*trigger warning "suicide" note

[nonuser]

A few years ago, I was in a very bad state, physically and mentally. I felt as though my marriage was falling apart (turns out it really wasn't-- it was just my state of mind), and I had just gone off some serious meds for depression and experienced several miscarriages.

I have never seriously contemplated suicide, but one day during this dark time, I decided to sit down and write a "suicide note", kind of like a journal entry. I decided to just be as dramatic and negative and poor-me as I wanted to. Maybe it would make me feel better.

I began writing, and of course it started out very dark and negative. Shortly after the first sentence, though, the note took a completely different path. It did not feel like it was coming from me.

I started writing about all the people in my life that have loved me unconditionally, and have been there for me through thick and thin. I wrote about all the amazing experiences I've had. The time I took off to a distant country by myself as a young adult, and what a great time that was. How proud I was of myself for my boldness and fearlessness. All the wonderful friendships and relationships I've had. My kids. All these positive and wonderful things.

I finished this note: "Well I guess I don't really feel like dying now"... or something like that. Then it occurred to me that this was someone guiding me to change my perspective. I really do not feel like the words came from me, because I was really in a desperately negative state of mind. I felt like it was something else.

What do you think?