HELP! Wife having spiritual awakening/marriage in peril

[Lightspirit]

Originally Posted by Baile

Again, let me ask: Why would you come to this conclusion? Is this woman confused, simply because she has chosen to move on from the relationship she was in? People do that all the time. So why would you suggest she may be confused and being led astray?

Read the first post in this thread: "She has basically said that her love for me has transitioned from romantic to platonic." Does that indicate a woman who is confused, or someone who has realized a particular truth regarding her feelings?

Relationships are far more complex than a paragraph on a forum post from one party. I would at least expect to discuss it at length with anyone asking me for advice and am particularly reluctant to draw conclusions without a balanced body of information that represents both parties. I' d be happy to put forward a couple of ideas
to reasearch that might help, but that's all. Only they know the answer.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Lightspirit

Relationships are far more complex than a paragraph on a forum post from one party. I would at least expect to discuss it at length with anyone asking me for advice and am particularly reluctant to draw conclusions without a balanced body of information that represents both parties. I' d be happy to put forward a couple of ideas
to reasearch that might help, but that's all. Only they know the answer.

That's a great answer, very honest and very astute. It's really why I was asking, to hear where you stood exactly. You see for me, there are no conclusions to jump to here regarding this woman's actions and state of mind. She is simply doing what she has decided to do, period. Whether she is confused or not is irrelevant because we can't know as you said. That really was my point as well. Now... does she appear to be going about this breakup in the wrong way, as initially described by the OP anyway? That's certainly a question. Personally and as I read and interpret it, it sounds like she recognized she is no longer in love, and has decided she wants something else, and has been honest and upfront about it the whole time. If it were me, I would have moved out already, first, before dumping that on my spouse. Otherwise, I don't see anything "wrong," or her being "confused and misled," in any of this. This is just normal relationship breakup stuff.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by Hawker69

Good to see you are still in a good head space although sad and angry. Apologies in going straight to the point but felt that it was needed. I can only imagine how difficult it must be with your situation. Never said to kick your wife out but start putting a plan into motion. It will take time but decisions need to be made. I can only imagine the shock you feel.

Just don't let the anger consume you as it will effect your decision making and plans. Your son will respond very well to see happy and loving parents each time he comes over.

Your story is one that is common with the TF theories. This is why I just don't go in for this delusional theory which seems to keep almost most of the people in this forum in continued pain, longing, anxiety, etc. how many relationships and lives are in ruin because of this TF rubbish. Running, chasing, the false hope, etc etc etc. just an excuse masking other issues.

I would love to know how many believers justify this taking into consideration your story. It can't be justified. It is all mostly women who develop these infatuations and delusions as I have seen. Maybe they are just unhappy and going through a mid life crisis as most have much younger TFs. Maybe they believe in it so much that they want it and use the label. They all just keep saying " follow the path" and it will work out. What rubbish.

Keep us updated and hope to hear you are soon in a better place. Take care.

Agreed--the twin flame stuff feels/sounds like bull**** to me. To each their own, but I mean...really. The more I read about it, it's complete horse****.

I also want to make clear: I don't think her feelings for this other guy are what are ending our marriage. She has/had a lot of other unresolved emotional issues (that I was perhaps admittedly somewhat oblivious to, or at least oblivious to their severity). I think meeting this "twin flame" was merely a catalyst for a perfect storm that triggered this "awakening". She reiterated that she has not seen him since February (when their work event ended), and has no plans to, but that she will always "love" him...even though she admits she barely even knows him. It boggles my mind, but if that's what she feels, then whatever.

I could spend the next 6 months just going, "Why him? Why me? What the hell?" but the reality is...kundalini awakening/midlife crisis/depression/7 year itch--it doesn't really matter what the semantics are. what matters is that she's unhappy/unfulfilled with me (or at least she's convinced herself that she's unhappy with me). Ya know, the "i love you but i'm not in love with you" thing. Part of me thinks this might have been inevitable at some point...if this awakening hadn't happened now, it could have been in 2 years, or 5. I think she's always been spiritually "searching," and this "awakening" is basically her malcontentedness being manifest.

