Married men

[ragdoll]

Ok. Before I get into this let me state that while I find many people attractive including men and women who may or may not be married I am NOT interested in married men or women. I feel there is a distinct difference as one is a biological reaction and one is mental/moral.

Ok.

So I notice a pattern that the only time men are interested and attracted to me are when they are married or take men. I've told the story before of the man who I found out was married when we went to lunch and his wife showed up. Another had girlfriend's who all didn't know of each other. There are other instances of the men being married or "separated" which I think is code for being married but still want to have a girlfriend. One guy was a casual hook up who told me after that he has a girlfriend and we no longer speak.

Now is a professor. He mentioned his wife twice in class. Yet every time I look up he is looking at me and he acts real nervous and shy around me, and tries to engage me specifically in conversation and no one else. I think he is attractive BUT I am NOT interested. But I am angry and frustrated. Why does it seem that guy's are interested in me only if they are attached? I DON'T flirt, I don't engage them in ANY WAY without them talking to me first and that is usually to answer a question. And I will not do another woman like that.

Any insight? I think I'm doing a good job at saying hey universe I'd like this and this, unattached please, but so far to no avail.

[ragdoll]

And to clarify once I find out they are attached I usually cut contact and do not engage them in any way ever again.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

And to clarify once I find out they are attached I usually cut contact and do not engage them in any way ever again.

i don't see the need for you to disengage entirely.
once you've made it clear that you're not interested in developing a
romantic relationship with them, the relationship you DO share might
serve your interests (perhaps they could introduce you to someone else).
for you to ask the universe to provide you with a relationship, and yet
consistently sever all ties you establish, seems to be the disconnect.
think "networking".

[7luminaries]

Horace, with all due respect, I don't necessarily agree.

I don't think that someone who knowingly approached a woman whilst married is going to be 1) a great networking referral or 2) someone who gives a fig about anyone else's best interests or 3) someone who (by choice and by proclivity) is in any way able to relate to the bulk of her humanity.

I think that folks approach someone from where they are and if it is not honourable nor well-intentioned, then in many if not all of these cases it's best to simply practice avoidance where possible.

This doesn't mean one is antagonistic in avoidance...not at all. There's simply so little common ground that there would be nothing upon which to even engage further.
Hence the simple avoidance, rather than having to engage and say [the immediate above that I said] hahaha...

Peace & blessings
7L

[Soul Renew]

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Soul Renew

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

SoulRenew, hello there!

Good on you for not looking to anyone else to have "the answers". Even though these older men (all of them are older and taken, some even related to you by marriage) will appeal to your vulnerability as authority or daddy/uncle type figures and you realise this about yourself.

It's a powerful thing to realise your vulnerabilities because then as you say, you can begin to work on those yourself and nurture your own self in healthier ways.

BTW these gents all sound despicable and I feel for you...it's very hard to muster either trust or respect around so much revolting sliminess.
I gag at the thought of creeps like this looking at any of us...we're people, not spooge outlets or masturbation fodder for these gross gents.

Sadly, however, they are in fact lazy yet hard core predators just looking for an easy "in" with vulnerable targets aka insecure, desperate (emotionally, financially, etc), or otherwise vulnerable women.

What you can do is build strength of character.
You can practice severe and strategic avoidance of predators (lazy or aggressive, either one)
and you can engage in hard-core, loving maintenance of your integrity and your boundaries.

Peace & blessings
7L

Peace & blessings

[angelic star]

Originally Posted by Soul Renew

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

Thanks for sharing your story soul renew. I think girls sometimes tend to mature early sometimes, and young girls often believe that they are beyond most people their age. I think they make others feel that about themselves too, but that's mistake because they are too inexperienced to develop any sense of self at an early age. These do suffer from deep seated insecurities of some kind and often extend emotionally to a 'matured' man who they think might be more capable to offer comfort, or security of some kind. I have seen this happen way too often. What they don't realize is that they could very well be taken advantage of and these men don't fit the ideal they actually have in their impressionable minds in general. And it happens often without them even realizing it, until its' too late. They get taken advantage of by these people who seek sympathy, complaining about their wives and emotionally lending/ feeding what the younger person wants, because it is easy for them to easily impress emotionally. It's more common than we know. A younger person don't have an expanded idea of the world at large or about themselves to have better self esteem. Intelligence and emotional maturity does not say much sometimes about who might be subject to what in life, especially not in case of a younger person. I think there needs to be a certain degree of awareness and experience to understand what one really wants in their life and have a raised self esteem. A young person has no sense of self to understand that.

[Inika]

that is sad.

boring marriage gets stale. taste some different flesh while still bound to another.

quite self serving and disregarding others value, worth and feelings.

selfish world after all.

[Alice_1]

Family sacred bonds are doomed. More and more men look at other women, and women are interested in married men.

Originally Posted by Alice_1

Family sacred bonds are doomed. More and more men look at other women, and women are interested in married men.

It's usually lust swathed in some romantic excuse. Such people want an affair, nothing lasting though they might pretend they want that until the sex wears thin. I'm told the saddest thing is the cougar who falls in love with her toyboy.

I'm not married (and curiously being single comes into the equation) but I'm ok if the man is honest - he rarely is. Cross-examining reveals enough but in one case the guy told me he was breaking up with his Mrs. But...I tend to judge by the deed not the word and said that's fine if he introduces me to his wife so she knows exactly what's going on. He never appeared again.

I'm afraid you're right. "Family" does seem to be an obsolescent idea.