Loneliness and Isolation

[Tobi]

Originally Posted by Celaris

I've had to spend a lot of time alone recently, which has been very hard for me.
I've been forced to really look inside of myself and analyze some things.

Intense feelings of loneliness have come up coupled with a fear of death, which is interesting because loneliness can increase the likelihood of an early death. (I'd post links to the studies- but I can't yet according to the site rules)

• Premature death risk is increased by 14% in older people who are lonely.
• Even when one is not an elderly, a consistent feeling of being lonely also poses an increase of 14% chance of dying early.
• Loneliness has as much impact as being very poor and not having access to some privileges.
• Staying in touch with friends, families and colleagues can lead to a longer life.

I'm in a really isolated place, where there simply aren't opportunities for social interaction.

My question to anyone who's interested is how do you deal with loneliness and isolation? I've looked at the research and most things say 'get out more', more or less. This isn't an option for me. What are your thoughts?

Thank you!

I also live in a rural isolated place, and actually love it that way (except for the dratted internet connection! grrrr)
Loneliness I have found, is more a state of inner feeling, than physical proximity to other people or not. One can be 'alone' in the middle of the night in the countryside and not the slightest bit 'lonely'.....and one can be in a city at a party and feel terribly 'lonely'.

I am lucky because I have some really nice neighbours whom I do often meet. Sometimes we share a coffee, or I might go on a little outing with them. (Women my own age who live 1/4 mile away) The old Major and his wife (1/4 mile the other way) are pleasant people to talk with too. And many dog-walkers pass my cottage, stop for a chat, even invite me round to their places to 'drop in' sometime when on a walk, and have tea or coffee.
I have time for the people I meet (and usually there are dogs involved) We often stop to talk awhile. I learn about them, and their pets and their sons and daughters, etc.

So even if you are in a fairly isolated place, there is still a 'community' very close to you., whom you may not have met yet. Even small acts of kindness can lead to encounters with the local people. Even something as simple as putting water for passing dogs outside your house, with a lovely hand-painted sign saying "For thirsty Dogs" or whatever....can cause people to stop and smile (and more importantly, cause dogs to stop and drink!) That can lead to starting to get to know local people.
Going for walks locally can help too. If you walk regularly in your area, you are bound to meet people on a recurring basis. You may tell them how beautiful their garden is....or anything. You may find you make friends.

And of course, there is the internet. I have made good friends over the internet. Not with many, but with people who matter.

The thing about the internet is you can often find -at a couple of clicks -the subjects about which you share a passion with many other people.

And believe it -if you have a 'Soul Mate' out there somewhere, that Soul Mate won't be far away. You may well meet them just round the next corner, even in a simple everyday way. Soul Mates are destined to meet up with you, even if you just were to sit in your garden!

Events will present themselves to you in an un-forced organic sort of way.

And the down-time from all that? Well, it is welcome quiet time. Time to read, or meditate, or commune with those loved ones who have passed from life.
And then it is morning, and it all starts again....

You will be okay. Just keep your heart in the right place and keep on waking up in the morning!

[linen53]

Learn to love the isolation. Learn to be your own best company. Learn to enjoy the silence. Learn to love yourself. Learn to listen to your thoughts.

[Emmalevine]

Originally Posted by Celaris

I've had to spend a lot of time alone recently, which has been very hard for me.
I've been forced to really look inside of myself and analyze some things.

Intense feelings of loneliness have come up coupled with a fear of death, which is interesting because loneliness can increase the likelihood of an early death. (I'd post links to the studies- but I can't yet according to the site rules)

• Premature death risk is increased by 14% in older people who are lonely.
• Even when one is not an elderly, a consistent feeling of being lonely also poses an increase of 14% chance of dying early.
• Loneliness has as much impact as being very poor and not having access to some privileges.
• Staying in touch with friends, families and colleagues can lead to a longer life.

I'm in a really isolated place, where there simply aren't opportunities for social interaction.

My question to anyone who's interested is how do you deal with loneliness and isolation? I've looked at the research and most things say 'get out more', more or less. This isn't an option for me. What are your thoughts?

Thank you!

Hi there

Much of my life has been characterised by loneliness. I empathise with you because I understand the difficulty/conflict regardless of your reasons. Well meaning peeps have advised me to get out, join groups, volunteer etc, but I have long term health issues that prevent this from happening. I've actually improved now, but the constraints are still very real.

I have to admit my background has helped me cope with loneliness because I was already very accustomed to it. As a child I spent a lot of time alone and i coped by writing and reading and using my imagination. It is harder as an adult because I've addressed the repressed emotions that kept me in that place as a child, and I do seek the company of others. Plus it is obviously different as an adult - there are new responsibilities and levels of awareness which weren't available to me then. BUT I draw upon my strengths as a child to help.

My spirituality has been incredibly important. I have learnt to like my own company even if I wish I didn't have to be alone so much. I have occupied my mind as much as possible with distance learning (there is a sense of connection and shared goals with others even via the internet), joining internet forums (this has led to close friendships irl), penpaling, going to meet up groups where possible. But most of all, I have had to be at peace with myself and my life at least some of the time and meditation and spiritual development have been paramount in helping me with this. At my most lonely, reading spiritual texts were extremely helpful.

I do hope you are able to meet more people at some point. But it may be that there is a lesson of growth in being lonely - it draws us inwards, to examine the truth of our soul. Reading spiritual books or listening to audios may also help.

Feel free to pm me if you want.