For love and remembrance/bereavement

Nine months ago I lost my soulmate of 35 years. I seemed to be handling it quite well. Then just a couple months ago I began to truly grieve. I think the first months I was grieving for the loss of the man I had loved through the last 5 years of cancer treatments and the slow death that ''bleeping" cancer is. Now I am grieving for the happy, healthy, busy and loving selves that we were together for the 30 years before that. This grief hurts much more.

I have always been a square peg in the round hole of this modern life. I am getting very tired of the accepted advice of grief counselors and well meaning family and friends. I don't want to "Get over it," "Keep very busy," " Put away all the old photos and keepsakes," etc. And of course, I do not believe in the religion that they seem to think would cure all.

The truth is, I want to wallow in my grief. I want every single memory and maybe even bring forth ones that seemed forgotten for years. I want to surround myself with things that promote such wallowing. Good or bad, it is what I want and seem to need right now.

While Pagan/metaphysical is my natural tendancy, I am pretty new to gemstones and crystals. I know that different ones seem to work differently for different people and it takes some individual insight and a feeling of being drawn to something in particular. But I have no (relatively nearby) access to where I can handle individual pieces to try to get a sense of what might work for me. I basically have to buy, without touching, a couple gems/crystals at a time, and begin my collection. Naturally I want to start with the ones that may be good first choices for my needs, by tradition/lore anyway. Online sources of info seem varying, even contradictory at times. So some personal experience would be great!

I am looking for daytime (carry in a pocket/pouch, jewelry, etc.) something that is for 'love', but love for my lost soulmate and that keeps nurturing that love, not forgetting it, and definately not to draw new love to me. For sleep time (and the most important to me right now) is something to enhance my dreams and most of all remember them. We all have the wacko/nightmarish dreams now and then, and since I am not a nervous or fearful person, I will accept enhancing and remembering these as long as also get to have the ones of past , present and future with my lost love.

Suggestions of a few things to begin with, would be so appreciated. Thank you all.

[Topaz]

Have sent you a pm xx

Rose Quartz and Peridot are wonderful . Crystals which are pink or green . All the best x

[Spiritlite]

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of your loss. It makes me cry to think I could loose my soul mate like you have and I really look up to your bravery and your willingness to carry on, I don't think I could be as strong.
Rose quartz is good for you. However I suggest you go to a mineral store and just see what is right for you because grief is individual. I have a crystal that my soul mate loves and if he passes away (god I hope that doesn't happen) I iwll hang onto that crystal like nothign else. Go to a crystal store online or in life and see what gets to you. Personally I feel someting to do with the heart chakra will be good for you in other words any crystal that is green.
Spiritlite.

Thank you Topaz and Spiritlite. Peridot does have significance to my soulmate's and my relationship. (Neither one of our birthstones, but for something else...) So that may be a good sign to start with.

How about the dreams? Third Eye or Crown chakra best for that enhancement?

Without a doubt and no hesitation at all I would suggest apache tear - if you feel drawn to, carry it with you everywhere, handle it as often as you can....it will cuddle you in the midst of your grief and allow you to do what is necessary for you to handle things YOUR way.

Would be wonderful in combination with peridot - may give it a go myself :-)

With regards to dreams and the third eye/crown chakra, depends what you want to achieve - be careful of leaving either chakra wide open or too activated....I am currently wearing iolite for my third eye but for you personally I suggest amethyst as it's a wonderful all round healer as well as being perfect for your third eye. Re the crown chakra, clear quartz is wonderful, danburite is great (but very stimulating)...and although not specifically for the crown I love using golden labradorite on that chakra - it cascades protective, energising and sun-shiny energy throughout your aura, dispelling anything unwanted...makes me feel FAB :-)

[Tiss]

Dear Druantia,

I understand you very well ad share your feeling, as I am in the same situation since last November.

So far I have not felt healing properties of stones to be applied to cases like ours. Even so a friend of mine gave me a rose quartz lamp and I keep it turned on as much as possible... and its good to have it at home.

Lately I began to consider that labradorite could be good for me to wear, but I am not sure if it is because I like the stone, or because I have intuition of its good properties.

I kindly request someone more expert than I to give me their opinion about labradorite for the same purpose Druantia has mentioned.

Blessings,
TISS

First of all, my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree with all the choice already but would like to add my gut feelings, the first is rhodenite and the second is turquoise.

As for actually going to a store and buying them, personally I dont think it is that important. I can never concentrate in a store enough to make a connection with a stone in that environment. I believe that crystals love to help and are more than happy to make a connection with you.

Hope that helps

I was saddened to read of your physical separation from your soul mate.

I think if Pink and Green are both specific to the heart chakra then a nicely polished piece of unakite will bring in the energy of both colours simultaneously.

Thinking of you Tiss, and hope we both find something to soothe the ache.

For what it is worth (what do I know, I asked the question in the first place?!) perhaps if you have a drawing to labradorite that may be just what is right for you. As I have been contemplating the suggestions made here, I find I can get no attraction to the pale pink of rose quartz or pinks in general. But the first mention of greens, peridot especially, and a little spark of memory warmed me.

But, on the other hand, I happened to have a nice small palm stone of malachite and what it has done for me so far is make me sleep very well...dreamless! (Or I should say no recall of dreams that I may have had.) I do want to achieve more dreams and recall.

Well, it is all part of the journey. I may start a journal. Just to record memories that I fear will fade, otherwise. Haven't we all had something jog a memory we hadn't had in years? I want to encourage as much of that as possible. I don't want to forget and move on; I want to remember and cherish.

Thanks to all. Bless your caring and insight!

[Tiss]

Dear Druantia,

I did it, I started journal and it is a very very nice idea, it brings me much peace.

Amazingly it finally has included our beautiful past as well as my/our present, and our communication from both sides.


I wish you the best, and count on me should you need to talk with someone able to understand.


Love