If you don't control your emotions others will

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by JustASimpleGuy

The choice is always there, however without a focused and concentrated mind
it's not always a simple thing to choose.
It's easy to talk about, not so easy to execute.
It requires practice and the more practice the easier it becomes.

Got that right!

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by LadyMay

When you start realising what you feel is what has been placed on you, then it becomes a maze of trying to figure out what it is you really feel.... it's difficult, but worthwhile. I'm in the process of doing it myself, but it takes time.

Truer words...

I think for me, the big ones are shame and guilt. I don't think these emotions really help most of the time. They just sort of get in the way.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I wish to know my own mind and to be in control of my own mind. I want more say in how I feel about things regardless of who I am with. Whether I am listening to the media, or my best friend, I don't want others, deciding how I should feel. I don't want to be driven to an action because of fear or shame or guilt. I want to do what feels genuine and right without people telling me I am incapable of doing what's right.

Sometimes, quite often in fact, others have very high (unrealistic) expectations driven by selfish needs and desires.

I get that "you are incapable of doing what's right" many times myself, to which I usually reply: "you are mistaken...I am fully capable of doing what's right...I just choose not to".

I refuse point blank to let myself be manipulated by others and play mind games until I can find myself a worthy opponent.

I just have a repertoire of great comeback lines...honed and polished over fifty years of life practice:

"If I were you, I would...."
"If you were me, you would kill yourself"

The other day, my mother started to admonish me for going into a second hand store..."why are you going in there?"

Me: "so I can waste my money buying frivolous items on impulse that I do not really need... problem?"

There is much face palming, gnashing of teeth and throwing hands up in the air in my presence....and I enjoy watching the total frustration of others in their interactions with me because I happen to be proudly incorrigible.

I do my own thing...I am fully responsible for doing my own thing and will accept whatever consequences that may arise from me doing my own thing...and I don't need to be reminded of any potential disasters which may/not eventuate by those who profess to have "my best interests" at heart because I usually ask to see their crystal ball or ask for how long they have had the gift of prophecy.

In the end, people just label me as being "insane" and tell me that I am beyond help and I couldn't be happier....there is a certain freedom which comes from having people believe that you are crazy....you are not answerable for your own actions because "why are you doing that?" is always met with "because I WANT to". Give another person an inch and they will take a mile, so I don't give an inch...and that's usually not the only thing that I don't give.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

Brutal as it may be, the best suggestion I can offer is to simply dispose of such toxic people who don't allow you to have your own opinion and feelings. Get rid of them. Eliminate them from your life, and from then on only hang out with those few who accept you as you are. Better to have a few close friends than a thousand fakes.

You're right. I have done this many times. I am generally nice to everybody but extremely discerning when it comes to friends.

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Got that right!

Pretty much. It's simple mindfulness meditation and even as a secular practice it will do the trick. Just like a muscle the brain requires repetitive exercise to change, and it will change. It's very plastic and in fact it's changing all the time, so it's not a bad idea to have some input into shaping the process of change.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I wish to know my own mind and to be in control of my own mind. I want more say in how I feel about things regardless of who I am with. Whether I am listening to the media, or my best friend, I don't want others, deciding how I should feel. I don't want to be driven to an action because of fear or shame or guilt. I want to do what feels genuine and right without people telling me I am incapable of doing what's right.

As you wrote: "If you don't control your emotions others will" is interesting.

Why not 'rise' above the situation and become master of your self?

[ocean breeze]

I don't control my thoughts or emotions. They function on its own. I only choose how to react to them. Others don't control my emotions, they only help me to realize what is already inside me that needs to be acknowledged, released, or shared.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

As you wrote: "If you don't control your emotions others will" is interesting.

Why not 'rise' above the situation and become master of your self?

I am not sure I understand your meaning.

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Truer words...

I think for me, the big ones are shame and guilt. I don't think these emotions really help most of the time. They just sort of get in the way.

I grew up with narcissistic parents so I totally relate to this, I am used to my identity being dependent on that of 'significant' others, significant in this case meaning parents but also romantic partners as that behaviour has surely followed on. I am working on so much right now self-growth wise, it's like realisation after realisation of my own identity and the lies I've been fed and made to believe are my truths.