Help - Too Sensitive to Be Alive

[Hadarian]

Hi. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right section. I didn't want to put it in the relationships section, because it's not about one relationship, but it's about a certain personality of woman that I keep attracting. I really dislike all of these silly labels of "starseed", "indigo", "empath" etc., that IMO just serve to boost the ego and the individual's sense of self-importance, but I posted this thread in this forum, because I believe people reading in here might be more likely to be familiar with the problems of being too sensitive and suffering from feeling other people and their energy.

I wanted to know if anyone else has the same experience of this type of personality I will describe. I have only ever encountered females with this personality. And more specifically, I am in trouble right now, because I just began a new job and the woman who is supposed to be training me has this personality type and I feel it killing me. I feel her sucking the life out of me. I don't know how to deal with my situation.

The personality type
This is impossible for me to describe concisely, if at all, so I apologize in advance for being long-winded. There seems to be a "genre" of woman who runs around like a chicken with her head cut off. She busies herself every waking moment in activities of managing and "taking care of", in my particular situation, someone else. She has a very frantic, frenetic energy, very nervous, hyper, exhausting. Now, I just began a new job training with one of these women, as a home nursing assistant. This is independent work, but until (if ever) I learn all of the details of how to take care of the person in question, I need to be trained by watching and, supposedly, doing the tasks myself under the supervision of another nursing assistant.

The woman who has to "train" me is this woman. Her command of the language we communicate in is horrible and I can hardly understand anything she shouts at me when she is giving me instructions, yet because she has such an aggressive, suffocating and controlling energy, I have developed a fear of her and what she is trying to "train" me to do. She basically shouts as her normal tone of voice, she goes at a very fast and frantic pace, I can't keep up with her, even if she could speak comprehensibly. She has a critical and disapproving edge that cuts. She is supposed to be training me, but rarely lets me do the tasks myself. And when she tells me to do a task myself, she shouts at me the whole time that I "must do this, put this there, put that here" and I don't know what the hell she is talking about. Then because she is so impatient, I will start a task and then she will push me out of the way and finish it herself telling me I'm doing it wrong and I have to do it "this" way, or whatever. Her vocabulary in the language we communicate in is so bad that she can't call things by their names and uses "this" and "that" or "it" all the time. And because she is shouting, I get scared and nervous and upset. Bit by bit, she is crushing any self-confidence I might have had. I can't learn this job because of her and now she is beginning to think I am incompetent.

After my first day of training, of 5 hours with this woman, I was so sapped of my life force that I had to lie in bed the entire next day just to recuperate. An entire day wasted. And last night after 2 hours with her, I had a headache when I came home, slept only 4 hours, woke up worrying what I am going to do about this situation. I reikied myself for 45 minutes this morning just to alleviate my headache. And now I find I must waste yet another day just to recuperate my life force from being with that woman and in that stressful situation.

How can I avoid people like this woman? Why do I keep attracting them? I am in despair, because I have apparently gone into a profession (nursing/health care) where such women are prevalent and in positions of power. I had 3 internships during my education and I found women like this in all 3 of them. They are going to kill me, I feel them sucking the life out of me, I feel like they are literally taking days off of my life.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? I almost burst into tears last night. I don't know what to do . If it continues like this with her, I will definitely have a breakdown and start crying in front of them.

[John32241]

Hello,

My thoughts are that this profession needs people like you more than you need it. If you can get through this training phase, you will be able to do those duties and tasks in your own way.

I do not know of any way to ignore the energies and manners of others. I do my best to deal with them and not let it effect me to any great extent.

In my case I make an effort to let these energies pass through me without attaching itself to me. The more you resent some thing, the more it is inclined to effect you. Self talk may help I suspect. Saying to yourself, this will be fun when I get to do it my way.

John

[Hadarian]

Hi,

Thanks for replying. I think you're right about that. Unfortunately, I haven't managed to find any other field I can work in that didn't also in some other way render me severely depressed and depleted--it was just a different sort of depletion.