So yeah, it sucks and I'm emotionally destroyed--but I'll live. She is looking for her own places now and will be moving out (ostensibly) when the time is right. I won't be her safety net anymore and if she's convinced I'm not the one for her anymore, then I need to forge my own path and find someone who does want me.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by HeartChakra

You've raised some good points. A lot of it boils down to 'wound mates'. And the wife having unresolved issues, but rest assure, when everyday life kicks in and her awareness does to, expect her to come back to you.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016...-a-wound-mate/

that's a nice thought HeartChakra but I'm not holding my breath. The future is unwritten and never say never, but with her saying that during this awakening she has "seen certain truths" about our relationship, it doesn't sound like something is gonna just go "click" and she'll be romantically attracted to me again. I feel like she just wants to move on and see what else is out there.

I think I was really good to her, and was a good husband--but I'm not gonna beg and grovel and keep pouring my love into someone that doesn't want it.

So peace out.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by Lightspirit

Is she involved in forums like this? I had a really confusing unexpected spiritual awakening and during it getting advice from strangers on the internet like me now should be followed with caution as your whole story is not known to us. Mine had nothing to do with another person and was more to do with prayer/God and that kudalini manifestations. It was REALLY bizarre. Trying to sort that stuff out how it's applicable to your situation is like wading through even more weird explanations while your learning and it's mind boggling.

She might have read something like that twin flame stuff and be all confused and led astray at a vulnerable time also believing there is a better deal out there that's meant to be. You might want to check this out and have a chat about it if it is.

There is also the 7 year itch and mid life crisis times of your life that can pass if you both get through them.

I wish I could help more but am not trained to advise in this area and just using life experiences.

thus is the problem with the internet--it is an echo chamber that will merely reinforce any belief system you have in place. i'm sure she googled her symptoms and...VOILA! it's a spiritual awakening! "I can't just be depressed, I have to be sublimely depressed."

[Hawker69]

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

thus is the problem with the internet--it is an echo chamber that will merely reinforce any belief system you have in place. i'm sure she googled her symptoms and...VOILA! it's a spiritual awakening! "I can't just be depressed, I have to be sublimely depressed."

Last sentence.... luv the sarcasm. Lol

[Kalika]

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

that's a nice thought HeartChakra but I'm not holding my breath. The future is unwritten and never say never, but with her saying that during this awakening she has "seen certain truths" about our relationship, it doesn't sound like something is gonna just go "click" and she'll be romantically attracted to me again. I feel like she just wants to move on and see what else is out there.

I think I was really good to her, and was a good husband--but I'm not gonna beg and grovel and keep pouring my love into someone that doesn't want it.

So peace out.

No I don't think she will just "click" though she might grow up.

[Kalika]

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

So peace out.

You too dude :)

[Kalika]

Originally Posted by Baile

Could I ask why you say this? Couples split and relationships end. And people don't come back. The divorce rate is 50%, and when you factor in casual and common-law relationships that end as well, the reality is probably 80% of all relationships, don't last. People lose interest and move on, that's just life. And it doesn't mean she has unresolved issues. If anything, she's doing something positive and progressive; changing her reality into something she feels is a better fit for her. That's a good thing. The worst thing couples do when the love is gone, is nothing at all; they stay together out of fear of change and/or because it's convenient.

Sure :)

People like to think they have found their 'magical other', when in fact they are projecting and/or their vibrations match that of the magical other which is more likely to be repressed wounds/shadows. Once they shine the light on this, as in, live with the person to see that in fact they too are flawed and not as magical, they start to wake up from their illusion. This new awakening then has them questioning all that they had before, hence many will try and come back or a lot slip a quicky in for old times sake. But what they are trying to do is grab back the good bits that they overlooked whilst in lust for the magical other. Most of the time people will think that this other is perfect and compliments them, even going so far as saying they feel complete... which we know is not true.

Only the self can be complete on its own, when it holds an abundance of self-love whereby it is not in 'need' of anything from anyone.

Hope this makes sense

[Baile]

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

Agreed--the twin flame stuff feels/sounds like bull**** to me. To each their own, but I mean...really. The more I read about it, it's complete horse****. i'm sure she googled her symptoms and...VOILA! it's a spiritual awakening!

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

She has/had a lot of other unresolved emotional issues

Two people in a relationship are very often the cause each other's emotional issues. We've all been in relationships where we use sarcasm to invalidate the other's beliefs and way of seeing the world. Perhaps the two statements above are more connected than just "Her 'spiritual awakening' beliefs are garbage," and "She has a problem."