Platonic into love

[Emmalevine]

Has anyone had the experience of being friends with someone of the opposite sex for several years without finding them physcially attractive despite always liking their company before one day suddenly you end up together and it all feels natural and right?

If so, what causes this change? Is it time, emotional and/or spiritual development? Is it sometimes that you can look past what bothered you before and realise how well you do get on and perhaps you were just looking too hard for what you thought love was that you missed the wood for the trees?

Are there Platonic lovers in this age of doubt and guilt- ridden human situation? I do not think we have prophetic or sagacious humans who can build up relationship rising over and above animalistic inclination and feel the divinity in us. Yes I do believe there is love and this can be un-sensual, spiritual, astral but the chemistry of the body exudes something sensual that are likely to arouse the other physically too of the other is not neuter sexually

Yes, I have. And it was just that, very sudden and unexpected, neither of us have a clear idea who even initiated the first kiss. Although, looking at it retrospectively there were indications along the line that there was more to the friendship than either of us had previously thought.

As to what triggered it, it happened a couple of days before I was due to leave the country on an extended trip. I think the combination of high emotions and the knowledge that we weren't going to see each other for awhile may have awakened latent impulses.

I think it's a combination of all the factors you've mentioned. Are you experiencing doubts about a platonic friendship presently?

[onelove]

Actually, this has just happened with two of my friends. They have been best friends for years, even while they both had other relationships. Someone very close to one of them passed away, and since then they have been together ever since. I truly believe the person's passing had a hand in opening their eyes to the love that was always there. Its funny, because most people could see it all these years except for them. Life works in mysterious ways sometimes.

I haven't been to the forum in months and came here to get perspective on this very subject. Nice to see one already started.

I do know of platonic relationships that turned into love after a long period of time.

Starbuck, your questions could be turned into statements. Theoretically they can all be factors for platonic relationships turning into love. Looking too hard and not seeing the wood for the trees?? Totally! Time and emotional and spiritual development can give a person a whole new set of eyes. People grow apart but people can also grow towards each other.

**RAMBLE ALERT**

Personally I've always felt I'd know right away or at least pretty early on the possibility of romance with a man and if I didn't then it means it wouldn't happen and he was perpetually categorized as friend/associate in my mind. Kinda silly of me to think that way.

Currently I'm feeling the possibility of it happening to me right now with this one person that has been in my life for about 5 years off and on but it's something unspoken and unacted upon still. It could also be just me, all in my head or one-sided. I just know over the past two months something has shifted in the way we interact and communicate with each other. This after more than a year of not communicating at all.

The basis of our association is casually professional and the nature of our work is creative. We need each others expertise to execute our goals in the particular field we want to professionally be more involved in. We'd have these sporadic meetups with each other over the years and both become busy and preoccupied with other things going on in our lives and lose touch.

This man is slightly an enigma to me. In my head I nicknamed him "The Robot" because he can be difficult to read. When I work with people in this particular business initially I have to feel them out for their level of professionalism because it's important to me that I get work done. Before him I mainly dealt with people who were more interested in me personally and wasted my time. He was always so gentlemanly and professional with me that I figured I must not be his type. I loved this! There was even a time when I thought to hook him up with one of my friends. I told her about him and was gonna bring her with me to one of our sessions but fate didn't allow it.

This time around there is a level of comfort between us that wasn't really there before. I'm seeing more of his playful side and getting glimpses of what's under his hard exterior. In turn I've been opening up a bit more also and lately after we've had a session I'm in this incredible glowing mood. Partly from the work and partly from being in his presence and then the fantasies about us ensue and take over me for at least 48 hours.

But this is typical for me. I've been single for a while, sworn to celibacy until marriage so my fantasy life has been very active, especially lately. Over the past 6 months I have had fantasy relationships and fantasy breakups with different men I see regularly through work...even shed a tear over one fantasy breakup. Now I look at them as I did before and even feel relieved that nothing ever happened between us. Now I'm asking myself "Is this the same thing, different guy?" "Is it just a matter of time before reality slaps me in the face about this one too?" It wasn't too long ago that I wrote the last fantasy boyfriend off to the Never-Gonna-Happen list.

I'm regularly approached by men, but the men I feel electricity with for the moment never seem to make the right move towards me. I have very subtle, yet clear ways of drawing men I like towards me. Sort of like seducing him into seducing me but ultimately he has to take the initiative or nothing will happen. The last fantasy boyfriend did finally make a move, but it wasn't a good move and it showed me we aren't on the same level spiritually so I turned him down.

Mr. Robot is the most spiritually and emotionally mature and grounded man I have ever encountered in my life. In this case I feel my growth spiritually and emotionally is catching up to his level and my eyes can now see the possibility of us. If he ever gets the gumption to make a move. If there is only work, space and opportunity between us..In the meantime, I've got a distraction. A week ago I was approached by a gentleman who I'm letting take me out to dinner this week.

