I met somebody just like me. I need some advice!

[_Madeline]

Hi! I'm a new member here. This is a subject I could easily spend the next 24 hours typing the nuances over, but I was introduced to spirituality after a bad break up with my ex. I was all about hard facts, psychology, coping mechanisms, and brushed off any sort of magical thinking up until November. I broke down and begged out of desperation for any higher power, if there were any, to help me. It had been a month or two since he abruptly left after three and a half years together from a nasty phone call while he was on tour. Signs, synchronicities, vivid dreams... you name it, they happened to me. My entire world has been changed. I still had a hard time dealing with it all, but I began to work very hard on discernment, boundaries, uplifting my thinking/vibrations, my sense of self worth, owning up to and lovingly working on my character flaws, family karma... it's been very intense.
So two weeks ago, I had an opportunity to go to Alaska. The signs that I thought had something to do with my ex still loving me had reached a dead end and in the end, I finally fully acknowledged the dual truth of what had happened and let him go without changing my mind 5 minutes later outside of a hotel in Anchorage. Strangely, I felt great. Something felt imminent. I knew I had been lead there for a reason--first a possible job offer, and when that didn't work out, my dad wanted me to fly out to visit on a vacation. I had one week's notice.
Two days later, I met someone that instantly sparked my interest. Now I am no love addict... I had sworn off men after one hook up experience in April that went badly, when I also realized it was just me looking for external validation and dodging myself. I ended up at this island we had rented a cabin in for 2 days: he was the owner's son and worked there. The first day was his day off, so I only saw him in passing. The second day, I woke up from a vivid dream that o had met a man that I felt in love with. Again, I am not overly romantic (though I do love very hard once I get attached, which happens extremely rarely), especially when it comes to my dreams. he came up to me on a group balcony later that day shortly after he got there. Long story short, we had everything in common. He loved whales, feminism (even had a picture of Malala on his Facebook which I peeped at when I left, because the experience had freaked me out: she has been my personal hero for years), felt very passionate about politics, cried at the news, felt torn between loving loyalty and dissatisfaction with his family and his job, was able to analyze people, read tarot (that was unbelievable for me, as I never met anyone like that--I kept it very secret), was into self improvement and spirituality, had chronic issues with anxiety and depression, was very much an empath sort of person, similar music and TV show preferences, same sense of humor and almost able to finish each other's sentences... it almost frightened me because I truly gave none of that away before he did. I'd learned to steer clear of such an easy way to be manipulated, yet I felt very much at home. Eventually, we did get intimate (I'll have to double check the forum rules for this one). I felt so inexplicably strongly and ended up telling him a lot of my personal stuff... the next day I left, and I had given him a note with my phone number and a nice, simple, sincere yet jokey type of message. Something shifted as they took us back to shore. After I got off the boat, he shook my hand goodbye because my dad was there and I felt a block. An hour or so later, it occurred to me that his last name was on my hand because his mother was an artist and had social media pages for it. I was mortified. I drafted a funny little explanation message to send in a few days on Instagram, since I never got a chance to get his number back (there had been many people around, hence the note.) so I sent it, and I got this feeling he had been online and just didn't bother to open it on purpose. I deleted it (cool Instagram feature.) still, I held out hope... nope. A new picture posted and not even a follow back. Normally, I wouldn't really care. But I KNOW he was put in my path in such an intense and obvious way for a reason... I did most of the soul work and had just released what was plaguing me with love before I met him... does anyone have any idea what the **** that was? It totally blindsided me, especially because I'm positive (or was positive) that he felt it, too. Maybe he didn't believe me when I was saying "me too!" to almost everything he said. Was I played? Why would I have met me in another body to get a response like that?
Any insight would be so appreciated! I've been really good at figuring things out on my journey alone or through tarot/information applied from teacher or mentor figures, so this is the first time I've ever asked for help. There's more to the story--tons of synchronity, a few that have been going on ever since my "awakening"--but again, it would take an even longer post.

[_Madeline]

Edit: the dream was that I met a man that looked physically different, but had the same vibe the real dude ended up giving me as we spoke the next day. Dream-me had asked something like "well why did this take so long?" or "why weren't we able to be together yet?" And then--this is the infuriating/mystical part--the dream guy had said "because god didn't want us to yet/didn't think we were ready..." something like that, but all I can remember for certain is the "because god didn't want--" part. In a way that implied whoever this man was, it had been well worth the wait and had worked out. I just didn't know if I had met the man before or if it was an instant/slow attraction thing... not a lot of context in the dream besides that he was in the front seat leaving what I felt like was an airport (and i in the back), and that I was wearing the dress that subconsciously, I realized I was wearing later that day when I met the real life guy. But again, I don't want to project things on people. I learned my lessons about that. Still, there is something very personal and weird about what happened, so him not pursuing it any further after I left the island disturbed me a lot.

