Lessons!

[Habibty]

I believe that every relationship, whether romantic or friendship, happens for a reason. But if that is true then when somebody comes into your life and really messes you up with their nasty ! to the extent that it not only devistates your life but it has the ripple effect for years to come do you think that is meant? Are we really meant to be deeply hurt to learn life lessons? Can't we just read the handbook and do the theory part to save the heartbreak?

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Habibty

I believe that every relationship, whether romantic or friendship, happens for a reason. But if that is true then when somebody comes into your life and really messes you up with their nasty **** to the extent that it not only devistates your life but it has the ripple effect for years to come do you think that is meant? Are we really meant to be deeply hurt to learn life lessons? Can't we just read the handbook and do the theory part to save the heartbreak?

Yes it's meant to be but I could not say why.

[Slagathor]

In my life they seem like patterns that come up in different forms with one core nerve to poke until it's desensitized

[Mused]

I don't think we are "meant" to deeply hurt. When someone acts in a certain way, we can choose how to react (or not) to that. Our own responses are based on our learnings, life experience, past pains ... Pain happens but suffering is optional. Maybe we always have that choice to respond in the way that will bring us less suffering. We can choose how deep we allow that pain to affect us.

[moonincancer]

Originally Posted by Habibty

I believe that every relationship, whether romantic or friendship, happens for a reason. But if that is true then when somebody comes into your life and really messes you up with their nasty ! to the extent that it not only devistates your life but it has the ripple effect for years to come do you think that is meant? Are we really meant to be deeply hurt to learn life lessons? Can't we just read the handbook and do the theory part to save the heartbreak?

Yeah I have wondered about that as well...

I suppose much happens for a reason but the lessons we have to learn are not to raise our expectations too high; don't take people for granted. Just appreciate that they're there. If people could just be their-affable-selves, open to but not expecting friendship nor anything else there'd be a lot less pain. If it doesn't work, acknowledge it and part on the best terms they can.

If it seems to work remember that people change all the time. We meet people and have some expectations but as they acclimatise to us individually the relationship changes depending how those expectations are met or otherwise. Too often the early days are exploratory and once the explorations are over people have found good things in common and enjoy each other - or they get bored, the thing is done.

Every relationship we indulge in should grant us more experience of people, more discrimination...

...

[kapamati1]

Originally Posted by moonincancer

Yeah I have wondered about that as well...

Me too. Geesss! I could start a mile long post on this. But, I will spare everyone. But, I so agree. It took me all my life to realize a pattern of narcissists in my life. I guess I still haven't learned my lesson. Or maybe I have. I stick close to my immediate family and the "real" TRUE friends I can count on one hand these days. People are such posers. The last friendship that ended showed me that in spades. It takes me a long time to trust. But, some just know exactly how to reel in caring people. And then, after they dump all their dirty laundry on you...and they are NEVER there for you...you realize. Especially one day when you tell them is this all I am worth to you. Your dirty secrets, your drama and petty **? Of course it's all your fault and your horrible when you can't deal with all the negativity they bring you. And then they say...you are the negative one because you call them on how they are treating you.

Sorry, I'll stop now before it turns into the mile long post I referred to. Yes, maybe I have learned the lesson. I'm valuable, too. I shouldn't be only there for your negative ** when you are NEVER there for me. That was my last big lesson. I'm so sick of fancy, narcissistic users!

My life path number is 9, compassion. God help me...I'm running out of it.

[kapamati1]

The word that was censored was not even a so called "curse" word. It's something used so you don't curse. I'm not sure why that was censored. Never in my life have I ever heard those two letters as being offensive to anyone.

[moonincancer]

Originally Posted by kapamati1

Me too. Geesss! I could start a mile long post on this. But, I will spare everyone. But, I so agree. It took me all my life to realize a pattern of narcissists in my life. I guess I still haven't learned my lesson. Or maybe I have. I stick close to my immediate family and the "real" TRUE friends I can count on one hand these days. People are such posers. The last friendship that ended showed me that in spades. It takes me a long time to trust. But, some just know exactly how to reel in caring people. And then, after they dump all their dirty laundry on you...and they are NEVER there for you...you realize. Especially one day when you tell them is this all I am worth to you. Your dirty secrets, your drama and petty **? Of course it's all your fault and your horrible when you can't deal with all the negativity they bring you. And then they say...you are the negative one because you call them on how they are treating you.

Sorry, I'll stop now before it turns into the mile long post I referred to. Yes, maybe I have learned the lesson. I'm valuable, too. I shouldn't be only there for your negative ** when you are NEVER there for me. That was my last big lesson. I'm so sick of fancy, narcissistic users!

My life path number is 9, compassion. God help me...I'm running out of it.

If its any consolation Me too! Been there done that over and over again. Finally realized that its some pattern I attract because I need to change something in myself. Still searching for some answers. Its a work in progress I guess. I have learned it helps to develop self esteem and not want other people's approval I guess.

[moonincancer]

Habibti
Here's a message that came up for me from my Osho Zen cards that may have relevance here too:
" Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated."
This brought me peace and some understanding.
Hope this helps