There has been an interesting turn of events since I posted this. The woman in question contacted me to cancel all of our training sessions. She didn't say why. I wrote back with an expression of surprise and she answered saying that the one I was to take care of had become sick. I wrote back again, but she didn't answer me back. I got the distinct feeling that she may somehow blame me for the fact that the person who I was learning to take care of got sick (they are family). It's a very strange occurrence. I am expecting/hoping to hear from the care agency now telling me that the woman doesn't want me working with them anymore (if not, I have decided to quit). I instantly felt a huge sigh of relief, but still feel somewhat traumatized, and my headache is still there and I need to start looking for another job, which I was already doing.

[John32241]

Hello,

Another job in that profession may indeed be best for you. Trust that you are loved and spiritually guided and that energy will help with stress I suspect.

John

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by John32241

Hello,

Another job in that profession may indeed be best for you. Trust that you are loved and spiritually guided and that energy will help with stress I suspect.

John

Hi John,

I agree.
If only I were better at the LoA...

Lucia

[wolfgaze]

Hello Hadarian

Originally Posted by Hadarian

Why do I keep attracting them?

Perhaps you keep finding yourself in these situations/positions because the Universe is trying to teach you the hard way (because nothing of great value ever comes easy) how to gain mastery over your emotional state and sovereignty over your inner-space?

When we find ourselves in these types of interactions there is the possibility of losing yourself in the energy field of another. Their emotional energy can invade your personal space and become your own - and this is threatening to our sense of self and our sense of well-being. You feel like you lose control of your state of consciousness and of your emotions.

What is needed is to find a way to create space & distance - not literal and physical space and distance, but separation between the energy/feelings/emotions of another and your own. This is accomplished by learning to tap into a heightened state of Awareness whereby you will not self-identify with the emotional energy you are in the presence of because you will recognize and be fully cognizant that it is not your own. I know that this is much easier said than done - and that this is challenging to learn to do and accomplish. Think of it as like an acquired skill that you necessarily will need to practice and work at over time because you can become adept at it and before it will become easier for you to do.

When you are a sensitive individual (I am/was too), you often find yourself being affected by the emotions/energy of another. One way to counteract this is to work on entering into a state of awareness sometimes referrred to as Witness consciousness. What happens is that you learn to become more detached from what you are experiencing in the sense that you find yourself tapping into a heightened state of awareness whereby you are simply witnessing and observing what is transpiring (including the energy of the circumstances) - rather than attaching yourself to it and allowing your mind-activity to take over and threaten your balance, stability, and inward state of being. It's like through your state of awareness you learn to pull back from the energy of the immediate environment and this counteracts you being swept away and pulled down by it. Like I said it's an acquired skill and doesn't come easy initially - but you work at this and you become better at it over time, and it becomes easier and easier to do. When we give in to automatic reactions, when we are unconscious of what's transpiring - we dim our state of awareness and this is when we find ourselves feeling more vulnerable and threatened by what we are experiencing. Think of individuals who have little composure and self-control - they lack a heightened state of awareness and frequently find themselves falling victim of their own emotional & mental activity when they find themselves in circumstances where they are challenged. In a general sense, I would offer that the progress you make conducting inner-work and which leads to awareness-expansion will greatly benefit you with this endeavor. You will become more centered, more balanced, more mindful, and more deeply rooted in your 'self' (which is pure Consciousness/Awareness).

There is something else you can do which can serve to counteract the personal nature & reaction that is often experienced when in the presence of challenging behavior of others. This revolves around employing empathy and this means temporarily stepping outside of your own personal mindstate and vantage point and into that of another's... This is beneficial for two reasons - it allows you to detach and pull back from your own mental/emotional reactivity that comes with the feeling of being attacked/offended/wronged, and it helps to promote a certain sense of understanding, acceptance, compassion, and heightened awareness for the other individual you are tasked with interacting with. All of this combined will enable you to remain more composed, more balanced, more centered, and more in control over your state of being.

