"I am afraid I cannot make her happy..."

Hello to everyone :-) I would be happy to introduce my story. Last year in August I started to recover from my difficult marriage and divorce.One day I was in a very peaceful and loving mood, outside with my youngest girls, and all of a sudden I felt praying to highest forces "Please, give me happiness, I will accept it in any form..." Immediatly I felt a gentle nudge, like a response from above. Then I came home, turned on a computer and saw a letter from Him :-)

Everything seemed like a dream and magic after that - the flow of synchronisities, signs, miracles, telepathy between us! It lasted a month and then suddenly began a crazy cycle of connection /disconnection. At first he cut a connection for few months,without a reason, we didn't quarrel at all...

I was so distressed, that got serious sickness. At the same time it was very precious period of contemplations, healing and becoming aware of importance of our meeting. So everything indeed is happening for highest good...

Then he began to appear and disappear from time to time. Many times before he suddenly appeared again I had lucid dreams about our past lives together! Amazingly, many times we were brother and sister. All i remember he was very protective over me.

Actually, things aren't very inspiring now... Last time we talked in January. The day before he talked about love, and the next day he became cold and withdrawn. His last words were "Sorry, I am not ready..."... I felt it was time to leave him alone.

Few days after that it was my birthday, and I had strange vision. It wasn't a luccid dreaming, but very clear vision, I even heard a voices. He was in highest realms, in angelic form, and was talking to other Angel, like his guardian Angel. He (my TF) looked very sad and hopeless... I heard him saying:
- She suffered so much in her life! What if I can't make her happy?

He was right - I endured much in my life, abuse, casualities... But anyway I am very optimistic now.

The other Angel put his hand on my TF's shoulder and replied in a very comforting voice:

-You don't need to make her happy!!! SHE can make you happy!

And he was absolutely right, too!! I am full of affection and eager to give nowadays!

But in the end I say my TF waking up in our world, still doubting... I know he also went through divorce recently, so it's not easy for him, too... All I can do now - is meditating, reading and enlightening myself, sending him unconditional love.

Besides... after that vision I received interesting confirmation that it was through, and most probably... the other Angel is one of his best friends in present life!

The other interesting thing is... Before we met, years ago I knew my TF would be in military. Besides I was aware of our past lives together.

After meeting him suddenly I was able to forgive my ex-husband. Seems like I can't have negative feelings about anybody at all :-)

Thanks for reading :-)

Anyone can relate to any experience I described above?

Another question: can such fear be a reason for running?

[FallingLeaves]

i felt that way... but I felt like I was going to be rejected if I couldn't give her what she wanted. It wasn't a very healthy attitude but it was very compelling... at the time I couldn't conceive of what it would like to not be rejected.

FallingLeaves - thanks for sharing your experience ! That explains a lot...
In fact - fear of rejection is one of my main challenges , too... His also, I guess, as far as I know his wife left him, not the opposite.

Thank you for sharing this! Some of us don't dream much. I'm not dreaming much right now although some times I dream a lot. Last time was about a peacock and I looked it up and found it means Resurrection. The morning after my dream I pulled the Resurrection card from my angel deck and I hadn't pulled cards for weeks. It's how it works for me. I'm supposed to be awakening whether or not I hear from my twin or if we are cemented in a relationship right now. All of our situations are different and have their challenges to see the growth and light present even in what may seem like darkness. My twin and I are going through the dance right now. He comes to me and speaks of love and desire and shows me his heart then he pulls away for days or weeks. I am learning to trust in the divine and realize I think he feels much the same way as what you felt in this dream you shared here.

So what I am saying is thank you for sharing because I think we share what helps not only us but others as well. I read this and thought- yes this is exactly part of what my twin feels right now. He knows I've had a rough life, a bad marriage that was unloving and lacking desire and passion. Our situation is a complicated one that I know can be resolved, somehow, best by the divine. He doesn't know this and has fear. I think he fears he will disappoint me somehow but not being there for me, not "saving" me when I really don't need or want to be saved. I just would like his love which I already have. Hs fears over causing either of us any pain through this love causes him to second guess and run, pull away. It gets frustrating at times but I know to just treat it with compassion and love and have faith.

So thank you for sharing this. So helpful. Your twin wants to be there for you but it probably scared of not being good enough. I think they sense the powerfulness and love of the connection and they feel they can't be good enough for us... which is silly we know but fearful to them.

Originally Posted by HelenM

Hello to everyone :-) I would be happy to introduce my story. Last year in August I started to recover from my difficult marriage and divorce.One day I was in a very peaceful and loving mood, outside with my youngest girls, and all of a sudden I felt praying to highest forces "Please, give me happiness, I will accept it in any form..." Immediatly I felt a gentle nudge, like a response from above. Then I came home, turned on a computer and saw a letter from Him :-)

Everything seemed like a dream and magic after that - the flow of synchronisities, signs, miracles, telepathy between us! It lasted a month and then suddenly began a crazy cycle of connection /disconnection. At first he cut a connection for few months,without a reason, we didn't quarrel at all...

