Healing from twin flame/soul connection friendship

[Stella]

think I am an empath, I have had a couple of unusual things happen to me, in the past.

I met a boy who I though was a spiritual healer and an empath and now I feel heartbroken.

He and I, I thought we were friends, but then I started to feel this energy whenever he was in the room - like a clear energy channel that ran back and forth between the both of us. I don't really understand the dynamic of the relationship but i feel that whatever I felt, he can feel; and whatever he felt, I could feel. We weren't not close enough to talk about this and I didn't know how to get him to open up to me.

I really cared for him so very much, but wanted this energy to stop because:

I am married.
I started to get paranoid.
One day, my heart shattered around him - was so weird. he felt it and so did i.
After that, I didn't want to be anywhere around him because it was too much.

So I told him to leave me alone and stop talking about me. The next day following the discussion, he passive aggressively made a comment to his friend that some chick was insane (meaning me), which made me feel very sad, very sad.

There was a lot of spiritual energy between us and it is so dynamic changing all the time.

But after I heard him saying this, I could feel the energy shoot straight up my spine, to my heart and then made tears come out of my eyes.

We had a few conversations after that, but after each time i talked to him. The next day I woke up in tears.

I have not seen him for 4 months. I have finally let go of what he said to me, as I realise he was just upset, but since then, I have felt so let down.

I feel so sad if I think of him and I feel like I have lost a part of me. I cant seem to find my center and I think all of what happened and him everyday.

But the absolute worst feeling is now, my heart feels so much anxiety and intense waves.

I use to feel anxiety before about stuff, but now I feel sharp pains in my heart around if the person I am around has hurt me in the past or if I feel intimidated by a person then my heart starts shaking and beating really fast/loudly.

Music affects me more now, I can listen to a song and sometimes if I hear a song that deals with tender feelings I have a heart orgasm or I feel a rush of intensely warm energy the way that I use to felt around him whenever I felt this energy connecting both me and him.

When I thought about him last week and the tenderness that I feel for him, I got this song back - Elliott Smith – You Make It Seem Like Nothing.

This might sound stupid to you but it worries me, because I feel like I have changed into a hyper anxious person and I want to go back to who I was before. Why does my heart feel so intense now.

What should/can I do here to make things better/different? I want to move forward. I don't want to stay here forever. I don't think that it does me any good.

[Ldlf16]

Read up on healing from dealing with a narcissist. I don't care if you think he is not one. I think when we feel energetic connections with someone they are harmful in the very same ways. You get entangled in the most non-lifting ways.

edited b/c I blather on too much.

It's harrowing to read about your situation.
On the positive side lessons can be learned and I think
the first thing is accepting your part of the blame for your situation.
On the heat of a moment you told him to leave you alone (for the reasons you gave)
and he more or less has.

It's important to ask whether you should have got into the situation in
the first place - you're married. You don't say whether happily or not so
no assumption can be made there.
And it's possible that freaking out on him if that's the right expression plus
"dumping" him him gave rise to his comment.
It may have broken his heart; it may be he had to nurse injured pride -
I can't know - but you feel you've let go of the remark. It would seem within
range of what I'd call a natural reaction. Having been dumped myself I hit
back...but I suppose I learned, and across time came to appreciate
honesty if it isn't working for someone with me.

But your sorrow does seem deep. Your marriage obviously
comes into this as well; plus whatever gave rise to you believing you were paranoid.
Have you thought about counselling. It's difficult without knowing more of you
and the circumstances to suggest anything practical - except possibly writing
as a kind of therapy. You've more or less started that with your post here.
It really can help sort out your feelings and bring a fresh perspective.

It isn't going to be one of these problems easily solved by burying yourself
in spiritual stuff unless it's about restoring/rebuilding yourself and reducing the anxiety.
It would be pretty glib to suggest dispersing him with meditation or contemplation.
Or making new friends, doing new things - easy to say (and great if you felt like giving
it a go) but not so easy to do. Perhaps others may have suggestions - let's see.