Let's use your experience as an example with which to apply this. I know this was a very challenging situation and that there were other factors involved which made this a very stressful situation for you - I'm not minimizing this. Many of us have found ourselves in similar situations (forced to have to work with someone we otherwise would not care to associate with)... Regarding this particular woman - would it be safe to suggest that if she's acting/behaving this way and carrying herself in this manner that she is likely to be a deeply troubled individual regarding her inner-life and hurting/suffering to significant extent? If she was mentally/emotionally healthy she would not be acting in this manner, right? Perhaps she has had a very difficult life experience filled with suffering, abuses, tragedies, losses - and this has really taken its toll on her and her psychological well-being. Perhaps she had a horrible upbringing and has been negatively impacted by the conditioning that she was exposed to by her parents or caretakers. Perhaps she also simply hasn't consciously developed & matured (yet) to the extent where she is capable of exercising greater control over her emotions/feelings rather than engaging in projection or unconsciously lashing out at others in unpleasant ways. This is not to make excuses for her behavior and not to dismiss it - but to foster the awareness (within you) that this person is very likely the way that she is (at this time) due to a complex combination of reasons and factors that have nothing to do with your immediate involvement in her life. She likely isn't even aware of how she comes across to others and how her behavior affects others and makes them feel (many people are totally oblivious about this). If you knew that this woman was deeply afflicted and seriously hurting/suffering on the inside - would this knowledge/awareness not evoke some sense of compassion & sympathy on your part? Could you see yourself feeling bad for her to some extent? When you find yourself evoking and generating such a reaction within yourself (a sense of sympathy, compassion, pity, understanding) - this will serve to greatly reduce the 'personal nature' of your interaction with her as well as serve to counteract reacting with debilitating emotions such as anger, resentment, indignation, severe judgement, etc. You only have so much conscious energy to utilize and you choose how it is gets applied. You cannot experience anger, indignation, and judgement/condemnation for this individual at the same time you are feeling sympathy, pity, and a sense of understanding - right? These are like two opposing reactions/responses within you - and they affect your mental/emotional well-being and state of consciousness in very different ways. Heart-based emotional activity is stabilizing, healing, and uplifting - it promotes a state of balance and coherence. Physical mind influenced emotional activity/reactivity tends to create imbalance and destabilizes the individual. The more mindful and aware you become of exactly what plays out and transpires within you, the better you will become at consciously exercising control and authority over your inward state of being. You will increasingly free yourself and eventually find yourself resting in a state of unwaivering balance and calmness. Continue to engage in introspection (self-reflection) and continue to expand your state of Awareness - this is the solution. : )

I hope that something I shared here proves to be helpful for you. Also, I apologize about the long paragraphs : D

Kind Regards,
~WOLF

[Eyeland]

Originally Posted by Hadarian

Hi,

Thanks for replying. I think you're right about that. Unfortunately, I haven't managed to find any other field I can work in that didn't also in some other way render me severely depressed and depleted--it was just a different sort of depletion.

There has been an interesting turn of events since I posted this. The woman in question contacted me to cancel all of our training sessions. She didn't say why. I wrote back with an expression of surprise and she answered saying that the one I was to take care of had become sick. I wrote back again, but she didn't answer me back. I got the distinct feeling that she may somehow blame me for the fact that the person who I was learning to take care of got sick (they are family). It's a very strange occurrence. I am expecting/hoping to hear from the care agency now telling me that the woman doesn't want me working with them anymore (if not, I have decided to quit). I instantly felt a huge sigh of relief, but still feel somewhat traumatized, and my headache is still there and I need to start looking for another job, which I was already doing.

