my journey with depression/mental health conditions

[Louisa]

trying to find my way out of the wilderness.
i am starting this thread to document my ways of healing or coping with my mental health problems. it's an ongoing struggle, at this point, and so i will return intermittently, to write about my journey through this forest that is often without trails, for me.

maybe it will be of benefit to others, which motivates me too.. just the thought of it. this is about my personal journey through my own wilderness.. so i will approach it in my own ways. i prefer things more of a self help or psychology bent to many spiritual methods. so this is all about what works for me,.. not to be selfish, but to be practical. i am not asking for help, but rather telling what helps me or what i'm doing to try to help myself and how it works out, as that becomes apparent.

it's other mental health problems, too, anger, anxiety, brain fog, and other symptoms.. things similar in ways to ocd, adhd, mild mania (cyclothmia - a form of very mild bipolar), autism spectrum.. i don't want a diagnosis, nor are my symptoms extreme enough to warrant that.. but what matters to me here is that i am using things that help me with my problems, diagnosis or no..

[rainbow.sprinkles]

it's a shame that you have no replies on here!

as someone who struggles with mental health issues, I personally would be very interested to read your documentation of coping. I really hope the lack of replies hasn't discouraged you from doing this, and if it did, well, maybe my post will re-inspire you. if nothing else.... good luck on your journey to mental wellness!

[Deepsoul]

Louisa I do truly feel for you too ,all I can say for me is that once I grasped Gods love for me and the power and mental peace I recieve in communion with Jesus has not matched anything else Ive ever known, I still have moments but they are usually quickly abated with my faith,which must be all consuming,total submission and grace is given, truly born to a new life . I have gone back and forwards and tried much different stuff and left and returned to Jesus many times ,but I truly do believe that he is the ,way,life and truth...........This all said I am about to start a Diploma of counselling and I know I cant just say to people just believe in Jesus and youll be right, but I believe with this foundation behind me and my openness that I will be guided to the correct and positive influence towards peoples needs........ AMEN

[Deepsoul]

Hi Louisa ,after reading your post again,I see you are not asking for help, I think the the realization of not being selfish and that that is helping you is wonderful,conditions such as yours certainly do make one want to try to find practical ways of dealing with it. Thankyou for sharing your wisdom ,knowledge and courage ,it has helped me today,hope you have a great day..................

[Louisa]

rainbow.sprinkles, thank you for sharing.
and i just got "busy", i guess.. i want to share, and i want to give back thoughts that are helpful or uplifting. on this forum, i often don't do that much so i thought it may be nice to share what has helped me. but i often am so busy just coping or trying to process my own life that i don't feel very able to write much in the way of "giving bacK" or "constructive"..

but i know many people struggle with depression and mental health conditions and so i know that what i post might help others who happened to find it. though i know it might make more sense for me to post on a mental health site but i find this site to be uplifting and supportive and it doesn't remind me of my problems all the time. one day i will share my coping ways with a mental health site too, .. also with other people in my life with mental health issues, and make my own book to share, one day i hope... (this is like a first small step to that which i was trying to do).. but i wanted to write it here because to me spirituality and depression are closely linked.. as are my other mental health conditions.

thanks for your support. i wish i hadn't tried to start so many threads and didn't really follow through on writing what i'd intended but i bit off more than i could chew and didn't realize how hard it would feel for me to try to make more time to write these things. still, i will try one day to do it. it's just really that my life does feel overwhelming quite typically, and even when it feels good, it feels intense and complicated and fully engaging all my attention, oftentimes.

i hope i'm not just unconsciously making excuses or something. maybe if i just make a point to share something every few days, some small thing. that may work. and good for myself, too..

i guess my real problem is i'm disorganized. i am scattered and try to have many different coping efforts at once, but most of my free time and energy has been going to my personal journals, instead of forums. the rest goes to my busy life and self care methods and communicating with spirits, energy healing, etc. maybe that is a little bit of a shame to spend too much time on private journals;... maybe because it would be nice to do something that may be of help to others, even as i struggle along on my own path. well, yes, but then, many of my problems are too personal to share, almost, so i don't know.

[Louisa]

Originally Posted by Deepsoul

Louisa I do truly feel for you too ,all I can say for me is that once I grasped Gods love for me and the power and mental peace I recieve in communion with Jesus has not matched anything else Ive ever known, I still have moments but they are usually quickly abated with my faith,which must be all consuming,total submission and grace is given, truly born to a new life . I have gone back and forwards and tried much different stuff and left and returned to Jesus many times ,but I truly do believe that he is the ,way,life and truth...........This all said I am about to start a Diploma of counselling and I know I cant just say to people just believe in Jesus and youll be right, but I believe with this foundation behind me and my openness that I will be guided to the correct and positive influence towards peoples needs........ AMEN

deepsoul, thank you for sharing about your experiences. i do feel that my depression and my mental health concerns are tied to my spiritual issues. i think it is also physical. maybe the physical can be impacted by the spiritual and so i prefer a spiritual as well as a psychological and physical approach. one day i may return to trying to understand jesus again. i do feel the call towards that, but i guess right now, i am hesitant. i have a few issues i must work out before i would really want to "go there". hard to put into words. i guess i just don't know if that path resonates with me. it focuses on things that i have a hard time trying to understand, like faith and having no fear, and living in this world but not of it, making jesus and god the center of life, making love the center of life, sacrifice for love, etc. that is what i recall of the new testament. i relate to much of that, however, it is in the details that i get myself into a spiral of confusion because sometimes i don't know how to really translate those things to my real, everyday life or experiences.

still, i am so happy that it is so healing and working so wonderfully for you!!!

