All Queer Relationships Are Beautiful <3

[SeekerOfJustice]

June 4, 2012

I Have Needs, Too

I want a guy I can shyly cuddle into when I’m feeling down, shivering, or just want to touch. Someone who will cradle me to sleep and stroke my hair with the gentlest touch and whisper, “I love you”, in my ear as I dream of him. I want someone that loves when I wear big sweaters that reach my thighs. I want to be able to tell him every single little tick there is to discover about me so if I ever wind down and become depressed, he can wind me back up with the flick of a wrist and the radiance of a smile. I want someone I can cry to and be taken completely seriously, rather than being told to “get a grip” just because I’m a male. Instead, I want him to wipe my tears away, brush my eyelids, caress my cheeks, kiss me, and then tell me he loves me on my worst days. I want a guy I can stargaze in silence with since the Heavens are impossible to convey. Every time I see him walk towards me, I want to bite my lip because I’m so nervous and have no idea what to say except for an anti-climactic, “hi”. I want him to run up behind me and wrap me in the warmest vice grip imaginable as I hold his head on my shoulder with my hand… I want to listen to all the same music he does, his iPod in both of our ears as we watch the golden sunset wax and wane before us. I want him to want me so much that when I’m sleeping, he kisses me too intensely and I wake up, taken aback. And then I smile and return the gesture before I drift off again and it’s too late. I want to run with him in the largest country wheat field there is, and have a play wrestling match until one or both of us falls down from laughing. I want to watch the sun rise with him by my side, holding my hand as well as my heart. I want our marshmallows to burn because we fell asleep onto each others shoulders listening to our friends share their tall tales with us. I want him to carry me inside the house because I fell asleep and just feigned sleeping after he turned the car off. I want to wake up on Saturdays and watch Singing in the Rain and a bunch of other 1950’s classics as we lounge around in each others arms all day, our own story better than the ones we’re watching. I want him to shoot off one thousand fireworks just for me and I want the last one to spell out, “I want you and just you for the rest of forever”. I want to gatecrash a high school dance and melt as one into the drifting, unconcerned, blissful crowd next to all of our friends… And when one of us goes to the restroom, the other is frantic until the awaited nervous, but awfully cute return. I want him to draw sappy, romantic, beautiful things on my shoes and hands as we sit in a tree to forget the realities of the world. I want him to show me his own forest trail and when I don’t expect it, back me up against a tree and kiss me without my permission at all-even though secretly, I give him permission every single time. I want a look so intense in his eyes that I blush and turn away until he grabs my chin and whispers, “I’m always yours” with his soul.

I want him to protect me from the hate we might face for being together, for being who we are. If someone disrespects us, I want him to put his arm around me as we walk away into the cool embrace of the night, away from those who don’t understand what it is we share. And if someone attacks me, I want him to be more furious than the most desperate wolf who is about to die at the hands of the powerfully majestic stag. Just as my wolf is about to lose forever, my faith gives him the courage to emerge the great victor. Later, I listen to our amazing journey as I nurture and heal his wounds, so focused on wanting him better I can barely hear his perfect voice leak into my whining heart, my hands shaking. I cry as he sleeps because I gave him those scars. My tears litter his open, resting hand. But then an even deeper, wiser creature within me smiles as he awakes because he endured that terrible pain for me. Because no matter what happened, he really, truly, and only wanted me. Me.

Every day afterwards, I kiss and caress every imperfection of his until they disappear entirely. And every day after that, I kiss him on the lips because my kiss makes him perfect every single time. Because together, we are perfect. I love him for who he is, not for what he is, a male or female. If anything, our love is even stronger because not only did we have to find out what we wanted out of love, but we also had to do so in the face of hatred. That makes us greater than those who discriminate without attempting to understand. The only thing I fear is not telling him everything. And when we grow old together and begin to forget our lives, our Love will seal us together in a circle and we will always remember each other. And in the last act of our True Love, we can curl up together on our bed and meet at God’s gates together like in “The Notebook”, before we face the next world with peace and happiness, no matter what lies ahead.