I believe the Universe protected you in this case. Maybe this frantic woman didn't like you and decided to hire someone else, telling you awhite lie the patient got sick to get rid of you. Maybe it's the truth the eprson got sick. The way i see it, either way you have been granted a way out of a situation that would severely harm you sooner or later. You mentioned LoA and i believe you triggered it subconsciously by turning the tides of events to your favor. Your higher self knew you had to get away from those poisonous vibrations so She let you manifest a getaway.
Now you must calm down, purge those dark vibes of your system, envision and manifest your Soul's true desire. Hint : Don't hold back in"designing" what you'd want thinking yourself not good enough to have it etc etc. The Universe works in strange ways, let it unfold its Magic...never forget you are a part of it ;)

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by Eyeland

I believe the Universe protected you in this case. Maybe this frantic woman didn't like you and decided to hire someone else, telling you awhite lie the patient got sick to get rid of you. Maybe it's the truth the eprson got sick. The way i see it, either way you have been granted a way out of a situation that would severely harm you sooner or later. You mentioned LoA and i believe you triggered it subconsciously by turning the tides of events to your favor. Your higher self knew you had to get away from those poisonous vibrations so She let you manifest a getaway.
Now you must calm down, purge those dark vibes of your system, envision and manifest your Soul's true desire. Hint : Don't hold back in"designing" what you'd want thinking yourself not good enough to have it etc etc. The Universe works in strange ways, let it unfold its Magic...never forget you are a part of it ;)

I thought the same thing and I was quite stunned when I received her sms. It seemed like a small miracle. Now, to this moment I still don't know if she no longer wants me--she doesn't have the power to fire me.

@Wolf. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it.

I deliberately didn't go into great detail about the circumstances, because it would have required too much detail. I do not experience those emotions you mention at the moments in question, so feeling empathy in the heat of the moment when she is yelling at me while I literally have the life of someone who is paralyzed from the waist down in my hands is really no time to start thinking about what happened to the woman to make her so crazy. The fact is, I know why she is like that, enough. I understand why people are or get like that. That they are like that is not the problem. That they have authority over me and try to show me how to do a very important and vital job in a way that traumatizes me as I am doing it, that is the problem.

You could say the first thing you describe is the problem. There is no filter or block between that woman's energy and me, as her franticness, impatience and shouting soaks into me and I become scared and come to feel incompetent in her presence--now she thinks I'm incompetent. I did tell her I can't understand her pronunciation; she thinks her language skills are good. I told her she makes me nervous and doesn't give me any peace or freedom to see what I need to do next, she just orders "at" me the whole time I'm trying to do one step of a task, then pushes me aside to do it herself.

The biggest lesson, though, is that when I got the interview with her, I had already decided to say no if she offered me the job, because I heard how bad her language was on the phone. I was preparing how I was going to say no. Then I got to the interview and, I guess again, I lost myself in her feelings and the feelings of the one I would take care of. I felt them, they really wanted me and liked me. Especially the one I would take care of--she was very warm to me. I got drawn in by their affection for me and ended up saying yes instead of following my first intuition. I lost my intuition in their "like" for me. I lived to regret that.

It's just so hard to separate out myself from other people, and to remember to stop and try to separate out myself from others BEFORE making a decision. As of now, my only defense is avoidance and maintaining physical distance--hence why I stopped visiting family.

Oh, I've gotten good at separating myself (creating space, as you say) from the people I take care of. It's easy to do that when it is someone you are taking care of who you know needs your help, they are psychologically troubled, so maybe they swear at you or things like that, or physically disabled and resentful and maybe they are angry about that and take it out on you, even try to hit you sometimes. That doesn't go into me. But when it's someone who I have to learn from and they are frenetic, critical and suffocating, so I can't do a job, and I have to be open to them, because they are giving me instruction, I'm subordinate and it is critical I learn, it's not the same.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Hadarian

@Wolf. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it.