Just me, I'd suggest you avoid any further contact until your emotional
reactions are no longer painful - when he becomes a memory that you can
look back on as a lesson learned.

Wishing you well....

[leader_of_ten]

Read up on healing from dealing with a narcissist. I don't care if you think he is not one. I think when we feel energetic connections with someone they are harmful in the very same ways. You get entangled in the most non-lifting ways.

I can get on board with that. In this context, at our worst, both my -------- and I both exhibited behaviors consistent with someone suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, and we beat the living ---- out of each other. Not good. It came to light during therapy that I am/was suffering from a trauma-driven stress disorder that mimics personality disorders, my ------- is/was also almost certainly suffering from the very same ailment (with the very same root causes), we were triggering each other, and if we continued to stay in contact we would continue to trigger each other.

[Stella]

tbh I think that he is a sensitive guy who is either a mystic or has BPD. His emotions are very intense and he wears his heart on his sleeve but is very shy and sensitive, if you watch him closely you will see how he really feels about things and then he hides himself again.
He suffers from anxiety. its obvious but he can be quite caring.

At first I felt very sorry that he liked me and cried a lot about it because i really cared about him and I couldn't do anything to help him.

But then, when he was around me I could hear things i couldn't see.

What made me paranoid was i started to get worried about him and started to hear things I couldn't see. After one conversation with him, where i calmed his fears about something, i lit a candle for him and then in the morning the next day, I hear something whispering to me he was going to die and that i should teach him how to feel the warmth of his heart, so that whenever he felt like dying this warmth would help him.

I was just paranoid that something bad was going to happen to him, overly stressed.

I never told him that.


Everything about the situation was really weird. I think kundalini awakening joined us as i started to feel weird when i had to sit near him at work - Uplifting and warmth everywhere and chakras vibrating, which is why I think we had a clear channel for our feelings.

My feelings for him ran deep yes. I never had this happen before - a situation where my actions/thoughts were reflected back at me in an energetic sense so I started to freak out. It was like I was being shown me everything i could be.

I suffer from depression which he wouldn't know about and i guess this whole situation this just made me fall back down.

My marriage and my friends was the only thing that was keeping me steady.
I went for counselling and I went for some spiritual healing and they both helped, but i think i need some practical tips on how to move on from this mindset. Because I feel really scared.

Seems little doubt that you are an empath so I suppose this kind of thing is going to weigh you down no matter where you are, what you're doing. It's a most precious quality but it means having a deep sensitivity for the woes of others - and their joys.

I'm at a loss as to add anything here. Hoping this doesn't sound too facile, I think only time can heal this situation, that and allowing yourself to extend out to others which will dilute the effect of this particular incident. The big danger is that in being so finely tuned to others you're at risk of draining yourself whereon you'll help no one. You don't want that.

Equally you don't really want to extinguish your empath completely. If you could it may have far reaching effects on your life generally, change a lot of parameters that you rely on for stability now.

To me it's less a matter of healing than bringing it under control. When you find yourself over-attentive toward someone, giving so much energy to them perhaps it's time to re-value what you have in your life otherwise - husband and friends. People here talk about "drawing boundaries" but as an empath that can't be easy. If you're drawn into empathy a barrier is difficult but you can affirm that you'll try.

I still think writing may help. You started here. You wrote with clarity in your second post. You have the situation sized up. Perhaps you should diarise your feelings good and bad so that in a couple of months' time you can look back and see how things have changed, evolved. Ok, difficult because some things defy words but they do help to rationalise.

But I reckon time is going to be the great healer - which really means breaking off further contact or treating it as neutrally as you can, should he contact you. During that healing time do all you can to distract yourself. Plan things for your hubby and friends and things like that.


L

[Stella]

Thanks for your advice.
Why do I feel the orgasmic waves through my heart nowadays, as it is something i have not felt before all of this happened ?

[M.Tesla]

Originally Posted by Stella

Thanks for your advice.
Why do I feel the orgasmic waves through my heart nowadays, as it is something i have not felt before all of this happened ?

You are probably healing