Our hands are clasped tight and our eyes are wide open with a twinkling wisdom reflected from the Light. We are ready.

A journal I wrote today of what I want out of a partner. Please comment! :)

Mike

[psychoslice]

Sounds nice to me, I wish you well.

Sigh, so in love!!! Best wishes Mike, that was lovely! ♥

Sounds like you've got strong feminine energy. That's quite a gift on the spiritual path.

[psychoslice]

Yes I seem to have a lot of that feminine energy, my lady friend calls me her princess, true.

[Sarian]

You sound like a true romantic at heart. I wish you well and it's my deepest hope that you find the man of your dreams.

Seeker of Justice, that was so Beautiful what you wrote. I teared up, lol

I sincerly hope that you find this person to share this life with and embrace the beauty that awaits you both.

When you find him, if anyone gives you any hassle, just try to Love them anyway, don't allow others to bring you both from your Love Cloud

It's so refreshing to see that some people Love WHO the person is, not WHAT the person is.

Much Love to you and yours.

AM

[SeekerOfJustice]

Thanks, guys. It's so interesting that we all want this "ideal" at five, and then at ten, we still want it, but know reality is slightly different. At fifteen, we wonder where our love is in the world and at twenty, we agree to settle. At twenty-five, we are married and then, at fifty, we realize it wasn't what we wanted.

So what happened?

We gave up on ourselves. We gave up on the hope that our own ideal of love on earth somehow "doesn't exist". If you can think of what you want, why not another person like your soul-mate? We take our weirdness, find another just like it, and call it love!

Just more thoughts on... well, my thoughts. :)

Mike

[kore_wa_sensou]

Originally Posted by SeekerOfJustice

Thanks, guys. It's so interesting that we all want this "ideal" at five, and then at ten, we still want it, but know reality is slightly different. At fifteen, we wonder where our love is in the world and at twenty, we agree to settle. At twenty-five, we are married and then, at fifty, we realize it wasn't what we wanted.

So what happened?

We gave up on ourselves. We gave up on the hope that our own ideal of love on earth somehow "doesn't exist". If you can think of what you want, why not another person like your soul-mate? We take our weirdness, find another just like it, and call it love!

Just more thoughts on... well, my thoughts. :)

Mike

THIS. I completely agree on everything you've said, SeekerOfJustice. I really want a love like this, too. I want a beautiful woman to love and care for me just as much as I'd love and care for her. I want us to protect one another and just be there for each other.

I think too many people settle for what they don't want for the sake of not being alone. I'd wait if it meant I got to be with the person I truly care for. Many people have told me to just hook up with other people but I don't like the idea of hookups. I want something with meaning, with substance. I want something with true love and I will NOT settle for anything less. I think we all deserve a love like this.

Just know that you're not alone in thinking like this, SeekerOfJustice. I didn't really think about love until I after I came out to my mother. Now, it's all I think about. I desperately want a love like this but I know it may take time to find that special lady. Keep hoping, SeekerOfJustice. I'm positive you'll find a wonderful man some day, maybe even sooner than you think. ;] Thanks for posting this!

[SeekerOfJustice]

You betcha, kore wa sensou!

Honestly, yesterday, one of my best friends asked about my bisexuality (right now, I'm obsessed with guys though...) and then said that it didn't matter to him at all and that it had always been in the back of his mind (from my personality, I guess). And then, right after, he said he was bi-curious for me ever since I met him (one year ago @ our college orientation). I won't ever date him (I promised myself to only date new people so as to not complicate current relationships, no drama, etc.) I don't think, but it really blew me away because for the first time, we were laying ourselves out for each other to define or destroy. It was just beautiful.

I'm not sure if this is an answer to anything, but it felt important to say!

Mike

P.S. Somewhere, someone is waiting to love you for the you that is, "you". If you aren't there for them, then you miss out too because they will be the love you have been seeking and not yet found. Truth is finding oneself exactly as one is against the backdrop of what it is not. Love, therefore, realizes itself as worthy of its own Love among the demons and imps of hatred. Your Self is Love. When we see our true Ego-less Self as Love and share our being with another, eternal understanding is achieved... :)