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Originally Posted by iamthat
Is God this way? Or is this just what you have projected onto your idea of God?
Peace
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TLDR:
Considering this, consistent meditation becomes as vital for the mental health as food is for the belly. 
You are correct, when I suffer and feel bad, my mind seem to be unintentionally and unconsciously and undeliberately projecting all kind of negative thought forms unto everything, without me even realising it, in a negative self feedback loop that keeps getting worse.
It happens so gradually. The heart always catches it as negative emotion. And once enough negative emotions get triggered it reaches a point of no return, like a flame that is so big that it has to burn out, and nothing can be done except sitting it out.
It is very difficult to even notice that it is happening, when it is, except for negative emotion that is always present in those moments. But usually the emotional indication just feeds more negative projections, even tho mentally I know logically from experience that all those thoughts are fake, when negative emotion is present, but in the experience it all seems absolutely equally real as any other reality I have ever experienced. But in reality it is all faulty perceptions and misunderstandings, piling up, thought errors, indicated by negative emotion.
Like a snowball, once it starts rolling in the negative it becomes a huge unstoppable ball of negativity that keeps feeding itself and growing and I experience everything as suffering. One thought error leads to the next and the next and the next and before I know it, I think I am in hell, even tho in reality absolutely nothing is happening.
Better to prevent it, if I could find a way to do so. Meditation sometimes slows the momentum of my thoughts projecting negativity. Sometimes it becomes even too difficult to meditate. If the negative ball/momentum of the mind is already so big that thoughts start thinking themselves. Always better to meditate before it even has a chance of happening.
Meditate to grow an extra layer of clarity to protect me from thought errors when they occur, before they occur.
The weird thing is, I never realise that I don't have acces to clear thought in those moments. I think that I am free to think whatever I want and whatever I think becomes a negative thought without me even realising it. Fron my perspective its like the thought was always the same but it literally became bad and betrayed me, lol... without me even realising that I cannot even reach a positive thought, I think the positive became bad... It feels like those positive thoughts are negative and everything feels equally bad in those moments, without me even realising that it is all a projection of my mind and delusion.
In the past I could always count on meditation no matter what to clear the mind and keep it clear. Nowadays, even meditation is hard due to diminished ability to focus. But it is still always maybe even the only possible way to escape these psychosese, or prevent it.
Just gotta always care about the emotion and meditate to ensure the heart remains at peace. Or else suffer delusions of false suffering. Misperceptions. Distorted perceptions. Like a hidden negativity projector in the mind that cannot be noticed and becomes activated when negative emotion is there. Makes everything seem evil. In a very real way.
Very unhealthy too, and the negativity projector keeps becoming more profficient in fooling me whenever I let it on and ignore the fact that I feel negative emotion.
Considering this, consistent meditation becomes as vital for the mental health as food is for the belly. 
Linear Mode