Time will tell...

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Has anyone had the experience of being friends with someone of the opposite sex for several years without finding them physcially attractive despite always liking their company before one day suddenly you end up together and it all feels natural and right?

If so, what causes this change? Is it time, emotional and/or spiritual development? Is it sometimes that you can look past what bothered you before and realise how well you do get on and perhaps you were just looking too hard for what you thought love was that you missed the wood for the trees?

We have to separate physical attraction and physical/sexual chemistry.
They are different.
Attraction vs Chemistry

Most people find many people to be physically attractive but usually feel physical/sexual chemistry with only certain people.

I knew of one woman who started dating a guy who was in her friend circle. She did not have any physical attraction or physical/sexual chemistry with the guy. They were just friends for 5years.
However, someone pointed out that they may actually do well as a couple due to similar interests so she asked him out.
He agreed to give their relationship a chance as well.
I don't think that he found her physically attractive neither since he never asked her out before.
They were both in their mid 40s and never married. Basically, they dated everybody else by that time so they decided to give each other a chance.

They did not have passion in their relationship and their never develped the sexual/physical chemistry (kind of sad actually). I know this fact because she used to confided in me about it. She did not find him attractive in anyway and their sexual life was zero (yeah. sad).
But their relationship somehow worked and they ended up getting married.
In fact, I was one of those people who actually encouraged her to stay with him because they had so many other things in common and he was a great guy.
I wonder how they are doing now.

Now, I have to admit that I was wrong in advising her to stay with him when it was clear that the physical/sexual chemistry was never going to be there.

After being married myself, I realized the importance of the initial physical/sexual chemistry along with the emotional and spiritual connections.

I am NOT talking about physical attraction. Physical attraction doesn't really last since it matters only during the initial dating period in order to develop interests/curiosities.
Plus, the physical attraction (from my perspective) becomes unimportant once the physical/sexual chemistry is established.
But the physical/sexual chemistry has to be there from the beginning or at some point while dating.

Chemistry is very difficult to figure out.
For any man, the physical attraction and sexual chemistry have to be there from the moment when he lays his eyes on her.
And his desire for his object of affection is the key factor in helping her to develop physical/sexual desire for him.

Why?
Because for most women, if she feels the intense desires from the guy and if she knows that he just adores everything about her (basically letting her to be herself and feel secure), she will develop sexual/physical chemistry toward the guy.

I remember times when I had intense physical/sexual chemistry with guys who were not my type (in fact I found them to be unattractive); however, I just had intense sexual attraction for them.
I realized that their desires for me was awakening my desires for them. I was mirroring what they saw in me. They made me feel feminine and sexy.. so I was being sexual.

i dated my bff.
he was my bff from the start, and i dated some guys.
he was always there for me when many guys dumped me. lol.
then in my 23rd birthday, he asked me to be his gf, it was so funny that my response was slap him on face twice, i cried and told him that i don't want him turn to be an a$$hole if i date him.
yeah, i dated him after all, but my family hate him and i broke up with him.
but we're still remains friend now.

So now im having dreams about Mr. Robot. Over the past few days. First dream we were together very warm towards each other, peck kissing and smiling in each others face. His mom was in the dream and she really liked me and seemed to be happy we were together. I havent met his mother.

Next day different dream, we are attempting to have sex for the first time. But I wasnt ready, if you know what i mean...so we were having a hard time. Then his mom and some other family, maybe a sister or something come knocking and he hurries to answer. They see me before i could get decent and they look at me with disgust and i feel shamed. Feel i made the ultimate mistake offering my body to him before getting a solid commitment from him. Im overwhelmed with the feeling that he'd never see me as his wife.

My dinner date is a nice guy and he's been contacting me everyday several times just to chat but im not attracted to him. In fact he just makes me want Mr. Robot more. But now im grappling with feeling he may be out of my league or that theres more work i need to do on myself before he'd take me seriously and pursue. I have a feeling he wants to but doesnt know how.

[tabane27]

I was best friends with this guy for 11 years, he was there for me through these years..if i ever needed anyone it was him, he saw me go through some bad relationships, he give me the best advice, he would bend over backwards to help me and vice versa, we were like brother and sister, no attraction at all.
2.5 years ago i was in a relationship were i was beaten, i turned to my best friend and told him how i was feeling and what i was experiencing.
Within a week he told me how he felt and i thought why not, no attraction at first but grew immediately.
Did not work out though as he turned out to be like my ex but i learned something from it, all things happen for a reason.
He led me to my current partner and there has been allot of learning here to.