Work (or lack thereof) related guilt

QuantumKev · #1 12-06-2015, 10:56 PM

So I work in the IT field as a web developer and have made a pretty decent life for myself over the last 8 or 9 years. I'm not rich, but make a decent living and am very grateful for all I have.

I have come to realize though that this is just not something I can give me 100% attention too, it just does not "do it for me," and I find myself constantly distracted and doing other things because I just don't really enjoy coding anymore. I end up feeling really guilty about it, because I know that I should be giving my employer what they are paying me for - my full time and attention.

The easy solution, or so it would seem, would be to just get into another line of work that is more fulfilling, or at least better keeps my attention. I liken myself to the main character in "Office Space" - have even thought about going back into blue collar work, which I did for many years lol.

But here's the kicker - although I don't make crazy money, I do make a decent salary, and have tried to look for something else I could move into, but nothing comes even close money-wise. If it was just me, I would gladly downsize, suck it up and get to it. Thing is, I have a wife and 4 kids who have grown used to our current standard of living, and there is no way I could pay all the bills with a big pay cut.

So I guess I am kind of asking for advice here, as the guilt of not giving my "all" to the companies I work for is really hurting my serenity. And amazingly enough, I am not in any trouble at my work, and in fact, most of the places I have worked have thought I was a fantastic worker - it's my self-guilt that's getting me. Sounds crazy, right?

If anyone out there has any insight, advice, or relevant experience, or even wants to just tell me "quit whining!" I would really appreciate it

Thanks all, and Many Blessings : )

QKev

Alfor · #2 12-06-2015, 11:25 PM

I would say - focus on the love of your family (and your environment) and what joy the money can and does bring to you all. Every job has the ho hum factor after a spell.

naturesflow · #3 12-06-2015, 11:36 PM

OH yeah I know a few people in this predicament also. (not myself)

Well paid, not fully engaged in their role anymore and financial responsibilities that they know will require a pay cut if they choose a new field of work.

Just going to try and process this some in me first before I give you my main view..:)

How I view this is that there are two aspects of this at the forefront of being needed and the other aspect of you not feeling plugged in as a not the priority.Two in your view are priority in relation to your view of family and others and your responsibility to them. Yet it doesn't take away your feelings about this job being over in you on some level.

So I see that you really feel like you have no choice in knowing what your families requirements are to find another job that pays as well that you might enjoy?

But..(yes I like buts lol ) What if I pose this to you? What if there is a job out there for you to take up as a new challenge, that pays well, that allows you and your family to be supported in the needs you require?

What if in you saying It appears there is none, that in you seeking that there actually is one there and you just haven't found it yet because its not quite time in your process of the seeking?

Sometimes we think seeking is just about spirituality, but the nature of seeking and finding what you need and want for you and your family is in part connected to all this space of being you in every way.

We cant force ourselves to do things when we are unplugging and feel disconnected to that space. People are the same. You can fake it with others, but that forced feeling is just not being true to yourself.

If it were a job that would allow for you to recreate yourself in some way, then I would suggest you look at that possibility too?

The other thing is in your choice to want to feel more connected to your work, the choices you make in that way, will affect change upon your family...Can that be accepted for them to create change too? Meaning is there ways for them to cut back to support a pay cut and new job ? )

Sometimes choices ripple but truth in choices in feeling connected supports more than you too..for the better..

Clear out the guilt of wanting change and not giving of yourself as you would normally give, is a good start to this process..:)

Mr Interesting · #4 13-06-2015, 12:04 AM

You climbed up the tree bro, you can climb down.

I got my first lesson in that when I was 5 and I climbed on the school roof then got scared and it just so happened some police in a patrol car saw me up there, stopped and came over. I kind then expected them to rescue me but they said you climbed up there you climb down. It kinda made me aware of choices but I never stopped climbing, just knew getting down was part of the deal.

And so what if you're bored with your job, that's not the jobs fault, it's yours.

Imagine it's like romantic love and the honeymoon's over and you see decades of learning how deficient this person is... they're not at all, we're just programmed not to go the hard yards and discover real deep abiding love.

So forget the object of your love and be the love. Changing jobs won't matter, the honeymoon will only last so long until it all gets boring all over again.

But realise too that you're a lucky man. It's all there already for a perfect life and just a little tweaking around the edges will bring it all forth.

Be the change you want in the world doesn't mean changing the world... it means changing ourselves. Oh, and I'm playing devil's advocate a little here.

Oh, and the unlived life of the parent and all that too.

Shaunc · #5 13-06-2015, 12:40 AM

You've got a wife and 4 kids to feed. They should be your priority. So what you don't like your job. That's how it is for most people. If you're keeping your boss happy and your family happy congratulations you've fooled them for another week. Not everyone can give 100% at work if you're giving 80 or 90% that's pretty good and I'm sure that your boss knows that too.

BlueSky · #6 13-06-2015, 02:05 AM

My experience is nothing in the world will give you total satisfaction. You may grow tired of a different profession.
I find it's part of the spiritual journey to be able to put your attention into a job you may not think is for you anymore as a way to realize it may not be the job that holds the key to your happiness.
I try to observe or witness my life, knowing that the world and all it has to offer will never satisfy my mind. The witness is satisfied no matter what. He doesn't take his job personal.
I don't know if that makes sense but there is great growth in learning to be bored.
If something comes up then take it from there, keeping your family in the forefront of course. It's a selfless act to stay and nothing is more spiritual than that.
I speak from one who has done it all, never finding what I am looking for in any of it but finding that my true nature is always satisfied.
That me anyways and everyone is different so I'm just sharing.

