RUNNER/STAYER

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

well from my experience until you break the cycle it WILL repeat itself. It repeats itself because the connection doesn't go away so 1 of you will eventually initiate the reconnection which will restart the cycle. Each time you reconnect it reminds the other person that you aren't good for gone and I think that dispells enough of their fears to at least pull them back in even if its only for a moment till they start running again. Its in that moment that you have to show them that something is different and that the blockage from the past has been removed or their fears will only mount up and cause them to start running again.

The start of each cycle I think is the test to see if you've learned your lesson. And than when you fail this test you are forced to endure a complete cycle again before you have another chance to pass the test. My cycle each time had started with my TF giving me the chance to try things again but due to my blockage she eventually lets her fears get the best of her and runs. I remain there trying to outwait her running till she eventually finds another guy to throw in my face which causes me to run as well since my hopes are dashed. Time than goes on till I realize the connection isn't going away and my fear for losing her for good becomes stronger than my fear of rejection so I contact her. I'm than given a chance to show that things are different and since they never have been we go right back around in this painful cycle.

Now this makes a TON of sense.
Although in a way i think that one of you learns the lesson and that means the other has to start working on theirs, and that applies in all soul connections not just tfs karmic too even.
I think what steve gunn says makes sense, BOTH people in it need to learn the lesson but once you learn yours that actually allows the other to get over theirs. I truly believe the other person in the soul connection has NO choice but to chase you ultimately but the time it takes can be anything.
for example, i made my call, i opened up, that made it clear how i felt and showed i was opening up a bit,
now that slowly in time draws him out to get over his fears of expressing himself,
then if when the cycle picks up again and it goes back to hiding how we feel, then boom the fear hits and he runs, it would be like a constant challenge though to keep up with the lesson when you are in that relationship and if at any time it fails then they run

Now the only thing i don't know for sure is if in ALL of thse connections like steve says once the lesson is learnt the choice is yours, as the pull is gone so you get the choice of the relationship once you learnt their lesson and they are at your door or is this always ongoing, i mean it's impossible to say that isn't it when you are still in the process.


I do believe tf is the other part of you it is like meeting yourself and your best teacher, i guess, they will force you literally throughout your life maybe to be the best you can be as painful as that is, i believe the bond is always special but i dont know what i think to it having to work out. there are so many that never seem to, i've done my research.

Just throwing out ideas at the moment.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

Now this makes a TON of sense.
Although in a way i think that one of you learns the lesson and that means the other has to start working on theirs, and that applies in all soul connections not just tfs karmic too even.
I think what steve gunn says makes sense, BOTH people in it need to learn the lesson but once you learn yours that actually allows the other to get over theirs. I truly believe the other person in the soul connection has NO choice but to chase you ultimately but the time it takes can be anything.
for example, i made my call, i opened up, that made it clear how i felt and showed i was opening up a bit,
now that slowly in time draws him out to get over his fears of expressing himself,
then if when the cycle picks up again and it goes back to hiding how we feel, then boom the fear hits and he runs, it would be like a constant challenge though to keep up with the lesson when you are in that relationship and if at any time it fails then they run

Now the only thing i don't know for sure is if in ALL of thse connections like steve says once the lesson is learnt the choice is yours, as the pull is gone so you get the choice of the relationship once you learnt their lesson and they are at your door or is this always ongoing, i mean it's impossible to say that isn't it when you are still in the process.


I do believe tf is the other part of you it is like meeting yourself and your best teacher, i guess, they will force you literally throughout your life maybe to be the best you can be as painful as that is, i believe the bond is always special but i dont know what i think to it having to work out. there are so many that never seem to, i've done my research.

Just throwing out ideas at the moment.

I agree that both people have a lesson to learn when TF's are seperated but I also believe once one of the partners "gets it" than their blockage being removed will change the entire dynamics of the relationship. Instead of having fears being reflected back and forth the runner will see strength and love being reflected which will help dispell their own fears. Its all about resonnance and when both twins are sending out vibrations of fear and insecurity it only magnifyes those same feelings within which makes it impossible to reunite. Once one twin changes their vibrational energy than the entire dynmaics of the relationship has no where to go but change.

At the very least what do you have to lose. Changing your vibrational energy to love and hope instead of fear and insecurity can't do anything but generate a positive outcome in your life. The key though is identifying what your blockage is and if you can't see it just look at your twin since they should be reflecting your deepest weakenesses.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I agree that both people have a lesson to learn when TF's are seperated but I also believe once one of the partners "gets it" than their blockage being removed will change the entire dynamics of the relationship. Instead of having fears being reflected back and forth the runner will see strength and love being reflected which will help dispell their own fears. Its all about resonnance and when both twins are sending out vibrations of fear and insecurity it only magnifyes those same feelings within which makes it impossible to reunite. Once one twin changes their vibrational energy than the entire dynmaics of the relationship has no where to go but change.

At the very least what do you have to lose. Changing your vibrational energy to love and hope instead of fear and insecurity can't do anything but generate a positive outcome in your life. The key though is identifying what your blockage is and if you can't see it just look at your twin since they should be reflecting your deepest weakenesses.

i agree this is BANG on ,
and then once your vibrationally high you are enjoying life and can go with the flow of them coming back or not, i guess.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

i agree this is BANG on ,
and then once your vibrationally high you are enjoying life and can go with the flow of them coming back or not, i guess.

Yes, because at that point you'll have done what "you" could do in this situation instead of constantly waiting on someone else to do it for you in hopes of their work being reflected and resulting in your accomplishment. (this is what I am doing btw). When you do the work yourself you truly find peace with this connection I think since it brings you to a higher vibrational energy which is both good for you and your TF. When you rely on them to do the work it sends lower vibrational energy their way thus making their work all the more difficult to overcome while also keeping you in a place of unrest.

