It was beautiful unreal but I couldnt believe that I can be loved the way I am

[lamb1]

So I started using drugs to avoid being so close and so vulnerable - he was screaming to not do it, but I get addicted and everything fell apart.

We still have contact and longing for each other and extra pain because what happened between us (how they call it: third party, on both sides, or some weird hard to understand situations).

Now I feel empty a bit afraid and dumb, like everything is without any meaning.

Do you have any insights on such situation? I myself feel ashamed in front of you of the fact of using this drugs but I am open to any insight and opinion as I kind of lost myself in all that. Maybe this thread will help someone in the future, I dont want to keep all this that is too hard for me in myself and hide all the time, because this attitude led me to using this drugs and running away from, I really suppose, pure Love. This was really Divine and I dont know where it is now.

Have a good day.

[lamb1]

This picture words touched me.

Hi Lamb1,

You wrote:
...using drugs to avoid being so close and so vulnerable...

Congrats! I think this is a first and very brave step in being vulnerable!
I know it can be very hard to be so open and honest about yourself to others. But sometimes it turns out that it is most hard to be open and honest about one self to one self...

But what if this all happened for a reason...to become a person who is not afraid to be vulnerable...you could also try and learn to accept the fact that you sometimes feel vulnerable...you are the one judging yourself.
Vulnerability is a beautiful characteristic!

Please, do not feel ashamed...but you might try to think about what else has made you feel ashamed in life...because maybe it will give you the answer and/or solution to why all this is happening now...what this situation is trying to show you.

...This was really Divine and I dont know where it is now...


What do you think about the influence of drugs in trying to see why this Divine situation has disappeared...i think the use of drugs only already can put a thick layer on such a beautiful situation...Not only literally between you two but also what it does inside your body, mind...soul...I think it is not gone, but it is only invisible and you´re not able to feel it, because with the drugs you are numbing yourself...

What comes to my mind: isn´t it a little bit of a paradox?! You are sort of running to avoid the situation which makes you feel vulnerable. But doesn´t doing drugs makes one even feel more vulnerable?

You have a beautiful phrase by Rumi under your text...i think if you would let that sink in and start there...

[lamb1]

What comes to my mind: isn´t it a little bit of a paradox?! You are sort of running to avoid the situation which makes you feel vulnerable. But doesn´t doing drugs makes one even feel more vulnerable?


it does, you helped me.

[AngelBlue]

Wishing you well and a Happy Birthday.

[lamb1]

Thank you! Wishing you all good!