CrystalSong · #7 13-06-2015, 02:08 AM

My husband changed jobs within the same company which required a move across the USA or internationally every 4 years.

He managed to solve his boredom issue and keep himself challenged with the same employer via these every 4 years lateral moves to join different teams (wide network engineer).
I hated all the moves, memorizing new addresses and phone numbers, the damage on household goods, the boxes that 'fell off the truck'. Saying goodbye to friends, having to make new ones and find new social circles, only to have to say Goodbye again.
So many moves, all because he made good money and needed challenge and turned into a miserable sully fight picking human being when pinned in one place too long. This was a relationship he had with himself, and I literally just got dragged along because I loved him and thought I was being a supportive wife.

As you can tell I don't have an answer here for you... maybe change jobs within the company that doesn't involve the household being packed up and kids having to change schools and everyone having to make new friends and say goodbye to old ones?

I get your need, your boredom and empathize with it - we quite learning and go into a rut when we've not challenged in ways which we enjoy and rise to meet, a part of us dies inside, life looses some sweetness.

QuantumKev · #8 13-06-2015, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capacity

My experience is nothing in the world will give you total satisfaction. You may grow tired of a different profession.
I find it's part of the spiritual journey to be able to put your attention into a job you may not think is for you anymore as a way to realize it may not be the job that holds the key to your happiness.
I try to observe or witness my life, knowing that the world and all it has to offer will never satisfy my mind. The witness is satisfied no matter what. He doesn't take his job personal.
I don't know if that makes sense but there is great growth in learning to be bored.
If something comes up then take it from there, keeping your family in the forefront of course. It's a selfless act to stay and nothing is more spiritual than that.
I speak from one who has done it all, never finding what I am looking for in any of it but finding that my true nature is always satisfied.
That me anyways and everyone is different so I'm just sharing.

Wow, that was a great answer and comforted me more than you can know.

Thank you : )

Many blessings...

Qkev

QuantumKev · #9 13-06-2015, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturesflow

OH yeah I know a few people in this predicament also. (not myself)

Well paid, not fully engaged in their role anymore and financial responsibilities that they know will require a pay cut if they choose a new field of work.

Just going to try and process this some in me first before I give you my main view..:)

How I view this is that there are two aspects of this at the forefront of being needed and the other aspect of you not feeling plugged in as a not the priority.Two in your view are priority in relation to your view of family and others and your responsibility to them. Yet it doesn't take away your feelings about this job being over in you on some level.

So I see that you really feel like you have no choice in knowing what your families requirements are to find another job that pays as well that you might enjoy?

But..(yes I like buts lol ) What if I pose this to you? What if there is a job out there for you to take up as a new challenge, that pays well, that allows you and your family to be supported in the needs you require?

What if in you saying It appears there is none, that in you seeking that there actually is one there and you just haven't found it yet because its not quite time in your process of the seeking?

Sometimes we think seeking is just about spirituality, but the nature of seeking and finding what you need and want for you and your family is in part connected to all this space of being you in every way.

We cant force ourselves to do things when we are unplugging and feel disconnected to that space. People are the same. You can fake it with others, but that forced feeling is just not being true to yourself.

If it were a job that would allow for you to recreate yourself in some way, then I would suggest you look at that possibility too?

The other thing is in your choice to want to feel more connected to your work, the choices you make in that way, will affect change upon your family...Can that be accepted for them to create change too? Meaning is there ways for them to cut back to support a pay cut and new job ? )

Sometimes choices ripple but truth in choices in feeling connected supports more than you too..for the better..

Clear out the guilt of wanting change and not giving of yourself as you would normally give, is a good start to this process..:)

Thank you for your kind answer and compassion - I really appreciate it : )

Many blessings...

Qkev

Mr Interesting · #10 13-06-2015, 08:53 PM

And now I've kinda done the devils advocate thing I can pull back and go for the sweet spot.

I've found it in myself that there is always the surface to go beyond in the sense that we find something interesting and we get good enough to be praised for it and so it creates a livelihood for us in the world but then it eventually becomes empty as we start to feel some depth in what we're doing, some beyondness as it were, but that surface need to keep doing it just as we've always done is there with it's winning smile... yet, there is the depths beckoning us to look deeper.

I'm still floundering about myself and it seems the more I follow the depths the less the world is interested so that feedback system is gone but still on the edges a new one seems to be emerging. But still I want that surface recompense, I've had it all my life and I'm used to it, yet this emerging humility and finding simple pleasures so enticing seems to ford a gap between the two ways while at the same time also splitting them further apart.

I suppose then it's just letting contentment with what is have it's place, going quiet and letting it resound, then this gives us that ability to see the mundane sparkle, re-grasp what might have become boring, let it fill up with an inner prosperity and reinvigorate us.

We start to realise the surface never really changes, even while it does, but it's only even really colours and textures, but what does change is us.

So in that room full of as it ever was what's in front of us goes deeper and we start filling out the whole space, we feel that all these others too fill it up, and we expand out beyond the surface and then that unchanging surface changes too.