this all makes me feel creeped, psyched out and stuck in a fog of dark magic lol

[Christine]

OK,

I need to let this out

today was a day again where i am totally psyched out about this whole experience and tell myself..maybe it is the opposite of whatever...love...peace.... maybe this is the biggest prison of all and worst lesson of my life just like the overdose for the heroin addict or near death of an anorexic, seriously!!!!

for me this experience is not one that feels like i have the whole room to breathe, lightness, trust...
actually all that's been happening directly in relation to this guy seems just creepy and too magical, but in a way where it is this deathly feeling about it...and my trust is so blind. i just keep trusting. It is all too synchronised for me to simply ignore it.

thinking about him i have almost gotten hit by a bus - literally I was not in the present, so what does life do...treat u like u dont want to be 'here'
today i ran over a bird thinking about him.
shortly after metting him i got let go from my job because the economy was down, my car broke down, then had a new job where the boss abused me saying 'we were fine before you left, we are fine without you', swearing his head off all day, looked for a new job where i was totally getting used for my kindness and i just froze and said 'i cant do this' and had to leave, another interview again where i was just giving myself and people always wanted 'commitment', started a new job and the HOUSE i went to inspect for the job caught on fire......my tenants for my rental property started abusing me and saying 'why are you playing god with us'...bringing me down from the 'higher conciousness' ego.

also, each time i let go of spirituality, it creeps back into my life.
i booked to see a psychiatrist. they didnt get the referral. booked it again. this time the doctor was picked to see me, the doctor ended up quitting. i had to get another referral. they again lost it. got another one. haven't heard from them. this is like a proper actual main clinic in my city. ***. the thing is...i could not complain or get angry because all those emotions were so fragile, i simply just let it be.

had so many weirdo creeps out of nowhere appear on my facebook and just message me just WEIRD stuff. i notice myself go into some weird personality when i reply to them.i have never had this kind of stuff happen ever...***. total strangers. i wish i could share screenshots of these conversations. actually i will copy and paste some of them below lol.
had some guy who was after me for 10 years claim we are linked by fate and he loves me most after my family, another guy go off at me for not being into him....i then 'blocked' this guy and happen to run into him in a public place shortly after...i then also ran into the boss for the job i froze in, now in my new job the person I am with begins talking about tarot and psychic stuff. A new girl I have met who LIVES IN THE SAME COUTNRY and CITY AS TF talks to me about psychic stuff. another total random stranger started talking to me on the beach and he didn't seem like one of the creeps so i exchanged my facebook for him to teach me surfing, WAIT FOR IT .....this girl who lives in my TF's country/city tells me she has met this guy and they click so well, she can't wait for me to meet him . It ends up being this guy from the beach!!!! hahahahaha. alsagaskjglksadglsas

anyway...
here one of the ridiculous conversations. I have had about 5 of these the last 3 weeks with total strangers just sending me a facebook message. I have NEVER had those messages from strangers come. I can totally see now i was supporting them subconciously. but still ***. hahahahah the randomnesssssss


them: I wana lots of talking with you....

me: why, because you saw me post on Mooji?

them: You don't........
Noooo way....how could you say like this.....
If you not interested or not wana talk with me than it's Ok.....but plz don't say this.....
You are so sweet and that's it😒

me: just free yourself
come on wake up


them: Yes my dear I am wake up.....
Early in a morning
......this is my watsapp no.
what are you doing

me: wake up
stop chasing the clouds
be free

them: What are you talking.. What's the mean of be free can you elaborate it plz

me: your mind, looking for a romance

them: Uuhhh
yes
Ha ha ha.....
If I say yes then what are say.....what's your answer?
What?
mh.....I think you are right
Are you astrologist
If I say I wana talk to you and that's you....

me: who's that?
who your mind thinks i am
not real

them: You have a any problem......
As with me
Why are you talking like this to me....
Speak up
Tell me dear

me: you are disappearing into space. But you're scared. so you're looking for a girl...to keep dreaming

Them: So why are you not become my dream girl......

hahaha. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh