monogamy only the ego @work?

I think perhaps the "issue" or discussion/debate of whether being monogamous is stunting everyones spiritual development for whatever reason (be it clinging to the ego or what have you) will be resolved...ever, because really its all down to personal perceptions and opinions.

Heres my opinion

I think that people can harp on about morality or how spiritually evolved certain sexual relationships will/are making them (and others) or about what should be expected of a spiritual person in the bedroom.....but it wont make a difference.

What works for some doesnt for others, sexuality (and spirituality for that matter) is a very personal and deep thing and how its expressed and with whome is up to the individual to decide.

(This next bit isnt directed at anyone in particular)

In my opinion and to my perceptions -

Theres absolutely no point in trying to convince someone else that what works for you will work for them, especially if they are unwilling to try it out because they feel its not right for them. It doesnt make them any less of a person or any less evolved than you either.

It's called diversity and as being part of our diverse society I think its everyones responsibility to be tolerant and accepting of others for who they are (as long as they are not harming themselves or others.) That means that no one has a right to be discriminative or pressuring anyone else to be a certain way regarding sexual relationships or spirituality (or both combined in this case.)

No matter where you are or who it is, if someone tries to cram their sexual expectations down someone elses throat (and tack some spiritual inuendo on the side with some pretty words fluttering around it) then there seems to be a lot of ego and clinging involved (among other things.) Quite hypocritical if you ask me.

Yeh, my opinion might be a bit harsh, but I'm blunt and I say it like I see it. *shrugs*

(Of course, there are situations where such things are honest and genuine suggestions with the best intentions in mind, but from the look of the OP I don't think thats exactly what we're discussing here....is it?)

No matter where you are or who it is, if someone tries to cram their sexual expectations down someone elses throat (and tack some spiritual inuendo on the side with some pretty words fluttering around it) then there seems to be a lot of ego and clinging involved (among other things.) Quite hypocritical if you ask me.

Oh man! Love the way you put this.

Oh man! Love the way you put this.

Again, just saying it like I see it. I dont feel a need to by less blunt than I really am with this one, so yeh. I'm glad you got something out of it. Now to wait for someone to say the opposite.....lol.

Originally Posted by martingoesspiritual

I am sure part of insisting on monogamy is due to more primitive biological drives. But can it be reduced to them? Will the buddha not have a favorite companion? Will he watch happily indifferent while his girlfriend gets gang-banged? (sorry for language just trying to get my point across). If yes I am not sure whether this is really an attitude I want to develop.

I personally have no desire to be owned or to own anyone else, but monogomy often tends to just "happen" because I have love and loyalty for whoever I am in relationship with, and so I will cater to their needs even if they are different then my own.

If a girl I was in an open relationship with got "gang banged" (by choice I assume) I would probably be concerned, but not out of jealousy. No other person is "mine" to own- Even if by my own choice I have given myself over to their needs. My concern would be whether or not the action was a sign of some other need not being fulfilled. And the reason I would think that is because in my experience sexual contact without strong emotional connection is only something I crave when I am in dire need of real emotional connection. Given a choice between contact with someone I feel connection to, and someone who makes me feel nothing but is rather just a "body", I would always choose the connection.

[Sarian]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly1

Well for me, if being in or wanting monogamy in a relationship is clinging to ego,... or not being very spiritually advanced,... all I can say is....Im in love with my ego.....and hooey to higher spiritual evolvement....because I wont compromise myself sexually or morally....anyone who tells you that you are clinging to ego or not spiritually evolved because you want a monogamous relationship is far from being spiritually evolved themselves... and are just making excuses to be promiscuous.... in my very humble opinion....Peace

Amen, sista...

Originally Posted by martingoesspiritual

One concept I am often confronted with when talking with "spiritual people" is the concept of free love as opposed to sexual exclusivness in a relationship. To be honest I personally don't find the idea very appealing. I know I have to stick with what feels right to me which I do. I wont have anyone talking me into letting him sleep with my girlfriend, dont worry ;) But in those discussions I often find myself in a loss of convincing arguments.

Usually what those people are saying amounts to: Insisting on sexual exclusivness in a relationship is the clinging of the ego. Usually this argument goes along with the subtitle: when you are as evolved as I am you will understand and not cling anymore. Or having your girlfriend sleep with another man will help your spiritual development... let me help you^^

I am sure part of insisting on monogamy is due to more primitive biological drives. But can it be reduced to them? Will the buddha not have a favorite companion? Will he watch happily indifferent while his girlfriend gets gang-banged? (sorry for language just trying to get my point across). If yes I am not sure whether this is really an attitude I want to develop.

So I guess what I would like to discuss is whether sexual exclusivness is compatible with higher stages of spiritual development or just a sign of the ego not letting go.

The people who go around saying that they are highly evolved and talking down about monogamy are idiots...point blank. They are not spiritual, they are not evolved, they are people who are driven by the ego of the "little me," if you get my point... Either that or they are cons trying to use spirituality as a means to an end.

I have ran across many of these people in my day, and they were nothing more than big bags of wind with an agenda. I would ask these people the next time you encounter one of them, if he is so spiritually evolved, why is he such a slave to his physical desires? And when he denies that he is a slave to his desires reply; oh really, you just offered to help me by sleeping with my girlfriend. You are not only driven by your desires, but you are eyeball deep in your own ego... because you are trying to use spirituality as a con to see if you can actually get me to bend to your will and offer up my girlfriend to you for the night. Then tell him that one day when he is as spiritually evolved as you are, he will not have the need to play such deceptive games with people anymore.

You most likely will see how evolved he is not once you turn the tables in this way; for he is likely to become very rude and insulting. Then while he is getting flustered and trying to put you down and saying what a moron you are; smile politely and tell him that what he is doing is ego in action. Tell him that he is the one getting all bent out of shape and acting like a moron because he cannot handle the truth when it is spoken. He will then probably curse you out and go storming off.... You will then get the idea of how ego free this person really is.

Originally Posted by martingoesspiritual

Well to be honest. Why this creeps on my mind lately is actually that we have planed to visit a couple of alternative communities. From what I am told about some of them I am pretty sure me and my girlfriend will be confronted with this issue. So its not all hypothetical...

The answer is simple and pretty spiritual.
DO NOT GO TO THESE ALTERNATIVE COMMUNITIES.

Now, the problem is solved.
You and your girl friend can move on and have your relationship as you both like.

Oh? No?? your girl friend still wants to go and get "gang bang?"??
Here is another simple and spiritual answer.
DUMP HER.
She is NOT for you.
Find another girlfriend who shares your value.

The problem is solved.

Well to be quick. Yes, it is ego. Exclusivity and possessiveness are not of the Spirit. Joy is. Equanamity is [of the Spirit]. Compassion is. UNIVERSAL LOVE FOR ALL IS. Desire for sex is base human instinct whether monogamous or not.

Also, if someone is saying you should allow them to have sex with your girlfriend, or boyfriend - that is highly unlikely to be born of anything but base human desire, and worse yet, possible human deceptivity. The ego is not necessarily bad if it is honest with itself and others.

[Liet]

Amazed at the consensus and non-sugarcoated honesty going on here..
If theres anything still to add it'd be mentioning two important energies when it comes to being monogamic.

The south pole, because it makes you forever new and reduces your craving for the presence of other selves.
The pineal gland, because it reduces your libido.

If your solar plexus is active, you need atleast one of these.. else the relation will be shortlived (since ending one isnt as much of a tabo anymore).

Originally Posted by Nightmare

Who are "spiritual people"? Those who call themselves spiritual.
If the person really feels their soul, their body will be separated, and they just won't feel intense need for sex.

yep....................