The real question is why does it have to be us to break the cycle but than again why would it have to be up to them espeically if we're the ones that are actively searching for answers and therefore a bit further ahead in the game of making CHANGES. The changes that are necessary to break the cycle of repeating mistakes.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

Yes, because at that point you'll have done what "you" could do in this situation instead of constantly waiting on someone else to do it for you in hopes of their work being reflected and resulting in your accomplishment. (this is what I am doing btw). When you do the work yourself you truly find peace with this connection I think since it brings you to a higher vibrational energy which is both good for you and your TF. When you rely on them to do the work it sends lower vibrational energy their way thus making their work all the more difficult to overcome while also keeping you in a place of unrest.

The real question is why does it have to be us to break the cycle but than again why would it have to be up to them espeically if we're the ones that are actively searching for answers and therefore a bit further ahead in the game of making CHANGES. The changes that are necessary to break the cycle of repeating mistakes.

The thing is i thought that too and I GOT there i had so much peach and resolution with it all for over 2 months then last friday out of nowhere it hit stayed for the weekend and gone again, whats that about?

i think the latter part is because they are externally running to our internally running and the inner has to be fixed before the outer?

[miss_believed]

also maybe its up to us because we are the more spiritually advanced, the ones more spiritually advanced are the ones who need to do the work,
its weird, when we met tf was prob more spiritual than me and he was the chaser really but as soon as he started backing away , i pushed, then i became SUPER spiritual.

i did have this reading that was a deep one, on soul connections that said,
he was meant to lead the way but all too quickly it kinda flipped and i was left to lead.
so ¥eah thats prob the runner chaser dynamic one is leader spiritually and drags the other one up.
i dont know there is not 'one' straight thing that makes complete sense in all this tbh!

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by miss_believed

i agree this is BANG on ,
and then once your vibrationally high you are enjoying life and can go with the flow of them coming back or not, i guess.

This is the point i am at right now, just going with the flow for now

Originally Posted by miss_believed

also maybe its up to us because we are the more spiritually advanced, the ones more spiritually advanced are the ones who need to do the work,
its weird, when we met tf was prob more spiritual than me and he was the chaser really but as soon as he started backing away , i pushed, then i became SUPER spiritual.

i did have this reading that was a deep one, on soul connections that said,
he was meant to lead the way but all too quickly it kinda flipped and i was left to lead.
so ¥eah thats prob the runner chaser dynamic one is leader spiritually and drags the other one up.
i dont know there is not 'one' straight thing that makes complete sense in all this tbh!

If you lead than I will choose to follow. But if you follow than I must choose to lead.

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I agree that timing is everything. When i knew my TF wasn't ready I felt little pressure on my end to get myself ready and thus didn't initiate the work that needed to be done. Once I saw signs that she might be ready or moving in that direction I felt panic because I realized I hadn't been working on myself and hadn't done anything to get myself ready so how could things be any different this time around.

I relate to this. Oh, do I relate to it...

I think one of the twins at least in my situation needs to present themself as being ready to encourage the other to get their own issues resolved. This process is difficult enough as it is and when fears are invovled I think some of us need a little bit of courage which can only be provided by the other partner presenting themself as being available and willing to face their own fears.

This doesn't sit well with me. I guess it's this part: "which can only be provided by the other partner." That puts too much emphasis on external factors, rather than internal. It's an abdication of personal responsibility, is it not?

Shouldn't you fix your own issues for your own betterment -- twin aside? (and yes, BL, I know you are doing that -- I am speaking rhetorically here).
Once those issues are fixed, you may have no need for your twin, or at least, it would probably be easier to fully let go, to give them space to be whomever they are and to proceed at their own pace, or not. You'd love them regardless.

This is all about reflection so by one of the twins overcoming their fears and being the first to present themselves as ready it should dispell a lot of fears in their partner and help catalyize their healing process. I think when one partner gives into their fears it does the opposite thing. It reflects strong fears back onto their partner so I think the real test is for 1 of the twins to break the cycle and change the reflected fears into reflections of hope and love.

The reflection shouldn't be about "hope" because that implies an expectation, doesn't it?

I would break the cycle for your own peace of mind, not for any expectation that it would help your twin, or bring them back to you. It may, it may not. Because if you do it only because you hope it'll help them, and it doesn't, then you'll go back to doubt, insecurity, fear and confusion. Gotta be careful of the magical thinking, as in "if I only do X, Y, Z... that will bring them back to me."

No, you have to do the work for yourself, and no other reason.

I know, I know... it's easy to say; more difficult to do....

By the way, some of the work may involve simply accepting yourself exactly the way you are, with no "fixing" or betterment required! I'm in that space at the moment. I see my flaws and weakness all too clearly. I fret that I need to fix them because TF may not like these flaws. But then I realize I have not been the type of person to change myself for any man, not for a long, long time.... and he darn well knows that, too.

There are certain things that I would like to change about myself, but not because of him or for him... just because I know they are self-defeating and I'd be more content with my own self if I addressed them. It's like living in a house: do you fix it up/clean it up so you would not be embarrassed to invite company in? Or do you clean it up for your own self... just to put a smile on your face, the only person who gets to see how tidy and decluttered it is, and how nicely decorated? That's where I'm at: do it for me.

[awakeningheart]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

This is all about reflection so by one of the twins overcoming their fears and being the first to present themselves as ready it should dispell a lot of fears in their partner and help catalyize their healing process. I think when one partner gives into their fears it does the opposite thing. It reflects strong fears back onto their partner so I think the real test is for 1 of the twins to break the cycle and change the reflected fears into reflections of hope and love.

Oh yes, this is SO true...and I agree with SQ though that it has to be working on yourself, with confidence in the relationship, not necessarily 'hope'.