I was so distressed, that got serious sickness. At the same time it was very precious period of contemplations, healing and becoming aware of importance of our meeting. So everything indeed is happening for highest good...

Then he began to appear and disappear from time to time. Many times before he suddenly appeared again I had lucid dreams about our past lives together! Amazingly, many times we were brother and sister. All i remember he was very protective over me.

Actually, things aren't very inspiring now... Last time we talked in January. The day before he talked about love, and the next day he became cold and withdrawn. His last words were "Sorry, I am not ready..."... I felt it was time to leave him alone.

Few days after that it was my birthday, and I had strange vision. It wasn't a luccid dreaming, but very clear vision, I even heard a voices. He was in highest realms, in angelic form, and was talking to other Angel, like his guardian Angel. He (my TF) looked very sad and hopeless... I heard him saying:
- She suffered so much in her life! What if I can't make her happy?

He was right - I endured much in my life, abuse, casualities... But anyway I am very optimistic now.

The other Angel put his hand on my TF's shoulder and replied in a very comforting voice:

-You don't need to make her happy!!! SHE can make you happy!

And he was absolutely right, too!! I am full of affection and eager to give nowadays!

But in the end I say my TF waking up in our world, still doubting... I know he also went through divorce recently, so it's not easy for him, too... All I can do now - is meditating, reading and enlightening myself, sending him unconditional love.

Besides... after that vision I received interesting confirmation that it was through, and most probably... the other Angel is one of his best friends in present life!

The other interesting thing is... Before we met, years ago I knew my TF would be in military. Besides I was aware of our past lives together.

After meeting him suddenly I was able to forgive my ex-husband. Seems like I can't have negative feelings about anybody at all :-)

Thanks for reading :-)

Thanks, Norligh, I knew it would be helpful to share!

In fact, I resonate with your situation a much, we also met in the beginning of August, we both had dramatic spiritual awakening after meeting, although I was working on my awakening for years, but meeting TF is utterly different experience.

He also started the dance of connection/disconnection. He withdrew two weeks ago, and I feel now like I am cut into half :-( But anyway I must endure and spend this time on working on myself and contemplating, and bringing myself closer to Source.

Yes, you are right , their fears seem indeed so silly for us... I told him everything about my life - that my husband was beating me for years, that I have gone through many hardships, financial and emotional, but anyway my heart is opened and I have already released the past... Maybe I should assure him that I absolutely believe he will be good enough for me!

[Renessme]

i'm afraid i cannot make and keep him happy if we become together. im afraid i am not enought for him... im afraid his nature will get the better of us. him acting out of his needs, and me acting out of my jealoiusy and feelings of inadequacy. and this fear has made us grow cold and distant on each other. and he has made his choice of maintaining his lifestyle/preference/orientation while i made a choice to try and move on with my normal straight life.

Renessme - I understand you pretty well :-( Anyway we always have chance to transform our fears...although I know it is not easy...

It is amazing how facing a twin can open a flood gate of fear. I had no idea why I ran or what a TF was at all when I met mine. I am really running from my own self doubt and love. It is so stupid and should be easy to fix - replace all of it with the love my TF gives me and I feel when I think of him. But it is not that easy. I think when we fear not being enough for the other whether it be a mate or not, it is just us projecting our self image on them. A complete delusion! It is a process of unlayering I guess and that takes a lot to strip yourself to the core and face it all...

I think maybe this is what my twin is going through right now. He hits me strongly with love and affection, shows how much he misses and loves me, is on a total high then poof he disappears. He is an expert blocker but he can only block for so long. I do bring out a lot of fear in him and then I have to face my own fears when he goes quiet. I hate the quiet I will admit but I love him so much that I know it is for a reason. I'm here with arms wide open waiting for him and until it is no longer the time to do so I will wait for him. He runs because he is afraid of pain for me or him but then he finds that he can't stay away or stop thinking of me. He fears he won't be enough for me even though I know he will be and have assured him of this. Darn fear!

Originally Posted by pens66

It is amazing how facing a twin can open a flood gate of fear. I had no idea why I ran or what a TF was at all when I met mine. I am really running from my own self doubt and love. It is so stupid and should be easy to fix - replace all of it with the love my TF gives me and I feel when I think of him. But it is not that easy. I think when we fear not being enough for the other whether it be a mate or not, it is just us projecting our self image on them. A complete delusion! It is a process of unlayering I guess and that takes a lot to strip yourself to the core and face it all...