[_Madeline]

One last edit: I had been drugged in that experience in april. Went over there willingly, but ended up dosed and compromised. I hope that doesn't violate any forum rules to include, it just seems relevant to say because I tried to take the lessons from it, especially regarding trusting my intuition more, the best I could.

[hope123]

i pm'ed you

[Heart]

Often the physical attraction is a catalyst for something different to experience. like a stepping stone in the river of life, we move past the desire to romance over the phisical person who Im sure your aware is fleeting, temporary and imposible to grasp a hold of unless you desire to suffer,

see him also like the embers of the fire and the experience you would recieve if you were to cling onto such an ember..... pain and suffering

let him go as he is but a reflection of your desire to know more of knowing who you are, which is.... far far beyond the normal physical attraction we all blindly follow instead let your love grow from within and allow those who have the eye to see it and the knowledge to use it wisely without hurting you

ps,

welcome to SF

[_Madeline]

Heart,
You are probably right. I have learned that nothing can be grasped... let go or be dragged, as they say. Lately, I have noted that I can be like Lenny from Of Mice And Men in that when I do, rarely, find something I love, I simply do not know how to hold it... so I hold it too hard.
Still, it seems cruel. I have lost a few people I loved dearly to physical death this year and died many emotional deaths. Yesterday, my cat suddenly slowly died in my arms. I am not sure why these things keep happening to me back to back, as I have really tried to appreciate things and people for their finite nature. As soon as I process another loss, as with the example from the original post, I am presented with another. I am not a victim, don't get me wrong. I've learned so much. Yet statistically, it seems impossible and it almost feels like I'm being punished. I get signs and have prayed, meditated and analyzed what they mean as time has passed by... the most prevalent one being a fox. Which traditionally represents cunning, deception, and the things I have honestly experienced manifested. Yet I have always felt it loves me. It's shown me that as well. Difficult to explain.
I wonder if I will ever hear from this man again. I do not know why he came to be in my life or why I had to lose him in the same dramatic way that I lost others, too. I've gone back to review what I have learned and I don't see that there is much that I missed. I have never met anyone more like me and it leaves me terribly lonely... though honestly, it should do the opposite. I loved him as a person much, much more than how he was physically within that short span of time. Maybe it came on so strong because I am trying to love me.

[Heart]

Originally Posted by _Madeline

Heart,
You are probably right. I have learned that nothing can be grasped... let go or be dragged, as they say. Lately, I have noted that I can be like Lenny from Of Mice And Men in that when I do, rarely, find something I love, I simply do not know how to hold it... so I hold it too hard.
Still, it seems cruel. I have lost a few people I loved dearly to physical death this year and died many emotional deaths. Yesterday, my cat suddenly slowly died in my arms. I am not sure why these things keep happening to me back to back, as I have really tried to appreciate things and people for their finite nature. As soon as I process another loss, as with the example from the original post, I am presented with another. I am not a victim, don't get me wrong. I've learned so much. Yet statistically, it seems impossible and it almost feels like I'm being punished. I get signs and have prayed, meditated and analyzed what they mean as time has passed by... the most prevalent one being a fox. Which traditionally represents cunning, deception, and the things I have honestly experienced manifested. Yet I have always felt it loves me. It's shown me that as well. Difficult to explain.
I wonder if I will ever hear from this man again. I do not know why he came to be in my life or why I had to lose him in the same dramatic way that I lost others, too. I've gone back to review what I have learned and I don't see that there is much that I missed. I have never met anyone more like me and it leaves me terribly lonely... though honestly, it should do the opposite. I loved him as a person much, much more than how he was physically within that short span of time. Maybe it came on so strong because I am trying to love me.

Death is not the end of something but the beginning of another, a journey we all take that is beyond our minds scope to comprehend, it is our response to these things that is severely tested. it is the energy behind it that is trying to find that balance you know exists yet when your perceive yourself as being punished, you know you are missing something, find it hard to explain, feeling of being lonely, everyone/thing seems to be moving on either in death or just a passing moment in your life..... all..... are imbalances of the energy behind each event that is but a reflection of what is deeply hidden within your heart. suffering because of a reflection is as ancient as the planet itself, it is a right of passage all living entities go through and is a blessing not a curse because it should show you your on the right path... if everything was perfect would you learn from it? not really

is it better to be born a perfect state of being or to overcome all the obstacles that life throws at us. this includes twin flame experiences that often lead most people down a path of love and inner wars

you can never let go of the memory of a lost one or a fleeting love, but when all that you have experienced has given you hurt you let go of its ability to hurt you, you let go of the idea of being punished, let go of the feeling of loss and many other things emotions etc that bind us to do and perceive things in strange ways

many blessings