[Louisa]

Originally Posted by Deepsoul

Hi Louisa ,after reading your post again,I see you are not asking for help, I think the the realization of not being selfish and that that is helping you is wonderful,conditions such as yours certainly do make one want to try to find practical ways of dealing with it. Thankyou for sharing your wisdom ,knowledge and courage ,it has helped me today,hope you have a great day..................

i guess i'm just saying, this isn't an asking for advice thread, but it can be a sharing our journeys thread. it's nice to hear what others have gone through or are going through.

i sometimes do follow spiritual methods, so i should have not limited this mainly to psychological methods, i guess. i'll change that. but even the psychological approaches i take are often nontraditional, pop and alternative psychology. or obsolete models and things far from mainstream psychological theory.

i just don't like the "technique" approach. i'm in no rush for a quick formula. and i've been let down by too many techniques and formulaic methods. i want to not be made to feel guilty for not being "cured" by miracle methods, or quick techniques, and that is an issue i sometimes feel among spiritual communities. i honestly don't resonate with a lot of the "positive" thinking stuff either.. or with law of attraction. i use that, but in my own way, so yeah,.. a lot of times i don't use "law of attraction" at all, and that's fine by me, because i use what resonates or seems to make sense or feel right for me based on intuition and reason.

but often people come along with a spiritual "way" to approach mental health, and say, or imply, in response to me and my experiences, "you're doing it all wrong; just do steps 1, 2, 3, etc.. as explained here and stop doing this, that, or the other and then you'll be cured".. ok, but i don't agree with that.. it just doesn't FEEL right to me (and i believe intuition and feeling hold a lot of unconscious wisdom and truth, so i follow what i feel intuitively). if it doesn't feel right, i won't force myself to do it or to explain why i don't want to, it's just a feeling. or i have logical, complicated reasons why i don't think that would work for me (and i don't want to get into complicated explanations, just trust my own logic). or in some cases i tried and it backfired. but really, i just want to be free to do what i want, without seeking advice, without explaining why i want to do this or don't want to do that, necessarily...

and so that is why i said i would focus on non spiritual methods (a less controversial or dogmatic territory, it seems). but i think i will retract that. others can share what works/worked for them and i will say, great, lovely, you know.. and then if it's not what resonates with me, i'll just share what does resonate with me, when i do share,... but without argument to others, just a "thank you for sharing your experience".. that is all that's really needed. and then others experiences might help others who resonate differently from me. that's a good thing, in my book. the good thing is, now i feel a lot less need to defend or explain myself. i have become more confident that way, so i have come a long way since i first posted this thread. i just will say "thank you for sharing your experience" or "that's an interesting view", to anyone, and i truly mean it. it's always "interesting", lol even if i don't agree, and the fact of my agreement or disagreement is not important.

thank you so much for sharing, too! i really do believe miracles happen for some, and i guess i just feel when the time is right, maybe it will happen. that is my view. your story is inspiring to me. good luck on your path to being a counselor!

[Ciona]

Originally Posted by Louisa

i wish i hadn't tried to start so many threads and didn't really follow through on writing what i'd intended but i bit off more than i could chew and didn't realize how hard it would feel for me to try to make more time to write these things. still, i will try one day to do it.

Originally Posted by Louisa

most of my free time and energy has been going to my personal journals, instead of forums. the rest goes to my busy life and self care methods and communicating with spirits, energy healing, etc. .

I am very similar. I mentioned in another post that I have to do things at my own pace. This is regardless of how fast or not fast I may happen to evolve sometimes (as I have also spoken about on my blog), my personality and temperament is very serene and tranquil and I frequently cannot work any other way. I enjoy your threads very much Louisa, and I enjoy the idea that I can contribute to them naturally when I am ready, like when we were talking about writing exercises for inner growth. I spend more time with my private journals, self care and spiritual growth and goals/projects than I do on forums, too. Self growth happens at it's own rate and I think people should post when it is natural and productive for them, we all need air to breathe.