No problem : )

Originally Posted by Hadarian

I deliberately didn't go into great detail about the circumstances, because it would have required too much detail. I do not experience those emotions you mention at the moments in question, so feeling empathy in the heat of the moment when she is yelling at me while I literally have the life of someone who is paralyzed from the waist down in my hands is really no time to start thinking about what happened to the woman to make her so crazy. The fact is, I know why she is like that, enough. I understand why people are or get like that. That they are like that is not the problem. That they have authority over me and try to show me how to do a very important and vital job in a way that traumatizes me as I am doing it, that is the problem.

You could say the first thing you describe is the problem. There is no filter or block between that woman's energy and me, as her franticness, impatience and shouting soaks into me and I become scared and come to feel incompetent in her presence--now she thinks I'm incompetent. I did tell her I can't understand her pronunciation; she thinks her language skills are good. I told her she makes me nervous and doesn't give me any peace or freedom to see what I need to do next, she just orders "at" me the whole time I'm trying to do one step of a task, then pushes me aside to do it herself.

Thanks for providing more details and clarifying things for me.....

Can I ask you - did you grow up around anyone who made you feel this way in terms of being overwhelmed by their energy and you feeling afflicted while in their presence?

Originally Posted by Hadarian

It's just so hard to separate out myself from other people, and to remember to stop and try to separate out myself from others BEFORE making a decision. As of now, my only defense is avoidance and maintaining physical distance--hence why I stopped visiting family.

Is there a past history of yielding/submitting to the influence of family members? Perhaps for the purpose of avoiding tension/conflict/turmoil?

Originally Posted by Hadarian

Oh, I've gotten good at separating myself (creating space, as you say) from the people I take care of. It's easy to do that when it is someone you are taking care of who you know needs your help, they are psychologically troubled, so maybe they swear at you or things like that, or physically disabled and resentful and maybe they are angry about that and take it out on you, even try to hit you sometimes. That doesn't go into me. But when it's someone who I have to learn from and they are frenetic, critical and suffocating, so I can't do a job, and I have to be open to them, because they are giving me instruction, I'm subordinate and it is critical I learn, it's not the same.

That's really good that you are able to do that with the individuals that you care for. And that also kind of speaks to what I was getting at earlier - how when you have a greater awareness of another person's life situation/circumstances, you are more likely to be understanding of their behavior and less likely to take it personal and be offended. And yes you are totally right about the other situation being distinct and not the same - given the context involved.

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

No problem : )

Thanks for providing more details and clarifying things for me.....

Can I ask you - did you grow up around anyone who made you feel this way in terms of being overwhelmed by their energy and you feeling afflicted while in their presence?


Is there a past history of yielding/submitting to the influence of family members? Perhaps for the purpose of avoiding tension/conflict/turmoil?

Yes, my family makes this woman seem like Gandhi. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but all members of my family scared me into submission from a very young age. In fact, after this experience, I found similarities between my mother and this woman which are not immediately evident. The males in my family are very aggressive, violent tempers, the mother, while not dominating like this woman, has always been quite oblivious to me and is also very hard and cold, sometimes easily angered. All of them feel like a bed of nails to me, and that's just what I began to feel when I thought about going back to this job. So, yes, I stay away from them all.

I know this is all related, but I don't know what to do with the information I have to enable me to stop attracting such females into my life. I encounter nice females, but they don't stay, or seem to want to be friends with me. All my life, it's these loud-mouthed, callous, oblivious-to-me, domineering ones that have literally been attracted to me and I am repelled by them. The result is that they really, really like me and want to be with me, but I don't want to be with them, even for a minute and they have no clue, because, as I said, they are actually oblivious to me. I'd like a friendship or work relationship with women who are more like me--calmer, more feminine, gentler, but also with backbone and emotion and some positive uniqueness/unconventionalism...or just plain normal. Although, the best co-workers I ever had in this profession were men... They were so much more emotionally stable, confident and competent. I felt safe with them and I did/learned my job well with them. They were good, calm and patient teachers.