.

So we don't know for sure how strong the mind can be to change the physiology and anatomy of the body.

And also let's consider that religion has promoted monogamy as the only path, maybe that does not necessarily works with all humans.

[Somnia]

Originally Posted by Lucyan28

In order to not be deceived or cheated, a solution could be "an open relationship", the problem with such relationships is that it is easier to be "replaced" if you know what I mean lol.

I understand what you're saying but by ultimately being "replaced" I don't think that would qualify as a true poly-relationship...This kind of hypothetical situation makes me think one partner in the relationship is no longer invested in their current partner and is too afraid to break things off, so they have an "open relationship" until they find someone better then break it off with their partner to start a relationship with someone new...A real poly-relationship would be investing time and love with all parties involved where everyone feels satisfied...I think this is why I personally lean towards monogamy when it comes to expressing certain kinds of affections with the mate (sex, obviously, LOL), I'm not sure how I would deal with juggling additional people if I were to find myself in an open relationship with someone...

[Rozie]

Biologically, men have traditionally been programmed to 'spread their seed' for the survival of the species. A woman is programmed to be more monogamous because of the consequences of pregnancy...Things are different now that we have reliable birth control but I think that most women are more highly monogomous. I am. It is how I am and I am not interested in sharing. When your are married and have a family then any investment into another relationship steals resources from your family.

In my non-married life I never slept with 2 people at once. If I slept with somebody new, then the old person had to go. I never had an intimate relationship with more then one person at a time. I can't do that. An intimate relationship by my standards is kind of a closed system...

If the people were polygamists then they would not care about 'cheating' it wouldn't be called cheating and would not be an issue. It is likely so that some people have a polygamy gene but that is the exception rather then the rule because you will not find many men who are ok with their mates sleeping around. In fact, biologically men are programmed to 'guard' their mates because they want to know that they are the father of the children That is why men often display possessive behavior. This is common. What isn't common is men encouraging their mates to be polygamous. It happens but it isn't the norm.

The reason why men cheat is different then the reason why women cheat. Men want sex, women want romance...that is a generalization and there are always exceptions.

[GreenGazer]

Originally Posted by Rozie

Biologically, men have traditionally been programmed to 'spread their seed' for the survival of the species. A woman is programmed to be more monogamous because of the consequences of pregnancy...

Actually the scientific community recently found this not to be as consistent as previously thought. Females cheat for the same biological reasons men do; to increase the survivability of at least one offspring. There is also correlational data that links ovulation patterns with an increase in rates of cheating (side note - cheating rates increase in less stable environments as well). Interestingly there are many communities of prime-apes in which monogamy is common (as in most apes in the community are monogamous) where the female is the initiator of the "affair". Just like men females too have baser instincts that help ensure the survival of their genetic code. Our society tends to put this hedge between the sexes but men and women are not really that different when everything is on the table.

[Rozie]

@Greengazer...That is seriously interesting.

I still think that men and women are different.

That is an opinion. I have no data to back that up.