[Louisa]

Originally Posted by Sister Moon

I am very similar. I mentioned in another post that I have to do things at my own pace. This is regardless of how fast or not fast I may happen to evolve sometimes (as I have also spoken about on my blog), my personality and temperament is very serene and tranquil and I frequently cannot work any other way. I enjoy your threads very much Louisa, and I enjoy the idea that I can contribute to them naturally when I am ready, like when we were talking about writing exercises for inner growth. I spend more time with my private journals, self care and spiritual growth and goals/projects than I do on forums, too. Self growth happens at it's own rate and I think people should post when it is natural and productive for them, we all need air to breathe.

it's good to know that i'm not the only one. i can take VERY long breaks on my own projects, once i move on to the next thing (many started and never continued at all, or years later). i figure i will garden" these threads the same way. somewhere, the idea is there in my mind, but i know they don't require much maintenance. still i hope once every few weeks or months, i will find a flow to post, if no more often. all the while areas of the rest of my life are growing like wildfire.

serene, that would be a nice way to be. i call myself lazy but hyper at the same time. i can aspire to be serene one of these days. another delayed project. heh
oh, i'm glad you still recall the thread on writing exercises. i really do want to get around to that. (i feel like an absent minded, crazy professor). i agree, self growth happens at its own rate, and as well, in its own ways.. which for me is usually disorderly and confusing for all but my own eyes, so far. oh well...

i think when i write my threads i'll follow what excites me in the spur of the moment. it often sounds half-finished when i do it that way, but that is the way i do things. whatever is compelling me, regarding mental health, writing, etc.

thanks for your comment, sister moon.

[Louisa]

i know different things work for different people, but it is easy to criticize, because you don't have to actually have proven something to be ineffective (even just by personal experience) in order to claim it to be ineffective. all that is required is extreme skepticism and a critical attitude, or exaggerated criticism (people often just don't really give something a very good try before saying it didn't work for them, and then condemning it and putting it down). that is part of why i thought i wouldn't post my spiritual healing ways, they're so subtle and intricate, and i have to look at each little thread, which may be personal and work only for me, or may be easy to misunderstand. but this is about what works for me, and i'm not into over-defending or over-explaining myself anymore. things that have worked best for me have been numerous and subtle, tiny wisps and big swatches of things. but the smallest things can be the most powerful. they just need a strong foundation or else they seem flimsy, and so they are, without the strong foundation... so, i have tried many things, some of which worked and some that didn't, but i think i'm finding more and more what works. its so many small things, none standing alone. some of the most powerful things that heal my mental health problems i don't know quite how to explain- energy healing that comes from outside my own conscious awareness.

but i think i will just start to gradually list the little things that help, however inadequate they may be for many in the intense throes of serious mental illness.

one thing that helps me a lot is the combination of smiling and breathing. i smile broadly and breathe with the smile on my face, if i can do that in a way that feels heartfelt. if i can't really naturally feel ok with a smile, i summon the nearest thing, the most pleasant feeling and the facial expression of peace, love, a deep well being, as much well being as i can find in the moment and touch base with. this guides me in my breathing. otherwise, i find deep breaths can be far less than restoring, instead tensing me. but when i truly feel a smile, or feel it in my emotions, if i don't want to smile in public, say, then i am ready to breathe naturally and deeply as i can, but not strain myself.

i breathe through my nose, try to breathe slowly (let the smiling feeling guide my pace - somehow lol this works very well for me). breathe through my nose when i can, unless my allergies are too congested, then mouth works but not as well... breathe deeply into my belly, then deeply into my lungs, and pause a second or two, if comfortable, or just exhale somewhat slowly (again, i feel my smile to feel the right pace) if not comfortable to pause (i think my lung capacity isn't best, due to asthma, and allergies - so sometimes my breath seems a little shallow, but i feel what is right for me.)

this is just a simple way but i do it for as long as it takes, through pain, through distress, of whatever kind and eventually it does help, some or a lot. i actually try to do this all day, whenever i think about it, but especially when i am feeling ill, in pain, or having mental health problems.

i like to combine this with other methods, energy healing ways and self love and mantras, mudras, other small gestures or things to direct my attention.

i really like simple things such as this because i can use them almost anywhere or anytime, all day. but in themselves, they are far from adequate to manage my symptoms. still, one must start somewhere, and this is where i started, in many ways, with my own mental health conditions.

i did other things too, but breath and smiling were one of the first things i began to try to do more often to manage problems. then they seemed like little, but now i see it was just because i needed more. they still did a lot of good, even when i did need a lot more.

i should try to find a way to heal energetically, the way i get energy healing, from spirit. that is what really helps me now, and makes everything else seem like "enough" i think... but as yet, i haven't found how to heal my energy that way. i will just say energy healing can potentially be semi-miraculous for mental health conditions. i do my own energy healing ways too, but the most powerful by far is that which comes from beyond, from spirit.

i should say, diet, exercise, and sunlight were really critical for me. they came before the deep breathing and smiling thing, actually. i will go more into that later, because i've found diet particularly to be a little complicated for me, personally. what works or seems to work (but often backfires or has delayed negative effects), versus what actually works (even if it seems not to, at firs, for a long adjustment period) and what doesn't work at all.