I think we are both Runners

The conclusion I have come to within my own Soul mate connection is there is no Stayer/Runner dynamic. I think we are both Runners. I was so focused on what he was doing, confused and hurt that he kept pulling away from me. When I should have been more concerned with my own actions. We have both made mistakes, and for so long I put so much blame on him. I know I could have been more patient with him and handled my frustration with him better.

Truth is I have never met anyone who made me feel so loved, so alive, so special. Hes the only guy that truly got me, truly accepted me for who I am. Every guy Ive met before and after wanted to change me. They wanted me to be something I am not.

I know the separation was needed for each of us to grown but not one day goes by where I don't regret breaking up with him. I pay the price everyday of no longer having him in my life. I know he is with me with spirit. I know these connections are so much more than romance but I feel so guilty now at not accepting him more and where he was in his life. I feel like I was selfish in wanting something that he just wasn't ready to give me.

I just could not understand the hot and cold behavior. I thought it was because he didn't really love me and was losing interest in me. Each time I doubted it though he would do something to show me that he did care. I couldn't understand why he was still there with me. I always asked him why he loved me. He kept giving me the same answer. Just Because. He didnt need a reason. He just did. Why was I so insecure? Why couldn't I just trust in his love? I fear my insecurities pushed him further away.

Our mutual friend told me after I broke up with my SM, that my SM was very frustrated. He was tired of fighting his girlfriend for his girlfriend. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't just trust in his love. He got tired of trying to prove it to me. So with that said maybe im the Runner. Maybe after all this time i have been in denial. All I know is I wish my SM would just talk to me and stop doing everything he can to distance himself from me. I never meant to hurt him. Its just our love was SO INTENSE. It scared me how close we got, so quickly. After only a month together he told me he loved me and couldn't understand why I couldn't just say it too if I felt it. I told him cause it doesn't work like that. We hardly knew each other, how could we already be in love? I was so confused and so scared. I have never felt so much love in my whole life. I don't think I will ever feel that much love again. Hes the only guy I felt like I could be my complete self with. I'm a little strange. I do things my own way. He's the exact same way. I use to call him Weird and he use to call me Strange. I just miss him and I wish there I was a way to make things right.

Part of me always felt like I was standing in his way. He wasn't ready to fully commit to me or his relationship. He was also unsure on where his life was going. He knew that he probably had to move far away for work after he graduated. He always said he would ask me to move with him, but deep down I think he feared I wouldn't be happy if I did. Strangely enough now I'm going to school and fear I will have to move away afterwards to find work. It was all about timing I think. Time just wasn't on our side. Its really sad how life works sometimes. I just hope he knows how amazing I think he is. How nothing could ever change how my love for him. Nothing.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by Spirit25

The conclusion I have come to within my own Soul mate connection is there is no Stayer/Runner dynamic. I think we are both Runners. I was so focused on what he was doing, confused and hurt that he kept pulling away from me. When I should have been more concerned with my own actions. We have both made mistakes, and for so long I put so much blame on him. I know I could have been more patient with him and handled my frustration with him better.

Truth is I have never met anyone who made me feel so loved, so alive, so special. Hes the only guy that truly got me, truly accepted me for who I am. Every guy Ive met before and after wanted to change me. They wanted me to be something I am not.

I know the separation was needed for each of us to grown but not one day goes by where I don't regret breaking up with him. I pay the price everyday of no longer having him in my life. I know he is with me with spirit. I know these connections are so much more than romance but I feel so guilty now at not accepting him more and where he was in his life. I feel like I was selfish in wanting something that he just wasn't ready to give me.

I just could not understand the hot and cold behavior. I thought it was because he didn't really love me and was losing interest in me. Each time I doubted it though he would do something to show me that he did care. I couldn't understand why he was still there with me. I always asked him why he loved me. He kept giving me the same answer. Just Because. He didnt need a reason. He just did. Why was I so insecure? Why couldn't I just trust in his love? I fear my insecurities pushed him further away.

Our mutual friend told me after I broke up with my SM, that my SM was very frustrated. He was tired of fighting his girlfriend for his girlfriend. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't just trust in his love. He got tired of trying to prove it to me. So with that said maybe im the Runner. Maybe after all this time i have been in denial. All I know is I wish my SM would just talk to me and stop doing everything he can to distance himself from me. I never meant to hurt him. Its just our love was SO INTENSE. It scared me how close we got, so quickly. After only a month together he told me he loved me and couldn't understand why I couldn't just say it too if I felt it. I told him cause it doesn't work like that. We hardly knew each other, how could we already be in love? I was so confused and so scared. I have never felt so much love in my whole life. I don't think I will ever feel that much love again. Hes the only guy I felt like I could be my complete self with. I'm a little strange. I do things my own way. He's the exact same way. I use to call him Weird and he use to call me Strange. I just miss him and I wish there I was a way to make things right.

lol yeah i think you are give him time and just tell him how yo ufeel im sure in time things will work out, x

I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to tell him. I don't think I'll ever see him again. he deleted me from Facebook, then about a month later started seeing someone new. Then he moved thousands of miles away. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years now. Last time I tried to contact him was about a year ago. No response from him. 4 months later he blocked me from Facebook. He doesn't want to talk to me. He's made that very clear.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by Spirit25

I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to tell him. I don't think I'll ever see him again. he deleted me from Facebook, then about a month later started seeing someone new. Then he moved thousands of miles away. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years now. Last time I tried to contact him was about a year ago. No response from him. 4 months later he blocked me from Facebook. He doesn't want to talk to me. He's made that very clear.

have you explained exactly how you feel?

The last message I sent him was just basically to wish him well. He was with someone else, there wasn't anything I could do but try to move on myself. I've tried but like I said I haven't found anyone else that I can be myself with. I won't ever settle with just anyone.